Catch Your Death

by Lauren Child

  ‘You actually chalked that fly?’ said Ruby.

  ‘Not exactly,’ said Hitch. ‘My idea – I got one of our technicians to execute it.’

  ‘Figures,’ said Ruby. ‘You don’t strike me as the chalk graffiti type.’

  They set off towards a bank of elevators and stepped inside. Hitch pressed a yellow button and the doors closed.

  ‘Where are we going now?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘Blacker has a job for you,’ said Hitch.

  When they stepped out, they were either several floors above or several floors below, Ruby wasn’t sure. They walked a little way along the snaking corridor, passing doors of yellow, all different hues and tones. A minute or two later, they reached one that was the yellow of butter – they stopped in front of it and knocked.

  Blacker was perched on a stool in the middle of the large room; papers surrounded him and the hanging lights which dangled from the ceiling illuminated the chaos, but in a friendly sort of way. On the walls behind him were plans to a building Ruby did not immediately recognise. Though, once she noticed the many staircases and banks of elevators, the mainly large open spaces, she surmised that it was either offices or a department store building.

  Blacker got up to shake hands with both Hitch and Ruby and in doing so knocked the coffee cup he was drinking from onto the floor. It was a typical Blacker scene. He started to mop up the mess with something not cut out for mopping – was it his discarded tie? Ruby couldn’t tell. He smiled and said, ‘Good to see you Ruby.’

  ‘Hey Blacker,’ said Ruby, ‘good to see you too.’

  ‘I’ll leave you both to it,’ said Hitch.

  ‘Where are you going?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘I have something to pick up,’ said Hitch. ‘Easier to do it on my own.’

  He left the room.

  ‘So what’s up this time?’ Ruby asked Blacker.

  ‘Well, we have a little trouble at the store, Melrose Dorff being the store, the trouble being theft.’

  ‘Shoplifting or robbery?’ asked Ruby.

  ‘More like disappearing into thin air,’ said Blacker.

  ‘Oh,’ said Ruby, ‘that sounds interesting.’

  ‘Not to Melrose Dorff,’ said Blacker.

  RUBY: ‘What are we talking? Watches?’

  BLACKER: ‘Jewellery.’

  RUBY: ‘What type of jewellery?’

  BLACKER: ‘The most expensive kind. It’s from an antique collection designed in the 1920s – Persian, super high end, meaning no one I know could ever afford it.’

  RUBY: ‘What’s the maker’s name?’

  BLACKER: ‘The makers are sisters, Katayoun and Anahita Hatami. . .’

  RUBY: ‘Katayoun & Anahita. . . I know it.’

  BLACKER: ‘You know some random things.’

  RUBY: ‘My mom has a Katayoun & Anahita necklace; it comes from my dad’s family – his father was in the jewellery business. It’s seriously valuable – my mom keeps it in the City Bank.’

  BLACKER: ‘And I’d advise her to keep it there.’

  RUBY: ‘I’ll let her know.’

  BLACKER: ‘Actually, better not. Twinford City is set to host the biennial Gem Festival early next year. If rumour gets out about jewellery thefts at our most prestigious store, then I think that hope will fly right out the window. We’re trying to keep this pretty hush-hush.’

  RUBY: ‘What kinda things have been taken?’

  BLACKER: ‘So far, a tiepin, a brooch, an earring, a pendant on a chain.’

  RUBY: ‘An earring?’

  BLACKER: ‘Yes, just one.’

  RUBY: ‘OK, so what do you propose doing? Presumably you’ve staked the place out, right?’

  BLACKER: ‘That’s where you come in. We have Froghorn on camera detail, behind the scenes; we thought it best to keep him out of public range.’

  RUBY: ‘So what dya want me to do, sit with him?’

  Ruby wasn’t crazy about that idea. She and Froghorn weren’t exactly bosom pals.

  BLACKER: ‘I don’t think that would be such a good idea, no. We were thinking you might like to stake out the store. Since your mom and dad have been invited to the Marie Antoinette perfume launch, it would be natural for you to go too.’

  RUBY: ‘Cool – you need me to get some kinda disguise?’

  BLACKER: ‘That won’t be necessary, you are the disguise.’

