Fighting for Us (Love is Worth Fighting For Book 1)

by Bella Emy

  “Hi, pretty girl,” he says, smiling at her, then takes a pull from his beer.

  “Gia! Come, sweetheart. It’s time!” my mother calls from the kitchen.

  “Oh, boy! I have to go now! Bye, Daddy! Bye, Uncle Maxy!”

  She races out of the living room before either of us has a chance to say good-bye.

  My brother throws me a glance. “She’s full of excitement. She’s something special, that one.” He chuckles.

  “Yeah, she is,” I say, expressionless, then take another swig.

  Max raises an eyebrow. “So you wanna tell me what’s been eating at you, man?”

  “Huh?”

  He smirks, unpleased. “Don’t huh me, man. What’s been going on with you? You’ve been a bump on a log all freaking day.”

  I shrug.

  “Come on, Enz. Don’t make me come over there and beat it out of you.”

  His threat is the first thing that makes me chuckle all damn day, but I’m not amused at all. I’m feeling pretty miserable and down.

  “Yeah, like that would ever happen,” I reply. Shrugging again, I say, “Remember how I said there was something I would be telling you?”

  Maybe now’s a good a time as ever to let him know about Carissa. Except now, there’s a sad ending.

  Because she won’t pick up or return any of my calls.

  Because she won’t text me back.

  Because she’s been ignoring me ever since she took off yesterday morning.

  Damn, what did I do wrong? One minute, we were both having a great time, enjoying one another—and I know for a fact she was enjoying it—and the next, she can’t leave my house fast enough.

  I’m going to regret telling him the first part because I know he’s going to pick on me. But maybe, just maybe, when he hears the rest of it, he’ll end up feeling sorry for my pathetic ass. Maybe.

  Max has never really taken it easy on me, so I guess we’ll see.

  He nods.

  “That chick you thought I was staring at?”

  “The one with the amazing lips and eyes from the bar that night?”

  I chuckle to myself. “Yeah, her.”

  His eyes widen, and I definitely have his full attention.

  “Well, I kept bumping into her… so much so, I saved her one night from her ass of an ex.”

  He chuckles. “Ha, no shit?”

  “Yeah. Anyway, we got to talking, and we ended up seeing one another for a bit.”

  He almost chokes on his beer. “You’re joking, right?”

  “Nah, man. I’m serious.”

  “And you never told me till now? You ass!”

  I shrug. “Yeah, well, that’s not all of it.”

  “Oh, so what’s up? And why the hell are you so down about it? That chick was gorgeous. You should be on cloud nine right now.”

  I let out a deep sigh. “Well, I was… up until yesterday.”

  He furrows his brows.

  Do I tell him all about our little evening together?

  Hmm, maybe I’ll skip the juicy parts. Those are only for me… and my memory now because she’s gone.

  Damn, she’s gone. The realization hits me hard. I really thought things were going so well. I really thought things were progressing and going somewhere.

  I thought she could be the one.

  The one to save me from my misery.

  The one to help me understand that life doesn’t have to end when a loved one dies.

  It’s hard to keep holding on to someone who is no longer there.

  “Bro, I couldn’t even tell you if I wanted to. One minute everything is going so well, and the next, she’s in a rush to leave. I don’t know what I did or didn’t do to make her so upset.”

  He places a hand underneath his chin. “Well, are you sure she’s upset with you? If you’re saying you have no idea why, then maybe she’s not.”

  I shake my head. “She’s never ghosted me before. She won’t answer or return any of my calls, and she won’t text me back. I don’t know what to do.” I bring my head down into my hands and drive my fingers through my hair.

  “Something doesn’t sound right. Have you tried going to see her?” he asks.

  I lift my head back up and look over at him. “I mean, should I? Yeah, I’ve thought about it, but if she’s ignoring me, should I really be going to her house? I don’t know, man. Maybe I should just forget it. Maybe this is what I get for trying to move forward with my life. I’m not meant to be happy again. My time came and went when Sylvia passed.” I bring my head back down into my hands. I feel tears forming behind my eyes. How can my life be this way?

