by Ella Frank
“Will you take it for me, Xander? Kieran’s out the back kicking the soccer ball around, and Sean’s— Actually, I don’t know where Sean went.”
“Sure, I don’t mind. I’ll try not to chop their heads off.” I looked at Bailey whose eyes were glued on his game. “Bay? You coming?”
“Yeah, I’ll be there in a minute. Why don’t you grab the other two and I’ll be out as soon as I kick your ass.”
“Craig Bailey,” his mother said, pointing her knife his way. “You might be sixteen today, but you do not talk like that in this house.”
Bailey scoffed, but didn’t look up. “Sean does.”
“Sean’s…Sean.”
Deciding to make a break for it before things got any worse, I headed outside to track down the other two Bailey brothers.
I loved coming here. Not because I had family issues or an unhappy upbringing. But because here it was like I had brothers of my own. I’d grown up spending my afternoons and summers playing with the Baileys.
I looked out from the deck, and Kieran was exactly where Mrs. B had said he was, kicking around the soccer ball. But Sean, Bailey’s eldest brother, was nowhere in sight.
I made my way down the steps with the camera in hand, then saw someone leaning against the side of the house.
I sighed and suddenly wished Bailey was out here with me. Sean was the one family member that always managed to ruffle my feathers. I wasn’t alone in that. He had a reputation of pissing off everyone within arm’s reach.
I looked at the camera in my hand and took a deep breath. Just go and ask him, I told myself. What’s the worst he can do? Say no?
“Hey, Sean?” I called out, then made my way toward him. When he looked at me, my feet faltered.
Dressed in flip-flops, shorts, and a Chicago Bulls t-shirt, he had a cap pulled down low over his face and his entire posture screamed, Get lost. Ugh, I had no idea why I was so intimidated by him. He was nineteen, only a year older than me. But there was something so intense about Sean, something that made me keep my guard up around him.
When I stopped in front of him, he took in a deep inhale of his cigarette and blew it right by my face. I fanned the smoke aside and frowned.
God, he was such a jerk.
“What do you need, Xander?”
Resisting the urge to go back inside and let Mrs. B deal with him, I held up the camera. “Your mom wants me to get a photo of you guys.”
Sean scoffed. “Why bother? Didn’t you hear? Dear old Dad just left.”
The sneer in Sean’s voice unnerved me, but I couldn’t quite pinpoint why.
“She said just you, Bay, and Kieran.”
Sean took another inhale, and this time tipped his head back to blow the smoke into the sky. “I think I’m just gonna split.”
Typical Sean. Didn’t give a shit about anyone but himself, and something about that really rankled me. Here he was all pissed because their father had cut and run, and he was about to do the same thing.
“Really?” I said, before I could think better of it. “It’s your brother’s birthday and you’re gonna just peace out? That’s nice.”
Sean shoved off the side of the house and took a step forward. Though my brain screamed to back the hell up, I stood my ground. I wasn’t about to let Sean Bailey intimidate me.
“Haven’t you heard?” he said in a whisper-low voice. “I’m never nice. Just ask my dad. If you want the good Bailey brother, stick with the one inside.”
Sean turned and began to walk away. I clenched my fingers around the camera strap and called out, “Leaving now just proves him right, you know.”
Sean stopped and looked over his shoulder. “So? What do you care if I stay or go?”
I had no idea. Of all the Baileys, Sean was my least favorite. But something about him tonight felt different. He seemed desperate and dejected, and something told me not to let him leave—at least not yet.
“I don’t. But Bay will, and I know you care about your brother.”
Sean narrowed his eyes then marched back over to me. “You trying to make me feel guilty?”
“Depends,” I said, and tilted my chin up. “Is it working?”
Sean’s jaw twitched as he glared me down, then, without another word, he brushed by me, our shoulders connecting hard.
“One photo and I’m out.”
AROUND TEN MINUTES after that conversation, I’d taken this photo. Bailey’s bright smile had beamed out at me after he’d finally beaten my game score. Kieran’s goofy grin had been carefree and full of braces. Then there was Sean, with his half smirk, an arrogant expression that didn’t quite reach his eyes. I couldn’t stop myself from stroking a finger down his cheek, wondering what he’d been thinking in that moment.
I hadn’t thought about that night in years, and from what I recalled, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant one for Sean. So why keep this photograph above all others? I had no idea.
“You get lost, anchorman?”
Caught red-handed, I turned around to see Sean leaning against the doorframe. I quickly set the photo down, feeling as though I’d stumbled on something intensely private.
“No. I came in here to open the window, and—”
“Took a stroll down memory lane instead?”
“Something like that.”
Sean nodded and shoved away from the door. “Do you remember that night?”
“I do.”
“What do you remember about it?”
“In relation to you? Honestly?”
“Honestly.”
“I remember you being a complete jerk.”
6
Sean
XANDER HAD BEEN gone awhile now for someone just opening windows. I’d heard him moving around earlier, but now the only thing I could hear in my house was the blasted ticking of my wall clock.