  RUBY: ‘How dya mean?’

  BLACKER: ‘You’re a school kid. Who expects a school kid to be staking out a store?’

  RUBY: ‘I guess. So what am I looking for?’

  BLACKER: ‘You’re there to observe. Check out the guests, the people hosting the event, the staff, the waiters. Who they are, what they do, how they behave – no one’s going to notice a kid, so keep your eyes peeled and report back anything you think might be of interest.’

  They discussed the plan thoroughly and agreed on how they should proceed.

  ‘OK,’ said Ruby. She got up to go, meeting over.

  ‘By the way,’ called Blacker. ‘Stop by the gadget room: your equipment is ready for you to pick up.’

  Ruby walked along the long twisting corridors until she found the orange door. She punched in the time code and entered the gadget room.

  She stood stock still when she saw the strange-looking figure standing at the far end of the room.

  ‘Who’s that?’ she called.

  A mumbling sound came back.

  ‘That you in there Hitch?’ she asked. ‘No wonder you wanted to be alone.’ Hitch was busy pulling on some weird kind of black cape-mackintosh-mask-hat thing.

  ‘You got the Batmobile parked somewhere?’ said Ruby.

  ‘I’ve always got the Batmobile parked somewhere,’ said Hitch flatly.

  Ruby made a face. ‘You’re not seriously thinking of wearing that, are you man?’

  ‘If I can work out which way round it goes, then yes,’ replied Hitch. He looked at the label before realising his mistake. ‘Ah, that’s the problem: I’ve got it inside out.’ He took it off, turned it the right way round before pulling it back on. He was now wearing a completely weird silver cape-mackintosh-mask-hat thing. ‘That’s better,’ he said.

  ‘Yeah, now you look completely normal,’ said Ruby in a highly sarcastic tone. ‘Just make sure you wear it a long way away from me, will ya? I don’t wanna be seen dead with anyone dressed like that.’

  ‘That’s kind of the idea kid. It’s a blaze coat, not a fashion statement. It’s built to withstand extreme temperatures and get you through flaming buildings and undergrowth unscathed. What with that forest fire raging the other side of Great Bear, no one wants to take any chances – it could reach Twinford and Spectrum need to be prepared.’

  Hitch picked up some boots and began pulling them on.

  ‘Nice accessorising,’ said Ruby.

  ‘One day kid, you might be glad to see me dressed up in this.’

  Ruby collected the three tiny pieces of technology that Blacker had requested for her and put them in her satchel.

  They were about to exit Spectrum when Buzz called out across the atrium. ‘LB wants to see you now Ruby Redfort. Make your way at once to her office.’

  Ruby turned and headed towards LB’s door, her satchel slightly dragging on the floor.

  ‘Your bag is dragging,’ said Buzz. ‘It’s annoying.’

  ‘What is this – school?’ muttered Ruby.

  Hitch looked at her and said, ‘Kid, if there’s one thing I would advise you do, it’s to keep that big mouth of yours shut. Why in the name of bozo did you tell LB about losing your glasses?’

  ‘I don’t know. I kinda panicked and it came out.’

  Hitch nodded. ‘LB has the knack of getting people to tell the truth.’

  ‘What dya think she wants? You think this is bad news or something?’

  ‘All I know is she said she’d made a decision,’ said Hitch.

  ‘Oh,’ said Ruby. She took a deep breath.

  ‘Good luck kid,’ said Hitch.


  ‘But it’s gone,

  don’t you see that?’

  His eyes pleaded with her. ‘Long gone.’

  Beads of sweat were running down his nose.

  ‘But I don’t think you understand,’ said Lorelei. ‘If it’s gone, then I’m in a lot of trouble, and if I’m in trouble then you are in a whole lot more. You will pay with your life and just to make things perfectly clear: I don’t bluff.’

  She pulled out a heavy object from her purse and curled her finger round the trigger, her expensive shoes click-clacking as she moved carefully across the hard stone floor, her eyes sparkling and her Turkish delight fragrance suffocating the air.

  ‘So are you going to tell me where it is now?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘Oh, have it your own way,’ she snapped. ‘You’re boring me.’

  She raised the gun.

