I try not to look at his naked torso underneath the tailored navy blue jacket, but I can see his Phoenix and the combination is so hot, my heart stutters. He pulls his keys from his pocket as we stand together at the front door to the main house, shafts of rainbow light flooding the beautiful hallway from the stained glass windows.
Carter takes my face in his hands and leans his forehead against mine, closing his eyes. He says nothing, but I get the sense that he’s absorbing everything he can from me, prior to tearing himself away. I do the same, closing my eyes, inhaling his breath when his mouth brushes mine and I resist sliding my hands inside his jacket. There’s suddenly an exaggerated cough at the top of the stairs and we both look up to see Ellen and Justin appear. They grin down at the pair of us.
Carter’s got his back to them, but as they descend the staircase, he turns and Ellen’s eyes darken immediately when she sees what he’s not wearing. I need to get him out of here, shit! I didn’t expect this, I thought I’d be able to shovel him out before they appeared and now, I am clearly going to have some explaining to do.
The Walkers, as always the epitome of polite, merely wish us both good morning, Carter smiling easily at them as Justin raises a hand as they make their way to the kitchen, calling to him that he’ll see him on Saturday if not before. Ellen gives me a cheeky wink as she follows Justin and I wonder where Jared is. He must still be sleeping.
Turning to Carter again when they disappear, I run my hands through his soft curls briefly and his eyes slide closed.
‘Will you ring me?’ I ask pathetically, my eyes full of hope.
‘Of course I will. Try stopping me,’ he says huskily and I see a flare of something in the deep green suddenly, an idea maybe? He twitches a smile as whatever it is takes hold in his brain and then it widens, staying in place whilst he kisses me. I’ve never been French kissed by a man with a stupid grin on his face and it’s a new experience entirely, both of us helpless with laughter within thirty seconds.
‘I have to go,’ he says softly, regretfully and he kisses my nose. I force myself to open the door and he steps out into the bright early morning sunlight. It catches his Titian hair, making the copper glow like a bright halo around his head for a moment and I blink at the optical illusion. He reaches the top step and I struggle to stay where I am. If I follow him to his car, I’ll end up shoved against the side of it for another half an hour and he has to leave. I have to get showered, dressed, endure a grilling from Ellen and get my arse to The Guardian as well.
‘Take care,’ Carter says, blinding me with his incredible smile. ‘I’ll see you soon.’ He hesitates for another second before pivoting and jogging over to his Audi. The indicators flash as he slides into the car and the rumble of the engine as he starts it. I raise my hand, pain streaking through my stomach like cold darts as he moves off down the driveway but as I go to move back into the house, I hesitate. He hasn’t pulled out onto the road, the Audi’s brake lights are bright and when I peer down the drive, I can see his head bent, looking at something in his lap. He’s probably checking his phone.
The Audi eventually inches forward and then powers to the left, roaring out of sight and taking my heart with it. I slope back into the house, closing the door and leaning against it for a second, closing my eyes. My head is totally battered and at this moment in time, I honestly don’t know my arse from my elbow.
Pushing my hands through my tangled hair, I make my way into the kitchen to face the music. I don’t know whether to cringe or beam at Jus and Ellen as their talking stops when they see me ambling over. Justin whispers something to Ellen and she nudges him, rolling her eyes. I’ve no idea what he’s just said, but I can guess. Check out the girl in love, mooning around with stars in her eyes, probably.
I try for nonchalant again when I perch on one of the high stools next to them, Ellen looking at me expectantly. I don’t know how much she’s seriously expecting me to impart with her gorgeous husband sitting next to her. I’ll happily bare my sexual soul to Ellen, but Justin is a different kettle of fish entirely. Not a chance.
Justin clears his throat. ‘Wasn’t he supposed to be at that fundraiser for his dad?’
I slide off the stool, heading to the fridge and the orange juice. I fill a glass.
‘Er, yeah. He was, but he kind of… changed his plans…’
No shit. It’s quite obvious that he changed his plans, seeing as how he’s just left my flat first thing in the morning, minus his flaming shirt. My eyes flick to Ellen again and I think Justin must see the plea in them because he smiles slowly and gets to his feet.
