He clicks off the bedside lamp as he lies down and pulls me into his chest. We’ve taken a shower together and he smells divine. A shaft of milky moonlight spears through my Velux windows, bathing Carter in an almost ethereal glow for a moment and he dips his head to kiss me softly, lingeringly.
‘I will never forget what we did today,’ he whispers. ‘Not if I live to be a hundred years old. You make me feel brand new, Pearl Harrison.’
I flood with happiness as I bury my face into his neck and he just holds me quietly in the dark. The gentle throb of his heartbeat lulls me towards slumber and as I fall off the rim, soft memories of being made love to for the first time in my life drift across my mind.
Eighteen
I’m pulled from sleep suddenly, but I don’t open my eyes for a moment. I can hear Carter’s voice, low but strained. I reach out, but he’s not in the bed beside me and as I open my eyes, I can see him through the open bedroom door.
He’s wearing just his boxers and he drifts in and out of my line of sight as he paces up and down in the lounge, raking a hand frustratedly through his hair. He’s on the phone and despite trying to keep his voice low, obviously mindful of the fact that I’m still asleep, he grinds the next words from between his teeth.
‘If you’d let me get a fucking word in edgeways,’ he snarls, turning in agitation and moving away from my field of vision again. I climb from the bed. I can feel the tension in him from the next room, it’s palpable. Even though I can no longer see him, he’s evidently struggling to keep a grip on his temper, as his voice is louder when he speaks again.
‘And that’s what everything boils down to with you, isn’t it, Philip? Losing fucking face! Do you seriously think anyone gives a shit about the fact that I didn’t show up last night?’
I’m naked and my eyes alight on Carter’s crumpled white shirt on the floor from last night. I step towards it, snagging it and pulling it on quickly. I do up two of the buttons, rolling up the sleeves. It’s way too big for me, despite being tailored, but it’s a beautiful shirt made of fine soft cotton and my eyes slide shut as the smell of him envelops me. I’m snatched cruelly away from the mild arousal I’m starting feel when Carter really barks now from the next room.
‘Are you fucking serious? I’ve lectures that I cannot miss – I have my finals in just over two months, or don’t you give a fuck about that, either?’ I head towards the door. He sounds like he’s on the verge of losing it and I hate to hear him sounding so distressed.
I pull the door open and walk into the room. His back’s to me, but his shoulders are slumped and he looks utterly defeated.
‘Why am I not surprised? Okay – fine. You win. I’ll be there this afternoon.’ He turns, but he’s looking at his feet as he wanders, his left hand clenching a clump of his own hair at the back of his head for a moment. When he hears his father’s next words he shoots his head up suddenly, barking a harsh laugh. ‘Do you think that I give a shit?’ A pause and when he sees me, his eyes change.
It’s instantaneous, the emerald irises, so previously cold and hard melt and heat as soon as they lock with mine and incredibly, despite the nature of the conversation, he gives me a beautiful smile.
‘That has to be earned,’ he says quietly, but he’s not talking to me. Saying nothing else, he ends the call and drops the phone from his face, slinging it onto the sofa cushion, but his eyes never leave me. When he sees what I’m wearing, his breath spikes and his pupils slowly expand. He quirks a smile at me.
‘Hello, Pearl Harrison.’
Those words and the way that he says them are starting to mean something a little off the wall to me. A simple greeting, but he says it occasionally at the strangest times. When we’ve been together for a few hours, for example and I get the tiniest hint that he’s saying something else entirely. Something that he wants to say, but for reasons unknown, he can’t. I know it sounds nuts, but there’s something there when he says the words, a faint thread of an inflection as they leave his mouth, a brief glimmer in the backs of his eyes.
‘God, you’re beautiful in my shirt,’ he says huskily and his words drag my body over to him immediately. I’m powerless to stop it.
I reach him and we kiss for a long time, his arms coming around me and when I break away, I rest my head on his warm chest, dipping to kiss his phoenix, sliding my lips down his skin and he shudders. He squeezes me to him and then gently releases me. He takes my hand and pulls me through the lounge and into the kitchen.
