Vanilla Moon: Awakening

by Airiel Hawkins

  Wolfgang smiled. "Aside from reacting to the fact that you're my mate, every Lycan has a gift and a weakness. Some people have a stronger resistance to silver, whereas others are harder to hurt. Mine seems to be that it's easier for me to smell the wolf in Lycans than it is for others. With that, however, the thing I lose is that it's more difficult for me to smell Vampires and Witches. Knowing that, though, I've taken to smelling for other things instead. Witches tend to smell like herbs and wax because of their craft. Vampires smell like old, stale blood to me."

  "It's different for everyone," the Enkidu continued. "We can compensate for what we lack, as Wolfgang does, but that compensation isn't foolproof."

  "So then... is that how my mom was able to live with Alan for sixteen years without picking up on the fact that he's a Witch? Did she just not smell him?"

  "The only way you'll know that answer is to ask your mother," Wolfgang's father replied. "We can only speculate based on what you've told us."

  "Guess I'll be trying to call my mother then," I sighed.

  "Was their divorce smooth or rocky?"

  I gave a bitter chuckle. "Disasterific," I muttered. "They both wanted to make sure that the other suffered as much as possible so they kept going back and forth over who should get what. It seemed like they hated each other so much that they just wanted to hurt each other as much as they could without getting physical. There was a little while where they were using me as a bargaining chip. I hated being in the middle of their divorce more than anything else."

  "Perhaps there was some sort of awareness, even if only on an instinctual level."

  I shrugged. "Who knows?" I asked. "The most I can say for sure is that it's one of the reasons why my mom told me that I wasn't Alan's daughter. I didn't believe it at first, but then I met Derek and I understood. He and Alan looked like they could have been brothers. I even entertained the thought that they were twins who had ended up separated at birth or something like that," I said with a chuckle. "They're so different though," I continued in a soft tone. "Alan is hard and unyielding, he's precise, and everything he does is with a clear and defined purpose. Derek is pretty much anything but. He's fun, charming, light, willing to do what it takes to make everyone happy, and he is genuine in how he cares about my mom. I think that toward the end of their marriage, my parents didn't even talk to each other. It was rare that I even saw them in the same room. They communicated through Jalena and me, and even then, they didn't have much to say."

  Wolfgang and his father both sighed. "Well, we have a lot to do," his father said. He looked at my mate. "You're to teach her everything she needs to know before the full moon," he instructed. "I'll prepare the pack for what we need to do in the event that Alan confronts us over his daughter."

  Have you ever had one of those moments where it seems like just speaking a person's name brings their attention to you? The moment he said Alan's name, my phone started ringing in my pocket, and I knew exactly who was calling me. I didn't want to speak with him, especially now that he knew the truth about me, but at the same time, I couldn't see how to avoid it. I pulled my phone out and stared at it. I looked up at the Enkidu. "Should I answer it?"

  "Call him back later," he replied. "Wait until you're confident that you can speak to him without being too nervous or agitated."

  I let the call go to voicemail and ran my hand through my hair. What would I even say to him? How could I speak to him knowing what I now knew? He tortured a boy for no reason other than racial hatred. I almost felt as if my former stepfather was some sort of White Power Neo Nazi or something like that. He wanted to cleanse the world of Vampires and Lycans the same way that White Supremacists wanted to rid the world of African Americans and others. He even wore robes and had an entire group of followers rallying to his cause. I suppose the only difference between his cause and theirs was that he was willing to crawl into bed with the enemy and sleep with her.

  I wanted to leave. I wanted to get out of this magnificent library and wonderful house. I wanted to go back to Wolfgang's apartment and hide there until I could convince myself that this was all just a dream. Maybe if I could make myself believe that lie, I'd be able to move on with my life and make something out of the crumpled remains of myself. Yeah... right... and elephants were purple, the sky was green, and Alan was a kind and loving person.

