The Scars Of Life (The Working Girls Book 4)

by K. L. Humphreys

  When I came back and called her, I wanted to explain. A part of me thought that she would have moved on, that she'd have found someone who deserved her, who treated her with the respect that she needed. But there was a part of me that prayed that she was single, that she had somehow waited for me. When she told me that she needed to tell me something, I thought this is it, she's moved on and there's no hope for us. To hear those words, that when I left she was pregnant… they hurt. I did this to us; my stupidity and pride hurt those I love the most.

  "I'd better go." The words feel foreign leaving my mouth. I never wanted to say them because I don't want to go. I don't want to leave my son nor do I want to leave Natalie, but I'm not welcome here. She's made that clear. She’s angry and she's doing the only thing she can, letting it out. She's had it bottled up for over a year and now that I'm here she can unleash it. I'm willing to take it. I deserve it.

  "Okay," she says softly getting to her feet. She walks over to me and takes Malachy out of my arms, he doesn't wake, just snuggles into her instead. "We'll walk you out."

  I nod, my hands shaking, this isn't right. This isn't how it should be but I've no choice. We walk to the door and I open it. "Thanks for letting me come by and see him." I swallow past the lump in my throat, I want to ask her if I can come by tomorrow, to see him again, but I don't want to push my luck.

  She smiles. "That's okay. I'm glad you came. Would you like to swing by tomorrow? After work?"

  Relief washes through me. "Yes, that would be amazing. Is six-thirty too late?"

  She shakes her head, "No, that's perfect. It’ll give me time to have everything sorted after work."

  I kiss Malachy's head. "See you tomorrow, little man," I whisper not wanting to wake him. I quickly kiss Natalie's cheek, catching her off guard, "Thank you." It's not enough, there are not enough words to thank her for everything she's done.

  Surprise is written all over her face. "Oh, you're welcome."

  "I'll see you tomorrow, Natalie. Good night," I tell her as I walk out of the house. Every instinct tells me to go back and kiss her, tell her that I love her.

  "Good night, Richie. Please let me know you got home okay." Her voice is soft; her face has a small smile on it. Things seem to be a little better than they were when I arrived.

  "I will do." As I walk down the street, away from my family, I glance back and see her still standing in the doorway, her hand wiping away her falling tears. Neither of us want this but it's what needs to happen.

  I'm going to get my family back. I'm going to prove that I'm the man she fell in love with. That I'm never going to leave her again, leave them again.

  Chapter 26

  Two weeks later

  Richie has been by for the past two weeks. He’s so in love with Malachy, just as I am. The more I look at my son, the more I see them together, the more I see his dad in him. The only thing he seems to have gotten from me is the dark hair. Everything else is pure Richie. As soon as Malachy saw his dad, he's had nothing but smiles for him. He’s happy, and that's all that I want.

  I've told Richie that he's not allowed to do a disappearing act. If he's in Malachy's life then he's in it, he's not coming and going as he pleases. Being a father is a full-time job and he best be prepared for it. He's told me he isn't going anywhere, that he's back for good. Sadly, I don't believe him, and I'm not sure I ever will. He doesn't have the best track record, but I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt for Malachy's sake.

  Today everyone is coming over for our monthly date, but because Richie is around the guys are coming too. I called Stefanie this morning and she's informed me that James' sister is babysitting Carter tonight and Hunter's dad is watching Jess' kids so they all can drink. Stef still doesn't know that Jess is pregnant, and I hope to God that she tells everyone soon. I'm shitting myself in case I let it slip. I've also been told that Richie has to come tonight, so I asked him hoping that he'd listen to my tone of voice, and that he shouldn't come but of course he didn't say no. In fact, he was over the moon that everyone wanted to see him. I don't think it's a good thing.

  Over the past two days, whenever Richie and I are around each other, it’s like he's never left, that we're still a couple. The attraction is still there. Whenever I'm around him it's like there's a hum of electricity in the air. My resolve is waning already. He’s full of promises and I really want to try to be together, but I can't, I can't get over him leaving me again. I understand why he did but he broke my heart, he turned my life upside down at a point when I thought I was good. I’m not sure how to get over that, how to let go of all the pain and hurt. I'm not even sure if I want to, if I do it could lead to more heartache. If I don't then I'll be alone, but I won't be hurt or abandoned.

