by Ella Frank
But the haunted look in Xander’s eyes told me he remembered everything.
“Xander. Come here.” I could tell by his torn expression that he wanted to, but was holding himself back. He hadn’t left the hospital since the moment he’d arrived with me. Had been within calling, walking, or touching distance for the last seven days. However, after that first night, when he’d held my hand and told me he wasn’t going anywhere, he’d been careful not to touch me. He’d withdrawn and pulled back from everyone.
It was subtle, and Bailey and Kieran—even Boudreaux—were so caught up in making sure that I was okay that they’d overlooked the other member of our family. That was about to end.
I might not remember all the details just yet, but one thing I recalled with startling clarity was how I’d felt before we’d gone to the awards dinner. How I’d felt when Xander stepped out of his bedroom dressed like a million dollars.
My heart had tripped all over itself at the vision he made, and I would’ve done just about anything to make him mine. A sentiment that still rang true.
“Sean, I think it’s best if I—”
“Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty.” My youngest brother, Kieran, strolled into the room with a big grin on his mug and a box of donuts in hand. “Just saw Nurse Win in the hall. She tells me that today’s the day as long as you behave yourself.”
Kieran chuckled as he came to a stop next to Xander and clapped him on the shoulder. Xander took the donuts and flashed a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. Not that Kieran noticed.
But again, I was paying attention. Kieran wasn’t.
“Yep, that’s what she told us too,” I said as Xander placed the box of donuts on the table tray by the wall.
“Sooo, basically you’re gonna be stuck in here another year if it’s based on you behaving.”
“Fuck off. The sooner I’m out of here, the better. I can’t wait to wear something that doesn’t have my ass hanging out the back of it.”
“No shit, especially if reporters come sniffing around asking about Xander’s big, brave date who saved him. You’re all over the news. Isn’t that right, Xander?”
“He sure is.” Xander turned to face us with a pile of napkins in hand. “Most of the facts have been kept vague, though, so I’m not worried. It’ll die off eventually. You want the Ensure or broth this morning, Sean?”
I screwed my nose up. “How about a chocolate-covered donut?”
Kieran scoffed. “How about no. Plus, I only bought those glazed cake ones that Xander eats.”
“Which I appreciate very much. Thank you Kieran.”
Kieran shrugged. “In all fairness, it wasn’t really my idea. Bay thought you might want something other than—”
“Cafeteria food and lukewarm coffee.” Bailey’s voice filled the room as he stepped through the door carrying a tray with four coffees, Boudreaux close on his heels. “We just got the update from Win. She says Dr. Marx will be around to see you soon.”
“So I heard.”
As my room went from two to five in the blink of an eye, Bailey walked over to Xander and pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek. “How are you doing? You must be thrilled he’s going home today. Now you can finally go home and sleep in your bed.”
Xander returned the embrace, and something in my gut twisted. Something a lot like…jealousy. Shit.
“It hasn’t been that bad.” Xander took one of the coffees from the tray and glanced at me. “I’m just happy he’s feeling better. That’s the main thing.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Boudreaux said from the corner, where he was propping up a wall with his shoulder. “I kind of enjoyed drugged-up Dick. He didn’t talk.”
I flipped the fucker off, and had to admit that it felt good to have the energy to be able to lift my arm to do it.
“Henri,” Bailey said, but his smile was the first I’d seen all week. He looked happy, in love, and relieved to see me finally looking human again.
“So what’s the plan?” Bailey said. “Win told me you’re going to have to take things easy for a while. No heavy lifting, no driving, no exercise for at least a couple of weeks.”
Yeah, my future looked so thrilling that I could barely contain my excitement.
Xander walked over and handed me the bottle of Ensure. I narrowed my eyes on him, and he smirked. “Drink it.”
I took it from him and shook it a little harder than necessary, then uncapped it and swallowed the first unappetizing gulp. I aimed a tight-lipped grin Xander’s way. “Happy?”
“Ecstatic. Now finish it.”
As he walked away, Bailey smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder, then moved to take a seat at the end of the bed.
“So, I want to talk to you about something,” Bailey said.
Oh, shit, I could tell by his tone that whatever it was, I wasn’t going to like it.
“Henri and I talked, and we think it might be a good idea if you come and stay with us until you’re back on your feet.”
Luckily I’d swallowed the sip I’d just taken, because I nearly choked at his suggestion. Staying where Boudreaux and my little brother were sleeping in the same bed just doors down the hall was a no. So was the idea of staying in a house anywhere with Boudreaux. As I tried to come up with a polite way to say that, Xander—thank God—stepped in to save my sorry ass.
“Actually, I’ve taken some time off from work, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to help Sean. It’s the least I can do, considering this was my fault.”
The room fell silent, and you could’ve heard a pin drop. His fault? Was that what he really thought? This wasn’t his fault. It was the fault of that motherfucker who’d stalked him and tried to kill him.
But before I could say that, Bailey was on his feet and taking Xander’s hands in his—another thing I envied him for.
“This is not your fault,” Bailey said.
“Bay, I—”
“No. It’s not your fault. I told you that the first night, and I meant it. Right, Sean?”