  I had the ability to just know things. I could never explain it to people, but I always just knew. Before my mom told me that she was having an affair, I knew it. Before she told me that I wasn't Alan's daughter, I knew it. Before I came out here to visit, I knew I wasn't going back to New York. I'd always known that Todd and I wouldn't last long beyond high school. I'd known that he was cheating on me years before he confessed. I always know.

  That was the reason I was weary about returning Alan's call. I could already hear him in my head trying to convince me that I was his child and how could I think that I wasn't? I could hear him telling me that I needed to meet with him so that he could tell me about the family secrets and the things that go with being a Witch. Since I could already hear it in my head, the last thing I wanted to do was call him. I didn't need to hear him say it.

  "You don't want to speak with him?" Leon asked, reading me like one of his thousand books.

  I shook my head. "No," I replied. "I already know what he's going to say, and I don't want to hear it."

  "Do you often know things?"

  I nodded. "Always," I replied. "So often and so completely that I can't explain where it comes from or how it happens. I'm always right...." I muttered.

  The Enkidu sighed before he looked at Wolfgang. "If she wasn't your mate, she'd be a perfect Chindi," he said.

  Wolfgang nodded. "In another pack, she may have been," he replied. "Do you accept her?"

  "When she knows everything she needs to know, I will welcome her into the pack," Leon replied. "I suggest you start teaching her what she needs to know. Her survival depends on you."

  Wolfgang nodded. "Yes, Enkidu," he said before he took my hand. "We'll go back to the apartment," he said as he led me out of the library. I had a feeling that things were about to get difficult.

  Chapter 11 ~Wolfgang~

  I didn't know where to begin. Everything that I knew about being Lycan, I had learned through time and experience. I knew that I could explain it all to her if I just had a place to start. I could even use Riley to fill in some of the missing pieces.

  It was simple, yet complex. Most of what I needed to tell her dealt with instinct and the way our mind interpreted things. The body knows how to shift forms but explaining that to the mind is like trying to hold water in your hands. You get some of it, but most of the information just leaks through the cracks.

  The drive back to my apartment was quiet because I didn't know what to say and she didn't seem to want to speak. I could feel the tension in her like an extension of myself. Everything about her felt that way to me. I couldn't figure out where I ended and she began. I had never wanted to find myself this vulnerable again because I knew that if she chose to leave me, I wouldn't be able to recover. At the same time, I wanted to see where we could go. I wanted to see forever with someone for the first time in my life and I didn't know how to react to that.

  I pulled into my parking spot and unbuckled my seatbelt. Ceres did the same and she followed me up to the apartment, all without a word. Riley was sitting in the living room playing a video game and smoking a cigarette when we walked in. He looked at me as Ceres just walked to the bedroom. "Everything okay?" my cousin asked.

  I shrugged. "I'm not sure," I confessed. "Dad says she'll be welcome in the pack when she knows everything she needs to know, but I don't even know where to begin..."

  "I take it that you're her sponsor?"

  I nodded. "Who else would be?" I asked. "She's my mate, I'm the one who found her, and I'm the one who took her to my dad. If I see any other unmated male around her without me there or knowing that the male is safe, I'm likely to kill him out of in
stinct. There isn't anyone else who makes sense, especially since I'm the only one she knows and trusts completely in the pack."

  "She knows me," Riley said with a grin.

  I chuckled. "She's met you, that doesn't mean she knows you," I said. "Besides, you fall into the 'unmated male that I might kill' category."

  "Yeah, you're going to have to remember that I'm your roommate, cousin, and I work the opposite shift as you. I'm the one who is going to be at home, usually sleeping, when you're at work. Unless you want me to move out yesterday, there aren't going to be a lot of times when she isn't alone with one of us."

  "I'm kind of hoping that the fact that you're more brother than cousin to me saves you," I said. "Before that though, I've got to figure out how to save the woman who trusts me with her life."

  "Then you need to stop talking to me and go in there and teach her how to protect it," Riley said. "Start with the basics: Pack hierarchy, full moons, Hunts, things like that. Then move on to fighting and healing. End with mating. It's not that difficult. You've done it before."

  "It's never been quite this important before," I muttered.

