The Long Distance Playlist

by Tara Eglington

‘You wish you had a hot girlfriend like her to FaceTime. No, man, I’m just wiped from practice.’

  ‘We’re only going for a bit.’ Brad made a face. ‘I don’t want to drive back over the range too late.’

  I heard Joe’s voice inside my head, saying, Stop saying yes to everything. He had a point – ‘yes’ was such a default for me that I was practically the definition of FOMO. My mouth formed the shape of ‘no’, but Connor interrupted me.

  ‘You know, word is that Travis is gonna be there.’

  Travis Rice. Big mountain free rider. Red Bull athlete. Filmmaker. The guy that defined snowboarding in my mind, the guy that everyone else on the scene seemed to have crossed paths with at some point, except me. I knew Travis was in NZ, filming something top secret.

  The ‘no’ became an ‘okay’.

  That’s the word that kicks me in the guts every single day. Sends me spinning down a screwed-up thought tunnel of what-ifs:

  What if I’d said no?

  What if my mouth had let out two letters instead of four?

  Two letters and I’d still have a snowboarding career.

  Two letters and I’d be doing what I loved 24/7.

  Two letters and I’d be travelling the world, rather than feeling like my own has collapsed in on me . . .

  Isolde’s Mobile

  Aidan

  Sunday 26 August, 12:09am

  I’m going to keep calling until you pick up, Isolde. You have to let me explain, babe.

  BABE? Aidan, leave me the HELL alone.

  If you’re not going to pick up the phone, I’m just going to say it – I didn’t mean to hurt you.

  THAT’s the line you’re going with? Please continue. I’d love to hear how you decided that RAMMING YOUR TONGUE DOWN STEFFANIE’S THROAT wouldn’t upset me.

  What I mean is I didn’t plan to kiss Steffanie. We were talking, and then her head was right near mine and it just happened.

  Things don’t ‘just happen’, Aidan. You MADE it happen. At some point, YOU CHOSE to kiss her.

  BTW, I know YOU kissed her because Kelly told me she saw the whole thing – just like EVERYONE else at the party. So YOU kissed her and didn’t STOP kissing her (again, Kelly) until I showed up.

  How do you think I felt, watching you kiss some other girl, when six weeks ago you told me you loved me?

  Isolde, I didn’t mean for it to happen this way.

  ‘To happen this way’? Were you planning to dump me for Steffanie BEFORE this happened?

  No. I’d just been thinking for the last month that our relationship wasn’t working any more.

  Right, you started thinking that two weeks after saying I LOVE YOU. Sounds legit . . . oh, wait a minute, didn’t Steffanie break up with her boyfriend A MONTH AGO? How stupid do you think I am?

  Babe, I don’t think you’re stupid.

  YOU DON’T GET TO CALL ME BABE ANY MORE. THAT’S STEFFANIE’S NAME NOW.

  So, I’m guessing that this last month you were just waiting for the ‘right time’ to end things with me – let me guess, after the audition on Monday, right, so neither of us would screw up that uber-important thing? Then post-dumping, you’d wait however many ‘appropriate’ weeks before hooking up with Steffanie. Classy, Aidan.

  Isolde, let’s be real. The thing with Steffanie wouldn’t have happened if things were good between us.

  You mean – the thing with Steffanie wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t a lying, cheating jerk.

  I wish we’d done this face to face. I didn’t want an honest conversation to turn nasty.

  Honest conversation? I thought that was the one we had at the park six weeks ago, aka ‘I love you’.

  I WASN’T lying when I said those words.

  You obviously were – because you don’t go from loving someone, TRULY loving someone, to wanting another girl in six weeks!

  It was complicated, okay? Of course I felt for you – we were together for five months. But come on, Isolde, 90% of our conversations were about ballet.

  So what? We’re ballet dancers. You KNOW how that works.

  See, that’s just it. Ballet is your whole world.

  I know you’re going to take this the wrong way, but you’re intense, Isolde.

  That quality makes you an amazing dancer. I never told you this, but Ms Morris has told me at least three times over the last few years that you have ‘that thing that can’t be taught’, which everyone knows means ‘you can’t take your eyes off her when she’s on stage’. But maybe it’s that intensity that doesn’t work for us.

