Dark

by Rachel Harley

  ‘What sort of work will you be doing?’ I’m genuinely interested, I’ve never met anyone who’s as highly educated as Carter. He shrugs.

  ‘If I get the grades I’m hoping for, then I can pretty much get a job anywhere,’ he says casually, as if it’s no big deal. ‘If I wanted to, I could start my own consultancy and sell my own programmes. I need to give it some thought, I’ve not made any firm plans as yet.’

  Flaming hell. I wonder for a moment what it must be like to be able to command that sort of attention from prospective employers? Literally walk into somewhere, offer your services and they snatch your hand off? I have no idea what I’d be doing if I weren’t working at The Guardian. Luckily for me, I have the perfect job, but if not for Justin, I’d probably be working in a Burger King somewhere, that’s if I were actually lucky enough to have a job at all.

  We’re on the approach to the yard now, the lanes becoming narrower. Hog weed and clumps of angelica blow gaily in the overgrown hedgerows and I drop my own window now, breathing deeply of the sweet smells of summer.

  ‘Are you staying in Liverpool when you Graduate?’ I ask. This has been niggling at me. He’s only living in the city because of his studies, his home is in Dorset and if he goes back there, I’ll never bloody see him. I feel my face fall at just imagining it and, as the sign for Chapel View Equestrian approaches and Carter pulls into the gravel car park, I feel a soft burn at the back of my eyes. I swallow it down, quickly. This is fucking stupid.

  Carter pulls the car into a corner space and kills the engine, popping his belt and turning to face me. Even though I’ve managed to keep the inappropriate tears at bay, I know I look miserable, my mouth tipped petulantly down at the corners at just the thought of him returning to Dorset and his eyes cloud for a moment when he sees me.

  ‘Pearl – if you’re thinking that I might be returning to Dorset – don’t. It’s the last place I’ll go. My home’s in Liverpool, everything that I want and need is here.’

  His words are light, but his eyes are locked on mine as he says them and they tell me something else entirely. I raise my hand, reaching for his face and sliding it up his cheek, stroking gently. His eyes drift close at the feel of my skin on his and he leans into me, his eyes clenching for a split second as if he’s in pain. He kisses the heel of my hand as he opens the door and we climb out into the mid-afternoon sunshine.

  It’s a beautiful afternoon. Warm, with a light breeze, the odd puffs of clouds drifting lazily over the azure blue sky. I take Carter’s hand, interlacing our fingers as we walk slowly towards the huge outbuildings and as we approach and I hear the excited whinny of a horse, I wonder what the hell Carter’s doing to do for the next hour.

  Watch you ride Nelson, evidently. What else can he do?

  Not much, but I’m sure that won’t bother him. It bothers me, if I’m honest. It was bad enough having Justin, Ellen and Dan and his tribe watching me jumping for the first time, but having Carter watch me is ten times worse. I care deeply about what he thinks and I don’t want to make a total tit of myself in front of him by falling off.

  As the smell of warm dung and equine now begin to reach us, I turn to Carter, pulling him to a stop.

  ‘Have you ever ridden? I ask.

  ‘Yeah. Most of my life, actually – well – at least up until I was sixteen. Nothing after that.’

  I don’t know why I didn’t expect this. He’s from a wealthy family, they’re no doubt horsey and he seems to be good at everything else. He can ski, is just about to complete a Masters, of course he can ride a horse. He tugs my long ponytail gently as he elaborates on his experience.

  ‘The last riding I did was a three week holiday in the States. Two weeks on a working ranch and then a week’s camping in Yellowstone.’ His eyes drift with memories, a lovely smile playing around his mouth. ‘It was fantastic, I don’t know why I haven’t ridden since, really. Not enough time.’

  I wonder if he’d be too big to get on Nelson? Probably not, given Nelson’s own size and fitness levels, and the fact that Carter can ride. A ten stone novice is harder work for a horse than a thirteen stone expert.

  As we walk slowly towards the barn, Carter looks down at me.

  ‘So, how long have you been riding?’

  ‘About eighteen months,’ I say. ‘It’s a childhood fantasy come true! Justin and Ellen blew me out of my socks at the weekend when they gave me Nelson.’

