Carter's Devotion (Blackwater Bears Book 3)

by Lynn Howard

  Anger built in Carter’s system until he was shaking with it. “He can’t have you!” Carter yelled, pointing at June around Noah.

  “What?” she said, her brows furrowing deeper.

  “You’re mine. Jackson can’t have you.”

  “You need to calm down,” Luke said, standing and moving closer to June.

  Why the fuck was Luke moving so close to June. Was he trying to steal her away, too? Carter looked around to see if anyone else was checking out his woman.

  “Carter,” Colton said, standing and laying a hand on Carter’s shoulder. “Sit down, brother. You’ve had too much to drink. You’re being an asshole.”

  “Fuck you,” Carter growled out, shoving Colton’s hand away. His entire Clan was on Jackson’s side.

  Wait. That didn’t sound right. None of his thoughts made sense. His brothers would never try to take his mate away. But Jackson would. But, Jackson wasn’t there. Shit.

  Carter lowered onto the chair, grabbing the sides when he almost toppled to the side. He gripped his head in his hands and propped his elbows on the table. “Fuck,” he muttered.

  “Get him some food,” Noah said, probably to Shawnee.

  Food did not sound good. His stomach roiled at the thought. “June,” he groaned out. “Where’s June?”

  He saw her sit beside him from the corner of his eye.

  “Can I please have my keys?”

  “No,” she said. He could hear the anger in her voice but couldn’t raise his head to look at her.

  He tried. And it had been a mistake. The last thing he remembered was her eyes wide as he swayed to the left and hit the floor hard.

  Chapter Nine

  June’s mouth hung open as Luke, Colton, and Noah hoisted Carter to his feet and pretty much dragged him outside. She ran out behind them and opened the passenger door on his truck. “I’ll take him home.”

  She’d have preferred to have her own vehicle, but there was no way his big body would fit very comfortably in the back seat, let alone the front.

  “I’ll ride with her,” Luke said. Good. Because there was no way June could get Carter into the cabin by herself. She wasn’t small or weak, but Carter was huge.

  June waited by the hood as the three male Clan members shoved Carter’s body into the back seat and closed the door.

  “What the hell was that all about?” Noah asked.

  “June’s ex was at her job. Carter wanted to beat his ass. June stopped him,” Luke said as he took the keys from June and climbed into the driver’s seat of Carter’s truck. June had planned on driving, but whatever. She’d just follow in her car if Luke was driving. That way, she wouldn’t be stuck at his house until the morning. Because she really had no intention of staying the night. She was pissed. She was beyond pissed. She was hurt. And confused. And sad.

  Colton and Noah frowned at June.

  “Why was he there?” Noah asked.

  “Not that it’s any of your business, but he was trying to apologize.” And June didn’t believe his apology for a second. But that was none of their business, either. These guys could be her allies, and even, someday, her family. She just didn’t want to talk about it now. She wanted to talk to Carter about it. That wasn’t going to happen tonight.

  Noah and Colton exchanged a look. Luke started the truck and pulled out of the parking spot while June was still standing there. Well, then. Maybe she wouldn’t bother following to help the jerk get Carter into the house.

  “Do you want him?” Colton asked. Colton was harder to be mad at. The guy always seemed so happy. And he was sweet.

  “Jackson?” June asked as she pulled her own keys from her purse. Colton nodded. “No. I don’t. But Carter didn’t give me a chance to explain what happened. It wasn’t that I didn’t want Carter to kick Jackson’s ass. I didn’t want either of them going furry in the middle of my job.”

  Colton nodded. Noah nodded. They both looked as if they understood. In fact, there was a ghost of a smile on Colton’s face. “Yeah. That would’ve been bad,” Colton said.

  “You think?” She pulled her door open. “I’m going home. Will Luke be okay with Carter?”

  “They’ll be fine,” Noah said as he turned and headed back into the bar.

  “I’ve never seen him act like that,” Colton said, his eyes on the spot where Carter and Luke had disappeared down the street. “He must be crazy about you.”

