I bite my lip. I’m pulling his chain here, but I’m learning that Carter is a lot more demonstrative with his true feelings via text. If there’s one good thing coming from his absence, it’s the fact that I can milk him a bit, try and get him to show me what’s sitting behind those beautiful verdant eyes when he looks at me sometimes.
The reply dots have started, but my grin widens when they stop, start, stop again and then there’s nothing for a minute or two. He can’t make up his mind what to say, he’s either scowling at the phone, because he knows I’m taking the piss, or he’s aghast because he thinks I’m serious. I know he’s intelligent, so I shouldn’t really be surprised at the response that I do finally get.
Stop bloody fishing. You know full well why you didn’t get a response last night…
My fingers fly. I do?
Yeah, you know you do. I was… busy doing something else.
I close my eyes with happiness for a moment. He was getting himself off on my photo and despite it being slightly tawdry, I’m absolutely delighted.
So then, I type, when are you going to return the favour?
I press send and chew my lip. I suddenly ache for a photo of him, just his face will do, if that’s all he wants to send, but I’d prefer a naked full-frontal. My desk phone rings, but I ignore it. It’s so unprofessional of me, but I’m helpless to do anything apart from stare at my phone screen, waiting for the reply that I’m aching for. There’s a whoop suddenly and there it is.
You’ve got it, baby. Give me half an hour.
My stomach flips at the word baby. How can he make the word baby sound so seductive by text? But he does. I clench on my chair, excited now to receive the photo. I wonder where he is? If he’s not at his dad’s I’m likely just to get a head shot, but that’ll do. For now, at least. I tap at my screen.
I can’t wait! Smiling emoji. Will you call me tonight?
Absolutely. I miss you, Pearl.
I close my eyes. It’s not I love you, but it’s close enough for my hurting heart at the moment.
I miss you too, speak to you soon. Xx
I lock my phone and shove it into my bag. I can’t look at it again until I go home, if Carter does as he’s promising and sends me a picture of him naked. I’ll get bugger all done if I do and I’m here to work.
Twenty One
Thursday evening finally drags itself around. As I power down my Mac and collect my bag and jacket, I feel a surge of pleasure at the evening ahead of me.
Carter should be home tomorrow, or so he told me last night. We spent about three hours on the phone, talking, laughing and missing each other. Occasionally, the conversation was breathless and groaning, as we did what we’re starting to do best, but not over Skype this time. I didn’t admit to Carter however, that his voice was seducing me through my iPhone’s speaker, whilst I was staring at the photo that he’d sent me, my fingers stroking between my legs.
Jesus, that picture…
I bite my lip. I’m going out with my friends tonight, but Gemma’s never had a good look at the man who’s snared my heart. Should I share it? I can’t. Aaron would shit his pants if he took a look at it.
Carter is obviously at his father’s house, because he’s lying back on a huge bed, his head of tumbled curls on a white pillow. He’s entirely naked and so utterly heart-stopping in his beauty, a soft, half smile on his face, an eyebrow hiked. His green eyes hold a message that I read loud and clear. I want you. I know he does, but sadly, I don’t know if that’s forever. He certainly hasn’t said so, despite our intimate and loving words exchanged for long hours last night. I held my breath a few times, almost certain it was coming, but when he eventually said goodnight, despite the bloated pause, the words didn’t leave his mouth. I got sleep well, instead.
I look over at Diane. She’s tidying her desk and putting the voicemail on her phone and she grins over at me. I have a lightbulb moment and I hold a finger up to her, to wait, pulling up my photos and gazing at Carter’s lithe naked body. I un-pinch my fingers on the screen. I’m a flaming genius, I can crop it! There’s only one person seeing his magnificent naked cock and that’s me.
Done, I smile at my handiwork. The photo now shows Carter’s head, upper body and abdomen, and of course, some of his panty-wetting ‘V’, but no more. His tattoo looks incredible, it’s a great photo – in focus, sharp, achingly good. I grin as I get up from the chair and amble over to her.
‘Here, Di – want to see a photo of Carter’s tat?’
‘Fuck, yes!’ she says immediately, licking her lips comically and I roll my eyes, handing over the phone.
What if she starts scrolling? She’ll see his dick!