Bailey looked to me, and I hated that I couldn’t say exactly what I was thinking. That I would’ve jumped in front of a fucking bullet if it meant that Xander was still alive.
Instead, I nodded and said, “Of course it’s not his fault.”
“You hear that?” Bailey said, looking back to Xander. “No one in here blames you. So you need to stop blaming yourself.”
Xander’s lips tightened, and I had a feeling he wanted to say a lot in response, but he merely said, “Okay.”
Bailey squeezed his hands. “Okay, so that means you don’t have to take time off to look after Sean. Henri and I can do it.”
Oh, for the love of— Nothing like being talked about as though you weren’t even there. But Xander narrowed his eyes and shook his head. “No. He took the time to look after me when I needed it. So I’d like to pay him back.”
I shifted on the bed, my eyes landing on Boudreaux, who was watching me closely, a frown on his face. I wondered if he was as disturbed at the prospect of living with me as I was with him.
“Ha,” Kieran said. “Bet you never thought the day would come when people fought over looking after your sorry ass. Don’t worry, I’m not volunteering. I’d rather be chasing ass. I’ll come pay yours a visit occasionally. Sound good? Good.”
“We’re not fighting.” Bailey chuckled. “I just don’t want to overwhelm Xander. He’s been through enough with all of this. He should take some time to himself and breathe.”
“Bailey?”
Boudreaux had finally decided to chime in, and I had a feeling I knew what he was going to say. Something along the lines of: If Xander wants to take him, for fuck’s sake, let him. But he shocked the shit out of me.
“If this is something Xander wants to do, let him. It’s not like they have a gift basket that says, ‘Thank you for saving my life.’”
If I could’ve, I would’ve fucking hugged Boudreaux, because he was the only one who was going to get through to Bailey without
a guilt trip.
Bailey sighed but nodded. “You’re right, you’re right.” He looked between Xander and me. “But if either of you need any help, don’t hesitate to ask.”
“I promise,” Xander said, then grabbed himself a donut.
Bailey sat back down at my feet and took one of my hands in his. “This plan work for you?”
I took another swallow of my Ensure and nodded. It was the only plan that worked for me.
“Okay. Well, that settles that. There was no one I trusted more to look after Xander when he was in trouble, and that goes both ways. I know he’ll take good care of you.”
Of that I had no doubt, and selfishly, I couldn’t wait to have some alone time with him again.
About to make some vague response, I was saved when Dr. Marx walked through the door.
“Well, good morning, everyone. I see we have a full house. That must mean we’re sending someone home today.”
5
Xander
“YOU NEED A ride, detective?” With a smile plastered on my face, I stared out the open window of Sean’s SUV to where he sat in a wheelchair at the front entrance to the hospital.
In a pair of grey sweatpants, navy-blue t-shirt, and a Chicago Bulls cap that Bailey had brought in for him, Sean almost looked like his usual self. If you didn’t count the paleness of his skin or the slight tightening of his lips as Win helped him to his feet.
After putting the SUV in park, I climbed out to go and help, and with Win holding the door wide and my arm around his waist, Sean managed to get into the vehicle with no issue. Once he was inside, Win handed me the bag with his belongings and a smaller one with his meds.
“Thank you,” I said, and made a mental note to send her some flowers to let her know how much I appreciated everything she’d done for us.
“You’re welcome. I’m really going to miss you two.”
“I think we’re going to miss you more.” And that was the truth. Win had been a lifesaver.
“You’re going to be fine.” She gently squeezed my arm. “But make sure to look after yourself too, okay? You’ve been through a lot this past week and haven’t had much time to process.”
“I’m fine.”
“You are right now because you have other things to focus on. But just be sure to give yourself time to adjust.”
“I will,” I said, and mustered up my brightest smile. “Thank you again.”
“Anytime. I’ll see you on the news, Mr. Thorne.”
She waved to Sean as I headed around to the driver’s side and climbed in behind the wheel. Once I was inside, I looked at Sean and said, “Time to buckle up.”
He looked over his shoulder to the seatbelt and then turned back to me. “Uh, it hurts a little to twist and grab it. Do you mind?”
Of course it did. God, I was an idiot.
Careful not to lean on him, I reached across him and went to pull the belt across his chest. Sean’s hand on my arm halted me, and I realized just how close we were to one another.
“Hi,” he said, his eyes roaming all over my face.
“Hi.”
Sean took in a deep inhale and closed his eyes, and I tightened my fingers around the nylon strap.
“You smell fucking amazing,” he said.
“Sean…” It felt like forever since I’d been this close to him, forever since I’d touched him. I reached up and ran my fingers down his cheek. “I can’t believe that you’re already going home today. When just last week—”
“Shh.” Sean placed a hand over mine and turned his face into my palm, and the feel of his lips made my heart thump a little harder. “Thanks for volunteering to be my keeper.”
He didn’t need to thank me. It’d been the best way I could think of to get him alone. But before I could say that, a horn blasted from behind us.
I startled and let go of the belt. Sean twisted to grab hold of it, and I straightened up and narrowed my eyes. “You didn’t really need help with that, did you?”