  “Dude, are you kidding me? Hey, look at me, Enz.”

  I move my head back up slowly and meet his gaze. I know he sees my watery eyes, but I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold the tears at bay.

  “Do you honestly think you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life alone because Sylvia passed away, way too soon?”

  I shrug my shoulders. I want to look away, but Max’s stare won’t let me go.

  He shakes his head. “No, Lorenzo. That’s not how it’s supposed to go. This is not how your story ends. You’re entitled to be happy and find happiness… for you and Gianna. Don’t you think she deserves a mother in her life? Sure, she’s got Mom and Marianna as mother figures, but I can guarantee you, she’s missing a mom, you know?”

  “I get that, but what am I supposed to do? Shit didn’t work out, and honestly, it’s probably better this way.” I wipe at my eyes before tears fall onto my cheeks. “It wouldn’t be fair to Sylvia for me to just move on.”

  “Weren’t you the one who said it would be moving forward, not moving on? You’re always going to love Sylvia, no matter what. She was your wife. She was everything to you.”

  He’s right, but now I don’t want to hear any more. I stand.

  “Nope, sit your ass back down. I’m not finished. We’re going to talk about this.”

  I let out a deep breath and sit back down, across from him on the opposite couch.

  “Look, bro. What about what’s fair to you, Enz? What about your happiness? Don’t you think Sylvia would want you to be happy and live a happy life above anything else? You falling in love and being with someone who makes you happy would be the thing your wife would want the most—even if she’s no longer here. Trust me, I knew Sylvia. We were close; you know that. I can tell you she loved you so freaking much. She would absolutely want you and Gianna to be happy.”

  There’s no doubt in my mind he’s one hundred and fifty percent right. He knew Sylvia almost better than I knew her myself. They had a great brother-in-law–sister-in-law bond, and he’s right. Of course she’d want me to be happy.

  I shake my head back and forth. “Yeah, I know. She would want that. But what do I do now? Carissa wants nothing to do with me.”

  “Enz, do you love her?”

  I shrug.

  Max chuckles for only a second before saying, “Nope. That’s not going to work. You either do or you don’t. There’s no in between. If you’re not there yet, then you don’t right now, but if you are, it’s a yes.”

  I don’t say anything. I just stare at my brother dumbfoundedly, not knowing how to answer.

  He scratches his head and drains the rest of his beer. “I’m going to ask you one last time, and you’re going to give me a straight answer… or else.”

  I furrow my brows. “Or else what? Since when do you threaten me?”

  “Since I know what’s best for you, big bro.”

  I smirk at him, shaking my head.

  “Enz?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Lorenzo?”

  I grimace. “Yes, Massimo?”

  “Lorenzo Trevano?”

  I let out an annoyed breath. “Oh my God, dude! What?!”

  He laughs. “Just wanted to make sure I have your attention.”

  “Yeah, yeah. You got it. Now, what the hell do you want?”

  “Do you love Carissa
? Yes or no?”

  I take a moment to ponder his question. By no means is it a simple one, but the answer is so obvious. I’ve known it for a while.

  “I do.” I give him my most serious expression, letting him know I’m sure of my decision.

  He nods. “I knew it. I could tell by the way you were talking about her. I sensed it. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have even asked you in the first place, but I wanted you to realize it yourself.”

  “Yeah, man. I knew. I know. But it’s too late. She won’t talk to me.”

  He adjusts his collar. “It’s never too late when you love someone. It’s always worth fighting for them. Till the very end. Like you fought for Sylvia for so long. Until she couldn’t hold on any longer.”

  I take a deep breath. His words ring so much truth. I had fought for Sylvia until she couldn’t hold on any longer. I stayed with her and loved her until the very end. I prayed and prayed, hoping for a miracle that never came. In the end, I had to let her go. She was suffering and in pain, so in a way, her passing brings a sense of peace. As much as it killed me to let her go and move forward, it’s good to know she’s no longer suffering and hurting like she was before.