Funny that I’d never noticed it before. But after spending the last few weeks in someone else’s constant company, this sudden solitude was jarring.
I gingerly pushed to my feet, not wanting to pop a staple. As I made my way down the hallway, I looked at my home through fresh eyes and could see where Xander had been coming from that first night he’d stopped by.
Compared to his place, this was like living in a shoebox. But I didn’t think Xander’s comment was about the size so much as the lack of decor, because he’d never batted an eye at my childhood home growing up, and it wasn’t much bigger than this place.
As I walked by the main bathroom, I peered inside to see it was empty, and then kept going down the hall until I reached my study. That’s where I found him.
Xander was standing in front of my desk staring at the photo of me and my brothers, and I wondered if he remembered that night. I remembered it like it was yesterday, and I remembered him. But I was sure that if he had any recollection, it was vastly different to my memory.
Instead of alerting him to my presence, I decided to take a moment and drink in the sight of him. In designer jeans and a light blue button-up shirt, Xander looked as put together as always, compared to me and my sweatpants. But that was nothing new; he’d always dressed better than anyone else in the room, even as a teenager.
It was like Xander was in some kind of trance as he stood there, and when he ran his fingers over the image and sighed, I decided it was time to speak up.
“You get lost, anchorman?”
Xander jerked around as though I’d caught him looking at a secret porn stash, then quickly placed the photograph back on the desk.
“No. I came in here to open the window, and—”
“Took a stroll down memory lane instead?”
“Something like that.”
I nodded and walked across the room, wanting to get closer to him, wanting to touch him now that I could. When I stopped in front of him, I let my eyes fall to the photo. “Do you remember that night?”
“I do.”
“What do you remember about it?”
“In relation to you? Honestly?”
“Honestly.”
“I remember you being a complete jerk.”
Yeah, that was pretty much what I’d figured. I’d been in a particularly shitty mood that night, courtesy of yet another uplifting chat with my father.
Xander had been a convenient recipient for my teenager anger that night, something I wasn’t proud of. But one thing I bet he didn’t know was just how big of an impact he’d made on me through that one conversation.
“You’re right. I was a total jerk, and that’s probably being kind. Back then I was on a mission to live up to my father’s low opinion of me. You caught me right after he’d reminded me what an embarrassment I was to him and Mom.”
Xander’s eyes softened, and he reached for my hand. “I never knew he was like that.”
“No one did.” I squeezed Xander’s fingers and then let them go to pick up the photo. “Just like his drinking, he kept it under control for the most part. But even the most controlled person will eventually snap.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“No, don’t apologize. In fact, if anything say: ‘You’re welcome.’” The confusion in Xander’s eyes made me grin. I flipped the photo around and said, “Do you remember what you said to get my ass in this photo?”
Xander winced and looked down at the picture. “Yes. We got into an argument, and you told me that your father said Bailey was the nice son, not you. And I said that if you left, you’d prove him right. I’m not very proud of that.”
“Well, you should be. Your words changed my life that night.”
Xander’s head snapped up, eyes wide.
“It’s true. After that night, I decided to do everything I could to prove my father wrong. I worked my ass off to get through school and later the academy.”
“And look at you now. You’ve become one of the best detectives on the force.”
“Well, let’s not go crazy. I haven’t been a saint by any means, and for a little while there I fell off the bandwagon. But at least I can look myself in the mirror.”
“That’s why you keep this photo out of all of them?”
“Mhmm. I have a few more of the family out in the living room—”
“I don’t remember seeing them.”
“That’s because the only other time you’ve been here, you were a little stressed out.”
I held my hand out, and Xander took it. I tugged him in close to me and rested my forehead to his.
“Will you stay with me tonight?”
Xander pulled back. “Tonight? I’m staying until you’re fully recovered, if that’s all right with you.”
I wasn’t sure why I was so shocked—he’d said as much back at the hospital—but the idea of Xander wanting to stay at my crappy bachelor pad when he had a high-rise mansion made me chuckle.
“You sure you don’t want to go home to that fancy apartment? You haven’t been home since—”
“The night everything happened.”
The cool, detached way he said that made it clear he didn’t want to talk on the subject anymore, and for now I’d let him get away with it.
“Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m just shocked you’re not.”
Xander rolled his eyes. “There’s nothing wrong with your place.”
“It just needs a little color, according to my designer.”
Xander chuckled and slipped his hands into his pockets, and I wondered if he was doing that to stop himself from reaching for me.
“I need to go and pick up some groceries for us, plus the extra meds they called in for you. I want you to rest while I’m gone, okay?”
“Just dying to get back in your sporty car, huh?”
“Guilty as charged. If I don’t start it soon, I’m worried it won’t start at all.”
I stepped aside and followed him back out into the hall. As he walked toward the front door, I called out his name.
When Xander looked back, I said, “On your little walk through just now, you did realize there’s only one bed and bedroom, right?”
Xander’s eyes flicked to the loveseat in the living room and then back to me. I already knew what he was going to say before he said it.