Pulling out a chair, he motions for me to sit in it. I watch him as he moves away and starts to potter about, fishing milk out of the fridge and clicking the kettle on. It’s nearly seven in the morning and I ache with love as I watch his broad back as he makes two coffees, all his hard muscles bunching as he finishes the task. Judging by the phone call he’s just had, he’ll be on his way to fucking Dorset in a couple of hours and away from me.
Tough shit. This is all your fault… again. You made the drunken decision to send the damn text, the text that he couldn’t possibly ignore, so suck it up, girlie.
Carter places a coffee in front of me and sits down to my right. I turn as he does, dragging my chair a little closer, so I can hold his hand. He takes a sip of his coffee before running a hand through his tumbled curls.
‘I made the mistake of switching my phone on when I woke up. He’s left countless voicemails and texts,’ he says, stroking my fingers with his. ‘The fucking thing rang again as I was listening to his rants.’ He heaves a sigh. ‘I’ve professionally embarrassed him, apparently. Not tipping up last night left an empty chair at a top table, and given that it was a fundraiser, the tickets cost thousands each. He’s livid.’ He finishes simply.
Oh shit!
I drop my head in shame. What the hell was I thinking? Well, I evidently wasn’t thinking, at least not about anything than my own raging teenage libido. I feel my cheeks flush as I force my head up to look at him and he’s gazing down into his coffee. I feel a throb of hot pain. I’ve done this to him.
‘Carter, I’m so sorry,’ I whisper, my chin trembling and his head snaps up.
‘What? Stop it,’ he says coolly. ‘This isn’t your fault, Pearl. It’s mine.’ He gives me a rueful half smile. ‘Alright, you sent me a provocative text, but I came round here willingly.’ I can’t look away from his intense gaze now, I can sense a little bit of soul baring is on its way.
‘This is my life, Pearl. Not his. This is where I wanted to be last night. With you. Inside you…’ he whispers now and pleasure rolls. ‘So, I fucked off his fundraiser to make love to my girlfriend.’ He shrugs, then picks up his coffee and takes a long swig.
‘The downside, unfortunately, is that at the moment, he sort of has me by the bollocks.’
This is new and I take his other hand when he puts his mug down. I’m eager to hear this, I’m all ears.
‘My mother died when I was fourteen, Pearl. She suffered a massive stroke, I was away at boarding school at the time.’ His eyes drift with memories for a moment and then clear as he looks at me. I’ve a feeling there’s more there, but he moves on. ‘My mother was from a wealthy family,’ he says quietly. ‘My grandfather, her father, hated Philip. He saw him as a chancer, after my mum’s inheritance and when she married him, her family cut her off. They’d warned her that they would – but she didn’t care and she married him anyway. My father has never got over that, what he saw as his right to inherit and actually, if I’m honest, probably the only reason that he hooked up with my poor mother in the first place. It certainly wasn’t because he loved her.’
Carter leans forward unexpectedly and plants a sweet kiss on my lips. He tastes of coffee and Carter and he gives me a soft smile as he pulls away, tucking my hair behind my ear.
‘When my mother died, she appointed me as director in relation to some of my parents joint holdings and Philip occasionally needs my signature on things and I have to attend specific meetings.’
I drain my own coffee now and slide t
he mug back onto the table. I’m fascinated, loving the fact that he’s starting to share some of his background with me. I want to know everything.
‘Philip currently provides everything I need in order to be able to complete my Degree,’ he says. ‘Tuition, subsistence. He owns the house Rupert and I share as well. He loves giving veiled threats.’
‘What – he’s going to throw you out?’ I squeak, my eyebrows rising and he shakes his head.
‘No, he just reminds me of the assistance he’s providing if he wants me to play ball,’ he explains. ‘I’ve absolutely no choice – I have to go to Dorset today. He’s arranged a meeting with some of the fundraisers from last night’s event, obviously wants me there to humiliate me in front of them, and ensure that they realise who the cuprit is. As I said on the phone, it’s all about saving face. That and money is all that he gives a toss about.’ His lip curls in disgust.
‘How long will you be gone,’ I ask in a small voice, my heart sinking. He stares down at the table for a moment, thinking.
