The Case of the Graceful Goldens

by B R Snow

  “Yup. But still easier than her trying to come across as human,” Josie said, staring at Jessica.

  “Do we have a problem here?” Jessica said, glancing back and forth at us.

  “Not yet,” I said. “But the day’s young.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand the hostility. One would think that someone with my reputation showing up to do a feature piece on your restaurant might be met with at least a modicum of gratitude.”

  “Modicum. Another good word,” Josie said.

  “Not bad. But I’ve always preferred smidgen,” I said.

  “Okay, so that’s the way it’s going to be all day, huh?” Jessica said.

  “Oh, please tell me you’re not planning on being here all day,” Josie deadpanned.

  “I don’t think I like you,” Jessica said, flipping her hair back with a head nod.

  “Well, now we officially have something in common, don’t we?” Josie said.

  “What is it? Some sort of personal jealousy about my success? Or maybe you don’t like some of the stories I’ve done.”

  “We don’t like any of the stories you’ve done,” I said.

  “Well, I guess that’s why they call it a free country,” Jessica said, rediscovering her fake smile. “Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But all the awards hanging on my office wall tell a different story. I’ve got a dozen.”

  “Yeah, but how many did you have to buy yourself?” Josie deadpanned.

  “Oh, good one,” I said, laughing.

  “Tell me, Jessica,” Josie said. “Did you win an award for the hit piece you did on welfare reform?”

  “It wasn’t a hit piece. But, no, I didn’t,” she whispered.

  “Was that because your former cameraman told your boss you planted the three grand that just happened to be on the floor while you were interviewing that woman in the conference room, right?” I said.

  “That’s an unfounded rumor,” Jessica snapped.

  “And when she slid the envelope into her purse after you stepped out for a minute, you got it all on tape.”

  “That woman was a thief.”

  “No, Jessica,” Josie said. “She was a destitute single mom trying to feed five kids. She made a mistake, but you felt compelled to show it on TV.”

  “That doesn’t excuse the behavior. The fraud in our welfare system totals in the billions. It’s not my fault that people make stupid choices all the time.”

  “Speaking of people who make stupid choices, how is Bob?” I said, smiling at her.

  She flinched but recovered quickly.

  “Bob? Bob who?”

  “Nice try. Tell me, is Bob still conducting his job interviews horizontally?”

  “You don’t want to mess with me,” Jessica said, her nostrils flaring.

  “You’re right, Jessica. I don’t,” I said. “So, if you and your cameraman want to head out, that would be just fine. I’m sure you and Bob can come up with another way to try to humanize you.”

  “Nothing would please me more,” she said, again doing the head flip to get the hair out of her eyes. “But I have a job to do. And that includes doing at least one interview with a local yo-…representative. Please tell me it won’t be you.”

  “No, that would be my mother.”

  “And your mother is?”

  “Going to pay dearly for this,” I said.

  “You’re really not funny,” Jessica said.

  “Disagree. That was a good one,” Josie said.

  “Thanks,” I said to Josie before refocusing on Jessica. “My mother is the mayor of Clay Bay.”

  “How lovely for her,” she said. “Let me guess. In her spare time, she likes to whittle on the front porch.”

  “Just a friendly piece of advice, Jessica. You do not want to cross swords with my mother.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, returning my stare.

  “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  “Where is she?” Jessica said, glancing around.

  “She hasn’t arrived yet. But don’t worry, you’ll know when she does.”

  “Then if you’ll excuse me, I have some prep work to do,” Jessica said, shifting her bag to the other shoulder. “I’d like to say it’s been a pleasure meeting you, but I think we know it hasn’t. Lucky for all of us, this will be the last time we’ll be running into each other.”

  “Actually, that’s not the case, Jessica,” I said.

  “Really? Why on earth not?”

  “Because you’ll be seeing us at the dog show,” Josie said.

  “Oh, you’re dog people. I should have known.”