  I hear the front door opening as I'm changing Malachy's nappy. "Honey, I'm home." He thinks he's funny, but he's not. He does this crap every time he walks into my house, although I'm the stupid one in giving him a key so he can come in anytime he wants.

  "I'm in here,” I call out to him and Malachy coos. "Daddy's home handsome boy!" Malachy’s face lights up and he smiles, happiness pours out of him.

  “Hey, you two,” he says coming into the room, leaning down and giving Malachy a kiss on his forehead. “Have you been a good boy for Mammy?” He asks before leaning into me and gently pressing his lips against the corner of my mouth.

  I should pull away, tell him that we can never be how we were but I’m selfish and it’s going to cause us both hurt. Instead of pulling away, I lean in closer, the touch of his lips against my mouth brings back happy memories. It brings back the sense of being loved. Every instinct in me wants to pull him close to me and kiss him like we’ve never kissed before. Right in this moment, the gentleness of his kiss I want him, I want a life with him.

  As soon as he pulls away, those thoughts I was having fade and the hurt that I felt for the past year comes back in full force. “Sorry,” I say, and I’m not sure what I’m sorry for, maybe because I didn’t pull away.

  “Don’t apologise Nat, never apologise to me.” His voice is filled with lust, deep and gravelly, one that resonates throughout my body. “Everyone will be here soon.”

  I nod as I pull up Malachy’s trousers. “Yeah, I was supposed to go to the shop and grab some bits. I’d better ring Penelope and ask her to stop at one on her way.”

  “I got a few things. I remember you saying you needed some bits, and when I called you earlier you said that you hadn’t left the house.” He gives me a smile, but I feel bad. I try to get out of the house once a day so that Malachy isn’t cooped up but with everyone coming over this evening, I wanted to make sure that my house was spotless it took all day with sorting Malachy out. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

  I shake my head lifting Malachy from the mat and bringing him close to my chest. “Nothing.”

  “Nat?” he questions, he’s not going to let it lie.

  “I just feel bad that I never left the house today.” I walk past him and towards the kitchen. “I need to feed him, he’s hungry.” He was crying before I changed him, wanting food.

  “I’ll feed him.” His voice is soft as he reaches for Malachy and smiles at him. “Nat, you don’t need to leave the house every day. Look at this place. It’s spotless as it always is. You’re too hard on yourself.”

  “I’ll go get his bottle.” I don’t want to have this conversation. I’ve had it with Pen, and I’ve had it with Stef. I certainly don’t need it with Richie.

  Walking into the kitchen, I’m shocked when I glance at the table. It’s covered with bags. He’s really gone all out. I quickly make-up the bottle and hand it to Richie. He immediately places it to Malachy’s lips, and my greedy little baby doesn't waste any time in drinking it. Looking at the two of them really warms my heart. Richie looks at our son with so much love; it's a beautiful thing to see, I'm sad that he missed the first four months of his life but glad that he's here now getting to witness every milestone with me.

  I leave them
be and unpack the shopping that Richie brought. He really listened to me when I said what I wanted to get in for tonight because he's got everything: beer, vodka, whiskey, Coke, lemonade, crisps, dips, chocolate, and he even got some sausage rolls. Seeing this shows me the Richie I fell in love with, the Richie I wanted everyone to meet. The sweet and caring man who I believe is still there, drawing me to him like a moth to a flame.

  "Babe?" Richie calls out as I'm putting the bags into the cupboard.

  Closing my eyes as a tear slowly slips from my eye, hearing him call me babe hurts. Coughing, I answer, "Yeah?" I don't turn and face him; instead, I wipe the tear and close the cupboard door.

  "You okay?" His voice is coming closer to me, and next thing I know he's right beside me. "Nat, what's wrong?”

  I smile. "Nothing. Did you want something?" I reach out and tickle Malachy's foot.

