by Wolf, Bree
Nora nodded. Again, her gaze became distant before it suddenly cleared, lingered on something far beyond Louisa’s shoulder and then dropped abruptly.
Louisa frowned at Nora’s strange behavior. Still, something about the way she had just dropped her gaze echoed within Louisa’s heart as though she ought to know what it meant. “Are you all right? You, too, look sad.” She squeezed Nora’s hand warmly. “How is your husband?”
Nora had been married quickly after her introduction into society. Four years had passed since, and the radiant, exuberant young woman Nora had once been seemed to have disappeared. She was still kind and caring, but she no longer smiled the way she used to. It was one of the first things Louisa had noticed upon Nora’s arrival at Whickerton Grove a few days past.
Nora’s features tightened, all emotion leaving her eyes. “He is well,” she said in a hard voice. “At least as well as can be expected.” She swallowed, then blinked, an apologetic smile coming to her face. “There is no need to speak of him. I’d much rather hear about you.”
Louisa frowned, her heart tensing at the tortured look in Nora’s eyes. “Is he not treating you kindly?” she asked, knowing that she was likely overstepping a line; but she simply could not help herself.
To her dismay, Nora did not object or try to explain away any shortcomings her husband might have. She simply drew to a halt, sadness clinging to her features.
“You’re not happy, are you?”
Nora’s lips thinned, and tears began to glisten in her eyes. “There is no point in lamenting what is, is there?”
Louisa tightened her grasp on Nora’s hands, hoping to give at least a little comfort. “There might be comfort in speaking to a friend.”
Nora sighed. “Perhaps you are right,” she whispered. “Perhaps I have hidden away in the country for too long.” Once again, she looked up at the house. “I believe Leo is doing the same. I know how much it crushes the soul to retreat from the world, to see no other way to deal with something that you cannot forget.” Her gaze returned to Louisa. “You must find a way to help her…before she loses herself.”
Gritting her teeth, Louisa nodded, cursing that helpless feeling deep in her chest that told her no matter what she did, nothing would make a difference. “And you?”
Nora cast her a sad smile. “I made one mistake, and I regret it to this day.”
“What mistake?”
Nora sighed, then she turned and looked over her shoulder to where her brother and Troy were just then walking down the path toward the pond. Again, Nora sighed before she turned back to look at Louisa. “I married the wrong man.” The words left her lips in a rush, and Louisa knew without a doubt that right here and right now it had been the first time for Nora to speak these words out loud. “I barely knew him, and I allowed myself to be fooled by smiles and charms.” Again, she glanced over her shoulder to where Troy and her brother were striding past. “I wish I had made a different choice.”
Louisa’s gaze drifted from her old friend to her brother, who rather coincidentally glanced over at her in that very moment. Troy, however, was not seeing her. Louisa was certain of it. Instead, his gaze seemed to linger…upon Nora.
And from one second to the next, everything suddenly made sense. Only too well did Louisa remember the way her brother had drunk himself into a stupor the day of Nora’s wedding. He had disappeared afterward for weeks as though the earth had swallowed him whole. Her parents had been frantic. They had looked for him all over Town. And then one day, he had turned up again, his composure back intact, but his eyes strangely dull.
Again, she recalled the conversation she had overheard between Troy and Lockhart the night of the masquerade. I saw the way you looked at her, Lockhart had said. I know how you feel, but there is no point. Had he spoken of his sister? Did he know how they felt about one another? For clearly, the feeling was mutual.
Louisa gently brushed her hand over Nora’s arm, waiting patiently until the young woman turned to look at her again. “I had no idea,” she whispered, casting Nora an encouraging smile.
To her surprise, Nora blushed, then dropped her gaze, her fingers fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve. “Neither did I,” she whispered back, her eyes rising to look into Louisa’s, “not until it was too late.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
Sadly, Nora shook her head. “It is too late for me, but I pray it is not too late for Leo. Please, tell me if there’s anything I can do.”