  “That’s how he acts when he’s crazy about someone? That’s how to push me away,” she admitted as she dropped into her car and started to pull the door shut.

  Colton stopped it and bent at the waist to look into the car at June. “He’s in love with you. Trust me. I’ve known the dude for a long time. He might not tell you that, but he is. Let him sober up. He’ll feel like shit tomorrow but take it easy on him.” Then he pushed the door shut and tapped the top of her car.

  He didn’t need to say all that. Wasn’t like she’d have a choice. Already, her leopard was begging her to rush over to Carter’s house and check on him. Her animal wanted to make sure their mate was okay. Oh, and she wanted to rub herself all over his body and cover him in her scent. And get him naked.

  June sighed heavily as she pulled out of Moe’s parking lot and headed home. Constance and Carol were both home. “Girl time!” she yelled as she pushed through her front door.

  Within minutes, both women were stepping through her door, their arms full of junk food. She should really lay off the junk, but not tonight. Tonight, she was going to drown her sorrows in calories and saturated fat.

  “What’s going on?” Carol said, spreading the food on the coffee table. Instead of sitting at the table, all three women crowded around the coffee table with Constance sitting on the floor.

  “Carter’s such an asshole,” June said, ripping open a bag of tortilla chips.

  “Why? What happened?”

  June told them everything, from the way Carter had held her all night, to the note he’d left, to Jackson’s appearance, to the moment Carter was driven away by Luke.

  “Wow,” Carol said.

  “He was that drunk?” Constance asked before popping a chip into her mouth.

  June nodded. Her heart hurt. Really, she’d wanted to go to Carter’s and be his nurse. But she didn’t want to reward his behavior. He was beyond old enough to know better. He was middle-aged, but God’s sake. How did he think he could drink that much anymore? The last time they’d drank that much they’d screwed for hours and marked each other. One would think he’d learned his lesson.

  “What are you going to do?” Carol asked. She popped the cap off a beer and handed it to June. Constance carried the other four to the fridge.

  June shrugged as she shoved a guacamole covered chip into her mouth.

  “Bull shit,” Constance said.

  “What?” June said.

  “You know damn well what you’re going to do. He’s your freaking mate. You two can’t avoid it.”

  She hated that. June hated that she had no control over her future. She was really into Carter, but seriously…was this how he was going to behave every time something pissed him off? She’d thought he was more in control than that. She’d like the idea of finding…love?...so late in life. She figured they’d be mature and could avoid all the games. Oh. But noooo….

  “I hate this,” June said, flopping her head back against the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Popcorn finish. With glitter. Who the hell does popcorn finish on their ceilings anymore? And why the hell was she focusing on that? Probably because it was way easier than focusing on the fact her mate got rip roaring drunk, acted a fool, puked, then demanded June give him his keys so he could drive home drunk.

  “Why don’t you just go back over there?” Constance said, a wry smile crinkling the corners of her eyes.

  “Why? So I can watch him puke or pass out?” June said, wagging her head side to side as she kept it rested against the cushions.

  “So you can take care of him,” Constan
ce said, her brows waggling up and down.

  “Ew. No. I’m not into drunk dudes,” June said. “I’m just going to eat until I can’t move, take a long, hot shower, then go to bed.”

  And that’s exactly what she did. She ate so many freaking tortilla chips she got overly thirsty. By the time Carol and Constance left, she’d drank at least four glasses of water. Which, of course, just meant she had to get up three times throughout the night to pee. Didn’t matter. There was no way she’d be able to sleep, anyway. Her thoughts went in circles, chasing each other. She wanted to be in Carter’s arms but refused to play these juvenile games. She was pissed at Jackson for causing it, yet thankful that he’d helped her to see another side of Carter. Sure, he had the right to want to protect his mate and even pissed at the guy who’d caused June heartache, not just the night before, but for the past two years.