  “So, on top of everything else, you don’t like dogs,” I said.

  “I hate dogs,” she said. “They’re the epitome of cloying loyalty and misguided obedience. I get more than enough of that from the men in my life. I much prefer the unwavering indifference I get from my cat.”

  “Smart cat,” Josie said.

  “Clever. So, you bought tickets to the big dog show. That’s sweet. You two are quite the social climbers, huh?”

  “Actually, no,” Josie said. “We’re the main sponsor.”

  “I see. Just my luck. My producer goes to Hawaii, and I get stuck with the Yokel Twins.”

  She shook her head and walked away.

  “So, she hates dogs, huh?” Josie said, smiling.

  “Yeah,” I said, nodding. “That could come in handy.”

  “You know, one of you is probably going to have to agree to do an interview with her at the dog show,” Rocco said.

  “Now you talk?” I said, turning to him.

  “I was having too much fun listening,” he said, laughing. “Remind me never to argue with you two.”

  “He’s right,” Josie said. “One of us will probably need to be on camera with her.”

  “You do it.”

  “No way. It’s your turn,” Josie said, shaking her head.

  “How is it my turn? We’ve never done a television interview before.”

  “I’m referring to doing things we both hate.”

  “And?”

  “And I did the last one.”

  “Which was?”

  “It’ll come to me in a minute,” Josie said.

  “You’re the vet.”

  “So?”

  “It’s an interview about dogs. So, you should do it.”

  “I’ll arm wrestle you for it.”

  “No way. Last time you almost broke my wrist.”

  “Rock, paper, scissors?”

  “No, I can never keep it straight what does what to what.”

  “What does what to what? Are you faking a sudden onset of Tourettes?”

  “Funny. Rocco will flip a coin.”

  “Why Rocco?”

  “Because you cheat,” I said.

  “Just that one time,” Josie said.

  Rocco, still laughing, grabbed a quarter from his tip jar.

  “Call it in the air,” he said, flipping the coin.

  “Heads,” Josie said.

  We both watched as Rocco removed his hand to reveal tails.

  “Hah,” Josie chortled.

  “I don’t want to talk to that woman.”

  “Tell you what. All you need to do is modify that old public speaking trick during the interview,” Josie said, laughing.

  “I’m going to need a little clarification.”

  “Instead of picturing the audience as being naked to help you relax, just imagine Jessica bleeding profusely from several well-placed wounds, and you’ll be fine.”

  “That doesn’t help.”

  “Disagree. Just imagine the possibilities.”

  Chapter 6

  By the time we joined my mother at her table, the restaurant was full, the food was hot, and I was still steaming. I sat down between my mother and Alexandra and waited until members of our local clergy led us in prayer. Then I filled my plate and focused on my food. Josie quickly found her form and Alexandra watched
with a look I can only describe as bewildered amazement as Josie demonstrated her capabilities with a knife and fork. Eventually, Josie sensed eyes on her, and she looked across the table at Alexandra.

  “Yes?” Josie said, casually.

  “I was just admiring the way you handle your utensils,” she said, embarrassed.

  “Well, I’m a vet. So, I know how to handle a knife.”

  “Yes, I can see that,” Alexandra said. “That’s a prodigious amount of food you’ve got there.”

  “Prodigious. Good word,” Josie said, refocusing on her plate.

  Alexandra continued to stare across the table in disbelief.

  “What can I say?” Josie said, pausing to glance up at Alexandra. “Dealing with pond scum always makes me hungry.”

  “Josie, please,” my mother said. “That’s enough.”

  “You invited her, Mrs. C.,” Josie said, shrugging at my mother. “That makes her your problem.”

  “She’s someone all of us need to deal with,” my mother said, then caught herself. “Not that she’s a problem, of course.”

  Josie snorted and spooned another helping of stuffing onto her plate, then passed the bowl to Jackson who was sitting next to her.