Louisa nodded, wondering if there was anything any one of them could do. How did one recover from what had no doubt been a vicious attack? Louisa could only imagine what had happened; yet, the way Leonora had staggered toward them, her face pale and her dress torn had painted a disturbingly vivid picture.
Heaving a deep sigh, Louisa glanced at Phineas, wondering about the sadness that seemed to linger everywhere these days. Had something changed? Or had life always been thus? Perhaps as children, they had simply not been aware of it, of the harshness, the unfairness and the many disappointments suffered throughout a life lived.
Was there any way to turn it around?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Another Wager
Staying away from Louisa was torture!
Nevertheless, Phineas knew that she needed to be the one to seek him out. It had to be her decision, not his. He was done urging her, pressuring her, persuading her. If she wanted him—and by heavens, he hoped she did!—she needed to be the one to take a step toward him.
Days passed, and Phineas found that he lived from glance to glance and smile to smile. Whenever her deep green eyes looked into his—even if only for a moment—he felt it all the way to his bones. He felt unsettled, and yet, strangely at peace. Excitement coursed through him, and he longed to rush to her side, pull her into his arms and kiss her yet again. Oh, the way she had kissed him! Not a night passed that he did not relive these few precious moments they had shared, hoping for more to come.
Still, he needed to be patient.
“Are you all right? You seem distracted,” Tobias remarked, as he eyed him carefully.
Phineas shook his head to clear it, trying to remember what they had been speaking about. “I’m perfectly fine, merely bored with this conversation.”
Tobias chuckled, “Is that so? And here I thought you were still obsessed with my new cousin.”
Phineas rolled his eyes at his brother, aware that he was failing miserably at maintaining any sort of composure. “You are enjoying this, aren’t you?”
Tobias laughed, slapping him on the shoulder. “Do you even have to ask?”
Phineas refrained from answering, reminding himself that Tobias had every right to tease him, to mock him even. After all, he, Phineas, had been most entertained by his brother’s attempts to woo Anne, and what had probably been worse, he had not even tried to hide his amusement.
Right now, right here, Tobias was getting even.
“Have you ever considered talking to her?” his brother asked mockingly. “Without insulting the poor girl, of course?”
“I did,” Phineas replied, his jaw clenching with each word to leave his brother’s mouth, “and I have.”
Tobias stopped laughing, a bit of an incredulous look coming to his eyes as he stared at him. “You have?” His head moved, and he turned to look down the slope to where Louisa stood with Lady Hayward, deep in conversation. “And?”
“And what?”
Now, it was Tobias’s turn to roll his eyes. “And what did she say? Does she care for you? Not that you could blame her if she didn’t,” he remarked with a bit of a chiding laugh. “Not after the way you have been treating her.”
Phineas felt his insides burn. Indeed, he had not insulted her on purpose. Of course not! Yet, it seemed that he had, that she had understood every word from his lips as a way of trying to humiliate her. How had things gone so very wrong?
Rather gently, Phineas felt his brother’s hand settle upon his shoulder. When he turned to loo
k at him, the expression on Tobias’ face was no longer one of mocking; in fact, a warm smile rested upon his face. “She cares for you,” he said then, these words the last Phineas had expected to hear in that moment.
His shoulders tensed, and his heart seemed to pause in his chest. “How would you know?”
“I don’t,” Tobias admitted. “However, Anne believes it to be so.”
Phineas dared meet his brother’s eyes. “She does?”
Tobias nodded. “She does.”
Phineas inhaled a slow breath, savoring the intoxicating thrill that coursed through him at the thought of Louisa, of her affections belonging to him and him alone. It was a thought that lingered and kept lingering until darkness fell that night, until the sun rose once again the next morning.
It was then, after breakfast, when everyone was leaving, eager to be off and seek out some new activity or entertainment that Louisa stepped past him in the hall. Her eyes rose to settle upon his, and she paused in her step for no more than a moment. Her lips parted, and she leaned closer before whispering, “Meet me in the clearing.”
