by Kris Buendía
Neither does he know that it is precisely because of her that we can never be.
He sure hates me for what I wrote. Two days has passed since that happened and while I finish waking up, I check the messages that I wrote last time.
Gideon
My night was fun., and you know why? Because I
spent my time dancing with the most handsome guy in
the club.
I do not want you. I want to take this guy with me, do you think it is a good idea?
I hate you, Gideon Graysson. I hope you and your
dear friend are having a good time.
PS: she is a bitch, I know firsthand.
Good night, dark lord. See you never. Do not look for
me anymore. This is over.
Wait. This NEVER started.
“Gideon wil by angry.” I say aloud.
“It seems that you are understanding it.”
Hearing that voice, I scream in response as if I woke up from the worst nightmare.
“Fuck, El a!” A body pounces on me in my bed and I can not stop screaming, crying and kicking. “It is me! Opens your eyes! Look at me!”
It seems Gideon's voice but I am not sure. He could not be here at any moment. I think that I am stil dreaming. Yes, that must be.
“Noooo!”
“My sweet girl, open your eyes.” Then I realise it is him.
“Gideon?” I open my eyes and look at him in front of me. Caressing my face and wiping away my tears.
The only thing I can do is hug him.
“For a second I thought that…”
“What?” He interrupts, separating myself from him again.
“Nothing.” I evade and try to smile but I fail.
“No, it is nothing.”
He stil looks at me with pity. Although I know he is annoyed, this time it has been bad idea to sneak into my room.
“Of course it is something. And you are going to tel me right now. Who did you think I was?”
I start to cry again when I remember it. My nightmares, the nightmares that I have from time to time. The ones that remind me how hard and unfair life was with me. Those nightmares and I am afraid that Gideon is getting too deep inside me to discover them. He wil not leave me alone until I tel him. It is not normal to react like this.
“When I lived with my father,” Explain. “My stepmother’s daughters were cruel. Pretty cruel. To the point of putting boys in my room and letting them…”
His jaw tightens when he hears me. I touch his face to calm him down.
“They never hurt me. Not physical, but I have always been afraid of it. I would wake up in the middle of the night and a boy would be sleeping next o me or another would be trying to kiss me.
“But what the fuck are you saying? I do not understand how…”
I put my finger on his lips.
“We were little girls and they never liked me, so they were looking for a way to scare me or make me feel miserable al the time.”
He kiss my forehead. My lips and lie down next to me.
“I would rip off sisters head right now if I knew who they are. I would also kil anyone who puts a hand on you other than me or your grandfather. Not even Pib can do it.”
I laugh at how exaggerated he is.
“Pib is like my father. You also like him.”
He stirred a little beside me.”
“Your bed is too smal and uncomfortable.”
“I already know it, but I do not have a job like yours to be able to have a bed of five thousand dol ars.” I mock.
“Mine cost fifty thousand pounds.” I huff to hear that number.
It is not just a bed what makes us different, there are many more things. Which reminds me of one.
“What are you doing here, Gideon? I thought you were in England.”
“I had to come back as soon as possible.” He turns his head to look at me. “Mona told me what you did the last night we talked.”
Now I feel stupid for my tantrum .
“I have to go to work, Gideon.” When I want to get out bed, he takes me by the hand and prevents my escape. I fal on my back again and now he is on top of me.
I am sorry he is crumpling his perfect suit because of me. But at the same time it makes me want to do much more. So I take my hand to his hair and tear it a little.
“You are so beautiful.” I hiss out loud and I regret it.
“Thank you.” He says seriously. “You look pretty when you are blushing, but that does not change how angry I am with you. You have disobeyed, El a and that deserves punishment.”
“I am not a girl for you to punish me and if you think that you wil punish me as they show in some erotic books that I have read, pass. Be original, Gideon.”
He cocks his head and raises an eyebrow.
“Do you dare to contradict me? I remind you that you acted like a child. If you act like a child, I wil punish you as such.
I put my eye white. Nothing he says worries me and more when I remember that he was with Paris. Precisely, the fucking stepsister to whom he is supposed to tear her head off.
“You were with a woman.” I reminded him, annoyed. “I know we are nothing and I do not even know why I am tel ing you this right now. Let’s see, let me say it again: You and I are nothing. There you have it.”
Gideon takes my arms and carries them over my head. Now I can not move. Slowly he lowers his head until he reaches my smal pyjama blouse and with his mouth and teeth, takes it up, leaving my breasts exposed.
“Are you blushing?” He asks the question with sarcasm and funny touch.
“No.”
Again, he looks for my breasts and this time there is nothing that stands in his way. I quickly feel his breath on my nipples, which have become hard and now hurt.
“Gideon…”
He runs his tongue over them and comes back to see me in the face.
“I was with a woman. With one that works for me.” His explanation is vague, I know that Paris works for him. Just like me and look how we are.