‘I’m not sure,’ he says, giving me a weary look. ‘I’ll be back for Saturday morning at the absolute latest,’ he says, his voice softening. He’s remembered the skiing trip and I drop my eyes. This is good news, of course it is, but if he doesn’t get back until Saturday morning, I’m not going to see him for three days. How the hell am I going to cope with that?
‘Hey,’ he murmurs, tipping my chin up so he can meet with my eyes. I’m trying to shove the burn of early tears away, but I’m finding it hard, my throat hot and thick. I don’t want to be away from him and I curse myself again for sending that damn text last night.
‘I’ll be back as soon as I can, baby, I promise,’ he says, pushing his chair back and beckoning me out of mine. Despite the fact that I have no knickers on and he’s just in his boxers, I cock my leg over his and settle on his lap, our groins close together and mine twitches at the feel of his heat, his growing length. He gives me a crooked smile.
‘I want to be wherever you are, Pearl. Not in fucking Dorset,’ he breathes, his eyes slowly closing as he reaches his mouth up for mine. I take it, immediately, gasping as our lips part in synchrony and then crush together, tongues mingling. We’re both huffing when he releases me and I can feel his arousal throbbing against my very damp, bare folds.
We can’t do this now. Even though I want to, I need to, given that he’s going to be away for possibly three days, we don’t have time. I’ve got to be at The Guardian, Justin gave me the afternoon off yesterday. Carter also has to drive God knows how many miles to Dorset and deal with his incandescent father.
I sink into him and he sighs deeply, squeezing my body tightly, stroking his hands over his shirt and I shiver at his touch. I try and seep it into my mind, so that I can draw on the memories when he’s gone but as I lie in his arms, him holding me closely, horror suddenly makes my eyes fly open.
Toria.
He’d promised her that he’d talk to her the next time he was at his dad’s and my head flies out of his warm neck. He sees the panicked look on my face, despite the fact that I’m trying to hide it, I’ve no chance.
‘What?’ he says, his eyes searching.
‘Are you going to see her?’ I can’t even say the woman’s name. I hate her, despite the fact that I’ve never clapped eyes on her. I hate her because she’s had Carter, he’s made love to her, groaned her name. And I also hate her because now she’s refusing to let him go. The last thing I suddenly want in my head is thoughts of him talking to her in Dorset, her following him around with puppy dog eyes, touching him, trying to connect with him.
‘Fuck!’ He grinds his teeth for a second. ‘I’d forgotten about Toria.’ A sigh now. ‘It depends if she’s there, Pearl. She has a flat in Liverpool but she still spends a lot of time at Jimmy’s. If she’s there, then yeah – I’m going to have to speak to her.’
I want to ask him what he’s going to say to her. For one wild, stupid moment, I consider asking him to record the conversation, but I shove that notion firmly away. That’s weird and fucked up and would make me seem as bad as her, in a way. No. I’ll trust him, what else can I do? He’s been upfront as to the situation. He strokes my face, tipping my chin up and he runs his nose softly down the length of mine.
‘Trust me, baby – I’ll make her understand.’ He chews his lip. ‘I might have to mention you – would you be alright with that?’
My subconscious is turning cartwheels.
‘Absolutely!’ I say with a wide smile. Hell yeah! Tell her everything! Although I know that this going to do me no favours whatsoever when I eventually come face to face with this woman, I don’t care. Anyway, he’s right. She might get the message if he tells her that he’s met someone else. It certainly can’t hurt.
He kisses me again. ‘Great, well. I won’t go into too many details…’
‘I don’t give a shit, Carter, tell her what you like!’ I say, my eyes flashing and he laughs.
‘You can certainly hold your own, can’t you?’ he says, his expression turning serious for a moment and I nod.
‘I’m stronger than a lot of girls my age, Carter. Living on your wits for most of your formative years will do that to a person,’ I say quietly and his eyes suddenly crash with emotion, softening and darkening all at once. He’s obviously trying to imagine some of the horrors that I’ve had to face in my past and one day I’ll tell him, all of it. Just not yet.
Giving my beautiful man one more long, lingering kiss, I get up from his lap regretfully and hold out my hand. He looks up at me for a beat before he takes it, and there’s so much love in his eyes, I actually think for a split second he’s going to say the words. But again, like a summer tide on white sand, the moment pulls away and softly disappears.
