“I'll have updates for you whenever they're ready.”
I thanked her again and then ended the call.
Walking back into the kitchen, I felt like I was in trouble with my parents and was about to go and get my punishment. These levels of stress had to be hazardous to my health. This was a shocking new low and I was ashamed to have reached it. Toby was spooning scrambled eggs onto a couple of plates. He ignored me so I thought about making the first move.
“I just got off the phone with Missy.” He grunted and didn't look up. I cleared my throat.
“She said that they're doing all that they can, and they already have some plows heading out here, but since the snow keeps falling, they're kind of fighting a losing battle and nothing can really happen until tomorrow.”
He still said nothing, grabbing his plate and sitting down to eat.
Well.
I wasn't sure what I had been expecting after last night, but the silent treatment surely was not it. If he wanted to be angry at someone, it needed to be whoever was in charge of making snow fall down from the sky, not me.
I didn't want to be here anymore than he did and you know what? We probably could have made it down off this mountain before the snow got this bad if he fucking tried. The day the blizzard started, we could have probably gotten off the mountain if he stayed on the road instead of chickening out.
I grabbed my plate and went to the living room to eat.
I was supposed to be on vacation. We were working, of course, but I was supposed to be at a luxury resort for the first time in my life, enjoying things I couldn’t ordinarily afford and being pampered. How was I supposed to know that he would have the same idea as I had, coming out here to the cabin instead of going straight to the resort? I knew at this point that it had been a bad idea, but this punishment was starting to feel excessive.
I stood at the glass doors looking outside as I ate. The snow was actually very beautiful, it was a shame it was the one thing in my life that was turning everything upside down right now.
I started walking back to the kitchen with my empty plate when I heard a voice. Toby, he was on the phone. Whoever was on the other side of the line was making him very upset since he was on the brink of yelling. I slowed down and stopped right before I walked in.
“I’m asking you to fly in, not drive. Helicopters don’t need the road,” he was saying. He wanted to get a helicopter out here. Good. What good was his wealth if he couldn’t throw his weight around to get stuff done?
“How long is it going to take?” he asked. “I said, how long is it going to take?”
I flinched. He was mad mad. I started feeling a little awkward. This was bad but was it that bad? We were technically comfortable, and I wanted to be gone as much as he did but… was this about me?
“What do you mean three to four days? How long does it take to move some damn snow?” he demanded.
Got it, loud and clear. He couldn’t wait to be gone and it was killing him being here with me. that was why I got the silent treatment earlier. He couldn’t even bear to look at me. I didn’t know what to do, go in there to put my dishes away or leave him alone. I started backing away.
“I said, how much do you want? How much is it going to take to get my results today? I want the chopper out here by this afternoon. How much is it going to take?” I heard him ask as I rounded back into the living room.
Did this even count as a rejection? Nothing was going on between us in the first place, what did it matter? I didn’t particularly like him either and I wanted out too. This way, we’d both get what we wanted. I felt my chest tighten and I couldn’t see straight anymore. Oh my god, were those tears? Ew, gross, I could not cry over this. I couldn’t. I was not going to cry over something a one night stand from weeks ago thought about me.
Why did it hurt so much though? It didn’t help that this was coming right off of us having sex last night. He was cold as ice after that too so I should have seen something like this coming.
This was my fault. This was me taking things personally because I was letting myself go. I was taking the sex too seriously when letting it happen was a mistake in the first place. This was my fault and I could hardly feel bad about it now. For the rest of our time here, I had to avoid him. It was what he wanted and it was going to be what was best. Avoiding him until our rescue came through.
11
Toby
I held the phone to my ear and waited for our assistant at the office to pick up. Earlier I had told him to get in contact with people who could fly us out of here and I needed an update. His work was usually more important than getting me out of the snow but I was done. There was no way I could survive another day of this.
He picked up.
“Hello?”
“Robbie?”
“Yes sir?”
“Don’t yes sir me, I thought I asked you for results.”
“I was going to get in contact when I had something concrete.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“It means things are complicated, sir.”
“What do you mean it’s complicated?” I barked into the phone. I didn’t like the way that I sounded, but I wasn’t really in a position to care. I felt hot on the inside. I was burning up from rage and frustration.
Being in the Army had taught me that there was always a way to get things done. I hated it when other people didn’t show the same efficiency that I had cultivated in myself. Granted, maybe this wasn’t a typical situation. I wanted a helicopter out here and I wasn’t sure what the hold-up was. All I was getting was negatives.
“The weather conditions are not conducive for what you want us to do.”
“I’m asking you to fly in, not drive. Helicopters don’t need the road.”
“That’s true sir, but they do need somewhere to land. The snow has not stopped falling and likely won’t stop for a little while longer. On top of that, we would need time to dig you out before we can even get anywhere.”