Then she rushed away.
For a moment, Phineas simply stood and stared after her, a part of him utterly convinced that he had merely imagined her. But then excitement began to bubble under his skin. His heart began to beat faster with anticipation, and his feet moved forward without conscious thought. He rushed out of the house and into the gardens, down the soft slope toward the grove. He stepped in-between the trees, here and there catching a glimpse of her emerald gown as she slipped ahead of him through the trees toward the clearing.
And then he stepped out into the sunshine, his eyes falling on her as she stood there the way she had the last time he had caught up to her.
Her golden tresses gleamed in the soft morning light. Her cheeks were rosy and warm, and her eyes shone brightly and full of eagerness. Still, the way she wrung her hands, her shoulders just a little bit stiff told him that this was far from easy for her.
“Admit it,” he dared her with a daring grin, his feet slowly carrying him closer, “you like me.”
Instantly, the tension left her face, and she laughed out loud, shaking her head at him in a most adorable way. “Never.”
Coming to stand in front of her, Phineas felt all but entranced as those deep green eyes looked into his. Something wicked and teasing, something utterly bewitching twinkled in them, and he wondered in that moment if he would ever tire of simply looking at her. “At least, my kiss you like.”
The warm rosy glow upon her cheeks seemed to deepen, but she held his gaze. “Perhaps,” she conceded to his utter surprise, the corners of her mouth curling up into a temptingly sweet smile, one that was teasing and honest all at the same time.
Inevitably, it drew his attention down to her mouth, his gaze lingering until a soft chuckle drifted to his ears. “It seems you liked mine as well.”
Meeting her eyes, Phineas wanted nothing more than to draw her into his arms and kiss her yet again. “You have no idea,” he told her, his jaw clenched almost painfully against the impulse to feel her lips beneath his. He breathed in hard, reminding himself that passion was all well and good, but in the end, he wanted more.
He wanted her trust.
Her confidence.
Her heart.
Phineas could see that she too felt the temptation that seemed to swirl around them, drifting here and there on the soft morning breeze. And so, he cleared his throat, forcing his gaze away from her lips and asked, “Is there something you wish to speak to me about?”
Instantly, Louisa’s gaze seemed to darken, clouded with something she would rather not dwell on. “I’m not certain,” she admitted, doubt in her voice. “I thought a lot about what you told me last, about many other things, too.” Her eyes lingered upon his face as she slowly shook her head as though seeing him for the first time, unable to align what she knew about him with the man before her. “Ever since…” The look in her eyes told him exactly which moment she was referring to. “I’ve seen you as my enemy, someone who threatened all I held dear. Every word from your mouth proved that for a reason I could not grasp you had made it your life’s mission to make me feel…awful about myself, about who I was. Every time I looked at you, I felt reminded of all these emotions, and I hated you for it.”
Hearing how he had made her feel, even unknowingly, unintentionally, made Phineas want to punch himself for having been such a fool, for having been so blind. Yes, she had always been angry with him and he had wondered about that, but here and there he had also seen a glimmer of pain in those deep green eyes, had he not? Yet, he had never wondered why it had been there. He ought to have! If he had, then perhaps they might have reached this point, right here, right now sooner.
“I heard what you said,” Louisa continued, her gaze growing distant as she began to pace around him, the hem of her dress absorbing the early morning dew. “And I realize now that I judged you too fast, too harshly.” She turned to look at him. “Still, when I look at you, I cannot help but feel as I did before.”
Phineas nodded. “I understand, and I do not expect you to place your trust in me this instant. Things have gone horribly wrong for a long time, and it will take time again to right them.” He stepped toward her, wishing to reach for her hands, but he did not, fearing that it might distract them from what they needed to speak about. “All I ask is that you give me a chance to prove to you that I have no ill intentions. I never did.”
Her eyes searched his. “It feels strange to speak to you in this manner,” Louisa said, a slight frown coming to her forehead. “We only ever argued and snapped at one another. To speak to you now in this way, it feels surreal, does it not?”