He smiles and gets to his feet.
‘Aside from The Guardian, what will you do with yourself when I’m away?’ he asks. He sounds almost anxious, wanting to know how I’ll be spending my time when he’s hundreds of miles away from me.
‘I’ll go see Nelson, do some stuff with Justin and El,’ I say, starting to walk through the lounge and into the bedroom, holding his hand, our fingers tightly intertwined. I remember Thursday night. ‘I’m going out with Donna, Gemma and Aaron on Thursday, just to Heebies for a couple after work.’
I’m stopped in my tracks by Carter and I turn to him. His eyes are questioning.
‘Who’s Aaron?’
Although his stance is easy, a relaxed smile on his face, there’s a thread of something in his oh so expressive eyes. Wariness? Unease? Not sure what, but it’s enough to stop him walking and pull me towards him.
Balls.
I’ve informed Carter that I’ve had one previous boyfriend before him and that all we did was kiss, chastely. What I didn’t tell him is that boyfriend was Aaron.
‘Um, he works at The Guardian, he’s a junior IT technician,’ I explain. ‘He and I kind of went out for a few weeks but it fizzled out pretty quickly.’
Carter turns me to him and takes both my hands now, looking down at me. ‘How come?’
I shrug my shoulders. ‘He didn’t make me feel anything. I could have been kissing a cucumber,’ I say and Carter laughs, his eyes clearing. I roll mine. ‘Anyway, we stayed friends, he’s a nice lad,’ I say lightly. He is and I want Carter to get on with him. I know Donna and Gem won’t have a problem in the slightest, they’ll be lapping it up but Aaron…
No. He and Carter are never going to get on, even if Carter was totally ambivalent about the fact that he’s my ex-boyfriend. Aaron’s never going to accept him, because he still loves me himself.
‘I’ll look forward to meeting him sometime,’ Carter says. He knows full well what he does to me and that Aaron’s no threat. As we wander back into the bedroom, I unbutton Carter’s shirt and slide it off regretfully. He picks up his crumpled suit pants from the floor, muttering to himself, but his arm comes out automatically to catch the balled up shirt when I lob it at him.
‘I wis
h I could keep it,’ I say. ‘I’d love to sleep in it, it smells of you.’
‘Keep it then,’ he fires back immediately. ‘You look hot as fuck in it, anyway.’ He throws it over to me, cocking a brow. ‘On the condition that you send me a selfie tonight, wearing just the shirt… unbuttoned.’ His voice has deepened, become silky, seductive and my stomach curls. Hell yeah, I can do that.
I fold the shirt and place it on my pillow. I’d like to wear it downstairs, but I slip my jimjams back on instead. I shoot a look at Carter.
‘Hang on – if you’re leaving your shirt with me, what the hell are you going to wear?’
A grin but he says nothing as he pulls his pants up his legs, shoving his feet into his shoes, his socks and tie going into his pockets. He picks up his jacket and shrugs his beautiful naked upper body into it, doing up the single button and I choke on my heart when it slides up the back of my throat. I’ve never seen a more jaw-dropping sight, oh my God – I need to get this man out of here and now. We’re both lost if I don’t and he’s going to be in even more trouble.
Marshalling everything I have, I walk over to him and take his hand. I say nothing, just staring up at him and he gives me a long slow smile, his lips parting.
‘See anything you like?’ he whispers. I can feel the pounding pulse in my neck and know that he can see it clearly, that my eyes are black with pupils, obscuring the chocolate and that I’m breathing hard. I decide to mirror some of his loving words to me, see what sort of an effect they have.
‘You’re so beautiful, Carter,’ I whisper.
‘Oh God, don’t… or I’m never going to leave,’ he breathes against my mouth and then he’s kissing me again. I count down two minutes in my head silently, until I can feel the tenuous hold that I have on my control start to slip. I break away, taking him gently by the hand and leading him to the door to the flat and down the stairs. I need to be strong now. We’ve both got shit to do, he’s got seriously unpleasant shit and I need to let him get on with it and not torture the poor guy with his obvious infatuation of my body.
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