  “Help me out here, darling,” my mother said. “Jessica isn’t that bad, right?”

  “Mom, I’d rather be forced to watch football all day,” I said. “And that’s enough chatter about the Death Adder. It’s putting me off my food.”

  “You’re a big help,” my mother said.

  “Drop it, Mom. You’re in enough trouble with me already.”

  “It’s just because of the missing dogs,” my mother said to Alexandra. “Normally, my daughter is one of the sweetest people you’ll ever meet.”

  “It’s quite all right,” Alexandra said. “I’m familiar with that woman’s work. Pond scum may actually be too kind of a description.”

  “There you go,” I said, brandishing my fork. “Thank you, Alexandra.”

  “You’re welcome, dear,” she said. “Did you help cook this delicious meal?”

  “We just helped with the stuffing,” I said.

  “Bread ripping duty,” Josie said.

  “I see,” Alexandra said, puzzled. “Well, good job. The sage is easy to pick up, but I’m getting a hint of something else.”

  “I think it’s nutmeg,” I said. “It’s one of Chef Claire’s favorites.”

  “Did I hear you say that you are resuming your search for the dogs this afternoon?” Alexandra said.

  “Right after dinner,” I said, glaring at Jerry the Cameraman who was hovering and filming near our table.

  “Despicable people,” Alexandra said. “I’m not sure what I would do if someone stole my dogs.”

  “I’d like to grab a kitchen knife and bury it in their chest,” I said. “People like that don’t deserve to be walking around wasting all the oxygen.”

  Alexandra chuckled and resumed eating.

  “Are you going to need any help today, darling?”

  “No thanks, Mom. You’ve done more than enough for one day.”

  “My, my. This is quite the hissy fit. You need to let it go, Suzy.”

  It was one of her best voices: One part compassion; two parts warning. And whenever she called me by my name, I knew she was close to boiling over. I thought about it for a moment, then chose to ignore her.

  “Let it go? Mom, I haven’t even started.”

  “We’ll discuss this later, young lady.”

  I flinched but quickly recovered. Still, I knew she caught it. I returned her crocodile smile and nodded at her.

  “You can bet on that, Mom.”

  Jessica wandered across the room toward our table. I wiped my face with a napkin, took a sip of water, then stood.

  “Please, excuse me. I’m going to mingle.”

  “Don’t let me run you off,” Jessica said, laughing.

  “That’s okay,” I said, nodding at Jerry the Cameraman. “I wouldn’t want to be caught on camera doing anything untoward.”

  “Good word,” Jessica said to my back.

  I headed straight for Chief Abrams table. I said hello to his family, then gestured that I’d like a quiet word. He followed me into the lounge.

  “Any word from the CEO yet?” I said.

  “No,” Chief Abrams said. “I hope he didn’t crash into the side of a mountain.”

  “Now there’s an idea,” I said. “Maybe I could convince her to give base jumping a shot.”

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I’m just babbling.”

  “It’s the reporter, right?”

  “Yeah. I started the day with a strong dislike for her, but after I met her, it quickly morphed into an intense hatred.”

  “She’s something else,” he said, shaking his head. “She must have been briefed about the rash of recent murders in town because the first words out of her mouth were to ask me if anybody had died today.”

  “And?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

  “I patted my gun, gave her my best cop look, and said not yet, but the day’s young.”

  “Good for you,” I said, laughing. “My mother is so gonna pay for this.”

  “Try to go easy on her,” Chief Abrams said, giving me a fatherly look I recognized and still missed. “She’s just trying to get the town some much needed positive PR. A lot of the business folks and the town council are getting nervous that all the murders might start impacting tourist season.”

  “As long as nobody figures out a way to drain the River, I don’t think we need to worry about that.”

  “Yeah, probably. But you know what happens when people start worrying.”

  “Are you?”

