by Mary Ting
“We’re meeting at the library at seven,” he continued. “I promise to behave. And by the way, my name is Grayson.” He winked and left.
I stared at his cool swagger, his jeans and T-shirt molding so nicely to his body. Girls from nearby tables watched him walk out the door. And I was thinking of Lucas again. Why the hell was I feeling guilty for lusting over a guy’s body? Lucas kissed Caroline, I reminded myself again.
“I don’t blame you. He’s so fine. So yummy. Say yes, or I’ll attend the group study for you.”
I spun to Gus, practically breathing down my neck, drooling was more like it. I had wondered about Gus, but that removed my uncertainty about his romantic preferences.
“By the way, I love your shorts with those shoes,” he added, checking out my ass.
I patted the rhinestones adorning the back pockets thinking it all made sense. “Thanks. I love them, too.”
Gus went back to attending the customers, and a frown replaced my smile when Lucas’s fraternity pledges gave me a knowing grin. I gasped when the three of them got down on their knees and started to sing loud and clear.
I’m sorry Cammy. For hurting you. You are the love of my life. I’m such a fool. Please take me back. For I love you still. My heart dies a little bit more every second we are apart. I can’t breathe without you. I can’t live without you. I’ll make it up to you. You’ll always be my baby. This I promise you.
They stood up, bowed, and one of the guys handed me a dozen beautiful red roses I had not seen him holding. Everyone in the food court clapped, the sound echoing like raindrops. Before I could protest, the bouquet was in my hands and they had left.
Tears burned my eyes, but I held them back, reminding myself I was at work. Lucas could be sweet and romantic, but it had been a very long time since he paid attention to me like that. I knew he was sorry, but my heart had already shattered. It was going to take time.
“They’re beautiful,” Tracy cooed behind me. “He hurt you that bad? What did he do?”
Tracy was new to the job and a freshman, and she needed to learn to shut her mouth. I didn’t say anything.
Gus shook his head with sad eyes. I didn’t need his sympathy.
Great! Now the whole world knew Lucas and I had a fight. Lucas’s sweet gesture of apology did tug my heart. A part of me wanted to forgive him and take him back, but I couldn’t help seeing the image of them kissing.
I had warned Lucas about Caroline so many times. He brushed it off and told me I was “just jealous.” The roses and the stupid song would not make the pain go away. I cursed him under my breath, tossed the roses in the trash, and got back to work.
Gus gawked at me, and Tracy almost fetched back the roses but stopped when I gave her the evil eye.
Chapter Four
Unforgivable
Cammy
“He didn’t.” Leah parted her mouth in shock and then passed me a plate of salad.
I shrugged as if it were no big deal. “He wrote a stupid apology song.” I gritted my teeth. “As if.”
Leah’s expression softened and so did her hazel eyes. “Well, I have to give him some credit for trying.” She speared a fork through a bite of chicken in her salad, shoved it in her mouth, and spoke again. “You could have brought the roses home. They would have made our apartment smell nice.”
I cringed. “I know. They were so pretty, but I was so mad.” My fingers tightened on my fork. “Does he think he could make me forget what he did that easily?”
Leah took a sip of water. “I don’t know. But he’s trying. Not that I’m on his side. What he did was unforgivable.”
I released a breath and bit into a crouton. “I know I sound like a broken record, but if he found me kissing another guy, he would go apeshit.”
Leah waved her fork at me. “But the point is he would never have found you kissing another guy, Cammy. You wouldn’t have cheated on him. You don’t even notice other males around you.”
I didn’t say anything. Still pissed off at Lucas, I just shoved more lettuce into my mouth and chewed like a horse.
“I don’t mean to sound insensitive, but...” She examined me carefully. “Isn’t Lucas moving back home after we graduate? He got accepted to the USC MBA program, right? And you’re staying in New York, right?” She knitted her eyebrows together, silently answering her questions before I had the chance to speak. “So maybe it’s better this way. I mean, not the part of him cheating, but if you can’t trust him when he’s in New York with you, how are you going to trust him when he’s in LA? Perhaps you two are not meant to be together.”