  Everything is so serious right now, with class, with auditions . . . I need some lightness now and then. Maybe that’s why the Steffanie thing happened. It’s different with her – she doesn’t take things so seriously.

  So you cheating on me is MY fault. Because I care about things a lot, including you.

  That’s NOT what I meant.

  You know we had more than ballet holding us together. One day, when you finally decide you don’t want to lie to yourself about our relationship just because it suits you, you’ll remember that.

  Steffanie and I have a real connection.

  Oh, go text Steffanie this crap, Aidan. Do everything with her, seeing as she’s your soulmate.

  In fact, why don’t you both tour jeté off a cliff.

  I understand you’re angry. I get it. You KNOW it hurts me to have hurt you. I’m really hoping that one day, we can be friends again.

  Go to hell, Aidan.

  SEPTEMBER

  Saturday 1 September

  North Shore Ballet School

  Sleeping Beauty cast list

  PRINCESS AURORA Steffanie Williams

  PRINCE DESIRE Aidan McNeil

  LILAC FAIRY Isolde Byrne

  CARABOSSE (EVIL FAIRY) Mariah De Santos

  THE FAIRY OF JOY Lilly Martin

  THE FAIRY OF GRACE Aiko Adachi

  THE FAIRY OF GENEROSITY Kelly Heines

  THE FAIRY OF MUSICALITY Isabella Moretti

  THE FAIRY OF TEMPERAMENT Kayla Bates

  THE KING Charlie Morris

  THE QUEEN Hannah Kwong

  ENGLISH PRINCE Will Simson

  SPANISH PRINCE Henry Cho

  HUNGARIAN PRINCE Jacob Walsh

  SWEDISH PRINCE Justin Silverson

  LEADER OF THE HUNT Luca Papadakis

  THE DUKE Jin-Soo Kim

  THE DUCHESS Chloe King

  PRINCESS FLORINE Andrea Li

  THE BLUEBIRD Grace Thompson

  CINDERELLA Alexis Mikhailov

  PRINCE CHARMING Zachary Brown

  THE WHITE CAT Jose Da Silva

  Taylor

  Saturday 8 September

  My last name – Hellemann – means ‘man from hell’.

  I remember the first time Dad told me that, back when I was ten. I thought it was so bad-arse – you know, flames, fire, coming back from the underworld?

  Then Dad explained that ‘Hellemann’ was a Norwegian name, originating from the Germanic word ‘helle’ – meaning ‘steep slope’.

  Hellemann: Man from the slopes.

  Of course, once I knew the meaning of my last name, I had to google the meaning of my first.

  Taylor: Late-Latin, meaning ‘to cut’.

  In snowboarding, to ‘carve’ is to make an arching turn with the edge of your board. You use your body to drive pressure into one edge or the other as you head down the slope, making sure the tip and the tail of the board take the same path. You know you’re doing it right if you look back at your trail and there’s a beautifully slim, curved, razor-sharp line in the snow.

  A perfect cut, in other words.

  Taylor Hellemann: To carve a steep slope.

  I loved that. It felt like my name was some kind of clue to what my life purpose was. Like ‘snowboarder’ was what I was always meant to be.

  That was back when I believed in ‘meant to be’.

  Now I know better.

  Taylor

  Wednesday 12 Septem
ber

  ‘He’s actually chill for once,’ Finn says, nodding at Slash as he sits down next to me on the rocky shoreline of Queenstown Beach.

  He hands me a burger. As always, the first bite proves why our fave burger place is a religion here in QT.

  ‘I know, right?’ I reply through another bite.

  For the first time ever, my dog is more interested in intently sniffing the pebbles around us than zeroing in on the ever-present hordes of ducks that like to doze on the beach.

  Being a husky, Slash’s primal instinct to go after small animals is full on. That’s why for the last year, we only walked the tracks near our house, which were duck free.

  But today is different. Maybe all the training that Slash and I had done together had actually sunk in and we could do this walk more often now. It would give me an excuse to pass by the chocolate shop on a regular basis – pathetic as it sounds, even a quick glimpse of Ellie was a mood lifter. I could try to work out when her shift ended and ‘happen’ to be passing by at that exact time. Odds were, Ellie would find Slash adorable, and that would be my opener for a proper private convo.