  ‘Wait!’ cried the man, his face full of disbelief. ‘You can’t kill me! Without me, you’ll never find what you want, let alone control it.’

  ‘But you said it was gone,’ said Lorelei, taking aim. She was enjoying herself with this fish caught on a line, wriggling for his life.

  ‘If I found it for you, would you let me go? Really I mean?’

  ‘But of course. We can be civilised about this.’

  She lowered the gun.

  Chapter 21.

  WHEN RUBY ENTERED THE WHITE OFFICE, LB was, as usual, busy writing something on someone’s file, glasses perched on the end of her nose, brow furrowed.

  ‘Sit.’

  Ruby sat.

  LB didn’t look up nor did she put her pen down; she continued to write as she spoke.

  ‘Against all my better instincts I’m going to give you one more chance to prove yourself capable of becoming a field agent.’

  Ruby opened her mouth to speak, but changed her mind when she remembered Hitch’s words.

  ‘If you fail,’ continued LB, ‘there will be no more discussion about your suitability; you will be taken off the active agent programme and instead will concentrate on your code-breaking work inside the Spectrum headquarters.’

  Again Ruby resisted the urge to speak.

  ‘I should inform you that this is not a decision I would have made had it not been for Hitch arguing your case. He assures me that you will not make me regret this decision, so can I point out that you will be letting him down should you fail this second stage of training?’

  Ruby merely nodded.

  ‘Someone will let you know when this second test will take place. For now your input is required on this jewellery theft case. I want it cleared up by the end of the week.’

  Ruby looked at her like she was clearly insane, but happily LB did not see the face she was making and merely said, ‘Go,’ and that was how the ‘conversation’ ended.

  Chapter 22.

  THE NEXT DAY RUBY WAS NOT FEELING WELL ENOUGH TO DRAG HERSELF OUT OF BED, though somehow she did – just not in time to get to her homeroom before the school bell rang.

  Mrs Drisco was on fighting form; she was holding her detention slips, all ready to issue.

  ‘So Ruby, what excuse do you have for us today?’

  ‘Let me think,’ said Ruby. ‘Oh yeah.’ She reached into her satchel and pulled out a doctor’s note.

  There were no two ways about it, this was a genuine, bona fide doctor’s note. The handwriting was scrawly and challenging to read, which only served to make it all the more authentic, but the message was clear enough.

  Ruby Redfort was seen this morning by me, Dr Harper MD, and I am unhappy to report that she is experiencing a great deal of discomfort and a fair amount of pain in her left foot.

  The medication I have prescribed may cause her to feel nausea, vomiting, acute stomach cramps, headaches, mouth ulcers, nasal congestion, sudden fainting spells and a need for regular trips to the bathroom.

  Therefore, I would recommend that she be free to come and go as she pleases for at least the next week or so. Please see that she gets as much help and assistance as she requires and no unnecessary badgering.

  Mrs Drisco looked drained – this was just not playing fair. There was nothing she could do but give in to Dr Harper’s unreasonable recommendations.

  Ruby sat down, satisfied that she had Mrs Drisco exactly where she wanted her.

  Clancy’s day was not going so well. Mr Piper the philosophy teacher had been discussing the moral compass all human beings are supposedly born with or without. As with all Mr Piper’s lessons, everything was open for debate. Sometimes, Clancy found this maddening. There were some things Clancy Crew felt sure about and this was one of them.

  ‘I mean can’t he just take a view?’ he asked Ruby when they met up. ‘Just actually believe one thing over another? Why does everything have to be open to debate?’

  ‘Because that’s the point of his class Clancy. If he doesn’t debate it, there’s no point.’

  ‘Yeah, but he asks me my opinion, and I tell him.’

  ‘Tell him what?’ said Ruby.

  ‘Tell him that I think the human being is basically good, born with a moral compass, and then he starts debating that and saying, “Just how many good Samaritans have you seen lately?” and I say, “OK Mr Piper, not a whole lot actually, but I think the human instinct to do good for fellow man is strong,” and he says, “And what about the human instinct to do bad, to cause pain to one’s fellow man?” and I say, “I have given it more than a little thought Mr Piper, and I have made up my mind on this one, so can we please drop it?” ‘

  ‘He teaches philosophy class Clance, he never will drop it.’