I nodded, gnawing the inside of my mouth. Leah was right. “Lucas and I need to talk things through. We hadn’t had a chance to talk about the future. We just found out, and we kind of ignored the issue. I need a couple more days to let the steam settle. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“I understand.” Leah stabbed the edamame beans with her fork. “I was in the same boat as you. It was the reason why John and I decided to break up. The distance was too much for us. I found out he’s seeing someone and I’m happy for him.”
“I remember,” I reminded her. It was one of the darkest times for Leah. It just happened last year, but she talked about it as if it happened many years ago.
“We need to talk about what’s going to happen after we graduate, too.”
I chewed and swallowed. “Since I got accepted to NYU, I’m going to continue to live with you. I’m not planning to move back home.”
She released a soft sigh of relief. “Good.”
“What are you going to do?” I picked up a small slice of sourdough bread and buttered it.
“I’m going to keep working as an administrative assistant for the law firm and see where that takes me for now, but don’t worry, I’ll be your roommate. You’ll miss me too much if I leave.” She flashed an innocent smile with a wink.
“Of course I will. You better not leave me. You’ve been like a sister to me for the past three years.”
“I know. You need me too much.” She giggled.
Though my heart was still filled with stones, eating with Leah and talking about what had happened and about our future made me feel a little bit better—just a tiny little bit.
Chapter Five
Mama’s Bear
Lucas
“What?” I clenched my jaw while I gripped the doorframe. It took every ounce of my willpower not to punch the wall. “What the hell do you mean she threw the roses in the trash? Are you sure?”
Greg, the pledge that gave her the roses said with a calm voice, “I handed the roses to her after we sang the song just like you said. I snuck back in after we walked out. I saw her chuck them in the trash behind her.”
My fists rounded, tightening ‘til my knuckles ached. “Those roses weren’t cheap. I can’t believe she just trashed them like it meant nothing to her.” I swallowed, realizing I was talking to a pledge I barely knew. “Sorry. Thanks for your help. I’ll make sure you get points for helping an active.”
Greg nodded and left. When I shut the door, Paul came out of his bedroom.
“I’m going to chill out at Mama’s Bear. Do you want to go?” Paul asked.
“Cammy hates me.” I raked my hair back with a huff. “She tossed the roses I gave her in the trash, man. Who does that?”
Paul gently pushed me toward the door. “You need a drink, and I’m starving. Let’s talk in the car.”
It only took us about ten minutes to get to Mama’s Bear, so we didn’t talk much, but I was able to tell him what I had done, about the song and roses.
The restaurant was packed, mostly with our fraternity brothers and our sister sorority. Great. Caroline would most likely be there. I needed to talk to her anyway. Now was as good a time as any, I supposed.
It had been a long time since I showed up on a Friday night. Cammy and I would go out to dinner or we would have a private night at either of our places. It felt strange to be there without her. My hea
rt sank at the thought of Cammy and what I had done or, rather, what I had failed to do.
“Hey,” I said to the guys and peeps sitting at the long rectangular tables that sat about thirty or more as a song from the Smashing Pumpkins blasted.
After Paul and I made our rounds of greeting, we sat by the bar. I came so I wouldn’t be alone at home to think about Cammy and also to keep Paul company. After we ordered dinner, the bartender gave us our drinks. I kept checking my black pager hoping Cammy would page me.
“Hey, Paul. Lucas.”
I stiffened and placed my mug down. Caroline and two of her friends were smiling when I turned to the voice.
“I didn’t know you were coming.” Caroline tried to sound casual, but I got a hint of nervousness in her tone.
“I’ll be right back,” I said to Paul and grabbed Caroline with me to go to the back.
“What’s going on?” She bored her eyes into mine, her facial muscles tightening.
“We need to talk.” I narrowed my eyes at her. “You shouldn’t have kissed me. Now you’ve ruined our friendship and the brother and sister thing.” I pointed between her and me.