  I’m having a great time imagining future Taylor mid-cute-convo with Ellie, when Finn crumples his burger wrapper in his fist and stands up.

  ‘Nope. Spoke too soon. Slash has that look in his eye,’ he says.

  I glance over and see Slash staring at a group of four ducks waddling down to the lake. For a second, the duck in the lead stops, looks dead-on at Slash and (I swear on my life) narrows its eyes as if to say, ‘It’s on, Fluffy Butt.’ The four ducks behind it let out a chorus of quacks that sound like raucous laughter. Slash launches forward, but thankfully, I’ve grabbed his lead in time.

  ‘Let’s get going,’ I say to Finn as I pull Slash away from a standoff that’s seconds from breaking into a Beatrix Potter-style gang war. The ducks continue down to icy Lake Wakatipu, and Finn, Slash and I head past the waterside café and over the tiny bridge to the start of the Queenstown Gardens trail. We’re barely ten minutes into the walk before Slash is determined to head off-trail, and, as my dog has the strength of a small elephant, Finn and I follow him – right down the side of the hill and onto the rocks lining the shore. I unclip Slash’s lead and let him paddle around the shallows of the lake.

  My nose is tingling from the cold now. You can tell that the temperature is going to drop like crazy again tonight, that there’s the promise of snow in the air.

  Finn hates the long winters here in QT, but I’m grateful for them because they mean that for a big part of the year, I’m wearing long pants and my prosthesis isn’t visible. So I guess I should count myself lucky that I live in a place that’s surrounded by snowy peaks – even if I don’t board any more, and that realisation feels like it’s going to kill me sometimes.

  Not to mention the fact that in the name of helping out with the fam’s financial situation, I work casual shifts at a mountainwear store, selling snow gear to skiers and boarders. But a seventeen-year-old with next to no work experience has to take what he can get.

  Finn looks up from his phone. ‘Dad says he’ll swing the car round for us near LV.’

  Finn and I manage to coerce Slash out of the lake and back up onto the path. Everything’s going smoothly until we’re back on the corner of Church Street, and Mr Williams pulls over next to the footpath. At that exact moment, a group of twenty-somethings pass by us. Frisbee in hand, they’re presumably heading for the first frisbee golf point just down the way. Slash’s gaze immediately snaps to the bright-yellow disk, and BOOM, he wants it.

  For the first few minutes, Slash puts his whole heart and soul into trying to break free from his lead. He’s so strong these days that I’m sweating like crazy from the effort of holding him back.

  The frisbee guys disappear, and Slash lies down flat on the pavement, devastated. I tug on his lead, repeating his name, but Slash is determined to ignore me. I move around so I’m face on, but he still refuses to make eye contact. The second that I open my mouth to tell him off, I know what’s coming. If you’ve never seen a husky argue with a human, it goes like this – as soon as you try to get a few words out, said husky will howl-scream on repeat, right over the top of you, drowning out your voice completely. Basically, it’s their way of trying to get the upper hand.

  Slash is bellowing now, and it’s echoing right around the lake. He’s like an overtired toddler having a meltdown in the supermarket, except he’s even louder and more dramatic. The tourists walking by are staring over at me like I’m a dog torturer.

  Finn’s shoulders are shaking with amusement. ‘Your dog is even more stubborn than you are,’ he says. ‘I didn’t think that was possible.’

  Mr Williams is out of the car, anxious to get going – his car’s in a no-stop zone. We’re all trying to drag Slash closer to the car so we have some hope of heaving him into the back seat.

  ‘Holy crap, it’s Ellie,’ Finn whispers to me.

  I don’t want to believe him, but I follow his gaze, and yup, there she is, a metre from us. She’s in her work clothes, so she’s obviously finished her shift and has stumbled straight upon us.

  She’s staring, of course. I don’t blame her – Slash is howling his head off.

  ‘Can I help?’ she says to me, taking a step forward.

  I try to play it cool, going for an ‘isn’t this amusing’ chuckle. The laugh comes out strangled from stress. ‘No – all good here.’

  ‘Seriously, I grew up with huskies,’ she says in that incredible Canadian accent of hers.

  When I was daydreaming about us having a real conversation, this is not what I had in mind.