You know what, I knew that he was right, I just hated that that was the case. I didn’t like what he was telling me even though it was the truth. He was telling me that I had to spend another who knew how many more days out here trapped. The situation could be worse, of course, the cabin had water and food and electricity, sort of, and was generally comfortable. My communication and connection to the outside world had not been severed yet. I was trying to see the best in the situation, but my mind kept circling back to my partner in this predicament. Maggie.
If I was alone, I would probably be a lot more cooperative. No, I knew that I wouldn’t care as much about being out here if I was alone. I’d use the time to relax, maybe work, just do something, anything since my mind wouldn’t be consumed by Maggie. I couldn’t act like it was her fault, but the fact that she was right there was making it very hard for me not to think about spending all our time having sex.
Spending the rest of the blizzard wrapped up in her was exactly what I wanted to do. It sounded like heaven. I had already slipped up once and I couldn’t do it again so having my biggest temptation right in front of me was not exactly an ideal situation.
“How long is it going to take?”
“I can’t give you an accurate estimate on that while the snow was still coming down.”
“I said, how long is it going to take?”
“If I had to throw a timeline out there, maybe three to four days?”
“What do you mean three to four days? How long does it take to move some damn snow?”
“Sir, the blizzard was already…”
“Unless you’re shoveling the snow with spoons, I don’t see why they should take longer than a day.”
“I’m sorry sir, but we’re doing the best we can with the situation at hand. The blizzard was already unprecedented and has continued for longer than expected. There isn’t much we can do besides wait it out and then deal with the consequences.”
“How much do you want?”
Silence.
“I beg your pardon?”
“I said, how much do you want? How much is it going to take to get my results today? I want the chopper out here by this afternoon. How much is it going to take?”
“Sir, we can't manipulate the weather. That is our main obstacle and until it clears, there is nothing we can do.”
I gritted my teeth. I knew how I sounded, trying to throw money at the problem to make it go away but I couldn't help it. I needed, needed to get out of here. I felt like any longer with Maggie in this cabin and I would self-destruct. I mean, I couldn't even last one night in the same bed with her after making the deal that we would be nothing but casual acquaintances. Once she got too close, I was powerless and the inevitable happened.
This was like an alcoholic saying that he could drink casually with his friends every Friday night. I could not do anything casually with Maggie. I couldn't be in this house with her casually, pretending that I didn't want to rip her clothes off. I couldn’t be one of her distant acquaintances who shared the same friend group. On some level, I understood that this weather event was going to take more than my money to solve itself, I just wasn't happy about that.
I was desperate for some other outcome and I was giving it everything I thought I had to change it.
“Well, I want speed with this. Keep me updated,” I barked at the poor guy on the other side of the line. There was nothing he could do besides wait for the weather to clear, exactly what I was doing here. The weather didn't care about the fact that I was dying trying to keep my hands and mind off of Maggie.
One more day, two more days, a full week like I had imagined?
I ended the call and walked out of the kitchen. Feeling restless, I walked into the living room, not realizing that Maggie was there. She was standing awkwardly by the doors that led out to the verandah. There was a plate in her hands so she had probably been eating her food while standing up which was odd. Why hadn’t she sat? Was she done with her food? Why hadn’t she taken the plate and cleaned up?
Oh, oh shit. Had she heard me on the phone?
How would you feel if the person who was your de-facto roommate for the next few days was on the phone finding a way to get away from you?
I wanted to walk up to her, but I stopped myself. What the hell was I going to tell her? It was true, I did want to get away from her, but it wasn’t for the reason she probably thought. I didn’t know how much I could stand, being there with her while trying not to touch her. I was the problem, not her. If I could find a way to be there and not want to jump her bones, then I would.
She wouldn’t want to be around me, and I didn’t want to try and make her hear me out.
If I couldn’t stay in the house, might as well get out of there. I went to the garage and turned the light on. My anger was best put to work as labor. I needed something to do so I wasn’t just sitting with these feelings in my chest. It would keep my mind off of her and work off some of that extra tension. I went inside to pack on some more layers then went back down to the garage. I found a shovel and decided to put my basic training to work.
The cars were almost completely covered. I decided to dig them out. The snowfall was light but constant. I couldn’t believe that this was happening. It was a joke and someone somewhere was laughing but I wasn’t. I moved shovel after shovel of snow, it didn’t look like it in the beginning but after a while, the fresh snow coming down was forming its own piles.
It was useless. The work that I was doing was undone in a matter of hours. I had nothing but time but that didn’t mean I enjoyed wasting it. I was sweating by the time I walked back inside. Not only was I tired from doing work that amounted to nothing after a little more snowfall but now that I wasn’t busy, my mind moved back to the woman inside who thought I hated her.
Was it even worth telling her the truth? I didn't hate her. This would have been so much easier if I did. I was avoiding her though. She drove me crazy and I didn't want to do anything else that made our relationship more complicated than it already was.
To lay it out for her, I'd have to start from the beginning, like literally my childhood. How did I even start that conversation?
You see, Maggie, there’s a reason why I’m like this and it all started because I watched my parents' relationship fall apart and my mother succumb to suicide.