‘I’m going for a run,’ he tells us, kissing Ellen’s hair as he passes, smiling to himself as he walks away. He’s such a wonderful man. As soon as the door closes behind him, she pounces on me.
‘Okay. So – I answer the door last night and there stands Carter, looking like he should be on the cover of Esquire, breathlessly apologising for disturbing me but asking if he could go up to your flat? He was almost beside himself,’ she says, her light blue eyes wide. I smile to myself, loving the fact that Ellen could so clearly see how affected Carter was when he landed here last night after getting my text.
‘I’ve got him into a load of shit,’ I say sadly. ‘I sent him an extremely provocative text, basically telling him that I wanted him to come round here and fuck me and he bailed on the awards dinner to do just that.’
Ellen gives a long, slow smile. ‘Wow. How do you feel?’
‘Amazing,’ I say immediately. ‘He was so turned on, El, but so gentle, so loving, he…’ I bite my lip, trying to shake the images of last night from my mind. The expression in his eyes when he finally took me. What was it he said? Tonight, I’m going to make you mine. He certainly did that.
‘I’m so happy for you,’ Ellen whispers. ‘You deserve this, Pearl and he seems perfect for you. He’s a lovely, genuine guy. The fact that he’s hot as hades is just an added bonus!’
‘You should see his tattoo,’ I say, my voice soaked with him and I describe it in detail. Ellen finally gets up to make herself a coffee, raising a brow at me as she fishes a mug out of the cupboard but I shake my head, no thanks.
‘A phoenix, eh? Symbolic?’
‘Yeah.’ I can’t offer any more because Carter didn’t share it, so I change the subject.
‘Anyway, because he was a no show last night, his dad’s gone nuclear. He’s been dragged back to Dorset, kicking and screaming.’ It occurs to me suddenly that Carter never calls the man who sired him dad. All I’ve heard is ‘my father’ and ‘Philip.’ I add it to my mental list of things to ask him. Perhaps I should start writing them down, there’s becoming too many for me to remember.
Ellen winces and I want to fill her in on everything Carter told me this morning, about his mum, the barrel his dad has him over, but I don’t have time now. I need to get to The Guardian, and I drain my orange, putting the glass in the dishwasher and wandering over to give Ellen a hug.
‘Um, what do I need to do to get a Depo shot?’ I ask as casually as I can and she hikes a brow at me. I’m starting to hate condoms, despite only having used one once. I want to feel Carter inside me, his skin on mine, without a latex coating. I wonder how he’ll cope with the increased sensation, he was struggling last night, moaning about how tight I was and I blush suddenly at the memory.
‘Just nip down to the sexual health centre, Pearl, or make an appointment to see Doctor Greenwood,’ she says, chewing her lip for a moment, considering her next words. ‘It’s something you do need to think carefully about though, love. Pregnancy isn’t the only risk.’
‘I know,’ I say confidently. I’m not worried in the slightest that Carter has a sexually transmitted disease. There isn’t a chance in hell, something just tells me so. He’s particular about looking after himself, he wouldn’t take the risk. I’m certainly clean, I’ve only ever been touched by him and I hug myself again that I was lucky enough to be able to give Carter my virginity.
T
elling Ellen that I’ll see her later I make my way up to the apartment again. I inspect my bedsheets, but they look fine. Mind you, I’ve been riding horses for so long, it’s perhaps not surprising that I didn’t bleed. I smile again. The sheets won’t look fine if we bin the condoms, because if I have my way he’ll be fucking my lights out all night every night as soon as he gets back to Liverpool. I wonder if I can get an appointment with the clinic before Saturday? I’ll ring them when I get to work.
I make the bed and tidy up quickly, before hopping in the shower and dressing and within another half an hour, I’m ready for the day. I stuff my handbag with everything I need, looking around for my phone. It’s on the beside cabinet where I left it last night, the alarm still on snooze but my heart jogs once in my chest as I pick it up.
I’ve got a text.
