“No, it’s—” he paused and looked around the room. “Alright, how about this? We go upstairs together. The bed is big enough that you have nothing to worry about with me.”
Ouch.
I realized that he was just trying to be a gentleman, but him saying that weirdly felt like a rejection. I didn't know where I was in my feelings about it. On a night like this, the last thing on my mind was anything sexual happening between us. I wasn't sure why we hadn't had the bed-sharing conversation earlier. This place had five bedrooms, but before coming down here to fall asleep on the couch, why hadn't he at least tried to suggest us sharing a bed earlier?
Everything that had happened with Paul had broken my brain in some way. Here I was wondering why a guy who was still technically a stranger hadn't tried to sleep in the same bed with me. I was going to say with some confidence that probably had nothing to do with me. He was just avoiding an awkward situation and maybe I should have been more thankful for that. I didn't want to be alone though.
“Okay, fine.” I was spending the night with Toby, but not in that way. It was a big bed and neither of us wanted to be uncomfortable or cold tonight. We would sleep on opposite sides and use separate blankets, it would be fine. On top of that, we would be fully dressed. We had called a truce earlier anyway so there was no way either of us were going back on our word.
Wait a minute, why was I so worried? I knew that he was attracted to me. Just because nothing happened after that one night didn't mean that given another chance, he wouldn't do the same thing.
Jesus Christ, stop, just stop. My thoughts were racing so fast they were crashing into each other. My fear had somehow gotten wrapped up in my apparent complex about being attracted to Toby. I was a mess. All I wanted was to get off this damn mountain. I just needed to survive the night, that was going to be the hard part.
9
Toby
We stood side-by-side, looking at the bed like it was likely to get up and walk away. The awkwardness was back. If it wasn’t pleasant, at least it was familiar.
Why had I agreed to come up here again?
Because she was spooked after watching a bad horror movie. Yeah, that was the reason… nothing else.
Seriously.
She wasn’t just here because she wanted a way to get me in the bed with her. I had been trying to avoid this but I could have suggested it, to begin with. Instead I opted to go downstairs because I knew how uncomfortable I would have been trying to sleep while fighting off thoughts of being with her.
It wasn’t like I was getting that much sleep downstairs. It wasn’t cold, it wasn’t uncomfortable, I just couldn’t sleep. I was distracted and I was mad. I didn’t want to be here and there were layers to that sentiment. I didn’t like feeling trapped, I didn’t like having to wait for someone else to get me out of here and I didn’t like who my roommate was.
We had talked it out… a little at least but the resolution still wasn’t satisfactory.
“I’ll go to the bathroom,” I said, breaking the silence. I went into the room and sighed, facing my reflection. The light from the candles cast weird shadows over my face making me look like something out of the horror movie we had watched earlier. The supposed culprit for Maggie’s discomfort sleeping alone.
I wasn’t saying she was lying. I was being cynical but I didn’t believe her all the way. Who actually got spooked watching shitty movies like those?
Whatever.
I turned the faucet on and cupped my hands under the stream. I splashed it on my face. I waited a little bit then walked into the bedroom. She had arranged the bed into two distinct sides, hers and mine with separate pillows and covers. She was still awake as I got into my side.
“Goodnight,” I said.
“Goodnight.”
Some time passed. I stared up at the ceiling and some more time passed. I couldn’t sleep downstairs and I couldn’t do it here either.
I wasn't sure how long I had been up here, but I was going to ask to estimate ten maybe twenty minutes had passed. We had set up our bed and said goodnight and I thought that was going to be it. Not that the couch downstairs was more or less comfortable, since I hadn't been able to get to sleep there, but up here, I was about ready to call it a day and stop trying.
This whole trip had been full of firsts but at no point in my life did I see myself sleeping in the same bed platonically with a woman that I had had a one-night stand with. It wasn't part of my M.O and just seemed like a bad idea in general.
Yeah, bad idea, when I was the one who had suggested it.
We were as far apart from each other as possible in the large bed, but that didn't stop me from being intensely aware of her. Despite the distance and the fact that she was physically too far away for me to feel her, I still did.
It was not lost on me that this was the fulfillment of the fantasies I had been having about her since our night together. I just wanted to be with her again, have that same kind of access to her that I had been given the night we had sex and technically I did, even though I didn’t.
We were together, she was right there next to me, but we were not supposed to do anything about it. I respected that, but then we were together in the same bed. It was going to be a little bit hard, not to mention creepy if I rubbed one out thinking about her.
I had never been in this situation before and I resented it a little bit. The fact that I had nobody to blame but myself made it worse. I rolled onto my side, the side where she wasn't, and closed my eyes to force myself to sleep. Wasn't that weird? In order to fall asleep, first, you had to pretend to be asleep.
My mind meandered aimlessly from thought to thought until I got too tired to try and open my eyes again.
It was so warm. The snow was coming down, but I couldn't feel it. I really should have been feeling it, since I was naked. It was this nice, soft, drift of tiny, cute snowflakes, not like what was actually coming down outside.