Was that where I wanted to go with all this? If she had any questions, it would answer them, but I didn't want to get into it with her. It was messy and just because she knew where it came from and I knew where it came from didn’t mean it was going anywhere. This was for the best. Both of us were going to be protected this way, even though it was kind of hard at the moment.
Kind of hard was an understatement. I went upstairs and got cleaned up. Bracing myself, I headed back down for part two of whatever was in store for us today. I strolled into the kitchen and there was a plate on the kitchen counter. On it was the sandwich. Lunch.
That was considerate of her, especially since she heard me yelling on the phone about getting away from her. Even if she hated me at the moment, she liked me enough to make sure I wasn't hungry. I stood while eating it and poured myself some water. I threw a glance at the window; the snow was still coming down.
This was really it. It had taken a little while for reality to sink in, but it only just had. This was it for the foreseeable future. I was stuck and it was going to be someone else’s decision when that would end. I cleaned up after myself after lunch and then wandered out into the living room.
Maggie and I were going to be here for a little while longer and at the moment, even though she made me lunch, we were kind of on the outs. I wanted to make it up to her or else this was going to get old very fast. I started looking for her, beginning on the ground floor. The place was a pretty good size, with all the bedrooms upstairs. I imagined that it was meant for a very big extended family or multiple parties to live in at the same time.
Besides the kitchen and the living room downstairs, there was of course the garage that was accessible from inside, a bathroom and I stumbled upon what looked like a den. There was no TV like in the living room, but there was seating space and a shelf full of books and board games and toys.
I used to love board games. We used to play all the time when I was a kid. My first instinct of course would it be to go outside and find something to do, but when I couldn't, like when it was raining, my mother, father, and I would sit down and play together. When I was really young, they would let me win.
The good old days. I shook my head and stopped reminiscing because the good memories were always quickly overshadowed by the bad ones. A board game however sounded like a nice way to make peace with Maggie. Was she more of a Monopoly or a Scrabble person? I probably both and set off to find her. There was only one room on the ground floor that I had not checked out, the little study cum library. The way the cabin was decked out, it made me wonder whether there was somebody who lived here more full-term rather than just a vacation spot.
Maggie was curled up in the armchair reading a book. There was a blanket over her but I could feel how cold the room was. I walked in and I could see her trying her hardest not to pay attention to me.
“Hey,” I said, not sure whether there was a better approach.
“Hi,” she said shortly. “I left you some food in the kitchen.”
“I know, I saw it. Thank you. You okay in here?”
“Yup.” I stood there as she fidgeted under the blanket.
“It’s freezing in here, let's go into the living room.”
“No need. I'm okay.”
Think about it, she would rather sit in here with a book that she wasn't even reading, freezing her ass off than go into the living room to be warm with you.
“I found some board games, how about we play?” I asked. She sighed and looked over at me.
“You sure?”
“Yeah, I mean it’s freezing in here.”
“I can turn the heat on in the bedroom and ha
ng out there.” No. What she was offering would be a way for us to avoid each other but it felt childish and I didn’t want her thinking I wanted her gone.
“No, let’s go.”
12
Maggie
How did you imagine your first-ever luxury vacation experience, Maggie? Playing Scrabble with your first one-night stand after a multiple year-long dry spell?
You see, a situation like that wouldn't even be so bad. I wasn’t calling myself a victim because if this was suffering then I didn’t have it bad. My situation was worse because we were stuck in this house together and he didn't want to be here. He was ready to spend exorbitant sums of money to be somewhere else.
I wasn't that sure why it was affecting me so much. I mean, I wanted to be out of here too, maybe it was just the fact that he sounded so angry. He sounded almost desperate to get away from here which meant getting away from me. I knew that things hadn't really gone to plan, and then they had completely gone off the rails when the two of us ended up sleeping together, but it still hurt my feelings a little bit.
My feelings around him didn’t make sense. I resented that he wanted to leave so bad but I wanted to be out of here just as much. I wanted us to keep having sex but I was afraid of falling for him. I wanted to get over the spell that Paul had put on my love life but I was too afraid to fall for anyone again.
My thoughts gave me a headache.
Among my many problems, I wanted the fact that he didn't want to be around me to hurt my feelings. It was none of my business what he wanted. Why was I so bad at this? No matter what, I thought about what he wanted and whether he was comfortable and I swear to God this was how I ended up staying with Paul for such a long time. I thought I had gotten over that programming. I wasn’t supposed to let the feelings and comfort of others override my self-care.
“I'm okay right here,” I said to him.
“Okay,” he said. He plopped the boxes on the little table next to my chair and looked for somewhere to sit. My eyes widened. I didn’t mean that as an invitation for him to come here and sit with me. The point of coming here was making sure we didn’t cross paths. The damn cabin was big enough to make sure it didn’t have to happen often. He wanted to be away from me, right? He pulled the other chair up and sat.
Admit You Need Me: A Secret Pregnancy Romance (Irresistible Billionaires Book 4) Page 8