She bit her bottom lip and her eyes hardened. “It was just a kiss. It didn’t mean anything. Why, did Cammy tell you not to be my big bro? That’s not possible.”
You broke Cammy and me up, I wanted to say, but I didn’t want to give her the satisfaction.
She took a step toward me and stabbed me with her index finger. “It’s all your fault. You were flirting with me. So maybe I took that as an invitation. Besides, you kissed me first.”
I shoved my fingers through my hair, trying to calm the anger. “I don’t remember what happened. I only remembered you kissed me and I was in shock.”
“No, you do remember,” she said almost too seductively, caressing both of my arms.
I pushed her arms away, took a step back, and growled, “Don’t touch me. I don’t care about the damned rules. You’re not my little sis anymore. Don’t call me. Don’t talk to me.” With that, I walked away, back to Paul.
“What happened?” he asked over the music that seemed to have gotten louder.
“I’ll tell you later. Let’s just eat and go. I can’t stand this anymore. I’m going to Cammy’s place tomorrow to get this straightened out.”
“Fine with me.” He glanced toward a table of girls obnoxiously singing Waterfalls by TLC and then back to me. “I’m too old for this crowd and the music is too loud.”
“We’re only twenty-one, but your oldness is rubbing off on me.” I snorted.
The waitress placed our plates of hamburgers and fries in front of us. Paul’s eyes lingered on the waitress as she walked away. I dared not look, thinking of Cammy.
Chapter Six
The Group Study
Cammy
“Are you sure you’re going to be fine?” I checked to make sure Leah had everything she needed. Water, medicine, a plastic bag to throw up in, her pager, and the phone close to her.
“I’m not a child, Cammy. I’ll be fine. Go to your group study,” she said wearily with her eyes closed. “I’m just going to sleep.”
“But you have the flu, Leah.” I raised the blanket a bit higher, past her arm. Even wearing sweats, she shivered.
Leah glanced at the bedside table with one eye peeled slightly open. “I have everything I need. You’re such a good friend. Now go. Who’s in your group? Do I know anyone in your group?”
“No. I don’t think so.”
I suddenly felt guilty. I wouldn’t be going to this group study if a hot guy hadn’t asked me to join. He was only being nice, I told myself. Nothing was going on. Besides, it wasn’t going to be just the two of us.
“Well,” I continued, my voice rising, “this guy from my economics class asked me to join his group.”
“Oh really?” Despite her fever, Leah giggled. “Does this guy have a name?”
“Grayson Parker.”
“Grayson Parker?” She sounded like she either knew him or found his name to be strange. “Does he have blue eyes, light brownish air, a very hot body, and is a bit taller than six feet?”
“Yes,” I drawled. “Do you know him?”
Leah flashed her eyes open and sat up. Her hair stuck out and makeup was smeared under her eyes. “He’s Grayson. All the single and not-single girls are drooling after him. I know a few girls who have asked him out, and he declined. We thought he had a girlfriend. But oh my God, Cammy. He asked you out?”
“No.” My face paled. Was that guilt? Did he ask me out? Did I say yes? “No,” I said again. “I— He … he asked me to join a study group.”
Leah at last surrendered and fell back to her pillow with her eyes closed. “Have fun.”
I closed the door, grabbed my backpack, and strolled to the library. Peace and quiet pervaded the room. Most of the seats were taken. The sound of shoes clicking and pages flipping filled the air.
I went through double doors and searched for Grayson. Besides Grayson, I had no idea who else was in our group. Maybe this was a bad idea. Just as I decided to go back home, soft air brushed against my ear, and that warm, spicy scent filled me.
“Looking for me, Cammy?” a low, manly voice whispered, producing shivers through me.
I whirled, gulping down air. My heart thumped faster as my eyes set on his heavenly blue ones. So blue, gazing into them felt like floating in a cloudless sky. He wore jeans, a flannel, and a baseball cap backward.
“Huh. Hey.” I suddenly forgot his name. I forgot how to breathe. I forgot who and where I was.