  ‘It’s under control,’ I insist.

  Right at that instant, Slash goes from ice-sculpture still to sprint racer. Because I’m standing over him, one leg on either side of his body, his bolt throws me off balance and I fall hard, onto my right side, against the concrete pavement. For a second, all I can do is grit my teeth so I don’t let out curse words.

  Finn’s beside me now, looking horrified. ‘Is your prosthesis okay?’

  I know why he’s asking – titanium calf and all, I’ve just slammed straight down on the thing, on concrete. I know he wouldn’t have said the word ‘prosthesis’ if he’d realised Ellie was right behind him, but for a second, I can’t help feeling angry at him.

  Because I can tell from Ellie’s eyes – which have widened ever so slightly – that she’s heard what Finn’s said. Understood what it means.

  Amputee.

  ‘Are you alright?’ she asks me.

  Her voice is concerned. Not pitying, thankfully.

  I can’t answer. My mouth has gone dry, but I manage to nod my head.

  ‘I’ll get the dog,’ she says.

  Ellie runs forward and grabs Slash by the collar. She’s obviously worked her dog-whisperer magic on Slash because the traitor is now Mr Obedient. He’s stopped howling and heeled by her side, waiting for her next command.

  Now that Ellie’s distracted, I feel through my jeans, checking that the prosthesis, just below my right knee, is still secure. It’s a pin-lock suspension system and they rarely fail, but I did fall hard.

  It’s fine. I take a deep breath, wipe my sweaty palms on my jeans and stand up. As Ellie leads Slash to the car, he lets out a whimper, the exact same type that he makes on the odd occasion I fall at home – which doesn’t happen that often any more, luckily. Even though I know what happened wasn’t his fault – he’s just a dog, after all – I’m too annoyed to look at him.

  As I walk to the car and climb into the passenger seat, I manage to throw a ‘thanks for your help’ in Ellie’s direction.

  ‘No problem.’ For a second, she looks like she’s about to say something more.

  I don’t want her to. I know she could come out with something completely unrelated to what just happened, but then again she might not. I just can’t do the whole ‘so you’re an amputee’ twenty-questions thing today. Not while I’m stinging from embarr
assment.

  Finn’s dad starts the car, giving Ellie a friendly wave goodbye.

  Driving out of town, each kilometre taking me one further from what just happened, I can breathe easier. But I’m still feeling shaky, even as we pass Frankton and head around the peninsula to Mum and Dad’s place. I know it’s shock – I haven’t fallen in months – and then suddenly, it happens in front of dozens of people – including the girl I’ve been crushing on for ages now.

  And now Ellie knows the deal with my leg too.

  I don’t think I’ll be going back into the chocolate shop anytime soon.

  Instant Messenger Conversation

  Wednesday 12 September, 11:32pm

  Isolde Byrne: I’m going to kill my mum. She’s had no sympathy for what I’ve gone through the last two and a half weeks.

  Ana Zhang: I’m telling you, give it a few weeks and Aidan’s going to realise what an idiot move he made . . .

  Isolde Byrne: I really thought Aidan wasn’t the average guy, you know? That’s what kills me. Anyway, while I’m still struggling to pick up the pieces of my heart from the floor, I’m forced to face both of them every single day in class. Watching Steff dance the role that I wanted. Instead, I’m dancing the Lilac Fairy.

  Ana Zhang: You know, a lot of people think that the Lilac Fairy is the centrepiece of Sleeping Beauty. She’s pretty much the narrator of the whole ballet.

  Isolde Byrne: She’s not the lead, and that’s the thing ballet directors care about. Plus, worst thing? The Lilac Fairy has to bless the union of Prince Desire and Aurora. Aka my ex and the girl he cheated on me with. Ugh. Anyway, back to what I was saying – knowing all the stuff I’ve been through, Mum has announced my breakup to the WHOLE WORLD.

  Ana Zhang: By the ‘whole world’, you mean . . .?

  Isolde Byrne: She wrote on my Facebook page (because I wouldn’t come out of my room), ‘Isolde, can you stop wallowing over the breakup and come downstairs? I need help with dinner before I skype Maia about the wedding.’ The wedding. That’s all she talks about any more. Which is just weird because you know how she freaked out when Vi first said she was getting married.