“Don’t even think about it.”
“No?”
“No.” I let my eyes roam down over him and shook my head. “If you stay here, you stay here with me.”
Xander nodded and said, “Good. Your bed looks much more comfortable than the couch.” Then he walked out the door, leaving me to think about the long night ahead.
7
Xander
“HOW’S YOUR BEEF broth?”
Sean blew on the liquid on his spoon, then looked across the table at me.
“Never thought I’d say this, buuut…good, compared to what you’re eating.”
“We’ll have to agree to disagree on that one.” I mixed a huge dollop of wasabi into the soy sauce I’d put in a bowl, then picked up a piece of sashimi and dipped it inside.
“What’s that stuff you just put in there?” Sean scrunched his nose up.
“Wasabi. Most don’t like as much as I usually use, but since you’re not eating any, I can make it as hot as I like.”
“And how hot’s that?”
I brought the chopsticks up and looked over to see Sean watching my mouth with great interest. “The hotter the better.”
Sean’s eyes darted up, and the flames flickering in their blue depths weren’t those of a sick man healing, but those of a man wishing he was well enough to act on his desires.
Knowing we had a lot to discuss and get through, before going there, I popped the tuna in my mouth and chewed. Clearly of the same mind, Sean swallowed a spoonful of his broth, and when he grimaced, I chuckled.
“You know, I think you might even stomach some sushi if it meant getting something of substance in your mouth.”
Sean’s lips tugged up at the corner, and the wicked curve to his lips was difficult to ignore. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were flirting with me.”
Dipping the other half of the tuna into the sauce, I eyed Sean and allowed myself a moment to look at him the way I really wanted to—and in his sweats, t-shirt, and baseball cap, he looked comfortable and casual. I had the insane urge to go and sit on his lap.
“And what makes you think you know better?”
“Absolutely nothing.” Sean scooped up the last spoonful of broth. “Maybe I’m just being hopeful.”
“And for that reason, I think we should change the subject.”
“Oh yeah? And why’s that?”
I finished off the last piece of tuna and wiped down my mouth with a napkin. “Because now you’re making me hopeful.”
Sean let out a bark of laughter and sat back in his seat. “Well, thank fuck for that. I’d hate to suffer alone.”
“And is that what you’re doing? Suffering?”
“Well, I’m not gonna lie. Out of all my dates, getting to third base with you has been the most hazardous to my health.”
Like a bucket of ice water, the reminder of that night and what had happened at the end of it brought all flirtation to an abrupt end. I could tell Sean was just kidding, but the idea that his life had almost ended because he’d been out with me—protecting me—made me feel sick to my stomach.
“Hey, I was just joking with you. Forget about it.”
I wished it were that simple. But now that he’d said it, I couldn’t get it out of my head.
“It’s okay.” I pushed back from the table. “Let me get this cleaned up. You must be tired.”
“I’m fine.” Sean reached for my wrist as I picked up his bowl. When I froze and looked down at him, he said, “You need to talk about this. With me. And with Nichols.”
I knew that. I’d briefly gone over that night with Nichols as soon as it had happened, but I’d been so worried over Sean that I doubted I’d been much help. Ever since then, I’d been avoiding him like the plague, but eventually I knew I’d need to sit down with him.
“I’ve just
had a lot on my mind that I’ve been trying to process. That night, you, everything that happened—”
“And that’s why you need to talk about it. You need to get it out. Even I do, and I’m trained for this kind of shit.”
“You’re trained to get stabbed?”
“Well, trained with how to deal with injuries on the job, yeah.” Sean took my hand and slowly stood until we were eye to eye. “You’ve been through a lot over these last three weeks. It’s understandable that you feel overwhelmed.”
That was only part of it. The sheer exhaustion was another major factor. But every time I closed my eyes, I was right back there, standing on the stage with a dead man at my feet and Sean bleeding out on the floor.
I’d gone from one nightmare to another, and I had a feeling that the minute I tried to talk about it, nothing would stop the images I’d managed to lock inside a box from haunting me every hour of the day.
I tightened my fingers around Sean’s and let out a shaky breath. “I know Nichols wants to talk to me. He said he has more information concerning the guy that was, um…”
“Stalking you?”
“Right.” I shrugged. “I’ve been putting him off.”
“Eh, people reject Nichols all the time. He’s used to it. Why don’t we get him to come over here and we can all go through it together?”
My relief was instant, and it occurred to me yet again what a wonderful man Sean had turned out to be. Here I was telling him what a damn coward I was, and he was doing everything in his power to make me feel okay about it.
“I’d like that.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do.”
I nodded and let go of his hand so I could go back to clearing the table. “Let me finish up with this and then I’ll help you get freshened up, if you like.”
“Freshened up?”
I straightened to see him smirking. “Yes. That’s why I’m here, to help you. I imagine you’re dying for some kind of shower about now, right?”
“Right, and you’re going to…help me?”
“Well, if it’s a problem I could call Bailey and you could wait—”