by Alison Mello
Courtney met his gaze, staring directly into his eyes. Those were the eyes she fell in love with. The beautiful, trusting, kind, and loving eyes she once valued. She took in a sharp breath, grabbed her purse, and stepped out of the car. William rose from his crouched stance and shut the door behind her. She reluctantly walked to the front door. She stopped short of the entrance and looked behind her as if taking in freedom for the last time. William noticed but dismissed his displeasure at her conduct and unlocked the door. A mixed feeling of gratitude and dread rushed through her as she inhaled the familiar scent of the place.
She detected the scent of the lavender and citrus candles and diffusers she had placed all over the home. After all these months, she wasn’t expecting everything to remain the same, not even the smell, but it had. Two new items stood out, the sight causing her to stop dead in her tracks. She didn’t know how to feel about what she was looking at—the two paintings she had sold to an anonymous buyer. She was disappointed, betrayed, as she gaped at the artwork she was so proud of. The sale made her feel independent, like she didn’t need William to survive. She’d thought the universe believed in her and the sale was proof that she could survive on her own. This was her harsh truth. She was nothing without him. He’d brought her here to prove to her how stupid she was to think she could go out and grab the world by the balls. What a joke she was. She felt his presence behind her just as a tear escaped her eye.
“Court?” he whispered.
“Is this why you brought me here?” She frowned and took a step back.
“What do you mean?”
“To prove to me that I am weak? That I can’t survive out there without you? That once again you came to my rescue? You’ve been paying my bills all this time?”
William took a step back, clearly confused. This was the last reaction he had expected from her. That was not his intention, not in the least. He ran his hands through his hair then shoved them into his pockets.
“That was not my intention, Court. You have to believe me. This was me trying to prove to you that I do believe in your dreams and I am sorry I did not support you in the past as I should have. This was to prove to you that I am fully on board, and wherever your dreams take you, I’ll be right by your side. It was not my intention to ridicule you in any manner.”
She sniffed back her tears and brooded over his justification, assessing whether or not to trust him. This was all so overwhelming. She wished she had the power to read minds and emotions.
William stretched out his hand beseechingly, and she hesitated for a moment before reaching out and placing her hand into his. He took a step forward, and she shivered from his proximity. A familiar feeling. His eyes sparkled as he stared into hers, looking for any encouraging indication of hope, and from the seductive stare she now wore, he indeed recognized the chemistry between them.
“Come, let’s have dinner and talk.”
She smiled when the delicious aroma of her favorite spinach lasagna filled her nostrils. “You had to do it, didn’t you?”
“I aim to please you, my love.” He pulled a chair back and gestured to her with a nod to have a seat. She accepted his offer and got comfortable as he served her, something she never thought she’d see again. William was always attentive when they met. He always cooked and served her. He was familiar around the kitchen, and Courtney was his student. He took time to coach her on how to prepare his favorite meals, the right ingredients to use, the appropriate timing to marinate his favorite steaks, how to mix the best cocktails, and she enjoyed every moment of it. She never cared much for lasagna until she met him. He was a connoisseur of cheese. The refrigerator was always packed with all types of cheeses, an obsession Courtney never fully grasped. A bite into his lasagna had Courtney moaning. He always got it right, the sauce, flavor, and the rich texture.
She winked at him. “You should look into opening a restaurant.”
“If you promise to fill the restaurant with your paintings, I would.” She frowned at him, and he said, “I’m serious.”
“I wish you’d thought of this and made that possible in the past. We would have been much happier, but you hated me, William. You hurt me over and over. Why? What did I do so wrong? Was it because I couldn’t give you kids? Your family begged you to divorce me. Why didn’t you? Instead you beat me, raped me, and abused me in all kinds of evil ways. Ways I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. You ruined me, and you know my history with abuse, yet you made me a victim, again and again. What did I do to you, William?” She dropped her fork on the plate, quickly losing her appetite.
William swallowed nervously. He wasn’t expecting things to escalate that fast. He held his breath until she was done venting, and he bowed his head in shame. Avoiding her eyes, he spoke in a low tone, as if hearing the words he spoke would hurt his ego. “I am sorry, Court. No words I can say would justify how I have treated you in the past. I love you, and we have been through so much together. That you can’t question. You are right about many things. Yes, my family presented me with an ultimatum to annul our marriage or get disowned and stripped of my position in the company. I’d be replaced by my sister’s husband, Wayne, which he’d gladly have accepted. Their children would bear the Peterson name. The pressure was getting to me. Court, I was dealing with your illness, the company, and my family. It got to me, and I selfishly took it out on you. I destroyed us and everything we built. I did all that because I couldn’t leave you. I can’t leave you. You are my heart, my joy, and my pride. I couldn’t comprehend why that was so hard for my family to accept.”
“Because I don’t live up to their principles and social standards, William. I am a nobody, a peasant, and a gold digger in their eyes. We’ve known that since we got together. It’s never going to change. You can dress me up in all the expensive clothing and adorn me in lavish jewels, but they will never see anything but what I truly am.”