  "I was going to say that you should rest for a bit, you're nonstop all the time."

  I tilt my head to the side, watching as he kisses Malachy's head. This is all I wanted. To be normal, to have a normal family. But this right here is an illusion. "Malachy will be in bed at eight, he sleeps through the night, so I do rest. I have the evenings to myself."

  He gives me a look that says he doesn't believe me.

  "Honestly, I'm usually in bed by ten. Thank you for getting everything. How much was it?" He must have spent a bloody fortune.

  "None of your business… Nat, are you okay?" He looks so worried.

  I decide that I’m going to be honest with him, I think to make this work, we should be truthful. "I am okay, sometimes it’s as though I'm being judged, you, Pen, and Stef have all told me that I'm too hard on myself, but I want Malachy to be happy, I want to ensure that he's in a happy and safe home."

  He moves Malachy so he's holding him with one arm, and the other goes around me. "Natalie, you wanting to make him have a happy and safe home is natural. Especially after everything you went through. God, I love you. You’re an amazing woman, Nat, and you're not being judged, not by any of us. We just want you to be happy and safe."

  Tears slide down my cheeks as I listen to his words, taking each and every single one of them in. The things he says mean so much to me, that what I'm feeling is natural, that no one is judging me, that I’m not a failure, and I’m not going crazy. Hearing him say that he loves me makes my heart soar, causes me to want to hope that we could be us again. "Richie," I whisper, my hand coming up to rest on his chest. That electricity that has been humming in the air whenever we're close is crackling.

  "Natalie, I meant what I said. I love you and I always have and always will." So much conviction in such a short sentence.

  My hand moves further up his chest, my heart racing as I do something, I'm not sure is a good idea. I lean up on my tiptoes and press my lips against his. He lets me lead, and I press my lips hard against him, grateful that he's the one holding Malachy because my hands are in his hair pulling him down to me. This kiss is hard and bruising but so fucking good.

  When I draw away, both of us are breathing hard. Looking into Richie's bright green eyes, I see what I've always seen when he looks at me: devotion and love. Right now, though, it's mixed with need. He needs me just as I need him.

  "Natalie, God, I've missed you so fucking much."

  "I've missed you too." I really did. "Richie, I um..." I have no idea how to even say this.

  He's nodding as though he already knows what I’m going to say, how he will respond. "You don't trust me not to hurt you again. You don't trust me not to leave again. You're scared to even want to try again." Everything I've been thinking since he got back, he's just said. "It’s going to take more than words to make you trust me. Hell it's going to take some time, but I want us to be a family." His arm rests around my shoulder as he places a kiss against my cheek. "I want you more than anything in this world Nat and I'm not giving up on you. Everything in my hands is my world and nothing is going to take it away from me."

  I’m at a loss for words. I want him so much but I'm so scared. I don't think I have the strength to try again.

  The doorbell rings, and Richie smiles. He’s looking forward to this; he's been wanting to meet everyone. I scrub my hands over my face. "You look beautiful, Nat,” he whispers, and I gaze up at him. "You always look beautiful." He leans down and places a kiss against my lips.

  "I better answer the door." I tell him as the doorbell goes off again.

  "Tell me, Richie," Grant begins, a bite to his tone. "Are you planning on staying around this time?"

  I was wondering when someone was going to say something. Everyone has been here for three hours already, and they've all been on their best behaviour. I had presumed that they'd made a pact, that for the sake of me and Malachy they weren't going to say anything. I thought if anyone was going to say something it would be Penelope.

  My eyes drift to Richie, who's sitting beside me on the sofa, he doesn't look nervous, in fact he looks relieved.

  "I'm planning on staying. I fucked up. My dad died and then my brother died, I have a mum and sister who are still grieving, we all live the loss of them every day. I stayed with them until I knew it was okay to leave, that I wouldn't lose another family member." His voice cracks and he looks down almost as though he's ashamed.

  Tears fall as I hear the utter heartbreak in his voice, and I reach over and take his hand. I can feel everyone's eyes on me, but I don't care. Yes, he left, and it hurt, and he should have told me, but I understand why he did it. I understand why he couldn't come back to me. He grabs hold of my hand like it's his lifeline, his thumb caressing my palm.