Last night was the most incredible experience of my life. I’m already aching at being away from you, but I’ll be thinking about you and I’ll be back as soon as I can. Don’t plan anything for tonight, tell Justin and Ellen you’re having an early night and wait for me. I’ll be in touch.X
The words have turned me apnoeic and I gape at my phone. Again, it’s almost a declaration of something powerful, at least to my eager mind. Taking my virginity was the most incredible experience of his life? Wow. As my eyes skitter over the rest of his text, my pulse starts to quicken, the words jumping out at me.
Don’t plan anything…
…you’re having an early night…
…wait for me…
I’d wait for him forever and I beam at my phone now, pulling up the keypad. What should I send? It’s got to be something pretty meaningful, after that outpouring of what’s in his heart and mind, but I still don’t have the courage to type those three words.
Why not? Just text it to him, far easier than telling him to his face whilst you’re looking into those intoxicating green eyes?
My thumb hovers, but I can’t. I promised I wouldn’t, not until he’s said it. It’s the last of my fragile defences and as soon as I lose it, I’ll have nothing to protect myself. I’ll be completely vulnerable to him, naked and exposed.
You already are, moron. Whether you say it or not.
Shaking my head, I tap out the first thing I can think of that’s not I love you.
It was the most incredible experience of mine too. Hurry back, miss you already.xx
That’ll have to do. I want to say more, but if I tell him what’s in my heart and mind, he’ll probably turn the bloody Audi around and come screaming back. I can’t risk that. I’m not worried that Carter can’t handle his father, he’s more than capable of holding his own. His words and the way that he said them when he was on the phone this morning said it all. The disdain, or was it actually dislike in his voice. But pissing his dad off even more is just going to cause Carter a massive headache. He’s still a few months off Graduating and whilst I’m sure that he could get a job to tide him over until he Graduates, it will take up even more of what little spare time he has and I’m certainly not going to suggest it. I’ve a feeling that partly the reason he’s managed to acquire a Masters in just six years is because he hasn’t had to support himself financially at all during that time.
I shove my phone into my bag, not waiting to see if he’s read the message. If we start text banter now, I’ll still be sat here at ten and he has to be on the motorway. I can’t distract him with texts when he’s driving and when he gets to Dorset, he’s going to have his screaming father to deal with. I need to give the man some space to sort out the issues that I’ve bloody created.
I leave the house, poking my head around the kitchen door and telling Justin that I’ll see him later. He waves, a slice of toast in his teeth and I hear Jared wailing from upstairs as I open the front door. He’s seemed a bit scratchy these last couple of days, he usually hardly ever cries, but I remember El saying that he was teething.
Sliding into my Mini, there’s a huge smile plastered to my face as I retract the sunroof, slipping on my sunglasses and selecting a playlist from Amazon Music. I bop along to all my favourite tunes as I drive easily to work. I’m so happy, I could whoop at the skies and I struggle to stop myself at every set of red lights. I get a few admiring glances from men on the streets, who’re drawn to the top of the range Mini convertible, the pumping music and the grinning blonde in the front seat.
Arriving at The Guardian, I give reception a wave, but no one calls me over, which means there’s nothing urgent going down. Justin will stop to speak to them as he does every morning, and I unlock the door to the admin office after trying the handle. Diane’s obviously not arrived yet, but she’s usually here by nine and it’s only a quarter to.
Taking off my jacket and powering up my iMac, I fish through my bag for my phone. I can’t help but check the status of the text I sent, relief almost that he hasn’t read it. I’d have been disappointed if he’d have read it and not replied, even though he’s driving.
As my iMac does its thing, I pull up Google and jot down the number for the local sexual health centre, seeing that they’re already open and I pick up my landline and connect a call. Five minutes later, my smile is even wider. I’ve an appointment for later on this afternoon, they’ve a free slot. I bite my lip as I thank the receptionist, hanging up the phone. I’m going to hug this one to myself. I want to be looking into Carter’s eyes when I tell him that he doesn’t need a condom. Judging by the state of the man last night, it’ll well and truly blow his mind.
