Frame by Frame

by CJ Murphy

  “I’d forgot about that one. I was remembering defending your honor from that jackass you were dating. I’m pretty sure he got the message, because I don’t remember him ever laying a hand on you again.” She paused, trying to settle her nerves. “Gram close by? I know she’ll want an update.”

  “Yup, she’s right here. Love you, Laurel, be careful. I’ll get the bail money ready.”

  Laurel laughed so loud the nurse at the desk turned her head. She silently apologized and waited. A few seconds later, the voice Laurel had loved to hear all her life came through the phone.

  “How are ya, liebchen, and how’s our Viking?” A little trepidation came through in Ree’s quivering voice.

  “No word yet. She’s only been gone a few minutes, and I have no way to know how long the operation will be. I’m sure that’ll depend on what damage they find after they get in there. As for me, I’m worried silly and homesick. I miss you, Gram, and so does Val. I’m hoping if Val’s able, we can get a jump on coming home in the morning.”

  “That might be too soon for her to travel pain free, honey. Play it by ear. We’re fine here at the store. Ya tell that tall drink of water I expect her butt back here and in therapy as soon as possible. Now how’s my little girl doin’?”

  “I’m fine, worried but fine.”

  Ree sighed. “Yeah, that’s what your mouth said, now I wanna know about your heart. It’s hard knowing the one ya love is in pain. Nobody knows ya like I do, honey. Your heart’s in that operating room.”

  Laurel took a deep breath. “I told her everything.”

  “Everything?” Ree’s voice raised.

  “Yup, I told her about the DNA tests and the decisions made. To avoid embarrassing myself by talking about my sex life with my grandmother over the phone, let’s just say it didn’t matter to her at all.”

  “Praise the Lord and halleluiah. Have ya told her why ya didn’t want anyone that close to ya?” Ree probed.

  “No, I figured she had enough on her plate right now. She knows I love her, and I know how she feels about me. That’s enough for now.” Laurel didn’t want this conversation to go any deeper. “I’ll call you as soon as I have more news. Don’t worry, Gram, I’m bringing her and my heart home with us.”

  “That’s my girl. Just remember I raised ya to live child, not watch others do it. Call me later.”

  “I will, Gram. I love you and so does Val.” Laurel disconnected and looked up as a shadow crossed by her.

  Liz took a seat at her side. She was dressed in a pencil skirt and light green silk blouse. Laurel looked up to see the elderly man look Liz over. He smiled and then went back to watching TV. Liz was a beautiful woman. “Everything okay?”

  “Yeah, they took her in about ten minutes ago.”

  Liz gave Laurel a hard look. “And how was Cat this morning?”

  Laurel rhythmically flipped her phone over, touching each corner to her leg. “Infuriating. This morning she basically refused to acknowledge I was even in the room. When she marked Val’s shoulder, her comment was, ‘marked you as mine now.’”

  Liz’s jaw clenched. “I remember how I felt watching Cat come on to Jo. She’s seduction 101. Val put her in her place, right?”

  “Oh yeah, she told her we were together and that she was to come and let us know how the surgery went and any complications. If I’d any say in this, she’d be seeing another surgeon.”

  “She’s the best I’ve ever seen. She’d be fascinating to analyze, although I don’t think I could stand to be in the room with her that long.”

  “She may be the best, but if she makes another overture today, she’s the one who’s going to need a surgeon.” Laurel winked, and they both stifled laughter.

  Two nerve wracking hours later, Cat walked into the waiting room to give an update. Laurel and Liz both stared at her as she came in and pulled up a chair near them.

  “Good to see you, Liz,” Cat said.

  Before Liz could answer, Laurel asked, “How is she?”

  “She tore it up worse than we thought.” With a voice devoid of any emotion, Cat described the surgery. “We had to do a lot of restructuring. She had a complete subscapularis tear. We had to put things back together so she’ll have a functioning arm. There were two tendons that were retracted, forcing us to anchor them. I’m going to recommend a few specific courses of treatment for therapy. She should let this heal completely and do the physical therapy correctly or we’ll be right back here in a few years putting in a new shoulder joint. We didn’t run into any complications beyond the mess we found. She’s headed to recovery, and they should start waking her up after that.”