  ‘I’m not surprised.’ Carter attempts a smile but just for a moment his expression looks guarded. ‘He’s an incredible man,’ he says quietly and I nod.

  ‘That he is. I’d put my life on the line for Justin Walker,’ I say, having to bite back the next words that are sitting in my throat. That I already have – went charging into pure evil with Ellen to desperately try to save his life. I’m not getting into that with Carter Jackson yet. It’s too personal, despite the ties that already bind us. I really should speak to Justin and Ellen first, anyway. It’s more personal to the two of them than it is to me and they would no doubt be horrified to find I’d blurted it all out to a man I’ve known for only a few days, despite how perfect he seems.

  I smile as I see Tracey walking towards me, a pile of empty feed buckets in her arms and as we approach, I see her looking at Carter appraisingly. As I reach the door to the barn, she dumps the buckets at the side of the feed store and comes over, grinning and wiping her hands unceremoniously on her jodhpur-clad thighs. She holds a hand out to Carter as I introduce them.

  ‘Tracey, great to see you!’ I say. ‘This is Carter, my boyfriend.’

  He’s still holding my hand and I feel a gentle squeeze from his fingers as he hears how I’ve referred to him. He approves. Tracey shakes his hand, something sparking in her eyes when she turns to me.

  ‘Did you have a good birthday, Pearl?’ she asks, tugging the cap from her head, running her hands through her short hair before replacing it and I nod.

  ‘I did, yeah – it was brilliant.’ I can’t help but look up at Carter for a second, and his dimple appears when he catches my eye. ‘How’s Nelson been?’ I ask.

  ‘He’s great, he’s such a gentleman that boy. A pleasure to be around!’ She grins at us both again. ‘Do you ride, Carter?’

  ‘Yeah, but not for a few years, Tracey. Extensively in my teens, but I seem to have done nothing but work for the last few years and everything else has taken a back seat.’

  There’s a pause for a few seconds and I see Tracey chewing her lip as she looks Carter up and down again before she smiles.

  ‘What were you planning to do with Nelson today, Pearl?’

  I look at her blankly for a moment. I have no idea. Since meeting Carter Jackson, my mind doesn’t appear able to forward think any longer, especially when I’m with him. Being next to him shoves everything else from my brain.

  ‘I don’t know,’ I say stupidly and a strange expression fleets her face, her eyes sparkling suddenly.

  ‘Well, whatever it was, I have a much better idea. It’s a beautiful afternoon – why don’t you both go out for a hack? Ideal chance for you to get to know Nelson a little better – at the end of the shorter trail, there’s an enormous field. Perfect for a flat out gallop!’

  My eyes shoot from hers to Carter’s immediately and he suddenly looks like a little boy on Christmas morning. His eyes ignite with excitement, his full lips curving into a wide smile.

  ‘Thanks, Tracey – I would really love to,’ he says and I resist dancing over to her and pulling her into a hug. I don’t know her well enough yet, really, but I know what she’s doing here. Giving us the opportunity to wander side by side on horseback in the summer sunshine, talking and laughing and learning more about each other. Perfect!

  ‘I’m not in the habit of doing this, I’ll be honest,’ she goes on, ‘but as Carter can ride, I have just the boy who’s desperate to get out for an hour to stretch his legs!’ she exclaims. ‘Come with me.’

  We follow her into the barn, but instead of heading down
towards Nelson’s stable, she goes in the opposite direction, to a bank of four huge loose boxes at the other side of the barn. Her head’s over her shoulder as she talks to us as she walks.

  ‘He’s my husband’s horse, lovely lad, but he needs a bloke on his back who knows what he’s doing. You’ll see what I mean in a moment. Bill, my hubby slipped a disc nine months ago and he’s still not riding yet,’ she says and as we approach the last box in the corner, I suddenly hear a deep whicker. Tracey stops in front of the half door and as I come to stand beside her, my mouth drops open.

  He’s the darkest ebony, aside from a white blaze which shoots down the front of his face like a bolt of lightning. My eyes go up, and up, and I realise just how big this horse is. Massive doesn’t even come close.

  As I stare up at him he snorts, taking a step forward, reaching his muzzle over the door towards me. He has a huge curly moustache, he looks like the Pringle Man and I can’t help but grin in ecstasy as his whiskers tickle my face. Carter’s standing beside me, just gazing at the magnificent horse in front of him, his hand still clamped around mine.