  ‘He goes on and on debating it for so long that I actually do want to do him, my fellow man, harm.’

  ‘And maybe that’s his point Clance,’ said Ruby. ‘Maybe he’s trying to get you to see that you have the same instinct to do bad as you do to do good.’

  ‘Well, he might just regret it,’ said Clancy.

  ‘If it makes you feel any better, I had chemistry class and I didn’t do so well either.’

  ‘How come?’ asked Clancy.

  ‘My nose.’ Ruby pointed to it. ‘Look at me, I can hardly breathe let alone smell.’

  ‘So?’ said Clancy.

  ‘So the whole lousy class was about smell. We had to sniff things like solutions and compounds to see if we could identify anything that gave us a clue about their chemical structure. And me? – I couldn’t smell a frankfurter if you stuck it up my nose.’

  ‘You probably shoulda stayed at home Rube,’ said Clancy, who really wouldn’t have minded skipping school, today being the day he got his French exam results. Now he had them he would prefer not to go home. ‘The bad news is Madame Loup says I have to resit my French exam,’ he said. ‘She says I’ve got one more chance, but what’s the point? I’m never gonna pass.’

  ‘Yeah, you are Clance, I swear you’re gonna pass. You got a convince yourself you can do it. And when you do maybe your dad might be feeling a little more generous; maybe he’ll decide to help you out with buying a new bike.’ She gave him a friendly slap on the back. ‘I mean stranger things have happened; my mom saw a giant pig in the backyard.’

  ‘You know you might just be right,’ said Clancy, his face brightening. ‘Maybe if I pass my French my dad will be so happy that he’ll decide to buy me the Windrush 2000.’

  ‘Well,’ said Ruby, ‘hope is a wonderful thing.’

  He heard the

  familiar sound of

  spiked heels on

  hard floor

  . . .and waited for the door to open. He had a plan now: he would give her the information she wanted, lead her right to it, only he would surprise her at the last minute. She wouldn’t know what had hit her. She had no idea what she was dealing with; she had no idea just how dangerous it was.

  Chapter 23.

  RUBY WENT ON HOME, keen to get her homework done and put a little practice into using the gadgets she’d been given for the Melrose Dorff stake-out. She ho
ped to get a little quiet time before dinner.

  As she walked in the door, she heard her mother’s voice.

  ‘You’ll never guess what Barbara, but I’m pretty sure that pig I saw is a hippo. A small one, but there’s little doubt in my mind it was a hippo. If it wasn’t, then it’s a pig with awful fat legs.’

  Ruby caught these words as she opened the front door; her mom was in her bedroom chatting on the phone. Ruby peeped round the door and saw her sitting at her dressing table, examining her face while talking to her great friend Barbara Bartholomew. She would no doubt be talking for a very long time.

  Barbara had obviously cracked one of her Barbara jokes because Sabina was practically busting a gut: tears were rolling down her cheeks and she was incapable of speech. Ruby sprinted silently upstairs; now might be an excellent time to make what her mother would call an unsuitable snack for a growing child.

  She tiptoed into the kitchen, not wanting to alert anyone who might be around to stop her, meaning Mrs Digby.

  When Ruby came back downstairs a half-hour later, her mom was still talking on the phone, but this time to Marjorie Humbert. Ruby knew this because Sabina had her on speaker so she could at the same time paint her toes. Marjorie’s rich voice squawked out of the tinny box.

  ‘I just hope that forest fire doesn’t head this way.’

  ‘What forest fire?’ said Sabina.

  ‘Oh, you haven’t heard? Clover Canyon has caught and people are worrying it’s going to reach Great Bear, but it seems to be heading north-west so Twinford should be safe.’

  ‘Well, that’s a relief,’ said Sabina. ‘This house has been razed to the ground once already. I’m not sure I could go through that again.’

  ‘No,’ said Marjorie sympathetically, ‘and it would be such a shame if the perfume launch was cancelled.’

  Ruby went back upstairs to the living room and got comfortable. She liked to have the whole room to herself, and now if she was lucky she could settle into an hour of uninterrupted reading before Clancy stopped by. She was sure he would since he was probably dodging his father, not wanting to give him the bad news about his French test.