  But he didn’t have the right to treat her the way he had tonight. Was that an indicator of their future? Was that how he would act every time he got pissed? She couldn’t handle that. She didn’t want to deal with that.

  Yet…

  Her heart ached from being away from him. After sleeping in his arms, her heart had grown closer to him. She wanted him. She…loved him? Was that possible? It hadn’t been long, but she knew she’d never felt this strongly for another man. With or without the mating bond.

  ****

  By the time June’s alarm went off, she’d been staring at the wall for at least an hour. She’d barely had any sleep and felt it in every cell of her body. She was pretty sure even her hair was exhausted.

  With a groan, she turned off the incessant buzzing and shuffled to the shower. With her head hanging down, she washed off the night before and finished getting ready for work. The stupid bar was open for breakfast on Saturdays. Which meant she had to get up earlier than normal. She’d have much rather taken the day off, stay in her PJs, and sulk for the rest of the day. But nooo. She had to be responsible and make a paycheck.

  She sighed as she stared at her swollen eyes and dark circles. Life seemed so much easier in her twenties when she could just call in sick and borrow money from her parents.

  Grabbing a jacket and her purse, she stepped out and pulled the door closed. And froze when she found Carter sitting on her porch, his head resting on his forearms.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I’ve been here all night,” he said, his voice muffled. He didn’t even raise his head to speak.

  “What do you mean you’ve been here all night?” June asked as she climbed down the stairs. She stopped at the bottom and leaned against the railing.

  He finally raised his head and motioned toward the truck. “I made Luke bring me last night. I was scared my bear would force its way out.”

  June turned toward the truck and frowned. Luke was asleep in the driver’s seat, his head tilted back, eyes closed, mouth hanging open.

  “What? Why?”

  “I’m sorry,” he grumbled. His voice was scratchy and deep. He was definitely feeling the effects of his overindulgence from last night.

  “Not good enough,” June said as she turned and headed toward her car.

  Every boyfriend had apologized each time they’d hurt her in the past. Those two words were just that to her – words. They meant nothing. Because every single time someone would apologize, they’d repeat the behavior, only telling her they were sorry either because they’d been caught lying or they were trying to assuage her feelings.

  June glanced up at Carter as she pulled away. He was watching her, his blood shot eyes filled with so many emotions she had no desire to interpret. She had to get through the day and dwelling on his feelings and how he’d behaved last night wouldn’t make that any easier.

  Of course, not dwelling didn’t make her any less awake or the day any easier. She was tired. Her brain and heart were tired. When she was a child, she’d naively believed that everything would be simple if she found her true mate. She’d believed all of life’s mysteries would be solved when she’d become mated to someone she truly loved and was meant to be bonded to.

  But life wasn’t simple. At least her life wasn’t.

  By the time she’d waited on her last customer and clocked out for the afternoon, she was dragging. Her eyes felt full of grit and her arms and legs felt heavier than normal. She just wanted to get into some comfy clothes and become a zombie in front of the TV. Maybe even watch a chick flick or two until she fell asleep on the couch.

  June’s car bounced along the gravel road leading to her Pride territory and she almost slammed on her brakes and threw it in reverse when she spotted Carter’s truck still parked outside her trailer. Had he and Luke stayed all freaking day? Why not go home and wait for her to call?

  Luke wasn’t there. Carter was by himself, which meant he’d taken Luke home and come back. Had she told him at some point what time she got off today? Or had he just waited all day for her to return?

  And should she give him a few brownie points either way?

  Carter stood the second June pulled close enough. His eyes were still a little swollen and the shadows under them matched her own. But he no longer looked like he was still feeling the effects of the alcohol. At least not the fun effects. He definitely looked hung over. And…sad?

  “Hey,” he said when she got close.

  June hoisted her purse higher on her shoulder and crossed her arms under her breasts. “What are you doing here?”

  Carter shoved a hand roughly through his hair, causing it to stick up all over the place. She couldn’t tell if he’d showered or not, but she didn’t exactly plan on sniffing him any time soon.