Him in my bed, over me with my nipples in his mouth.
“I am not interest.” I reject his explanation. “I am not interest at al . Nor what she said about a baby.”
Shit.
He raises his eyebrow again.
“Yes, you are right.”
I do not know why I thought he would deny it.
“It is your baby?”
He thinks about it for a moment. Stop looking my breasts and licks his lips.
“You could say so, yes.”
I do not like anything that I am feeling. It makes me want to cry, but after hitting him and throwing him out of my house.
“Right.”
I lift my body with al my strength and he notices my anger, leaving me free. I go to the bathroom and close the door with a bolt. It is not that it served much. I could break the door just by blowing on it. I look in the mirror and I do not recognise myself. I have dark circles under dark circles and they al have Gideon's name under my eyes.
I get in the shower and wash my hair, my body and face. I take my time even though I know I wil be late to work. I do not care. When I get out of here I know he will not be in my room.
Minutes later I find that Gideon is stil here, in my bed sitting in the edge of it and looking at my sketchbook.
“You can not see that.”
He final y notices my presence, even so, he continues to leaf through the sketches and almost seems to admire them too. I am ashamed for him to them, so I go up to him and snatch him. He gives me a disapproving look, but says nothing.
“They are good, you should not be angry.”
“I do not get mad. I am ashamed to been seen by another person. No one has seen them, not even Mona.”
I do not mind dropping my towel and dressing in front of him. I go to my closet that sure intimidates him of how smal it is compared to his and I get white jeans. A blue sleeveless blouse and I combine it with a sport jacket of the same co
lour.
What I am going to do, I know he is going to like it, so I am not ashamed to do it. I take out a pair of the shoes he gave me and I put them on. I go back to the bathroom and put some makeup that I usual y use and brush my hair with a little cream. When it dries it wil be perfect.
“I think I am going to lose myself in you, El a Mattis” Gideon's voice makes me smile, but I hold back.
“What did you say?”
“What you have heard.” He tel s me. “From here I can see you blush. You blush a lot lately. I like that.”
I do not know what he means to lose himself in me. I thought he would be disappointed to see me being me.
When I leave the bathroom, he looks at me from head to toe and his gaze tel s me that he approves my attire. How could he not? Sometimes I think grandpa Gus dresses better that me.
“Is there a problem?” I ask because he does not stop seeing me.
“You are the first woman who does not complain about not knowing what to wear, do not fight with her hair to look good or kil herself with so much makeup.”
I shrug. I do not know if it is a compliment or is control ing every one of my movements.
“You are perfect, El a. I could fuck you right now, wearing only those shoes. I thought I had seen it al and then you came.”
“You look disappointed.” I support myself in the frame of the bathroom. “But it is what I am. This is me every day. With the exception that today I wear new shoes, thanks to you.”
“Remind me to buy you more.”
“Keep dreaming.”
I bite my thumbnail, a new habit. Disgusting and uncomfortable. Gideon surprises me by removing my hand from my mouth. His eyes are locked on mine. Why I can not keep being annoyed? I have no reason to say him or claim anything. Nor ask again if he was true about the baby. None of that is my duty to know.
“Why did you drink?” The moment he asks me the question, I take his eyes away, but he takes my face gently and makes me look at him. “If I have to repeat that question a thousand times until you answer me, I wil do it, El a. I need to know it. Why did you drink?”
Seeing him in the eyes does not help. I knew it would annoy him to do it and for that reason I did it.
Very stupid of me when I know that he logical y has a problem with drinking.
“I wil not answer this question, Gideon. I have to go to work.”
He is about to panic. He contains himself too much and I do not appreciate the effort. He must accept it and let me go, we will not get anywhere and I am tired of this game of coming and going.
“Stop running away, El a.”
“It is work!” I scream euphoric. “I am not running away, Gideon! You can not go you to England one day, disappear and return without giving me an explanation about what you know I heard that night. You can not get into my bed anytime and I wil not let you play with my mind.”
He stays stil . Not even screaming at him makes him react. What the hel is wrong with this man? He wil give me a heart attack and I do not even have thirty yet.
“So that is how you feel. Good thing we are understanding, although I am going to order you to hold back a bit, your parents could listen to you.”
Shit. My family is downstairs. It is a miracle they are not knocking on my door waiting for me to come down. But as true as hel that Gideon has something to do with that. I would not be surprised, I wil leave right now and I do not care if I have to run from him, again.
“I have to go.”
This time he does not stop me. I down the stairs quickly without finding my mother or Pib. I get to see grandpa sleeping in front of the TV and go out the door to find Arsen waiting outside the truck.
“Miss Mattis.” He greets me.
“Hel o, Arsen. Gideon is in there, I think he wil take longer.” I lie. “I have to go.”
“Miss, I can not let you go, sir…”
“No.” I walk away. “This is me, leaving.”