  "I'm sorry for your loss Richie," Jess says softly and I give her a smile, I told her and Penelope everything when I got back from meeting Richie two weeks ago.

  Richie nods his head sharply, his body rigid and his jaw tense; he's uncomfortable. I move closer to him, and his hand moves from my hand to my thigh. I don't move it; instead, I place my hand over his.

  "I understand that you were grieving, that you had just lost two family members," Penelope begins, and I stare at him and then at her, begging her not to say anything more. "That doesn't excuse you from not calling her and telling her why you had to go or better yet being a man and telling her you had to leave in the first place."

  "You’re right, it doesn’t excuse me. I should have told her, and I wish that I could go back and do it over. I'd do it differently." His head is held high, he's making eye contact with Penelope.

  "How many times are you going to hurt her?"

  His jaw grinds. "I have hurt her more times than I can count, and I'll be forever sorry for that. I wish that I could take her pain away, but I can't. I'm the one that has to live with the fact that I hurt the woman I love. Me. I did that. Do you have any idea what it's like to know that the person you love more than anything in this world is crying because of you? Hmm? I do, and let me tell you, I will do whatever it takes to make sure she never feels anything but love and happiness."

  Oh. My. God.

  "That's all well and good saying that. Again, they're all words. You weren't there when she was in labour and all she wanted was for you to see your son being born because she knew how much it would mean for you to see him. Even in the midst of labour she thought of you. Did you think of her for the year you were gone?"

  Penelope won't stop, and everyone's quietly looking on. I get that they want to understand why I'm sitting this close to a man who hurt me, but the truth is I love him, and seeing him talk about what's happened hurts, when he hurts, I hurt.

  "Pen,” I beg, I want her to stop.

  “Nat, it’s okay. She loves you and she wants to ensure that I’m not going to hurt you again. I won’t. I understand that it’s just words but I’m going to show you every day just how much I love you and that I’m here to stay, with you. With our son.” His fingers squeeze my thigh.

  She goes to say something, but Grant holds up his hands. "Babe, enough. We've said our piece, and he knows that
I'll hurt him if he hurts her or Malachy again." He turns to Richie. "They're family."

  Richie nods. "Understood.”

  "Good, now let's have a drink and relax." Grant reaches onto the table and passes Richie one of the beers.

  I breathe a sigh of relief, finally able to relax now that they've had their say. I blow Grant a kiss, and he winks at me. I’m so grateful to have both him and Penelope in my life.

  "Babe, do you want me to get you a drink?" Richie whispers, a smile on his face. "Before you say anything, I'll sleep on the sofa, and if Malachy wakes during the night, I'll see to him. You deserve to let your hair down."

  "Okay, just one." As soon as the words are out of my mouth, he's up to get me a drink.

  "Bye!" I wave goodbye to Jess and Hunter. They're the last two to leave, although by moments; Penelope and Grant got a taxi five minutes ago. I close the door and hear movement in the kitchen. I follow it and see Richie cleaning up. "You didn't need to do that, I would have done it," I tell him crossing my arms over my chest as I stand in the kitchen doorway.

  He turns, that gorgeous smile of his lighting up the room. “I know you would have, but I told you that you need to relax. Besides, it's done now, and it didn't take that long."

  "Thank you."

  He walks over to me. "I like your family."

  I laugh. "We're an odd bunch but yeah we're all family." Who would have thought that I would have a family?

  We're face to face, his breath hot against my skin. "I do love you Natalie."

  I nod. " I love you too."

  His lips descend on mine, I gasp at the roughness of this kiss. He takes full advantage of my open mouth by sweeping his tongue in.

  My hands automatically tangle in his hair, tugging at it to bring his mouth closer to me. God, this kiss is everything I've dreamed of. His hands go to my arse and his fingers dig into my cheeks.

  I pull away from him to catch my breath. "Richie," I moan. There’s only one place this is going to lead and I'm not even going to stop it.