  “Okay, so now what?” I ask.

  A smile pulls across his face from ear to ear. “Now, you’re going to do exactly as I tell you, and win her over the old-fashioned way.”

  “The old-fashioned way?”

  “That’s right. Now, pay attention.”

  Chapter Twenty

  Carissa

  I swing my legs over the bed and insert my feet into the pink plush slippers I received from Emy for Christmas. They’re soft and warm and perfect for this chilly day.

  As I rise from my bed, I grab the polka dotted robe I got from Daniela and wrap myself around in it. This, too, is perfect for the chill in the air. I think today is supposed to hit the low twenties. Snow is a definite possibility.

  I head out of the bedroom and walk into the bathroom. I almost scare myself when I take in my reflection in the mirror above the sink. My hair is tangled, my eyes are red and puffy, and right underneath them, dark heavy luggage has aged me ten years. Jesus. I look like a damn monster.

  After using the bathroom, I head toward the kitchen. I desperately need some coffee. It was a long night of tossing and turning and not being able to relax, hence why I look the way I feel this morning.

  I go grab a mug from the cabinet to make myself a double shot of coffee and almost drop it at the sound of the doorbell ringing.

  My eyes dart to the time on the microwave: six forty-five. Who the hell wants to die, ringing my bell before seven in the morning? I grunt, place the mug onto the counter, and head to the intercom.

  I push the white button to talk. “Who is it?”

  “Who is it? Who are you expecting?! Open up, wench! I’m freezing!”

  Shit. Is it Tuesday already? I’ve lost track of the days.

  I press the red button on the intercom to unlock the building. Two minutes later, there’s knocking on my door.

  “Woman! You left me outside long enough. Did you want frozen coffee? You could’ve told me. I would’ve picked that up instead at Dunkin’.” Shannon walks in with a bag of food and a tray of coffee. She makes her way to the kitchen and places it onto the table.

  I totally forgot about our Tuesday morning ritual because I didn’t even remember it was Tuesday.

  She takes out bagels and cream cheese from the brown paper bag, and as she does, she gives me a once-over.

  She raises an eyebrow and stops unbagging. “Damn, Cariss… You look like you got hit by a truck.” She removes her coat and places it behind her chair.

  “I might as well have,” I say, slipping into one of the chairs at the table.

  “Did you sleep at all? You forgot I was coming over, didn’t you?”

  I shrug. “Barely.”

  “Good thing I picked up breakfast this morning or you’d starve me. Here. You need this.” She hands me a cup of coffee.

  “Thanks.”

  She sits on one of the chairs next to me and grabs a bagel from the six she brought. She reaches into the bag and picks out a plastic knife and then starts spreading the cream cheese.

  “You should probably get some food in your system too,” she says as she takes a sip of her coffee.

  I finally lift my eyes to look at her. “I’m not really hungry.”

  Shannon shakes her head and takes a bite of her bagel. “I knew you were going to say that. You wanna tell me what’s up? Did you run into Steve again?” She puts her bagel onto her plate and dusts her hands. “Fuck, you did, didn’t you?” She pulls out her cell phone from her pocket. “Let me call Emerson. Did you tell Lorenzo?”

  I shake my head fiercely as I place my cup down. I wave my hands at her. “No, stop. I didn’t run into Steve. I haven’t seen him since that night.”

  Since that night when Lorenzo saved me.

  Damn, I miss him so much. It’s been two days—or is it three now—and not talking to him or seeing him is making me crazy. It’s been so hard not to answer his calls or respond to any of his text messages. My fingers get itchy and want to reply.

  But I can’t. I know I can’t. I know I have to stay away and let go of him.

  Even if it is breaking my heart.

  I never thought I’d feel this way about him when we first met. I can’t believe how easily I fell for him.

  He made it so easy to love him.