  ‘He’s a Clydesdale-Shire cross,’ Tracey says. ‘He’s just over eighteen hands of melted butter, but he’s very strong, so really only safe for a man to ride. I can just about handle him, but it’s not easy.’ She smiles, reaching up to stroke the wide muscled neck, and the horse’s skin twitches in pleasure at her scratching fingers.

  ‘He’s a cross country champion, and he’s got the ribbons to prove it,’ Tracey says, gazing fondly at the horse ‘He’s semi-retired now, likes to get out occasionally, but is quite happy with his lot. Since Bill did his back, he’s only been lunged and long-reined to stop him losing all his condition.’

  ‘It’d be an honour,’ Carter says, his voice not quite steady and I grin up at him. This is going to be amazing, these good times that are coming my way just aren’t slowing down, everything new and wonderful.

  ‘What’s his name?’ Carter asks, taking a step forward himself now and stroking the other side of the huge horse’s neck. Tracey snorts a laugh and shakes her head.

  ‘Yeah, about that… it’s a tad ridiculous when you look at him, bless him, but his name’s Dave.’

  I look at her blankly for a moment, as Carter throws his head back and really laughs. Tracey joins in, the pair of them smiling at each other and I shake my head. I was expecting Warrior or Satan, but… Dave?

  Tracey wipes her eyes and snorts, which sets Carter off again. ‘His full name is Davidian, meaning Shepherd’s Rod, which is apt, but he’s been Dave since he was a foal.’ She gives the horse a fond look. ‘Kind of suits him now, he looks like a Dave to me. Big soft arsed gentle giant!’

  She rakes her eyes up and down Carter once more, appraising his clothes. ‘The boots’ll be fine, but you’ll be uncomfortable in those jeans.’ She cocks a brow. ‘How tall are you?’

  ‘Six one,’ Carter replies and I feel my stomach flop unexpectedly. Slightly taller than Justin then.

  Tracey smiles. ‘Bill has clean jods in the tackroom, those’ll fit you fine. We’ve got spare hats, too.’ She shoots me a look.

  ‘Pearl, you go and get Nelson sorted, I’ll give Carter a lift and we’ll meet you outside near the mounting block, okay?’ I nod, looking at Carter for confirmation but he just beams at me. He can’t wait for this, it’s written all over him.

  Leaving the pair of them with Dave, I make my way over the other end of the barn to the tack-room and then Nelson’s stable. I see one of the stable girls coming the other way, struggling under an enormous saddle, which no doubt belongs to Dave the Equine Mountain.

  Five minutes later, I’m stretching out Nelson’s legs and picking shavings from his feet. He nudges me, blowing warm breath into my ear and nibbling at the neck of my fleece. I fling my arms around his neck for a moment, shutting my eyes and breathing him in. I’m not sure right at this moment in time which is the best smell in the world, Nelson or Carter.

  Gathering his reins, I shove my hat on my head and pull on my leather gloves as I lead him out of the barn into the bright sunlight. There’s no sign of Carter or Dave yet, but he’s got to get changed as well and find a hat that fits. Running down my stirrups, I lead Nelson over to the block and climb on his back, getting comfortable and then giving him his head whilst he stands quietly and we wait. Within another few minutes I hear the clop of dinner plate hooves and then Carter appears, leading Dave out into the sunlight. My fingers tighten around Nelson’s reins as I look at him, and bite my lip.

  His borrowed jods are black and, um… well, very tight. In fact, they leave nothing to the imagination and, as he turns, leading Dave over to the mounting block and I see the back of him, I feel a clench in my belly and a twitch from my core when my eyes drop to his backside, the hard globes of his firm buttocks encased in the tight black material. I gulp, turning Nelson away before I get the shakes and topple off him.

  I circle him slowly and when I can see Carter again, he’s thankfully in the saddle, Tracey standing at his knee, her face tipped up and she’s speaking to him quietly. Probably giving him tips on how Dave moves, how to give the aids. He nods, then again and then a huge smile as he thanks Tracey and gathers up his own reins.