  “Me? Worried? That’s not gonna happen. If they try messing with me, I’ll just start my new career as a beer drinking fisherman. Until then, as long as they keep making criminals, I’ll be doing my best to catch them. Speaking of which, are you still planning to resume your search this afternoon?”

  “Just as soon as we can get out of here.”

  “Well, if you need anything, just give me a call.”

  “Will do. Thanks, Chief.”

  “Are you ever going to be comfortable calling me by my first name?” he said, laughing.

  “I doubt it.”

  “That’s what I thought. Okay, it looks like dessert is being served. Any suggestions?”

  “Well, I always like to go for a lot of all of it.”

  “Good call. Later.”

  I watched him walk away, then glanced at the bar. It took me a minute to recognize the man with his back to me who was chatting with Rocco, then I smiled and approached.

  “Rooster,” I said, placing a hand on his massive shoulder. “I didn’t know you were here. Thanks for coming.”

  Rooster Jennings swiveled around on his barstool and returned my hug. Rooster was a local resident and longtime friend who liked to be left alone and usually avoided social gatherings like they were communicable diseases. Most other people were more than happy to return the favor. But since we’d opened the restaurant, he’d become somewhat of a regular. Despite the fact that we were lifelong friends, I’d decided that Rooster’s recent willingness to socialize had more to do with Chef Claire’s cooking than it did with our relationship. He ran a year-round small engine repair business on the water and expanded his operation during the summer to include the sale of gas and sundries to tourists at outrageous prices. A devout dog person, Rooster had adopted one of the German Shepherd puppies we rescued from an illegal puppy mill operating in the area several months ago.

  I ran my hand along the lapel of the suit he was wearing and shook my head. Normally, Rooster’s fashion choice didn’t extend past grimy jeans and tee shirts and a pair of old boots he wore without laces or socks.

  “Did you dress up just for me, Rooster?”

  “You caught me,” he said, beaming at me. “The things I do for you, right?”

  “Well, I’m glad you came.”


  “This is a wonderful thing you’re doing today,” Rooster said, staring at me. “A lot of people are going to remember this Thanksgiving for a long time.”

  “Thanks,” I said. “Unfortunately, it’s going to be memorable for another reason.”

  “Yes, I’m sure,” he said, his expression turning dark. “Rocco and I were just talking about what we’d like to do to the people who stole Chef Claire’s dogs. Any luck yet?”

  “No, but we’re heading out soon to give it another shot.”

  “You call me if you need anything, Suzy.”

  “I will, Rooster. Thanks. Say, how’s Titan doing?”

  “He’s magnificent,” Rooster said, beaming. “Smart, loyal, strong as an ox, and able to scare the crap out of mouthy tourists whenever I tell him to.”

  Rocco and I both laughed.

  “You should have entered him in the dog show,” I said. “Maybe they have best at dealing with mouthy tourists as one of their prizes.”

  “I don’t need validation from anybody else about what a great dog I have.”

  He stated it as a simple truth. I smiled and nodded at him.

  “Spoken like a true dog person,” I said.

  Chapter 7

  I headed back to the table to collect Josie and say goodbye to my mother. On the way, I saw Alexandra at another table chatting with several people I didn’t know. She waved me over, and I stood next to the table and glanced around.

  “Suzy, I’d like you to meet some folks who are in town for the dog show,” Alexandra said. “Like me, they didn’t have formal plans for Thanksgiving, so they decided to come in a few days early.”

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I said, smiling but anxious to get on the road.

  “This is Glenn and Abby Wilson. They’ll be showing their wonderful Chesapeake Bay retriever. He’s already won five Best in Group awards.”

  “Six,” the man said, smiling at Alexandra.

  “And don’t forget the Best in Show Monty won last month,” Abby said.

  “Of course,” Alexandra said, her eyes narrowing just a touch. “Silly me.”

  “Since you’re judging the show, Alexandra,” Abby said. “I’m assuming you won’t be entering either of your Goldens.”

  “No, I’ll just be judging the competition,” Alexandra said.