William vigorously shook his head, and Courtney thrust her seat back. She stood up and approached him. “It’s okay, William. It is what it is.” She stopped in front of him, and he angled his body to face her, looking into her eyes with shame in his. Despite her makeup, he could see the lines of stress under her eyes and around her mouth, her weight loss, and the thinning of her once-luscious hair. His folks were right; he ruined everything he touched.
“How do I make this right, Court? Tell me and I will. I don’t know what to say or do.”
“There is nothing you can do. It’s already been done.”
“Please don’t say that.”
“If I return to you, I’ll never forgive myself for causing your disinheritance. Who is to say you wouldn’t wake up in another five years despising me for your misfortune? I can never give you kids. I don’t have millions in my bank account or own any businesses. What do I have to offer you? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I should never have come here. This was a bad idea. This is your chance to make it right with your family and sit on the throne that rightfully belongs to you. Don’t let me hold you back.”
William shoved his chair back and stood to his full height, hovering over her. “What is life with riches when you don’t have happiness?”
“You’ve never been poor. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“That’s true. I’m clueless to the real world. I might not survive without my parents’ backing, but that’s okay, and you know why? Because I’ll have you. I thought I loved you, but when you left, I realized something daunting. I was dead without you. I have a purpose here on Earth, and that is to protect, support, and love you. I will not deviate from that purpose any longer. Let me be the man I promised to be, Courtney. Forgive me for my weakness, and let’s just start over, please.”
“I’m with someone else, William. I moved on.” Her throat went dry and her voice became unsteady.
William became rigid with his mouth open. Courtney couldn’t read his expression, and a feeling of unease and trepidation little by little crept in. Was he going to hit her to exhibit his di
sgust, his rage, and his disapproval like he always did? But he didn’t make a move. He simply closed his mouth and swallowed, turned around, and headed in the direction of the living room. Courtney pulled in a sharp breath then held it, her hand positioned on her stomach to help calm her nerves. After a few seconds, she exhaled and went after him. He was sitting on the couch with his body leaning forward, his hands clasped together, deep in thought.
“You had me followed for months, William. We don’t need to play this game. You knew it. You must have already known.”
He avoided eye contact with her. “No, I didn’t. He was to ensure your safety, not to report your daily immoral activities.”
Courtney dwelled on the guilt for hitting him with the truth the way she had. She took the seat beside him.
“You love this man?” William asked.
After a brief pause which felt like a lifetime, she nodded. “I do.”
He scoffed. “You move pretty fast. Did you ever love me?”
She grimaced. “You’re hurt I get it, but that’s not fair. I did, and you know it.”
“Did, huh?” He threw his hands up. “I get it. You’ve never been in a relationship with any man besides me, so it’s understandable you connected easily with another. It’s refreshing, one might say, and it’s okay. I screw up every good thing that comes my way. You included.”
He stood up and treaded to the front door but halted. Courtney sat shamefaced. She had imagined the night going many ways, but not like this. He was wounded. She saw tears in his eyes, not sure what to say or do. One way she assumed the night would end was to agree to William’s proposal and move back home, start afresh, but not this.
“I should take you home, if you don’t mind,” he said and walked out.
Tears filled her own eyes, even though he deserved it. He’d been good to her from the moment he walked into the gentlemen’s club and into her life. He was her savior, her protector, her love. What had she done? She exhaled and wiped away her tears before following him. He was already in his car with the ignition on, his solemn face looking ahead. She sat in the front seat and shut the door, pondering what to say, but nothing remotely right came to her. Instead she kept to herself, and so did he during the entire drive to her apartment. When the car came to a screeching stop in front of her home, they stared at each other, his hand firmly attached to the steering wheel, his knuckles whitened from the firm grip. Surprisingly, he spoke his next words calmly, contradictory to how he rightly felt.
“I’ll have Grayson draw up the divorce papers as soon as possible. I don’t want to hold you against your will any longer. You deserve to be happy, and clearly I’m standing between you and your freedom.”
“William…”
“We’ve been separated for a while, Court. This is what you wanted. You did nothing wrong but try to survive. I deserve this. We both know that. Grayson will be in contact with you. You don’t need to get a lawyer. It will be simple and straightforward. I’ll ensure you’re well taken care of.” He paused, the haunting silence that stretched between them marred only by their breathing. “Goodbye, Courtney.”
She stiffened, in total shock by the events of the evening. He nodded to the door, urging her to get out. She obliged and exited the car on shaky feet. He drove off the moment the door closed. Staggered, she gaped until the car disappeared into the night.
CHAPTER 15
Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves -regret for the past and fear of the future.
~Fulton Oursler
“You want to place that mug down? You’ve been nursing it for a while. That coffee must be cold.” Zachary shifted closer to Courtney, and she moved awkwardly away from him.
“Is everything all right with you?” he asked curiously.
“Yes.” She placed the mug on the table and moved her body further away from his reach. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
“You care to share?” Zachary persisted.
Courtney shook her head. “Not really.”
He grimaced. “Okay?”
She shook her head and shifted her body so she was facing him. “Tell me how the market research is coming along.”
Zachary simpered. The new project had been a source of comfort to him. A chance to start anew and prove not only to himself but to Courtney that he could be strong for both of them. “It’s been great, actually. I am not business savvy, but Chris and Scot are.”