I like to walk to work. Lucky I get rid of Gideon
—more or less—I can me imagine the face that my mother wil put when she looks for me in my room and Gideon is in my place. I do not know how he gets away with it and every day surprises me less.
No matter what he does in my room, it feels good to be away from him.
More or less.
I do not want to think about him. I do not want to think about anything because the only thing I have in my head right now is that Paris does not know that Gideon and I had something close to
“something” that turned into nothing.
I know that I am not going so far that Gideon's truck can not reach me. I stop near the sidewalk when the truck also does it and Gideon gets off it.
“Get in.” He opens the door for me. “Or I wil put you there myself.”
“Wow, what a gentleman. It does not surprise me coming from you.”
“My patience has a limit, El a. In your house I heard you enough, do not make me lose control here on the street.”
“Your threats do not bother me, Gideon.”
I turn on my own axis and walk away from him.
I can only feel a surge and being lifted in the air as if I were a fragile sheet of paper flying. But the thing is, I do not fly, I am being loaded by Gideon and he takes me directly to his truck.
“Gideon!”
Arsen opens the door and I am thrown into the seat. The door closes and Gideon enters through the other side. It is useless when I want to go out again, the doors are locked with special insurance.
He is right . I am a child.
I exterminate him with the look, while he smoothes his perfect black suit. We have a fight of looks, but I wil not be the one to speak first.
“El a.” He cal s me, but I do not look at him this time. I see through the window, I do not know where the truck is going. Gideon does not know that during the day I work in his company. Thinking about it makes me angry, it hurts me.
“El a, look at my fucking face when I talk to you.”
I see him, but I do it in the way he does not like me to look at him.
“You and I are everything. You have understood? Because if you have not done it, I wil make you understand it by fucking you.”
I swal ow a bal of air in my throat.
“I went to England because my family needed me.” Explains. “I am a son of a bitch, but to cal
“bitch” a woman is not part of my personality, although if you say it, I believe you and the reasons you wil have, although I know that one day you wil tel me why.” I do not take my eyes off his and continue. “I hung you because my niece needed me. I told you that it is mine because my sister can not be mother and a father at the same time.”
He has a sister? Mona said it.
«Of course he has one, he said a family»
His explanation now makes me feel like a moron. But I do not understand what Paris has to do with al this.
“What does Paris have to do with your family?”
“How do you know who she was?” And before I answer my mistake. “Of course, Mona told you.
Paris, her cousin is the idiot who got my sister pregnant.”
Shit. Now it makes sense.
“I suppose she feels a little bad about it and that is why she wanted to accompany me. But it is clear that between her and me there is nothing, not even a familiar bond.”
“Then why did you go with her?”
“I did not go with her. She was already there.”
Shit again. More sense to me.
“Now, about Mona. Sure she told you I am a reserved man. I protect Mona as wel as I wil protect you, even more. My friendship with her is not something I hope you approve or understand.
She is your best friend too, you would want her for yourself now that you know.
How does he knows?
“She is my best friend. She is like my sister.”
“The feeling is mutual. It is kind of weird, unexpected that we have that in common in addition to getting along
in bed you and me. But you wil get over it, El a. I will not take her from you, as she also knows that you are mine.
I put white eyes. His lack of filter wil end with me.
“And now what?” I throw the question on the air, when I already know the answer.
“Why did you drink?” He reminds me.
I see the tip of my new shoes, except for his face. I am looking for a point through the window.
Something with which to invent something better than the answer I am about to give him. Less pathetic and more assertive or meaningful.
Anything.
“Because I did not want to think about you. But even when I drink, I see you and hear double.”
I expect a reprisal, another scream or get me out of his truck right now. But instead, I feel him on my side, his breath on my neck and his hand on one of my breasts as he whispers to me:
“I told you that we would be more addictive than anything.”
When did he said that? I did not hear him.
Because in reality, it makes sense and although I find it hard to accept it, he is right.
He has the damned reason.
“Wel , now please, take me to Le Dome. I need to work. We do not al have a job like yours, Remember?”
“That sarcasm, my sweet girl.” He kiss my forehead. “I wil also make you leave the habit by fucking you.”
It is good for me.
PARIS
SOMEWHERE IN SEATTLE
He looks happy.
He even seems to be another person. Again her?
Does she real y think that she can win this time?
She did not do it with Thomas.
She wil not do it with Gideon.
She does not have a damn idea who he is and it wil be very funny when she figures it out. I know it. But I wil leave it til the end. I will let her fal in love. I will let the bastard Cinderella be happy for a moment and then I wil throw the bomb I have prepared for her.
And for him.
He wil come running towards me and he wil beg me. He wil make me laugh and I wil enjoy seeing his suffering, something like revenge.
I wil have him for myself even if I later throw him out. But first I have to have fun.
Cinder has made it so easy and has forgotten that I have her under surveil ance. It has always been like this. I force her to live in the shadows. I wil probably never leave her alone.