  I can see immediately that he can ride, even though Dave’s hardly moved a step. It’s the way he sits in the saddle, his heels down, all his weight in them, his centre of gravity perfectly balanced, his hands keeping a light, confident contact with Dave’s mouth. He flashes a look of glee at me as Tracey comes to stand in front of us both.

  ‘Alright. We’ve got loads of hacking trails, but some of them involve roadwork. My advice would be to go through the field at the far end, there…’ she turns and points, ‘… and then you’ll come to a crossroads. Take the right fork and if you’re staying in walk, it’ll take you about half an hour to get back to the yard. The gallop field is right at the end, you’ll come back here in a big circle.’ She reaches up and strokes Nelson’s nose. ‘Enjoy, both of you. If you have any problems ring me, okay? You’ll be staying on the property – so do me a favour, if you notice any broken fence panels, let me know when you get back?’

  Carter nods. ‘Absolutely. Thanks again for this Tracey.’

  She gives him a wide smile and something wistful enters her light blue eyes for a moment.

  ‘Go and have some fun!’ She slaps Dave’s shoulder as we move off, me in the lead and I look around once to see her standing and watching us, a huge smile on her face.

  Bless the woman, she’s nothing short of wonderful.

  Fifteen

  As we enter the first field and start slowly around the perimeter, I look over at Carter. Actually, look up at him would be a better way to describe it. Dave is so huge, he makes Nelson look tiny, as if I’m riding a little pony next to him. His long legs take easy strides and Carter’s relaxed back into the saddle as though he’s been in there all his life, Dave’s reins held loosely in his long fingers. I can just imagine him on a ranch in America, looking like a smoking hot cowboy in long leather chaps and a hat. I try and push the thought away… again. I need to try and harness my brain’s desperate desire to ignite me sexually at every waking moment. It’s not helping me at all.

  He gives me such a loving look as our eyes connect, my heart knocks.

  ‘This is incredible!’ he says, his face so full of happiness for a moment. It’s the most wonderful thing to see. The more time I spend with Carter, every minute that ticks by binds me a little closer to him in every way and I feel ridiculous pleasure at his evident joy. I want him to be happy – how he’s feeling is the most important thing in the world to me.

  So of course, I go and spoil it – my next words swiping the glee from his face immediately.

  ‘Has Toria tried to get in touch with you?’

  I curse myself. Why the fucking hell did I ask that? He looks into the distance for a moment before his eyes meet mine again and they’re dark, clouded.

  ‘No, thank God,’ he mutters.
‘I don’t want to have to take the step of blocking her number, but it’s one of the things I’m going to talk to her about when I see her again. If she won’t back off, then I’m going to have to talk to Jimmy.’

  Nelson snatches at the bit suddenly, shaking his head and I swipe away the vicious horse-fly that’s attached itself to his neck.

  ‘Jimmy’s your uncle?’

  ‘Yeah, Philip’s brother,’ he says and there’s silence for a while as we walk slowly around the large field. There’s a small woodland approaching, but the path is wide enough for us to ride two abreast.

  Carter strokes Dave’s neck for a moment and then looks over at me. His eyes have cleared now, whatever was swirling in them before locked back away in whichever secret box it escaped and I sense that he’s about to change the subject. I get the strangest notion that talking about his family puts him on edge.

  ‘Tell me more about yourself,’ he says, as Dave plods along. ‘I want to know everything there is to know about you.’

  ‘There’s not much to tell, really,’ I start, my mind churning. I need to give him something. If this relationship is going to go anywhere, he has to learn more about me, as unpalatable as some of it is. The more personal stuff, the involvement of the hideous Caleb McLeod and the near destruction of the Walker and Stott families at his black hands I’ll leave for another time. I need to talk to Justin first.

  ‘I never knew my mother. She was very young when she had me and I was placed into care from birth.’

  Carter says nothing as I tell him about the formative years of my life, the children’s homes I spent time in, the odd indifferent foster family. I’m not doing too badly, but I stumble over my words when I reach Swallowdale. Just thinking about that hideous children’s home makes bile churn in my stomach.

  ‘I had a bit of a shit time at the last home I was in, and I legged it when I was fifteen,’ I tell him. ‘I ran to Justin and he saved me. Gave me a job, somewhere to live. A future, a life.’