  Laurel felt a wash of relief and ran her hand around the back of her neck, trying to rub out the tension. “Can I see her now?”

  Cat shook her head and rose. “In a little while. They’ll want to observe her to make sure she’s stable. I’ll have someone come to get you as soon as she’s ready. I’ll need to see her in two weeks if she doesn’t have any complications before then.”

  “Thank you.” Laurel moved unsteady hands to her face and brushed her hair behind her ears.

  “There’s no thanks needed. I’ve had to cut off her leg, replace her elbow, and now this. Although I enjoy seeing her, under my knife isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”

  Cat turned and headed out of the room, Liz and Laurel staring after her.

  Liz let out a slow breath. “Guess I was right, she hasn’t changed a bit.”

  Laurel shook her head. “I guess to be a surgeon, there has to be a bit of cockiness and belief in yourself. Good Lord, that woman rubs me the wrong way.”

  “I know what you mean, but if Jo or I needed surgery, Cat would be the one we would want. Val was in good hands. Now we need to get her home with you, where she’ll be in even better ones.”

  Laurel gave her a grateful smile and breathed more easily than she had in hours. She needed to see for herself that Val was ok. Only that would calm the ache she felt at being separated.

  ***

  Over the next few hours, Val slowly woke up, performed all the necessary functions to be able to leave the hospital, and signed out. She groggily watched the landscape pass by while Laurel drove them back to Liz’s. They both collapsed on the bed, exhausted. Neither bothered to undress, removing nothing more than Val’s leg and their shoes. Laurel curled into Val’s side with Val’s arm tucking her in securely. Around two, the white-hot pain in her shoulder woke Val with a gasp. She was still groggy and her stomach rolled. Anesthesia always makes me sick. She took a few deep breaths in through her nose, exhaling through her mouth to try and settle the nausea.

  Laurel sat up, wiping the sleep from her eyes. “What’s wrong, baby?” She looked at the clock. “It’s time for your pain medicine. I’ll be right back.”

  Before she could make it to the door, Liz appeared with a sandwich for each of them, along with cold glasses of lemonade and a pill for Val.

  “Thank you, Liz. I was just getting up to do that.”

  “I figured a good rest was what you both needed.” Liz handed her the tray and ran a hand down Laurel’s arm.

  “I need her too, Liz.” Laurel smiled at Liz and took the tray to the bedside table. Val opened her eyes.

  “Hey there, sleepy head. I need you to eat something so I can give you a pill.” Laurel ran her hand across Val’s forehead and down her cheek.

  Val shifted, grimacing from the pain, but she took the sandwich half from Laurel and devoured it. She would have eaten a kitchen table if put between slices of bread. Not being able to eat before surgery had made her ravenous. The small amount of juice and pudding they’d given her at the hospital after surgery had long since worn off.

  “Slow down or you’ll choke. I promise, you can have more.” Laurel chuckled.

  Val slowed her chewing. “Sorry, I’m starved.”

  Laurel waited until she’d chewed the bite of sandwich to hand her the lemonade. After it was handed back, she leaned in and kissed Va
l. “So am I, and it’s not the sandwich I’m talking about.”

  Val groaned in appreciation and moved her hand into Laurel’s hair. She pulled her closer and was surprised at the resistance she met.

  “Not yet, love, we need to let this shoulder settle down. I promise once it’s safe enough, I’m all yours.” Laurel pulled back.

  Val grinned. “If you think I’m waiting until this shoulder is healed to touch you again, we’ll need to have a talk. I want you so bad, I’d starve to death if it meant being with you one more time.”

  “Is that so? Since I have no intention of letting you starve,” she held the other half of the sandwich to Val’s lips, “we’ll just have to see what we can do to keep your hunger under control.”

  Val raised her eyebrows and took a bite from the offered sandwich. Every time she looked into those emerald eyes, she saw her future. She could only hope that Laurel did, too, but somehow, she could still feel there was a part of her she was holding back. Val made a silent vow to break down whatever barrier Laurel threw up. She wanted this woman completely. How can I make this happen?

