by Wolf, Bree
Louisa’s jaw tensed. “That is none of your concern.”
He took a step closer. “Why not?”
“That is not for you to know,” she snapped, backing away as he approached.
Stopping in his tracks, Phineas heaved a deep sigh. “Why are you hiding yourself? Why does this frighten you so?”
For a long moment, Louisa simply stared at him, unable to believe her ears. “How can you ask that? After teasing me endlessly? After making fun of me wherever you could?”
Anger tensed his features. “I did not know,” he replied in a dark voice. His shoulders drew back, and once again he took a step toward her. “I already told you that. Why is it that you cannot believe me? I never knew, and the way I spoke to you over the past two years had nothing to do with it. It couldn’t have. I spoke to you the way I did because of the way you spoke to me.”
Louisa scoffed, “Can you truly blame me? Can you truly expect me to speak to you politely after hearing you utter these words?”
Huffing out a deep breath, Phineas raked a hand through his hair. “Of course, I understand now. But I did not then. I did not know that you had overheard what I’d said. How was I to know…any of this?” His gaze seemed to darken as it burned into hers. “Whenever I spoke to you, you lashed out at me. Whenever I entered the room, you left.” Staring at her, he shook his head. “What was I to do? Yes, I understood well that you hated me, but I had no idea why.” He surged forward, and his hand closed over her wrist, pulling her closer against him. “And you never said a word.”
Glaring up at him, Louisa jerked on her arm, trying to free herself. “What did you expect me to say? The way you spoke to me never failed to make it absolutely clear how little you thought of me.”
Frown lines encroached upon his forehead. “What?” he demanded, utter surprise in his voice.
“You insulted me,” Louisa told him with a scoff. “Don’t act as though—!”
“How?” His hand still wrapped around her wrist almost felt hot to the touch. The pulse in his neck beat wildly, an echo of the blazing emotions only too visible in his dark gaze.
Louisa lifted her chin, forcing herself not to bow her head, but hold it high and look at him. “You called me Lulu.”
His eyes widened. “That was not meant as an insult.”
Louisa laughed, “It certainly felt like one.”
“But it wasn’t,” he gritted out.
“Well, I did not like it, and you knew that I didn’t. It could not have escaped your notice that I loathe that name. Why then did you continue to call me that if not to insult me? To see me squirm? To revel in the knowledge that your words could wound me so deeply?”
His breath came fast now, his chest rising and falling rapidly. His hand upon her wrist tightened, and the other reached out to grasp her around the waist, pulling her into his arms. He tilted his head downward to keep his eyes fixed on hers, and she could feel his breath against her lips. “I called you Lulu,” he whispered almost menacingly, “because it kept you near me.”
Louisa felt her brows draw down as she looked up at him in confusion.
“Whenever I drew close, you would all but run from me. Yet, when I teased you, when I called you Lulu, you did not. You remained and answered my challenge with one of your own.” The hand on her waist moved and settled on the small of her back, his gaze briefly dropping from hers and touching upon her lips. “Your eyes would blaze with anger and passion. I could see the pulse thundering in your neck and knew that at least on some level I affected you as much as you affected me.”
His words overwhelmed Louisa, stealing the breath from her throat and sending a shiver of temptation down her back.
“I enjoyed our heated back-and-forth,” Phineas whispered, a bit of a playful smile coming to his face as he finally released her wrist, his hand rising to grasp her chin. “Still, I always hoped that one day your anger would drift away and leave behind only passion.”
Louisa did not know what to think or feel. The meaning behind his words was unmistakably clear, or was it not? But was he being honest? Was he speaking the truth? Could she dare trust him?
Her heart urged her down that path, longing tugging her toward him. Her mind, however, cautioned her, remembering the many moments she had been hurt. Despite his explanations, she ought not believe him, ought she? Phineas Hawke was a man who said what he needed to say to get what he wanted, was he not? His reputation was far from clean, and more than once she had heard wicked rumors about his amorous activities. Had those simply been lies? Exaggerations?