I move up next to her, ready to snatch the phone out of her hand if she tries, but I’ve got nothing to worry about. She’s struck dumb, it seems, which happens very rarely and I hear a cough as she forces out a breath. She bites her lip, swinging wide eyes to me.
‘Nice tattoo, but holy shit, his body…’ she whispers and I throw back my head and really laugh now. She’s opening and shutting her mouth, her eyes skittering up and down my phone and then she pinches the screen, enlarging the picture and I know it’s not to get a better look at the phoenix.
‘Holy hell, Pearl – that is one beautiful bloke,’ she says, her voice filled with something approaching awe as she hands my phone almost reluctantly back to me. ‘Phew! That’s my blood pressure through the roof!’ she exclaims, fanning her face comically. ‘Why is he not a male model – how tall is he?’
Wandering back over to my desk, I shove the phone into my bag, swinging it onto my shoulder.
‘He’s a brain, Diane. He’s just about to finish a Masters in computer science. He’s considering a Doctorate in the next couple of years,’ I say airily, as if these are minor things. ‘It would be a waste of a clearly brilliant mind for him to stand in front of a camera and look pretty all day.’
Diane leans back into her chair now and shakes her head. ‘Brains and Beauty, eh? You lucky fuck!’ I snort as I put my hand on the knob. ‘Where is he, by the way?’ she asks and I fill her in.
‘He’ll be back tomorrow though, he’s coming skiing with us on Saturday,’ I say and the lustful look leaves her face now, a sly smile creeping across it instead.
‘Yes! Skiing! Looking forward to me taking Mr Perfect down?’
I hide my smile. Bless her. ‘Absolutely Di. I might record it on my phone for posterity!’
‘Great idea!’ She beams. ‘I can splatter it all over my Facebook – the ultimate humiliation!’ She rubs her hands together and laughs theatrically.
‘See you tomorrow,’ I say, giving her a wave and wandering down the corridor to reception. Donna is working today and we’ve arranged to share a taxi to Heebies. Aaron’s on leave, and Gemma works elsewhere in the city, so they’ll meet us there.
I sit on one of the leather couches to wait whilst Donna and Carl sort the reception handover with the night staff. The security guards are in a huddle as well, there’s two extra at night here now, but so far, there’s been no sign of that weasel faced little twat. Good. If he knows what’s good for him, he’ll stay the hell away.
Sophia has gone to the safe-house, the transfer went without a hitch. I’ll give her another couple of days and then drop in to see her, make sure she’s alright. I’m starting to bond with her. I know I shouldn’t – I need to keep our relationship on a strictly professional footing, but it’s hard not to. She needed me and I was glad to be able to provide a modicum of comfort to the poor soul.
Whilst I wait, I pull out my phone, checking for anything new from Carter. I read his last one, from lunchtime today.
All looking good for coming home tomorrow, early afternoon. I can’t wait! He’d added an emoji with its eyes screwed up and it made me grin. I’d replied to tell him that I couldn’t wait either, but there’s nothing new from him. I wonder what he’s doing tonight and as I think about him, and his plans for the evening, Toria lurks darkly into my mind. Despi
te the hours that we spent on the phone last night, neither of us mentioned her name. I didn’t ask if he’d seen her and he didn’t volunteer the information, but I got the sense that both of us wanted to wait until we’re face to face again before we discuss her. I want to be looking into his eyes, so that I can be sure he’s not lying to me.
Why would he lie to you? Don’t you trust him?
It’s a good question. I should trust him, I have absolutely no reason not to, but do I? One hundred percent, lay my life on the line, trust him? I’m not sure and that bothers me, so I shove it away for now. I’m about to go for drinks with my friends, I don’t need paranoid shit like that in my head, especially as I’ve gone days now without seeing him.
Donna smiles as she walks towards me and I shove my phone away, standing up and hugging her briefly. She rolls her eyes when she sees the joy in my face. I know that I’ve got a pretty flush to my cheeks and I look like a woman in love, but there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
I’ve pre-ordered a cab. Justin gave me a lift in this morning and as we walk through the tall glass doors, it pulls up smoothly beside us. It’s a lovely evening, the air thick with the smell of summer and I close my eyes, tipping my head back and filling my lungs with sweet oxygen before sliding into the cab beside Donna.