“Good. ’Cause I’ve been looking for you, too, and now I’ve found you. I realized I forgot to tell you which table. I didn’t have your phone number. I couldn’t call you. We need to fix that problem right now.” He took out a piece of paper from his back pocket. “Do you have a beeper?”
I nodded.
“Your phone and pager number please.” After I told him, he gave me a little notepaper with his number on it. “Now you have both of mine, too. This way.” Placing a gentle hand behind my back, he took me to the table next to the tall bookcase.
Two girls and two guys sat at a round table. They smiled when they saw us approach. Thank God they were friendly and welcoming. After Grayson introduced us, we got right down to business. Two hours later, we were done and out the door. We had a great review session, and I felt ready to take the test.
“This was great, Grayson. Thank you for inviting me.” I shivered as the night breeze suddenly became cooler. Spring wind was unpredictable.
Before I could blink, Grayson took off his long-sleeve, red and black flannel shirt and draped it over me. He wore a black T-shirt underneath. My treacherous eyes darted to his hard biceps when they curved around me. I dipped my chin lower.
“Oh. Thank you. Anyway, I should get going.” I adjusted my backpack and veered away.
“Let me walk you home.” He slid right next to me.
“You don’t have to. I just live across the street.” I quickened my steps.
“It’s dark and it’s late. I’d feel better if I walked you back. I’m doing this more for me than you, you know.” He gave me a sly grin, those adorable dimples deepening.
I snorted. “Fine. But you’ve been warned, I’m a jaywalker or whatever you call it.”
He chuckled.
After we passed through the parking lot and through a few low bushes, we stopped at the curb. I scanned both ways and before I could tell him to run, he grabbed my hand and burst out, “Run.”
I didn’t pull my hand away but kept running and let him guide me. We halted to catch our breath, and just then a cop car passed by. We exchanged glances and raised our eyebrows.
“That was too close,” I said. “Getting a ticket for jaywalking would be too embarrassing.”
“I hear ya,” he agreed as he continued to follow me. “But that was fun. It’s like playing Frogger.”
“I played that when I was a kid, too.” I smiled.
After crossing through mid-thigh high bushes, a parking lot appeared and then finally my apartment.
“Well. This is my stop. Thank you for walking me, even though you didn’t have to.” I took out my key from my back pocket and dangled it. “I would invite you in for a drink or something...” God, did I just say those words? Say something unpretentious. “I mean, you know, to thank you for inviting me, but my roommate isn’t feeling well. She has a fever.”
Grayson frowned and adjusted his cap. “Does she need medicine, or do you need anything?”
So sweet. Why does he have to be so sweet?
“We have everything we need. But thank you. And thank you again for asking me. The study group helped.”
He nodded and shoved his hands in his jean pockets. “I’m glad you agreed to come and actually came.” He grinned. I couldn’t stop staring at his dimples. “By the way, if you get a one - one from me on your pager, it means hello. So, I’ll see you in class tomorrow. Good luck on your test.”
“You too.” I handed his flannel shirt back. With a smile, I entered my apartment and closed the door behind me.
Guilt poured into me. I shoved Lucas aside. It wasn’t a date, I reminded myself. I didn’t cheat. But I couldn’t understand the butterflies fluttering inside my gut.
Was I falling out of love with Lucas? And maybe he was falling out of love with me? Possibly the reason for our frequent fights lately?
I tiptoed to check up on Leah. When I placed my hand on her forehead, she grabbed my hand. I yelped and jumped back.
“Oh my God, you scared me.” I pressed a hand on my chest.
“The medicine kicked in, I feel much better. I’m just tired,” she said softly.
I placed a bottle of water with a straw inside it next to her lips. “Drink.”
She shifted sideways and started sipping. “Thanks, Mom.” Leaning back, she asked, “So, how was Mr. Hot Guy?”
I put the water bottle on the night table and playfully glared at her. “Mr. Hot Guy is just a friend. There were four other people with us. It wasn’t a date.”