  Laurel settled on the edge of the bed. “I called your mom and let her know you were out of surgery. She thanked me and wanted me to tell you to get in touch as soon as you feel up to it. She also said something about peppermint shoe polish.” Laurel shook her head. “I have no clue. I also called Gram. She said for you to get healed up quick as there’s some crisp waiting and she can’t wait for us to come home. Told me to tell you the gang from the store misses you too.”

  “I wish I felt like traveling three hours tonight. We’d go home.”

  She let that word roll around on her tongue. Home. She hadn’t considered any place home in a long time, probably not since her grandmother’s house while she lived with her as a teenager. She’d never had a permanent home as a marine, instead, she lived in the barracks if she wasn’t traveling for a story. She didn’t own much, Maggie May, a few electronics, and her cameras. As she chewed, she thought about her simple life on the road. She spent the winter on the west coast and the spring, summer, and fall on the east coast. She slept in hotels or in a tent in the more unpopulated areas.

  Her memories kept her moving. Staying still gave her brain time to recall the horrors of war and that fateful day. The slideshow from her camera played over and over. Images out of focus and at odd angles. Never showing the face of the soldier with the child in their arms. The box of crayons held tightly in the hand of the lifeless form. She could smell the cordite and burnt flesh. The taste of blood in her mouth. The sounds of war consumed her. The muted shouts for medics and cries of pain. She could feel the desert heat on her skin and her lips cracking, like all the moisture had been sucked out of her skin. She could see the child, soot stained tears running down the face, blood coming from the nose. Medic! A voice called her but she couldn’t tell from where. She looked frantically across the courtyard but she couldn’t see and then there was Laurel, her hand outstretched and calling her name.

  “Val, come back to me. I’m right here. There is no danger, there are no explosives, and no kids are hurt. Come back, love. You’re safe. You’re here with me at Liz and Jo’s. You’re ok, honey, I’m right here.”

  Laurel’s voice was calm. Val felt arms wrap around her, but it didn’t help. Val was still stuck in the throes of battle, in the heat and the terror and the pain. After a moment of silence, Val heard a second voice. Liz.

  “Val, there’s no danger. You’re not back in Iraq. You’re here in my home. You’re safe. There are no suicide bombers, there are no children in danger, and you’re not dying. You’re all right. The woman who loves you is at your side. This memory is not happening now.”

  The woman I love? That snapped Val back, but she was still confused. Still worried. Her right hand embraced Laurel’s. Her body softened from the rigid posture. She licked her lips and blinked. Tears rolled down her cheek.

  Liz spoke again. “You’re here in my home, Val. Laurel is at your side. You’re in no danger.”

  Val heard the mantra breaking through the sand and heat. She could feel the soft mattress beneath her and the warm body up against hers. She blinked several more times and looked at Laurel. Her fear apparent, Val tried for a small smile. She was rewarded with the look of relief. Against the pain, she leaned forward to kiss Laurel.

  “Welcome back, Val.” Liz handed the lemonade to Laurel, who brought it to Val’s lips.

  Val drank greedily and sat back against the headboard. “I’m sorry.” The lemonade quenched her thirst and cleared her head some.

  Laurel shook her head. “You have nothing to be sorry for. There’s no way you’ve completely purged the effects of the anesthesia.”

  Liz reached out and held Val’s hand. “I was afraid Bethesda might throw you back into it. Seeing Cat as a surgeon likely triggered this. If you’re feeling up to it, I’d really like to do a session tonight with both of you, together. I want to deal with some things before you two head back home, instead of waiting for it to rear its head later.”

  “Val?” Laurel squeezed Val’s arm.

  “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Right now, I just want to finish that sandwich and go back to sleep. I feel like I went fifteen rounds.” She was tired of these flashbacks and the energy it took from her. She wanted peace and stability. I wish my mind would catch up with my body and realize I’m out of the marines. She’d paid a heavy price for her service and wanted nothing more than to forget that day.