The driver knows where we’re going and I put on my belt and sit back, turning towards her with a grin. I’ve caught her off-guard and there’s misery in her eyes briefly before she paints on a smile.
‘What’s the matter, you look really fed up?’ I ask, taking her hand and she sighs.
‘It’s nothing, really – I’m just being stupid and over-sensitive,’ she says, squeezing my fingers and then gently letting go. I don’t say anything, just look at her as I wait for her to speak.
‘I met a bloke on a dating site a couple of weeks ago,’ she starts quietly, so the driver can’t hear our conversation. ‘We really seemed to hit it off, he appeared a nice guy, good fun, easy to talk to, warm personality. I’d told him about my scar, and he kept pressing me for a photograph. I held off sending him one, but he also kept suggesting meeting up, so in the end I caved. He sent me a lovely message before I sent it, telling me that it didn’t matter how bad it was and that he’d see past it, so I screwed up all my courage and emailed him a photo.’
Her eyes drop and I grind my teeth. It’s not hard to see what’s coming next. She struggles to stop the soft tremble in her chin when she looks at me now.
‘I heard nothing back. He’d given me his phone number, we’d spoken a couple of times in the days leading up to me sending the photo, so last night, I drank a bottle of wine and rang him. I wasn’t absolutely sure he’d got the email, I didn’t ask for a read receipt, but when I tried to connect a call, he’d blocked my number.’
Fucking arsehole.
I feel a wave of black hate for the faceless man, who promised things that he shouldn’t have promised, and has hurt my lovely friend deeply as a result. In a way, I can understand it – her scar is horrific. The injury was inflicted with a boning knife and was deep, the full thickness of her cheek, just missing her left eye. I can see how some men wouldn’t be able to deal with it, but to tell her that it wouldn’t matter, when it obviously did, was a despicable thing to do. The very least he could have done was send her a kindly email, telling her that he was sorry that he couldn’t build a relationship with her but that he wished her all the best. Maggot. I hope his cock drops off.
Donna’s made of strong stuff, though because she gives me a proper smile.
‘I’ve probably had a lucky escape,’ she says and I nod.
‘Without a doubt. He’s nowhere near worthy of you,’ I reply and she bumps her shoulder against mine. We say nothing for the rest of the journey and when the taxi pulls up outside Heebies five minutes later, I fumble in my purse to pay the driver. I link arms with Donna as we walk over to the bar but before we go in, she stops and turns to me.
‘Where’s Carter?’
‘In Dorset, some family issues,’ I say, pulling out my phone. I can’t help it, I know she’s seen him when he’s walked past her, but she hasn’t seen his tattoo or his body. I push back the thoughts that Carter might be utterly horrified that I’m flashing his clout to all my friends, but at least I’ve had the sense to crop the picture and hide his manhood. I pull it up and shove the phone in her face.
‘Wow,’ she says simply after a few seconds, her eyes wistful and I suddenly feel like a shit. What am I doing, flashing my gorgeous new boyfriend under her nose, when she’s just been binned off by a man because he thinks she’s ugly?
My cheeks heat and I stuff the phone back into my bag. ‘Sorry Donna.’
She smiles. ‘Give over, Pearl. I’m delighted for you, you know that!’ She takes my arm again and we walk into the pub.
It’s cooler in here than it is outside, and I shiver under the air-con for a moment. I scan the bar, seeing Aaron and Gemma sitting at a round table in the window, sipping drinks. I turn to Donna.
‘They’re over there. What do you want to drink?’ I ask, fishing out my purse.
‘Dry white, please Pearl. Do you want me to wait?’
‘No, they’ve already got theirs, you go over.’ I give her a little shove, turning to the bar. It’s not overly busy but there’s no one free at the moment and whilst I wait, I chew over what to drink myself.
Not wine.
No. Anything more than a couple of glasses will give me a woolly head tomorrow and my eyes scan the brightly lit optics in front of me. I can’t decide, so when the barman approaches me, I just choose something at random.
‘Um, dry white, please and a Southern Comfort and ice?’