“The day of your cousin’s wedding,” he whispered, something soft and almost vulnerable now in his voice, “was your wager the only reason you kissed me? Did you truly feel nothing?”
Afraid to reveal more than was wise, Louisa dropped her gaze, searching frantically for something to say.
A soft chuckle reached her ears before she felt his fingers upon her chin tighten, urging her to look up at him. “I daresay,” he spoke, his lips closer to hers than was safe, “your reaction is quite telling.”
The need to protect herself, to keep him away washed over her, and Louisa lifted her hands, one to his chest and the other to grasp the hand that still held her chin. “Release me,” she demanded, her voice, though, was far from steady.
Slowly, his gaze never leaving hers, Phineas shook his head. “Do you feel something when I hold you? When I kiss you?” The pad of his thumb brushed over her lower lip.
Louisa trembled, cursing her treacherous body for revealing all that she felt.
The right corner of his mouth curled upward. Then, to her surprise, he released her. His hands fell away, and he took a step backward.
Louisa instantly missed the feel of him, his warmth, the temptation he presented. She longed to feel his skin against her own, his strong arms wrapped around her. But that was not wise, was it?
“I never meant to hurt you,” Phineas told her, regret darkening his features, “I’m deeply sorry for doing so unknowingly. Nevertheless, nothing that happened changes what I want. The only question is, what do you want?”
Breathing hard, Louisa stared at him. It did not change what he wanted? What was it that he wanted? Had he said so and she had missed it?
His dark eyes looked deeply into hers. “I want you,” he told her softly. “Perhaps I did not court you as I should have.” He chuckled, “I admit, I made a mess of things by saying what I said. I put us on a path that could only have led to disaster. But I’m grateful that we finally talked.”
Louisa barely heard the words that followed. All she had heard were the first three, and those three sent her heart into an uproar the moment they were spoken, I want you.
“Do you not believe me?” he asked, no doubt noting the disbelief upon her face. “Or is it simply that I am mistaken? That your emotions were never fueled by passion, but by anger alone?” He exhaled a slow breath. “Do you want me to go? Do you not want me to be here? With you? At Whickerton Grove?”
Indeed, Louisa had loathed the very sight of him. She had hated him for seeking her out here, at her home a place where she felt safe. She had wanted him to leave and never come back.
But she did no longer, did she? At least a part of her knew that his departure would bring sadness and regret. She would miss him. It was a shocking revelation, and for a moment, Louisa was too overwhelmed to form a clear thought.
It was that moment, however, that her heart seized its chance.
Without any thought at all, Louisa found herself stepping forward, closing the distance between them. His eyes flickered over hers as she reached up her hands to cup his face. Her toes pushed her closer, and she stretched up to capture his mouth with her own.
A low growl rumbled in his throat, and his hands seized her immediately, yanking her against him as he dove into their kiss.
Louisa felt him everywhere, his hands, his lips, his body. They were fused to one another, their heat mingling. She had felt echoes of this before when he had
kissed her in the alcove as well as only moments ago. It felt familiar, and yet, still utterly intoxicating. In that instant, Louisa doubted she would ever be able to pull away, to break the connection that had so unexpectedly formed between them.
Phineas, too, appeared almost possessed. Gone was the softness and thoughtfulness, replaced by an almost desperate need.
I want you.
Indeed, his words seemed to be true, each touch, each kiss proving them right. He did want her, and truth be told, she wanted him as well. It was a beautiful thought, but it was quickly crowded by others. Even if he wanted her now, would he still want her tomorrow? Did he simply desire her? Or was it a deeper feeling he had for her?
As her rational mind once more took over, Louisa broke the kiss and stepped away, feeling his reluctance to let her go in the way he tried to hold onto her. “I need to think,” she panted, seeing the desire in his eyes, an echo of what coursed through her own veins. She retreated another step, needing a bit of distance to clear her head. “I don’t know if… I don’t know how…” She shook her head. “I need to think.”