  Laurel reached for the sandwich and again held it to Val’s lips. “Good thing I’m here then. Your one wing is in a sling and the other is right where it’s supposed to be.” She indicated Val’s hand that was resting against her hip.

  “I’ll leave you two alone for a while. Jo has burgers planned for supper later, around 5:00. If either of you need anything just call.” Liz gave Val one last look and walked out of the room.

  Val looked at the concern etched on her lover’s face. She rubbed her thumb across the frown lines between Laurel’s eyes. The worry she saw broke her heart. “I’m sorry, baby. I don’t usually have these many episodes so close together.”

  “You could have them every day and it wouldn’t change how much I love or care about you. I’m here to help bring you out of them and love you while I’m doing it. You don’t have to hide this part of you from me. I love all of you, the dark and the scary parts too. Together we’ll make our way through this.”

  “I’m not sure how I found you, but even a blind…”

  “Dog finds a bone?” Laurel finished.

  Val stared at her. “Wow, now you can finish my sentences?”

  “I saw a picture in Liz’s study where you were toasting them at their wedding. She happened to mention that line.”

  “I fit the category of a blind, one legged dog and somehow I still got lucky the day I stopped at Cool Springs.”

  Laurel held the sandwich so that Val could take the last bite. After doing so, she pulled Laurel’s fingers into her mouth, tasting the salt and watching Laurels eye’s flitter closed.

  Laurel shivered. “Stop that. Your mouth is writing a check your body can’t cash right now. How about we put this on simmer? Rain check?”

  “Definitely.” Val wanted nothing more than to empty the entire account.

  ***

  Laurel led Val down the stairs to enjoy Jo’s grilling skills. She opted for a beer, while Val settled for iced tea. The meal consumed, they concentrated on cleaning up and putting the dishes away. Jo headed to her studio for a bit while the other three headed to the study.

  Val sat on the couch, her good arm around Laurel who sat with her bare feet curled under her, leaning against Val. Laurel needed the physical connection to calm her nerves. The heat they created together warmed her from the inside out. She took a deep breath and looked at Liz.

  Liz opened the discussion. “How are you feeling now, Val?”

  “Pretty wiped out. Between the surgery and the flashback, I’m ex
hausted.”

  “How about you, Laurel? This is as much about you as it is her.”

  Laurel started to say something and stopped. Liz was right. Loving Val meant being able to help her through the flashbacks and anchor her in reality. She needed to be totally honest. “Scared.” She felt Val stiffen. She reached up and cupped Val’s face. “I’m scared I won’t know how to take care of you during one of these flashbacks. That I won’t say or do the right thing, and you’ll hurt yourself.”

  Val put her forehead against Laurel’s. “You bring me out of them so much quicker and more completely than anyone in all the years I’ve had them. That’s saying a lot.”

  “She’s right, Laurel. I’ve seen her at her very worst with her flashbacks. I’ve never seen her calm down or fight to come back to the present the way she does with you near her. It really doesn’t matter what you say while she’s flashing, but we need to work on something that’s uniquely yours. What she needs to know is that she isn’t back in the desert, she isn’t in danger, and there are no children hurt. These are the foundation. Val, let’s start with you telling Laurel about that day in more detail.”

  Laurel looked at the woman she loved, wanting to take this pain from her.

  Val took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment. “We were in Toraq. The unit was visiting a small education center to present supplies to the kids. My lieutenant was making the presentation. The kids were there, about fifteen or twenty, all smiling. Layfield was translating and helping pass out the supplies to the kids. They were so happy to be getting simple things like pencils, notepads, and stickers. I was taking pictures. Our protection unit was outside the interior courtyard. Corporal Taylor was acting like a big a kid passing out the bags. He was twenty. He and his wife were expecting their first child.”

  Laurel watched a blank stare develop on Val’s face.

  “This guy appeared from one of the interior doors. He has this look on his face. Pure disgust. He and the leader started arguing and our protection unit closed in. The guy raised his arms toward the sky and yelled something in Arabic. The world exploded. I think my finger must have still been on the trigger because we found distorted images on the SD card.