I start to sift through the unending ladder of emails as the door to the admin office opens and Diane bowls in, grinning. She dumps her bag and a tall Starbucks paper cup on her desk, before flopping down into her chair and struggling out of her jacket.
‘Morning Pearl!’ she sings at me. She pulls the cup towards her, sipping, then pulling a disgusted face. ‘I fucking hate Starbucks. They employ utter cock-ends. It doesn’t matter what you ask for, they always fuck it up.’ She pushes the cup away from her and I get to my feet.
‘I’ll make you one, Di, I offer and she smiles her thanks. I snag the offending coffee cup from her desk as I pass and I’m pouring it down the sink and clicking on the kettle when I jump at her voice from behind me.
‘So, where the fucking hell did you bag that prime specimen of manhood that rocked up here yesterday, then?’
I grin at the wall as I milk the brews, shoving the carton back into the fridge and turning to her, coffees in hand. As much as I love Diane, I’m not quite close enough to her to impart that the prime specimen of manhood last night took my virginity and made me his woman. It would make us both uncomfortable and that’s the last thing I’d ever want. I hand her the brew, rolling my eyes and keeping it light.
‘Fit, isn’t he?’ I smirk and her eyes heat.
‘Fit? Flaming hell, Pearl – he’s way beyond fit!’ She looks gleeful and I suddenly brighten. Diane’s got loads of tattoos.
‘He’s got some unbelievable ink, Di,’ I say, describing Carter’s stunning phoenix in great detail, which of course means I have to describe his body at the same time. I can’t help but throw in some provocative words to wickedly raise her blood pressure, such as ‘pecs’ and ‘curve of his hip bone.’
‘I’d love to have a look at it,’ she says and winks at me. I swallow a mouthful of coffee thankfully without choking.
‘His tat, Di, or his body?’ I laugh and she gives me a wolfish grin.
‘Both, obviously!’
I bump her shoulder as we return to our desks, Diane picking up her shrilling phone. I’m sitting in a queue waiting to speak to a supplier half an hour later when the door appears and Justin walks in. He grins at us both.
‘All okay, guys?’ he asks, shrugging off his jacket, Diane getting to her feet and making her way to the kitchen to brew up. Jus stops by my desk as I hang up the phone in frustration. I’m not sitting in a queue for another ten minutes, I’ll try again later.
I look up at him and as soon as his blue eyes are locke
d with mine, I can see him reading me. He knows me so well, I’ve always been an open book around Justin. I’m not sure why, I doubt I’ll ever know, but we have a connection. Very different to the one that he has with Ellen, but a connection all the same.
He goes to say something, but then closes his mouth again, just giving me a smile.
‘You okay?’
I nod. ‘Yeah, good Jus. I’m going to give Pat Templeton a call after lunch, she wants to get together to discuss the last quarter’s runaway fig…’
My words are cut off at the enraged bellow coming from the foyer of The Guardian, followed by a woman’s terrified scream. Justin’s at the door before I’m even out of my chair, but I’m right behind him, Diane also now on her feet and I pelt after Justin as he flies down the short corridor to reception. My feet skid to a stop behind him at the scene in front of us, my eyes locking on the out of control man who’s being restrained by two of the security guards.
He’s not a big bloke, short and wiry, but despite this fact, Derek and Martin are struggling to keep a joint hold of him. He’s completely out of control, his red-rimmed eyes wild, spittle spraying from his mouth as he kicks, writhes and bellows at the ceiling. Derek finally drags him back and it’s then that I see the woman cowering on the floor about ten feet in front of him.
I’m over to her in an instant, Diane behind me and I drop to my knees in front of her. I ignore the screamed expletives from behind me for a moment, focussing on the terrified female.
She’s shaking so badly she looks like she’s fitting, her eyes wide, a breathy ‘uh-uh-uh-uh,’ coming from her cracked and bleeding lips. She’s as thin as a rake, with hair like string and I wonder if she’s on drugs. She certainly looks like she is, but one thing’s for certain, she wants as far away from the man in front of her as possible, she’d rather die than be near him. It’s seeping out of her every pore.
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