  "Well then go grab a box of crackers or bag of chips, go into your room, and teach that girl how to survive in a world that's trying to kill her."

  I nodded and did just that. I opened the pantry in the kitchen, grabbed both a bag of chips and box of crackers, and headed back to my room. Before I opened the door, I could hear Ceres on the phone with someone. I entered the room and she looked at me with those amazing chocolate brown eyes. She gave me a weak smile and I shut the door behind me.

  "Wolfgang just walked in, so I'll talk to you later, okay, Soph?" she asked. "Love you too," she said before she pulled the phone away from her ear and ended the call.

  "Who was that?" I asked.

  "Sophia," she replied. I remembered the name as belonging to one of the twins that were her best friends. She often referred to them as her sisters. "I didn't tell her anything," she said.

  I gave her a slight smile. "I wasn't going to ask you that," I said. "It's pretty obvious that you understand the need for secrecy, so there's no reason for me to think that you would betray that."

  She nodded. "I felt like I needed to say it," she said. She sighed as she sat down on the bed. "So, where do we begin?" she asked.

  I sat down across from her and set the snacks down on my disheveled comforter. "The top of the food chain?" I asked with a chuckle. Ceres smiled, which was what I was hoping to see. "Riley suggested that I start with pack hierarchy and move on from there," I explained. "Sound good?" She nodded.

  I exhaled and started talking by autopilot more than anything else. I started with my father's role in the pack. Enkidu meant 'alpha male' in Lycan-speak. He was the one who made all the decisions regarding the pack as well as claiming the spot at the top of the pyramid.

  Next to him was Skaapie, the alpha female. She was the mother of the pack. She took care of the more mundane needs, like making sure that everyone had a home and food and things like that. She was the one people went to when they needed someone to lean on. Without her, the pack would fall apart.

  Beneath them was my place. Volsunga meant 'prince' though there was no literal translation for it. I was the one who was next in line to take over as Enkidu, unless someone came along and usurped me, but then they would have a different title. Volsunga and Skaapie were the two positions at the top of the pack that no one could fight to achieve. The mate of the Enkidu was always Skaapie. Their oldest son was always Volsunga.

  If there was an outsider vying for the right to lead the pack, his rank would be Selig, which means Contender, and he would be equal to the Volsunga. Riley, when he came here, arrived as Selig as I had decided for a while that I didn't want to be Volsunga, no matter what my duty to the pack was. I had had enough of special treatment because of my position in the pack and so I had given up my right as heir. I later fought to have it back because I realized that not having it was like not having a part of me. Riley would have gone back to Moab to be with his rightful pack, but things weren't safe for him there. That was one of the other reasons my uncle had sent him to us.

  Next were the Guardians. There were four of them: Skvaeoi, Scythia, Roulet, and Rusalki. Scythia and Rusalki were always women. They guarded Skaapie, but they also protected the Enkidu as needed. When my mom was pregnant with my sister, Scythia and Rusalki were always at her side.

  Their title signified their rank. The strongest male was Skvaeoi, followed by Scythia, the strongest female. Next was Roulet, the secondary male, and Rusalki, the second female. They were never the same from one Enkidu to the next. Most packs changed Enkidus by force and Guardians have perfect, unyielding, unfaltering loyalty. To serve anyone else would be an affront to that loyalty. They were also the first line of defense to an Enkidu and thus often killed before the Enkidu. To make things easier, when packs changed power in peace, they stepped down. That way there weren't people stuck in a position they no longer wanted to be in and those who wanted the chance could prove their worth.

  Next were the Neuri. They were the council for the Enkidu, in a manner of speaking. When the decision placed before the Enkidu was so great that he couldn't make it alone, he called the Neuri into action. There were always three of them and they always wore masks and blindfolds to keep their identity secret from the rest of the pack. Only the Enkidu ever knew who they were. To the rest, they were Virgil the Investigator, Scholler the Judge, and Chindi the Avenger.