  He made it so easy to fall in love with him.

  I reach out and touch her hand. “Put your phone down, Shannon.”

  She looks at me, unsure of what to do. “You’re scaring me, Carissa. Are you feeling all right? Are you sick?”

  Yeah, I’m sick. I’m suffering of a broken heart. “No, I’m not sick. Lorenzo and I… we just didn’t—”

  Her eyes widen just a little bit. “You broke up with him?”

  It’s funny to me how she knows I’m the one who ended it. Of course I did. I’m Carissa Rodgers, and I’m not capable of keeping a relationship.

  I get scared.

  I run away.

  It’s what I do, and I know it.

  When I don’t answer her, she takes a sip from her coffee and then responds. “Jesus, Cariss. Why would you do that? He was such a good guy… wasn’t he?”

  The best.

  “I don’t know.” I shrug and copy her by drinking some coffee. The piping-hot liquid is exactly what I need right now, and it tastes so good. She always goes to my favorite bakery in town to get me this coffee. Their bagels are amazing too. By now, I would have already scarfed down two. And their muffins and other baked treats? They’re to die for.

  “You don’t know? Did he do something to piss you off? Or you just don’t like him anymore?”

  Like him? That’s not even a question. I love Lorenzo, but she doesn’t know that. And I’m trying desperately to get over him. That’s why I’m ducking his calls.

  She takes another bite of her bagel, and now my stomach is growling, but I don’t think I’m hungry. I think I’m feeling sick over the end of my time with Lorenzo.

  I shake my head. “He didn’t do anything.”

  She looks at me with a scowl. “So you pushed him away just because you felt like it? You got scared and needed a way out?”

  I shrug. “Something like that.”

  I don’t dare tell her about what I saw. Not yet anyway.

  “Carissa!” she scolds.

  “What?”

  “You don’t push people away because you chicken out, especially when they’re good to you. What’s wrong with you? Don’t you want to move on from the past and enjoy your life?”

  Easy for her to say. Shannon’s got an amazing man. Fiancé. Whatever.

  When I don’t respond, she throws her hands onto the table and rises from her seat. She grabs her coat and puts it on. “Forget this.”

  “You’re leaving?” I ask, watching her put her arms through the sleeves.

  She final
ly meets my gaze and throws her purse over her shoulder. “Yes, I’m leaving. You want to be miserable, fine. Be miserable. I’m not going to sit here and watch you wallow in your own misery three years after Steve left you. I’m done feeling sorry for you and letting you waste your life on a piece of shit who didn’t deserve you. He never did. Now you wanna go and throw away something good you had with Lorenzo? Whatever, that’s on you. I’m not sitting here anymore. I’m—”

  “He was Sylvia’s husband!” I finally blurt. I can’t take her blaming all of this on me. It’s not completely my fault for sending him away. I have my reasons.

  And the look on her face right now tells me I made the right choice by walking away.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Lorenzo

  I haven’t bothered going back home. I mean, what’s even the point? Gianna loves staying at Nonna’s house. She hasn’t wanted to leave; she’s having too much fun with my parents and her aunt and uncle. I can’t blame her. She’s the only kid, so they spoil her to no end.

  Sure, I could leave her here and return home, maybe even get back to the gym and work out, but I haven’t been in the mood lately. Ever since everything happened with Carissa, I haven’t felt like doing much of anything, and going home would be a definite reminder of the night we spent together.

  The way she felt in my arms.

  The way she smelled like lavender.

  The way she tasted like candy canes and heaven.

  Fuck, I miss her. I wish she’d answer my calls.

  I pull out my cell phone and look through it, checking to see if I missed a text from her or anything.

  I’ve been the only one doing any texting here, and these are only the ones I’ve sent since last night. There are more from the previous couple of days. I’m going to reread them to see if I could have better said anything else.

  Me: Hey, Carissa. How are you?

  Me: I miss you.

  Me: Carissa, are you there?

  Me: I’m sorry.