Inhaling a deep breath, Phineas nodded. “Do so,” he told her, a smirk coming to his face, “but don’t for a second believe that you will be able to pretend with me a moment longer.” In two long strides, he closed the distance between them, his head lowering to look down into her eyes. “Now that I’ve felt your passion, you won’t ever be able to deny it again.”
A small smile teased Louisa’s lips. “You are incorrigible. I don’t know why I bother.”
Phineas grinned at her. “Then think on it,” he urged her, a wicked gleam coming to his dark eyes. “Perhaps you’ll discover the reason.”
“Perhaps I will,” Louisa replied, taken aback by this odd energy humming in the air around them. It no longer felt as it did before. Somehow it had changed.
“Come and find me once you do.”
Granting him one last teasing smile, Louisa turned around and strode away. Her legs felt heavy and her feet moved with great reluctance. Indeed, she would have much rather liked to walk in the other direction, toward him instead of away from him. But she did need to think.
A lot had happened, and her mind was utterly confused. Who was Phineas Hawke? And how did she truly feel about him?
Two questions not easily answered.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Visitors
Over the next few days, Louisa did not dare venture into Phineas’ presence alone. The mere sight of him alone made her feel dizzy and brought heat to her cheeks. She felt foolish, like a young girl, when she had not even felt like this when she had been one.
Cheerful voices echoed through the house as everyone ventured downstairs for breakfast. Anne and Tobias fit into their family perfectly. In truth, Anne had always been like another sister, and she and Tobias suddenly felt at home at Whickerton Grove.
Sitting together, they laughed and chatted across the table, food being passed around and comments exchanged about everything and nothing. No one held back. Everyone spoke their mind. It was as it had always been in their family.
Grandma Edie chuckled, “I admit I wagered a good deal of money on whether or not you two would ever tie the knot.”
Tobias’s jaw dropped, and he turned to look at his new wife. “Did you now?” Then his gaze rose to meet Grandma Edie’s once again. “Did you win or lose?”
Across the table, Chris, Harriet and their friend Sarah giggled, exchanging amused looks and whispered words.
Again, their grandmother chuckled, “Now wouldn’t you like to know that.”
Everybody laughed. Even Leonora cracked a small smile, her eyes still downcast and her face just the smallest bit paler than usual. While she often took meals with everybody, mostly she seemed absentminded, her replies to questions halfhearted at best.
Of course, her family had noticed. Their mother and father often exchanged worried glances, something meaningful passing between them. Louisa knew that their mother had tried her best to speak to Leonora, but it seemed for a reason Louisa could not understand her sister was determined to remain silent on the matter.
On what had happened the night of the masquerade.
Not even Grandma Edie was able to reach her. Though, she too had tried. Everyone had as it seemed, but Leonora remained stubborn.
Troy set down his teacup, nodded to their parents in quiet agreement and then cleared his throat to catch everyone else’s attention. His pale blue eyes quickly swept over his family, lingering here and there, before he spoke. “I simply wish to take this opportunity to inform you all that I have invited my old friend Christopher Hurst, the Earl of Lockhart, as well as his sister Lady Hayward to stay with us for a fortnight. I believe, they shall be arriving sometime this afternoon.” With that, her brother seemed finished, not an additional word leaving his lips as he pushed to his feet and then left the room.
“Lockhart?” Grandma Edie frowned. “Was that his childhood friend? The one who spent the last few years traveling the continent?”
Louisa nodded, but before she could say anything, her father spoke. “Indeed, he is. I believe he only recently returned to England.”
A warm smile came to her mother’s face, and she exchanged yet another one of those meaningful glances with her husband. “It surely will be good for them to see each other again. They were so close when they were young. I do believe Troy missed him dearly when he left.” A slight frown came to her face. “His departure was rather abrupt, was it not? Do you recall why he left?”
Harriet laughed, “I assume to travel the continent.” Chris and Sarah joined in.