“Chris and Scot?”
“Yes, I’ve got to introduce you to the guys. I served with them on both tours. They weren’t dishonorably discharged like I was, but we kept in touch.” His voice fell low with regret.
“It’s okay,” Courtney assured him.
“We fantasized about this moment our whole lives. At the time, it was unreal, something to help us through the trying times. Life does have a funny way of turning things around. You know, Scot saved my life once. Well, more than once, actually.”
“Do tell.”
“We were in Taipei when I found myself in trouble with some locals over a simple misinterpretation. Call it language barrier. I tried to prevent an accident from happening, involving a woman and her two teenage daughters. A truck carrying livestock was going about sixty miles per hour on a narrow, unpaved road. The women crossed the road without looking. I ran in their direction and shoved all three of them out of the way, but unfortunately two got hurt in the process, and I found myself on top of one of the girls.”
Courtney sniggered. “That’s bad.”
“You think? Those locals assumed I was sexually harassing her. Of course they didn’t speak English, so getting my point across was my predicament. Useless…” He chuckled and took a swig of his beer. “Four men rushed in and attacked me. I took a few punches to my skull and stomach before Scot was able to diffuse the situation with a few threats of his own. I was hurt pretty badly.”
“The women didn’t say anything in your defense?”
He scoffed. “Of course not. Women have no voice in such places. What the man says is what goes.”
“That happens everywhere,” Courtney mumbled under her breath, but Zachary caught her words.
He shrugged it off and took another sip. “I’d like you to meet the guys soon.”
Courtney’s brows knitted in concern. She was lost and had a firm warning nudging her at the pit of her stomach. You are rushing into this, Courtney! Mavis’ advice to her about taking the time to get in tune with her soul before jumping into any commitment rang in her ears. Again, she moved away from his proximity.
Noticing this, Zachary set his beer bottle on the counter. “All right, Court, what is it?”
“Don’t call me that.” Only William called her Court. It was too personal, and it caused her to jump out of her skin.
Zachary stepped back, bewildered by her cold reaction to him. Had he done something wrong to upset her? He immediately thought back to his sleep disorder. Had he hurt her in the night without realizing? What was she keeping from him? Icy fear clutching at his heart, he asked, “What is going on, Courtney?”
She dropped her gaze and stood, walking further away from him. “I’m getting a divorce,” she said, and her words took him aback.
“Okay? So…you served him the divorce papers?”
She shook her head. “No, not exactly. He found me. We talked and realized it was best we dissolved the marriage. Truthfully, he did, and I’m not sure if that’s what I want anymore.”
His expression clearly revealed how her last words affected him. He leisurely rubbed the back of his neck and looked away. “So you’d rather stay married to him? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I don’t know.”
His piercing eyes insisted she explain what she was thinking.
“I told him about us,” she added swiftly.
“Oh?”
“I won’t lie to you, he was ready to reconcile. I accepted to go on a date with him to figure out what I wanted, mostly to see if my absence affected him as it shou
ld. And it had. He was sincere with his approach, and I believed him. To wipe the slate clean, I told him about you, and that changed everything. I hurt him. This kind of betrayal is one he can’t look past.”
Zachary chuckled coldly. He couldn’t believe his misfortune. Just when he thought he’d found his soulmate, the only woman who truly understood him, listened to him, and helped him through his crisis, she did this to him. It was a vicious blow to his heart and ego. Her words prompted bad memories, and he sensed himself gradually falling into a violent rage. He indeed loved her. Very much. And he couldn’t afford to do anything that would jeopardize what they’d shared in the short time they’d known each other. To avoid any unfortunate incident, he snatched his keys off the kitchen counter and headed in the direction of the front door.
“Zachary?” Courtney called out.
“Let’s talk later,” he said and slammed the door behind him, leaving her abandoned in the middle of his living room. Tears wet her cheeks, and she regretted dropping such a cold, callous bombshell on him without considering his feelings or mental state.
CHAPTER 16
Disappointment to a noble soul is what cold water is to burning metal; it strengthens, tempers, intensifies, but never destroys it.
~Eliza Tabor
Corey slid the beer on the bar countertop to Zachary, and it skidded gracefully into his palm. He nodded in gratitude and took a sip before setting it on the coaster. A glance in the enormous mirror behind the bar revealed a troubled man. It had been over a week since his last contact with Courtney. He couldn’t bring himself to forgive her. She’d managed to trigger something he had been working hard to suppress, something that terrified him. His demon, flaw, and a source of his failures. For a while he kept her in a place of safety. She was his motivation, a second chance at just not love, but life. A chance to rewrite his wrongs. She proved to him she was only mortal. Not the divine protector from his dreams, the uncomplicated, unsophisticated goddess he thought her to be. She had betrayed him and left him out in the cold. His marriage was already broken into unrecognizable pieces; he didn’t want to be the reason for another broken home. He loved her, her mind, body, and soul. However, he was wrong for her, and he knew it from the start, yet his soul needed to be quenched, his sanity restored, and she came along with the optimism he desired.