Phineas smiled at her. “You’re not wrong. I admit I feel out of my element. When I see you, it is like an instinct to tease you, to look for your eyes blazing with fire, to see the pulse in your neck quickening with every word I say.” He stepped closer, and this time his hand did reach out, the tips of his fingers slowly trailing down her arm. “Though, I always hoped for a different outcome: for you not to rush off in anger, for you to realize that what you felt was more than you thought.”
The look upon her face whispered of surprise, disbelief. “You never said a word.”
“Neither did you.” His fingers trailed down her hand, feeling the warmth of her skin against his own. He watched her glance down before meeting his eyes once again, her chest rising and falling with a slow, slightly unsteady breath. “You thought I knew, and yet, when I asked, you never said a word. Why?”
Her teeth sank into her lower lip, and for the longest moment she remained silent. “I admit, I wondered if you truly knew or if you only suspected, if you had observed something, a moment that had made you suspicious. I wasn’t certain, and so I never dared speak of it.”
Phineas laced his fingers with hers. “Will you speak of it now?”
At his words, she tensed, her fingers curling around his. It sent a stab of regret through Phineas’ heart, and yet, he knew that her reaction did not mean that she did not believe him, but instead that years had taught her to fear revealing her secret to another.
“I promise I shall not mock you or tease or laugh at you in any way,” Phineas vowed, his gaze holding hers, willing her to see that he was sincere. “Neither shall I ever breathe a word of this to anyone without your permission. Trust me.”
Again, her chest rose and fell with a slow breath before she nodded, her lips parting as she searched for words. “I don’t know why,” she began, something resembling relief slowly drifting onto her features. “I don’t know how it happened, why I did not learn. My sisters and I, we had the same tutor, the same lessons, but they learned, and I didn’t.” Her eyes closed, and Phineas knew that her mind was drifting back to a time long ago. “At first, I did not notice. I was able to read passages from stories we had discussed. My eyes flew over the page, and my mouth formed the words. It was only later, at some point, when I suddenly realized t
hat I wasn’t truly reading, but remembering. I was always so quick to remember everything, poems, stories, almost word for word.” Her eyes opened, once more settling upon his. “At first, I did not notice, and once I did, it was too late.”
The embarrassment that stood upon her face broke Phineas’ heart. He could only imagine how she had felt in these moments, too frightened, too humiliated to confide in anyone, even her sisters. “And no one else ever noticed?”
Tears blurred her eyes as she shrugged. “Of course, I cannot be certain. Perhaps every now and then, one of my sisters suspected something or thought my response was odd. However, they never said a word, never asked me.”
Reaching out, Phineas gently cupped her cheek, the pad of his thumb brushing away the tear that had spilled over. “How?” It was only a single word, and yet, Louisa understood exactly what he was asking.
A dark chuckle left her lips, and she moved closer as though seeking comfort. “I’m not certain. Once I knew, I tried my best to hide it, to avoid situations that might reveal what I could not do. I’ve always been good at memorizing, and so I worked hard to remember everything anyone ever read to me. I would repeat the lines in my head, again and again, until I would hear them echoing in my dreams. I offered to read when I knew exactly what something was to say so that it would not seem so odd when I declined other times.” She swallowed, and her head lowered. “Letters and notes always posed a problem, but I quickly thought up a number of excuses for any situation that might arise. I feigned disinterest, fatigue, preoccupation, anything I could think of. So far, it’s always worked. Even if they frown at me, I don’t think they ever questioned my ability to read.”
Phineas slipped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her against his chest, breathing in deeply as she rested her head against his shoulder. “I always knew you to be quick-witted,” he whispered against the top of her head, pride swinging in his voice. “Your mind always worked so fast, capable of anticipating twists and turns. I never for a second suspected anything.” Once more, he grasped her chin, tilting her head up so she would look at him. “You are one of the most intelligent women I have ever met.”