A Few Tables Away (Glenhaven #1)

by Deb Rotuno

  The guest room was wide open…and empty. I knew instinctively where to find him. He loved the library, in spite of its view. Curtains had recently been added to it—Aunt Tessa’s and Mom’s idea, which was really sweet. I padded softly down the stairs and through the living room, finding him in the chair by the window, his journal open on the table in front of him.

  God, he was beautiful. The small lamp on the table lit up his face, but it also cast shadows along his sharp jaw and furrowed brow as he wrote. Even better was the reappearance of the sweet, wire-framed glasses. They made him look so smart yet a touch young, but it worked for him. Then again, I wasn’t sure there was anything about him that I didn’t simply love. From the top of his messy head to the bottom of his bare feet, I truly loved him. And I planned on telling him before he got on that plane. My hope was that he said it back, but I had no expectations. My Evan was shy and reserved, and he was dealing with stepping back into a shit-ton of drama at home, so I wasn’t expecting anything. However, I knew he cared about me. That was something he was really, really good at showing.

  I shifted in the doorway, and Evan lifted his head, the sweetest of smiles curling up his mouth as he sat up straight.

  “Hey, pretty girl. What are you doing up?”

  Smiling, I walked to him, and he sat back so I could curl up in his lap. “I could ask the same of you.”

  Warm, strong arms wrapped around me as I sat sideways on his lap. I wanted to ask about his journal, but I knew if he was writing in it, then he was sorting out some tough things. He was about to go home, so I could imagine there were heavy issues weighing on him. We sat in silence just like that, wrapped up in a cocoon of arms and snuggles as I slowly ran my fingers through his hair.

  Lightning flickered again, followed by the low rumble of thunder, and I pulled my face from his neck to just look up at him. I wished I could run away with him, that I had a time machine to fast-forward through Christmas—a holiday I couldn’t even find it in me to care about because the one thing I wanted under the tree wouldn’t be there. And I wanted to protect him from anything and everything that could hurt him. The mere thought of someone hurting him, saying mean things to him, made me shake with anger and worry and the love that had slowly built into a ginormous feeling I couldn’t control anymore.

  “Cold?” he whispered, cradling me in his arms and reaching up to brush my hair out of my face.

  I shook my head but smiled. “No. I just want to kiss you like crazy.”

  His smile was brighter than the next flash of lightning. It was boyish and beautiful, but it was deadly sexy too. It was something I’d learned he did when he just didn’t believe what I was saying, which added a bit of embarrassment as well. It happened most often when I couldn’t control my verbal vomit, just blurting out the crazy-honest shit I always said.

  “We should probably go upstairs for that, pretty girl,” he suggested softly, but his lips betrayed him, brushing across mine in the lightest, sweetest kiss.

  “Probably,” I agreed, kissing him back, and I chuckled at his smile but then forced myself to look away toward the table. “I’m sorry I interrupted.”

  “S’okay,” he answered, lifting me to my feet and standing up. “I was just about finished.”

  He faced me, closing his journal and picking it up with one hand while cupping my cheek with the other. The expression on his handsome face was dark, heated, but his gaze raked all over my face with a warmth I wasn’t expecting. I took his hand from my face and tugged it gently to lead him back upstairs and into my room, closing the door behind us. His gaze was still heated, and he dropped his journal and glasses onto my nightstand.

  The room seemed to feel close, tight with how much I wanted him, how much I loved him, and I couldn’t stop from staring. Blue plaid pajama pants, a plain white T-shirt, bare feet, and that handsome face with a touch of stubble to it—he was just gorgeous, and he had no idea. And that made him all the more beautiful because he only saw me. He’d said it time and time again, but as he gazed down at me with those warm brown eyes, I could see it wasn’t a lie. It was that look that told me how he felt about me.

  “I want you,” I whispered out of nowhere, shaking my head at the truth of it. “I don’t want to stop, Evan.”