  If the Neuri or Enkidu decided that an execution was necessary, they called upon Moeris. She was female and kept secret from the pack, to protect her if the loved ones of the executed were to seek revenge for carrying out her duty. Her title meant Bringer of Death. Our pack had never called upon her. Her duty was to execute those whose crimes were so heinous that there was no other option but death. The most recent case that I knew of was the result of an event Riley was a part of that also led to his arrival here in Adamsville. Before that, though, I didn't know of any cases later than the seventeen hundreds.

  The rest of the pack decided their own positions through brawls and shows of power when it was necessary. From the strongest to the weakest, they knew their place among the ranks. They could move up or down without a fight to the death, but to move into the titled ranks, they had to prove that they could handle the pressure. Our pack was five-hundred strong. There were many people to take care of and watch over.

  I finished telling Ceres all of this in the time it took for us to plow through the box of crackers. I waited for her to ask a question as I figured I'd given her a lot more information to process than she expected. She didn't say anything for a few minutes while she thought the information over. When she was ready, she sighed and met my eyes. "So why is it that men usually lead the pack?" she asked. "What if a woman wants to be the one in charge?"

  "She can be," I replied. "Most women raised in the packs don't try to be Enkidu though. They try to be Skaapie. The pack can survive without Enkidu to lead it, but if Skaapie disappears without a reason, the pack tends to fall apart. She's the heart and soul of the pack, which makes her role more important. Moreover, if she did want to be the one in charge, she could be. Enkidu is just the name for the alpha male. Skaapie is the alpha female," I reiterated. That doesn't mean that they must abide the standard roles. I just don't know of many men who are sensitive enough to be the heart and soul of the pack, especially not in our world."

  "So, it's possible, but it's rare," she said with a nod as she reached for one of the last crackers. "That's interesting."

  I nodded. "I think that everything that happens in this world is interesting," I said with a chuckle. She smiled around the cracker before she bit into it and chewed. "Anyway," I continued, "I can't teach you much about the more metaphysical parts of what we are until after you shift on the full moon.

  "For now, though," I sighed, "let's take a break. You've gotten a lot more information that I'm sure you weren't ready for."


  She nodded with a chuckle. "You can say that again," she said. She started out through the window at the cloudy sky beyond it. Our building was on the edge of the complex and my window looked out over the forest that our town was inside of. We left as many trees as we could and only cut down the ones that were necessary. I followed her gaze and saw a hawk flying around outside, looking for a meal. It swooped down out of view and I knew that it had found something. Ceres sighed as she looked away and pulled her knees up. She wrapped her arms around her legs and rest her chin on her knee. She closed her eyes for a moment. "What does it feel like?" she asked. "Is it going to hurt?"

  I sighed. I'd never had to describe what the change felt like before. "It's... liberating," I said. It was the only word I could think of to describe what it was like with any shot at accuracy. "To be honest, if I could be a wolf forever, I would," I added with a chuckle. She smiled. "To be completely honest, being a wolf is simple. You don't have to worry about bills, or health laws, or whether your food is going to go bad or not. Everything is at its least complex. You're hungry? You hunt. You're tired? You sleep. I've even heard of some people who have shifted into the wolf and stayed that way as much as possible. We have two bodies though, so we can't completely ignore one forever. Even the people who give up shifting into a wolf can't completely do it. They still have to change at least once every year."

  "Do you think that might be what my mom did?" she asked.

  I shrugged. "Since I don't know much of anything about your human life or your mom, I can't say," I replied. "Do you remember if she left town around full moons or anything like that?" I asked.

  She shook her head. "I didn't pay attention," she said. "I know she left town at rather regular intervals so it could have been during full moons, but I don't know."

  "You'll have to call and ask her then," I said.

  Ceres chuckled. "I'll try email," she said. "She might see that."

  During our hotel stay, Ceres mentioned that her mother was difficult to talk to since moving to Scotland. She and her mom hadn't spoken in almost eight months, a record, and Ceres often wondered if her mother was as unhappy about that as she was. I wanted to be positive about the situation. I wanted to say that I was sure that everything would change once Lynn knew that Ceres knew the family secret, but I couldn't say for certain. I wasn't the one who knew things like she did.