I have no idea what it tastes like, but Aaron drinks Jack Daniels, also Bourbon and seems to like it. If it’s vile, I’ll try something else. I pay the man when he comes back with the drinks, and as he sorts the change I bring the glass to my nose and sniff, finally taking a tentative sip.
Not bad at all.
It’s not. It’s got a strong but smooth after-burn and there’s a tang in there as well. I’ll bet it’s nice with lime, I’ll add that next time. Taking another sip, I shove the change in my bag and make my way over to the window table. Aaron’s on his feet as soon as he sees me approach.
Here we go…
I’ve got two drinks in my hands, so I’m pretty much defenceless to his arms when they thread around my body. I know I’m tense, but whether he senses it or not, he doesn’t seem to care. I wriggle in his hold now.
‘Aaron, put me down, yeah?’ I laugh, trying to keep it light, but I want his arms away from me. I’m not comfortable with this at all. ‘I’ve got drinks in my hands, you knob!’
He does so, reluctantly and retakes his seat, but his eyes are locked on me the whole time. I hand Donna her wine. What’s wrong with him? As time passes, he seems to be becoming more infatuated with me rather than less, and it’s starting to make me really uneasy.
Fine – so stop him in his tracks, before he decides to try and grope you again. Bring Carter up – you know you’ve got to do it, so now’s as good a time as any.
I sit, plonking my bag on the floor next to my stool, fishing in it for my phone.
‘So, how are we all?’ I ask, glancing round at my friends. Gemma groans.
‘My boss is really pissing me off – you remember I told you that he asked me out last month?’ She sips her wine, looking around us all and Donna nods. ‘Well, I tried to turn him down gently, the man is nearly thirty five years old, for God’s sake!’ She rolls her eyes. ‘I’ve had a feeling he’s been building up to saying something else and today, he asked me out again… I didn’t know what the hell to do.’
‘Tell him to fuck off!’ Aaron throws in and I shoot a look at him.
‘It’s her boss, Aaron – don’t be stupid!’ I snap, rolling my eyes at him. I wonder how he’d like it, if I told him to fuck off? Boot’d be on the other foot, then, but for some reason Aaron’s throwaway attitude
’s irritating me. He’s irritating me, if I’m honest he’s been irritating me since my birthday.
He looks unconcerned, picking up his JD and tossing it back in one swallow, but he doesn’t respond and I turn my attention back to Gemma.
‘That’s a nightmare. What did he say, I take it you turned him down again?’
‘Yeah.’ She sips wine. ‘Part of me thinks that I should just let him take me for a drink – shut him up.’
‘Don’t do that,’ I say quickly. ‘It’s not the answer and it will just lead him on, make him worse.’ I slide a look at Aaron now and when he sees me, a chilly expression fleets his gaze. ‘Unless you think there’s any chance that something might develop, then steer clear,’ I continue. ‘If he won’t take no for an answer, you’ll have to take it higher.’
‘I know.’ She looks despondent. ‘I love that job, I don’t want to have to leave.’ Gemma works as an advertising executive, she’s young to hold such a post, but she’s incredibly good at her job and she could sell ice to eskimos. I nudge her. I’ve got an opening here and I’m not going to waste it.
‘Anyway – worry not! I think that I might have found you a bloke, so the next time your boss asks, you can tell him you’re taken!’
Her mouth falls open. ‘You have? Who, where?’ She looks around, as if I’ve brought him here and he’s standing behind her and I laugh.
‘He’s called Rupert, he’s twenty four and a lawyer.’ Her eyes gleam at my words and she sits forward. I pick up my drink and toss it back, it’s only a shot and there’s only one way to drink shots and it’s not to sip them delicately. I feel the powerful spirit scorch my gullet, spreading warmth, power and I grin at her.
‘He’s about five eleven, short blond hair, but he’s got the most amazing eyes… like warm toffee,’ I say and hers darken immediately. I half expect her to lick her lips, I’ve clearly got her well and truly on the hook here.
‘So, who is he?’ Donna asks. I’m focussed on the two of them at the moment, I’m slightly turned away from Aaron, as if shutting him out of the conversation. His mood isn’t great tonight, he’s irritated, frustrated and unfortunately I think I know why.
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