  His face heated and his smile was warm, but he sat me on the edge of the bed before kneeling in front of me. “Dani, I…” He took a deep breath. “I…You have no idea how much I want that. None. But…I don’t…I can’t do that and then get on a plane in a few hours. I’ll lose my mind. I know it’s old-school or old-fashioned to say such things, but it’s not about…sex for me. It’s about you and me, and I don’t want to do that and walk away from you for a month. It would kill me. I’d…I’d…I want something to come home to.”

  I reached for his face, palms flat on either side, and pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you,” I whispered against his lips, and his gasp made me smile, as did the twitch of his fingers on the outside of my thighs. “I do. And I know I say a lot of shit. That I blurt out stuff, but Evan, I do love you. So, so much. And I need you to know that before you leave.”

  He kissed me stupid. It was deep and loving, sexy and almost harsh, but I felt it to my toes. When he pulled back, my forehead thumped gently to his.

  “I…Dani, I don’t have words to explain to you how I feel about you.” He shook his head slowly against mine, his eyes still closed. “Saying it back seems trite because I love you too sounds unbelievably inadequate to me.”

  My eyes welled up because I’d gotten more back than I expected. “But it sounds perfect to me.”

  He grinned, a light laugh escaping him, and those long eyelashes swept up to reveal that sweet chocolate brown I loved so much. “Yeah?”

  “Yes…The best thing I’ve ever heard.” I swallowed nervously before I asked, “Evan, would you…We’ve only got a few hours left, and I’m gonna miss you so much. I just…Can we just hold each other?”

  His eyes were a bit watery as he nodded and stood.

  I slipped under the covers, holding them up, and he joined me, pulling me close and kissing my forehead. Snuggling as close as I could get, I inhaled the warm scent of him.

  “As long as you want,” he whispered into my hair.

  I thought that with Evan leaving, I’d find it hard to sleep, but the comfort of his warm arms and heartbeat put me right back to sleep. The alarm a few hours later shocked us both. Neither of us said anything when I shut it off and sat up. Evan slipped from my bed, taking his journal and glasses with him.

  Showers were taken, and I was dressed before him and downstairs pouring a cup of coffee that Wes had already made. I’d thought maybe I’d have to wake my cousin, but he was dressed and ready when I got down there.

  Wes was quiet, sipping from his own cup, but his dark-blue eyes locked on to mine. “I bought the tickets…just in case,” he stated, shrugging a shoulder when I gasped. “I don’t like sending him home. He’s practically been sick since Thanksgiving.”

  “I don’t want him to go,” I whispered, my voice breaking on the last word, and my gaze slipped from Wes to the steamy mug in my hands. I took a sip, focusing on not losing it, because we hadn’t even gotten in the damn car yet.

  The sound of Evan coming down the stairs caught my ears, as did the sound of his bags landing on the wood floor. When he stepped into the kitchen, I could see the wall starting to build up—the same wall he’d dropped inside my house…around me. His face was blank, indifferent, but everything he felt for me was in his eyes when his gaze met mine. He no more wanted to go home than we wanted to put him on the plane.

  “Ev, you want something to eat before we go?” Wes offered, but Evan shook his head. My cousin stood from his stool at the counter and gripped Evan’s shoulder on the way by. “I’ll go put your stuff in my truck, okay?”

  “Thanks, Wes,” Evan and I said at the same time, making us smile at each other.

  Walking to him, I offered him my mug, and he took a sip before settin
g it down and pulling me to him. A long, slow, heavy kiss landed on my forehead, along with the push of Evan’s exhale. He smelled like soap and shampoo, like toothpaste and now coffee. I held him close, neither of us saying a word, until Wes called from the front door that we needed to go.

  The hour ride to the Panama City Airport was just as quiet. As much as I teased my cousin, he was giving us space. Or maybe he simply didn’t know what to say to make it better for anyone. By the time we’d parked, gotten Evan checked in, and made it to security, I was shaking with the effort of holding back tears.

  I barely heard my cousin’s request of Evan as he gave him a guy hug. “You keep in touch, buddy. Not kidding. If you need any-fucking-thing, just call us. Okay?”

  “Thanks, Wes.”