As I fastened my own seatbelt, Sean chuckled.
“Guilty.”
I couldn’t help the twitch to my lips because that was totally a Sean move. “Glad to see you’re feeling better.”
“That’s why I’m in the car and not the hospital, right?”
“Right.”
“Speaking of, how did you get my SUV to the hospital? I never saw you leave.”
“I didn’t,” I said as I pulled out onto the main road. “We had your keys, and Henri picked it up from the hotel the next day.”
“Wait, you’re saying Boudreaux drove my car?”
I knew all about the contentious relationship between Sean and Henri. “He did, and luckily for you, he didn’t strip it for parts.”
“Hilarious.”
I grinned. “Oh, come on. When are you going to let up on him?”
“How ’bout never?”
“He’s really not that bad.”
“He’s really not that good either.”
Okay, so there was no love lost there. I knew that, and I didn’t envy Bailey trying to juggle the two of them all the time. But who knew—maybe one day they would find some common ground.
There was hardly any traffic, since it was the middle of the day, so it didn’t take too long to get back to Sean’s place. As I pulled into his drive and parked in front of the garage, I had a sudden flashback to the last time I was there. The night I’d come to ask Sean for help.
After cutting the engine, I gripped the steering wheel in an effort to keep my hands from shaking. When I finally felt I had a handle of myself, I pulled the keys from the ignition and turned to Sean.
“We’re going to talk about that,” he said.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Yeah, that’s not gonna work with me. So get the denial out of your system now, because the next time I ask, I want a straight answer.”
I bit back my automatic impulse to deflect, and instead nodded and climbed out of the SUV, then came around and opened the door. “Don’t even think about asking me to unbuckle you.”
“No? What a shame.” Sean laughed as he released the belt, then he leaned on me to climb out of the vehicle.
“Can you make it to the front door okay?”
“I can walk fine. It was just getting in and out of the SUV that was difficult.”
I nodded, but watched him closely as I grabbed our things from the back seat.
Sean unlocked the door, and I followed him inside. It was difficult to believe that this was only the second time I’d been to his place. It was exactly as I remembered, and about as personalized as the hospital room he’d just been discharged from. Except now it had a stale, locked-up smell to it.
“Okay.” I stepped around him and headed toward the living area. “I’m going to go around and open up some windows, get this place aired out. You take a seat, and I’ll be back in a minute.”
As I went from room to room, I noticed that, like in the living and dining area, there wasn’t a whole lot of anything that personalized Sean’s place.
The first room I stepped into, his master bedroom, had a queen-sized bed in the center. Just the box spring and mattress—no headboard—but it was neatly made with a blue and grey duvet and a couple of pillows thrown on top. He had a nightstand on either side, and only one lamp on the stand closest to the door. The side he slept on, I assumed.
As I walked past the lone set of drawers in the room, I noted there was nothing on top of them, and there was nothing on the cream-colored walls either. When I opened the window and the summer breeze drifted inside, I wondered if Sean ever slept with it like that or if the cop in him made him lock up every night.
The next room—his study, maybe?—was a little smaller than the master but big enough for a treadmill on one side and an old, beat-up desk on the other. I quickly slid open the window, not wanting him to think I was snooping around, but then noticed a photo frame sitting beside Sean’s laptop.
It was the only thi
ng in the entire place that told me this was where he lived. I picked it up to take a look and immediately recognized the photo, and why wouldn’t I? I’d taken it.
It was of him and his brothers at Bailey’s sixteenth birthday. God, talk about a blast from the past. As I looked at the three of them with their arms all slung around each other’s shoulders, I could vividly recall the exact moment I’d taken it…
“OH, THERE YOU two are,” Mrs. Bailey said as she slid open the back door and came inside holding a tray of grilled steaks and hot dogs.
She flashed her warm smile at me and the birthday boy currently trying to beat my score on his new Nintendo game, and I rushed around the counter to help her out.
“Here, let me get that for you, Mrs. B.”
She handed it over and let out a feigned sigh. “Why thank you, Xander. It’s nice to know that someone’s mother raised them right.”
“Sorry, Mom, I’m trying to beat—” Bailey paused and then muttered, “Aw, man.”
I laughed as I took the tray and headed to the small island at the center of the kitchen. “He’s trying to beat me at that new game. But he keeps losing.”
“Ah, I see.” She wiped her hands on her apron then stood beside Bailey. “Maybe I could have a go. Think I could beat Xander’s score?”
Bailey scoffed and glanced over his shoulder, and she arched an eyebrow at him.
“You never know. I might surprise you.”
I laughed, and Bailey glared at me. “Nope. I’m gonna beat him. This time, I’m gonna beat him.”
“Mhmm,” his mother said as she walked to the fridge and pulled the door open. “Well, do you mind doing it after we get your birthday photo? Your father already had to leave for work, and now Sean says he has to go—”
“Aw, come on, Mom, can’t we skip it? It’s not really a family photo without the whole family.”
“My three boys are here, and that’s all that matters.” She put the lettuce and tomatoes on the chopping board and then grabbed the camera and handed it to me.