  “I’m sorry, June. Please believe me. I don’t even remember half the night. Luke had to fill me in.”

  “Oh. You mean like the part where you assumed I had something to apologize for? Or was it when you almost fell out of your chair? Oh, I know, when you raised your voice at me for taking your keys away so you wouldn’t kill yourself or someone else.”

  His eyes dropped to her feet and she could’ve sworn they were glassy. Like he was holding back tears. “For being such a dick and disrespecting you. I wish I had an explanation, but I don’t. I just…” He inhaled deeply and his bottom lip quivered slightly. Was he holding back tears for real? She’d never seen a man cry before. Surely not over her. “When I saw Jackson there and saw how upset you were, I almost lost my shit. When you begged me to stop, my bear…I don’t know. He freaked out. I was scared I was going to Shift. But worse, the way that fucker looked at me when you asked me to stop. All smug and shit. And then I started wondering if all this…” He huffed out a breath and put his hands on his hips. “I’m ashamed to say I felt doubt. Not about the way I feel about you. But the way you feel about me. And then I freaked out. And I tried to drown my sorrows like some cliched country song. And the rest,” he said, his voice softer. “Well, you know the rest. None of it is an excuse. I just wanted to explain why I left and promise you I will never behave the way I did last night. Ever.”

  June continued to stare at him. “How am I supposed to believe that, Jackson?”

  “Carter,” he said, his voice going deep and growly.

  “What?”

  “My name is Carter.” The tears were gone. His brows pulled together so low they cast his eyes in shadows. “You called me Jackson.”

  Well shit. That was the last thing she’d meant to do. And it wasn’t like she didn’t know his name. Really, it was because she was so used to Jackson hurting her and making excuses, giving her reasons for his behavior. But Carter wasn’t Jackson. He’d just made a bad choice and she’d gotten to be witness to it.

  “I know your name. I’m just used to having this conversation with him. I never believed I’d have to have it with you. I thought you were different.”

  She turned and stomped up her stairs and threw her door open. Just before she slammed it shut, she looked back at Carter. Those tears were back.

  “Please don’t shut me
out.”

  June hesitated, her hand wrapped around the thin wood of the door. Dammit. Shoving it open all the way, she stepped into her house and assumed he’d follow her in. She wouldn’t outright invite him in; this was the best she could do.

  Carter’s steps were slow and heavy as he trudged up the stairs and into her foyer. He closed the door softly behind him and stood with his hands shoved deep in his pockets, his head hanging low.

  Tossing her purse onto the kitchen table, she turned and leaned her hip against the counter and crossed her arms. He still didn’t look up at her. She could see the shame in every line of his face.

  “Carter,” she said, keeping her voice low. He raised only his eyes to her face. “You should’ve just talked to me.”

  His head nodded up and down quickly but in smaller movements. “I know.”

  June looked around, not sure what to do or what to say. She was tired, though. And tired of being on her feet. Without offering him a seat, June took the few steps from her tiny kitchen and into her small living room. She dropped onto her old, run down yet incredibly comfortable couch with an exhausted and slightly frustrated sigh.

  “I’m sorry,” he said again. “I know you probably don’t believe me, but I am. I’ve never behaved that way.” His hand dragged down his face, pulling the skin around his eyes. “Fuck.” The curse was muttered barely above a breath.

  “Sit down,” she said, jerking her head toward the seat beside her when he made eye contact with her.

  Carter’s movements were stiff and almost pained. He sat with a groan, his knees popping loudly. It was another reminder of their age. June almost chuckled at the sound and the thought that they were two middle aged Shifters fighting like teenagers.

  “What can I do to make this right, June? Tell me. Anything. I’ll do it,” he said, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and turning his head to look back at her. “Do you want me on my knees? I’ll do it. I’ll beg and grovel. Just…don’t leave. Don’t shut me out. I swear it’ll never happen again.” He did one of those hiccups people did after drinking too much and winced. “I can promise you on everything I have and am I’ll never do that again.”