“What are you looking at?”
“Huh?”
She was sitting there, a few feet ahead of me in a giant, bubbling hot tub. That meant she was… oh yeah, she definitely was. I could tell even though the water covered her breasts. I could make out those light pink nipples under the water. Those breasts were award-winning, top of the line. Some of the best I had ever seen.
“I said, what are you looking at? Are you just going to stand there?”
Maggie, naked and soaking wet in a hot tub wanted me to join her, hell yeah, I was going in. The snow crunched under my feet as I went over to the hot tub and stepped inside.
“That’s better, isn’t it?” she cooed, sliding up to me.
It was more than better, it felt like paradise. I didn't wait. I kissed her. She was soft and receptive which is how I knew that it wasn't real. The real Maggie would never let me see her naked again, not on purpose anyway. She had gotten everything she wanted from me that night and she was done. It wasn’t fair man. What I would give for one more night, but I knew it wasn’t going to happen. I didn't care though, if I could have her like this while I was dreaming, then I was going to be doing a lot more sleeping.
She got on top of my lap and straddled me. Running her fingers through my hair, she opened her mouth to my exploration. In my dream, she lowered her hands in the water and touched my cock. My flesh and blood cock responded.
Maggie and my dream was, well, she was the woman of my dreams. In my dreams, I didn't have to hold back from everything that I wanted us to do together. She wasn't pushing me away, instead, she was beckoning me forward. Instead of telling me a million reasons why this shouldn't happen, she was showing me all the multitude of ways that it could be a good time.
I rolled over to the other side and touched something. It both did and didn't register that it was her. I knew it was her body because logically, what else could it be, but even with that knowledge, I didn't care and wrapped an arm around her. I pulled her in, and felt my erection nestle against her ass.
It was warm and
comfortable and it felt natural. I knew I wasn't the only one who felt it. She stirred in my arms, flipping around so that her face was against my chest. I felt her throw a leg over me. I opened my eyes. Cuddling and fully torqued, I looked at Maggie in my arms.
She looked so beautiful that the multitude of filthy things I wanted to do to her actually fucked with me a little bit. I watched her; she wasn't as deeply asleep as I thought. Maybe it was my eyes on her that got her awake, but slowly, her eyes opened and she oriented herself in the bed. When we made eye contact, she looked a little bit surprised, but she didn't pull away like I imagined she would.
For a long time, well, it felt like a long time, I did nothing but watch her. I looked at her and didn't move so that she could move first if that was what she wanted to do. I wanted to give her a chance to go so she could get up and tell me to fuck off back to the couch downstairs.
She didn't.
“Are you awake?” I asked, just to make sure, but also for my sake. That dream felt so real I got an erection from it.
“I am now. You woke me.”
“Sorry,” I said.
“That’s okay.”
We didn’t move for a little bit but it didn’t feel uncomfortable. The build-up of the tension was hot. I felt like I had her but one wrong move and I would mess it up. I had to take the leap to find out whether I was right. I took a deep breath and threw caution to the wind.
I pulled her in a little bit closer then slowly lowered my lips so that they met hers. Her actions so far had encouraged me, but I was still cautious about her pulling away. Instead, she moaned and tightened her grip on me.
I imagined that I wouldn’t be able to survive something like that. In some sectors of my imagination, I thought that if the two of us had really made a deal not to sleep together and she had come on to me, I would be able to tell her no. Turned out, it was a lie. I was powerless against her.
I rolled us over so that I was on top of her and began shedding our clothes. I thought I was stronger than this but I didn’t care anymore. I wanted this more than I wanted to be right.
10
Maggie
So maybe sleeping in all my clothes hadn’t been the best idea. I wasn’t wearing a lot of layers but they couldn’t come off fast enough. I wrestled my pants off as he stood on the bed to get his clothes off. The room was warm even without clothes on. I was going to be sweating soon anyway so it didn’t matter. It was inevitable, wasn’t it? It was literally just a matter of time before we ended up like this. I was almost embarrassed by how much I wanted him.
It felt so good to give in. It was work, actual work to say no to him because everything in my body was saying the opposite. Our clothes flew through the air until finally there was enough of both of us exposed to get the job done. I was already panting. I knew I looked ravenous and wild, and I was. He got down on the bed between my legs.
“Are you okay?” he asked hastily. His hand was between his legs, stroking his cock which was already hard.
“Yes.”
“I don’t have any condoms,” he said. Neither did I. I didn’t carry them around since I hadn’t been sexually active in years, not to mention sex was the last thing I had expected on a trip like this.
“Don’t come inside me,” I said. He entered me immediately and the shock caught me off guard, even though I was expecting it. His first, smooth hard stroke completely took over my whole body. My head fell back on the pillow and I closed my eyes.
He didn't start slow, and he wasn't gentle either. It was exactly what I wanted. Sharp, hard, quick strokes surged through me. I lost myself to my sensations, letting my mind completely empty out. The two of us here, having frantic, amazing sex were the only things in my reality. It felt so good to not have to think. To not have to check myself and make sure I was crossing a line. I didn't want to be scared of him. Why would I when things like this happened?