Louisa rolled her eyes at her sister but could not quite keep a chuckle from leaving her lips. When she turned back, her gaze briefly met Phineas’, and she felt her cheeks heat once more. Was this a sickness? For it certainly felt like one. Whenever he would look at her, Louisa could all but feel it like a touch. Did he feel the same? Or was it only her?
After breakfast, Louisa all but fled from the parlor. She knew she was acting cowardly, but she still had more thinking to do. Nothing seemed to be simple as her thoughts drifted everywhere and nowhere. Nothing made sense, and she could not bring herself to answer even the simplest questions. What was even more annoying was the fact that she could not stop thinking about Phineas, about their kiss, about what he had said to her. It made her feel wonderful, special and filled her heart with deep longing.
Oddly enough, Phineas seemed to understand that she needed time and space. He was never far away, their eyes meeting often, always sending a thrill of awareness through her. Still, he never approached her, but merely smiled in that infuriatingly tempting way of his as though he knew her thoughts better than she did.
Walking through the gardens one afternoon, Louisa heard hasty footsteps trying to catch up with her. She stopped in the middle of the path and turned around. Shockingly, her heart sank when she found Lady Hayward and not Phineas hastening after her.
“Is there anything I can help you with?” she asked the young woman, who had been a close friend long ago before life had pulled them apart.
Lady Hayward had been born the same year as Leonora. Strangely enough, her parents had named her Leonora as well. When they had met and realized they shared the same name, the two Leonoras had found a bit of an unusual solution.
They had agreed to share it.
In fact, they had cut it in half, each keeping one and relinquishing the other. Thus, Louisa’s sister had been called Leo, henceforth, while Lady Hayward—before she had married and become Lady Hayward—had from then on been known as Nora.
A smile came to Louisa’s face as she remembered their joyful childhood days. Not only Troy and Christopher, the new Earl of Lockhart, had been close friends, but Nora, too, had been one of them.
A rushed breath escaped Nora’s lungs, and she pressed a hand to her chest, breathing in deeply. “I admit I wish to speak to you.” She glanced over her shoulder at her brother as well as Louisa’s si
blings nearby. “In private.”
Louisa frowned, and her gaze swept over Chris, Harriet and Sarah—once again playing with Sir Lancelot—before it drifted to where Phineas, Tobias and Anne were walking among the rosebushes. “Is something wrong?”
For a moment, Nora simply looked at her, her dark brown eyes almost the same color as her mahogany hair. She looked lovely, her cheeks flushed from her short sprint, and her eyes aglow with something Louisa could not quite grasp. “In fact,” she began rather quietly, casting another glance back at the house, “I do believe it is.” She pulled Louisa’s arm through hers, and they proceeded further down the path. “I believe something is very wrong with Leo, and I came to talk to you about her. Do you know what has happened? She’s not acting like herself. I admit I have not seen her in a long, long time, but I cannot shake the feeling, that she is suffering.” Nora’s warm, dark eyes looked at Louisa, a friend’s compassion clearly visible in them. “Is there anything I can do?”
Louisa swallowed, torn about what to do or say. “I do believe you’re right,” she finally said, feeling strangely at ease in Nora’s presence despite her long absence. “Something happened that I am afraid I cannot speak about. I am not certain what it is. I’ve tried to speak to Leo, but she is shutting me out. She refuses to say anything.” A deep sigh drifted from her lips. “I don’t know what to do.”
Nora stilled, her gaze strangely distant. “Do you think she would speak to me?” she asked, and her dark brown eyes once more returned to Louisa. “Sometimes, it might be easier to speak to someone outside of the family. I might be a friend, but we have not seen each other in years.” She chuckled slightly, but it had a sad undertone to it. “Perhaps I would qualify as a stranger.”
Doubting that Nora would have any more luck than Louisa had had herself, she smiled gently at the young woman who had once been an incredibly good friend. “You’re welcome to try,” she told her. “I urge you not to be disappointed though when you find that she will reply with nothing but excuses.”