  Wes grunted but stepped away, and I felt warm hands on my face.

  “Dani—”

  “Evan—”

  We spoke at the same time, and I surrendered to the tears, falling into him. I couldn’t help it. I loved him, I wanted to protect him and spoil him, and I very well couldn’t do that when he was across the country. And I couldn’t do that when he was with someone who had no fucking clue how unbelievably special he was. It made me angry, made me want to rage against Evan’s father.

  “Dani…Pretty girl, please stop crying,” Evan begged softly in my ear. “You’re killing me.”

  I sniffled and nodded, trying my damnedest to stop, but the tears kept coming. “I’m…I’m sorry.”

  His smile was warm, but he kissed my lips. “Don’t be sorry.”

  “I’m just…I’m gonna miss you, and I love you. I wasn’t playing around last night. I want you to know that. I wasn’t just blabbering on, and I…”

  “Shhh,” he soothed against my forehead, and then he kissed me again. “You’ve never lied to me, Dani, so I know you meant it. You show me all the time. Please look at me,” he begged, and when I met his gaze, it was sad but loving. “And you have no idea what it’s like to hear you say you love me. I…I don’t know what I did to earn it, but God, Dani…I’m…I…I love you too. And that doesn’t seem like enough for what I feel. Or maybe I just can’t say it right.” He cupped my face and kissed my lips. “If you want to know how I really feel about you, I left you something in your room. I want you to keep it, hold on to it until I’m home. And I am coming home. I swear it. I know you’re worried, and I know you want to protect me, but nothing will stop me from getting back to you. Do you understand?”

  Nodding, I was crying in earnest when he kissed my lips, whispering, “I’ll call you when I land. I’ll text you all the time. Three weeks is nothing, Dani.”

  “If I don’t hear from you…”

  He smiled but glanced over my head. “It’s not necessary.”

  “It is to us, dude,” Wes argued. “Just…deal with it.”

  Evan grinned, his face heating, but then he looked up to check the time. He turned back to me, kissing me softly. “I love you. And you are reading tonight.”

  A sniffly laugh escaped me, but I nodded. “Love you.”

  Watching him walk away just about broke me, but watching his face go blank of all expression as he stepped around the corner toward security caused a sob to rip through me. Wes’s warmth wrapped around me, and he guided me out to the truck. The ride back home was filled with the occasional sniffle from me and Wes’s constant assurance that everything would be okay, though I wasn’t sure he believed what he was saying. He just hated it when I cried.

  The house was quiet when we got back home, but it was still pretty early, so I imagined Aunt Tessa was still asleep and that Mom and Dad were on campus for a few last things before locking up their offices for the next few weeks.

  I rushed upstairs to my room, tears starting all over again at the sight on my pillow. Not only had he left the copy of The Count of Monte Cristo we’d been reading, but his beautiful, leather-bound journal was sitting next to it with a sweet flower sticking up out of it. The petals were a very pretty purple, and I recognized it from the flowers my mother had planted in front of the house.

  Picking up the journal, I brought it to my nose, smelling its soothing scent. The leather smell had pretty much faded, but it smelled like Evan. Opening it to where he’d put the flower as a bookmark, I sniffled again at how much I missed him already. But the journal entry was addressed to me.

  My beautiful Dani,

  My mother once told me that falling in love was the easiest, most amazing feeling. She said it truly felt like falling…where your stomach flips, your hands sweat, but your face smiles…all the time. She also said that your heart just…knows. That it tries to break out of your chest in order to get closer to its mate. As a kid, I always thought she was talking about my dad, but now, I’m not so sure. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is that she was right.

  Pretty girl, that’s how I’ve felt since the first time I saw you in the library. I didn’t know you, but everything I’d ever held back, everything that kept me quiet, wanted to explode. Instead of wanting to stay invisible, I wanted to know everything about you…your likes, dislikes, your laugh, your voice. I thought you were the prettiest thing I’d ever set eyes on, that your eyes were the window to everything you were feeling, and that you had amazing taste in books. I kept telling myself it was that last thing that kept me coming back to the library, but it was you. Everything about you drew me in and stole my heart.