My hand went down between my legs and I stroked my clit as he fucked me. I heard him egging me on, or maybe that wasn’t what he was doing, I was barely sensible of anything happening around us. It worked though because suddenly I was coming, convulsively, my walls pulsing around his cock.
His weight came down on top of me as he thrusted even faster. I heard his strangled moan as he quickly pulled out and finally released all over my stomach. He was still for several seconds and then he rolled over onto the bed by my side.
Besides his heavy breathing, the room was completely silent. The energy seemed to shift as we came down from our highs. Before, the tension between us seemed to make the air in the room electric, but now that it was all over, it was still. It wasn't just still though; Stillness I could deal with. I felt something else. I felt distance.
Toby got up suddenly and walked to the bathroom. I heard him taking a piss and then I heard the sink as he washed his hands. He walked back into the room and handed me some wadded up toilet paper to clean up the mess.
“That was a mistake.”
Ouch. Talk about things you didn't want to hear in bed.
“I'm sorry?”
“That should not have happened. I should have known that if we were in the same bed, I wouldn't be able to hold myself back.”
“You know, I was here too.”
“I know that.”
“I could have stopped you.”
“I know you could, but I didn't want you to, and you didn't either.”
“That means both of us were complicit. Don’t talk about it like you acted alone,” I said, feeling a little defensive. I didn’t care to fight him but my feelings were hurt and I was being combative.
“Yeah, and look where it got us. I never should have come up here,” he said, scooping his clothes up and getting dressed again.
Double ouch.
I had had some uncomfortable sex in my life, but this was fucking bad. A man I was incredibly attracted to was standing there telling me how much he regretted what we had just been done together. I didn't think there was any way it could get lower. It felt like something heavy sitting in my stomach.
So it was a mistake. I didn’t see why he had to act like it was the end of the world. The fact that my feelings on the matter were so different from his was also chaffing.
“So now what?” I asked.
“I'll go downstairs. You’ll be fine up here,” he said. Well, it looked like the hits were just going to keep coming. I lay back in the bed and tried not to pay attention to him as he got dressed, grabbed a few lights, and finally left the room.
I felt like I could cry, but I almost didn't want to, as if he was still in the room and could see me. It felt foolish to cry because I had walked into the situation knowing that this would be the end. No, I wasn't thinking, that was the point. I hadn't stopped to consider what this part of the interaction would look like and now I knew.
I closed my eyes and wished that I could fall asleep already. I was so embarrassed, but I was thankful that nobody was there to see me.
My body woke me up in the morning. I was alone, predictably. Toby hadn’t decided to surprise me during the night and come back to apologize for making me feel two feet tall last night. Immediately, the memory of what took place last night came flooding back. I pushed the shame away and got out of bed to clean up. I took my time in the shower and got changed. I didn't take time because I wanted to treat myself, it was more because I knew Toby was downstairs and I would have to face him again.
But oh well, couldn't avoid him forever.
I went down the stairs and found the living room empty. He was in the kitchen already started on breakfast. I thought about saying hello to him but didn’t, because I didn't want to and I knew he wasn't losing anything by not hearing from me. I went to the living room and searched for my phone. Doing it, I caught a glance out the glass doors to what was happening outside.
Snow. Still. It was coming down and had come down all night by the looks of it. Perfect. It wasn’t as heavy, but did it even matter anymore?
I looked
at my phone. It was down to only half the battery power which was going to become a problem if this continued. I had a text message from Missy.
Snow is really heavy. Plows can’t make it out.
I called her. Her message was clear, even though it was short but I really wanted to hear someone else's voice. We were so cut off from reality, I was beginning to lose my perspective on real life. Being in the middle of this mess, it was hard to see the forest for the trees.
“Hello?”
“Missy? Hey, I just saw your message.”
“I wish there was more we could do. We've been trying to get the team out there, but even though we've secured some plows, there is no way that they're going to get to you before tomorrow. And that's being optimistic.”
My heart just sank. More and more time out here in the wilderness with Toby. That was just what I wanted.
“Are you sure?”
“We've tried everything. I know you must be going crazy being stuck up there, but you have supplies right? It's not going to be much longer. We're doing everything that we can.”
“I know you are Missy, that wasn't why I was asking. I guess I'm just going a little stir-crazy.” This would have been a perfect time to admit to her everything that had happened with Toby so far, but I found myself hesitating. I didn't want to have the conversation on the phone, but at the same time, I felt a little bit of fear over what she would say to me. She didn't know about the one-night stand which was bad enough, so anything else would be absolutely salacious.
I had a feeling that I could trust her not to judge me even though judgment, very harsh and very swift was what I deserved. I was fooling around in ways that I knew I was going to regret, for what? A little bit of satisfaction? An orgasm or two here and there?
Wasn’t worth it.
I could hear Missy being empathetic while telling me off at the same time in her British accent.
Admit You Need Me: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Irresistible Billionaires Book 4) Page 7