  I think I’ve loved you from that first day we worked in Wes’s office. You blew away every assumption I had of you. Everything in me shifted. I went from a crush on a pretty girl to getting to know the most amazing, giving, loving, and beautiful person. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever get the chance to TALK to you, much less become friends. And now we’re so much more than that.

  I love you, Dani.

  I wanted to tell you that before I left, but every chance I had, the words simply didn’t form. I couldn’t express just how much you’ve come to mean to me. I wanted to. God, I’ve wanted to say it for weeks now, but I was scared. I wasn’t scared of you but of me, of what it would mean, offering up my heart like that. However, I came to realize something my mother didn’t tell me. That love makes you powerful. Yes, it can make you feel vulnerable, but my God, Dani, it makes me feel so strong.

  I know you’re worried, that your family is worried. You know my past, my family’s history, and you know I came to Glenhaven to escape it all, but what I found was something more. I now know where I’m going in life. I now know I can survive a lot of things, knowing where I’ll end up at the end of the day.

  With you.

  I’m leaving this journal with you for safekeeping. There’s nothing I would hide from you, so this journal and I are open books. I’m leaving it to show you just how much you’ve changed me, what your love and gentleness have done for me. I’m leaving it with you because my dad (no matter what he says or does) can’t touch the VERY BEST part of me. You showed me that, my love. YOU did. And you’ve already said the words. You said them first, my always brave girl, and they were beautiful. The very best part of me is what now belongs to you, pretty girl, so I need you to do me a favor while I’m gone.

  Please remember that you mean everything to me.

  All my love, all my soul,

  Evan

  A sob ripped through me. He was all things beautiful and sweet. And he loved me—really, truly loved me. But I needed more of his words until I could hear his voice once he landed. Settling back against the pillow that still smelled like him, I flipped to the front of the journal to lose myself in his writing.

  Dear Library Girl…

  Chapter Sixteen

  Evan

  “AND THE FAIRY KING knighted the archer boy so his daughter could marry him,” I said, smiling when Faith squealed and clapped her hands.

  “So they married and had a bunch of fairy babies, living happily ever after,” she concluded, bouncing in her bed.

  “Yo, Ev, that war was awesome, with the acorn slingshots
and the fiery arrows! And then there was the hummingbirds they flew on…like horses!” Tyler proclaimed, tossing his baseball up and catching it in his mitt.

  “Excellent job, baby boy,” Mom whispered into my ear as she kissed the side of my head and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. “You should write it down, my love.”

  “Will you help me get it right?”

  “If you want,” she said through a soft sigh, raking her fingers through my hair.

  “I do! I wanna be a writer like you, Mom,” I told her but fiddled with the string of my pajama pants and then adjusted my glasses. “But…Dad says…Dad says writers starve.”

  My mother scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Do I look starving to you, Evan?” My siblings and I chuckled at her. “Your father is a very practical, no-nonsense man, son. That’s what makes him a good doctor. But when it comes to certain things, he’s sort of lost. Everyone is different, Evan. Look at Faith and Tyler. Your brother is good at math, at sports, where your sister likes science and art. You…You can create a whole different world with just words. Being a writer can be tough, which is why I teach. Some writers have many stories to tell; some only have a few…or maybe just one. You know, Harper Lee only wrote the one book.”

  Nodding, I smiled at her. “I like Scout. She’s pretty cool. She always said what everyone else was thinking…or…or she pointed out what just didn’t make any sense.”

  “She was a smart cookie.” My mother chuckled, cupping my face. “I want all of you to listen to me.” She glanced around at all of us just hanging out in Faith’s room, and when we nodded, she went on, looking back to me. “Never, ever be afraid to follow your dreams, your heart. Don’t be afraid to fight for what’s right or for what you truly want in life. Anyone who tells you that you can’t do something is merely afraid to try for themselves or they’re jealous of you. What’s right for Tyler may not be right for you, Evan, or Faith, and vice versa. Understand?”