by Kris Buendía
“Pib is not my biological father.” I start to sat.
“My father was Eric Mattis. He died a few years ago.”
“For a strange reason, his name is familiar to me.”
“I know, but I wil not tel you more.”
I see doubt in his expression.
“Why?”
“Because is toy real y care, you will find the answers by yourself. I know you also keep secrets, Gideon. But I wil not force you to tel me.”
It knew it. His secrets is what has him that way.
Cold and serious with the world. For a second I thought I was already there, at that point where he could open up to me, but no.”
“I have to go to England tonight.” It hurts me that he changes the subject, but I guess at least he knows what I think.
“Do you real y have to go?”
“It is an emergency. I wil be here in a couple of days.”
Why do I feel that this trip is not what he says it is? Wil he go with someone else? I do not know if I can make the question without him evading it too.
With him I must choose the right words and the moment because even if I do not accept him, he does not need to feel like me and avoid things.
“Take care of yourself, Gideon.”
I walk away from him and he stops right away.
“I am not done with you.” He reprimands me.
I approach to him and give him chaste kiss on the lips, feeling my chest heavy from having to say goodbye to him and I do not know why.
“Goodbye.” I say this time looking at him in the eyes.
It was only a couple of hours ago that I said goodbye to Gideon and I can stil feel his taste on my lips. His hand on my waist and the air of his mouth brushing my neck.
I am randy.
I remember the movements, the feeling of having him between my legs and I cling to my worn sheets underneath me.
“I like when you do that.”
I open my eyes when I hear his voice. What kind of dream was that? And why am I naked?
He continues sucking his tongue in my sex and I stifle a scream.
“Gideon!” I scream for the pleasure he is giving me. “How is it…God! What are you doing here?”
He keeps kissing and now biting my thighs, abandoning my moisture thanks to his work and goes up to reach my face. He is naked, I can feel his hardness between my legs and open up more for him.
“Have an lousy door system security, El a.” He explains. “You should tel your stepfather to fix it but I wil . I can not leave knowing that my girl is exposed that way.”
“But what are you saying? Stop talking about Pib while we are like this.”
“It was not difficult to find your room either.”
Continues, this time penetrating me and I relax to receive him. “It is the only room with a big C
hanging on it.”
“Damn it, shout the fuck up.” I beg moving my hips.
He bites my lower lip and sticks his tongue inside my mouth. I caress it with mine and we lose ourselves in that kiss. “I do not even know what you are doing here, but please, do not stop.”
Each time our hips col ide harder and his pleasure is the same as mine. I delight in kissing him with hunger and I find myself grabbing his ass and pressing it closer to me.
“I told you I was not done with you.”
Oh, is that what he meant?
“I do not have any problem with that.”
It comes out of me and I resent it. He turns me around mastery and now I am with my ass towards him. Kiss my back and reach up to it and bites me. I jump in response and he holds me hard.
“Do not move.” He orders me.
I am trying, but his beard tickles me. He kisses and squeezes my buttocks until I feel his breath on my sex. He bites and sucks again and in this posture it is hard for me to be able to stand stil .
This feels good and I do not know how he does it. He is eating me with more fury now, while I am about to finish in his mouth again. I bury my fingers in my own pil ow and choke my moans there when I explode and drop my head.
Gideon stil holds me from behind. I listen to the sound he makes when he tears the condom wrapper and I know that nothing has ended.
«The first time, you did not use one»
He penetrates me and I moan again on my pil ow. I do not know how long I will last. To make me his when he wants, I mean. If this is going to be like this, then I wil begin to take his word that it is not over yet.
“Are you okay?” I love when he ask it.
“Yes.” I loose with difficulty.
His hands are clinging to my hips, my legs can not take it any more and I fal on the bed. That does not stop him from continuing to come out and into me. Now it is my ass he squeezes and takes to propel from front to back.
“Give me your hands.” He says to me.
He sees that I can not move, drugged by the pleasure he is giving me, takes them himself and as if a cop handcuffs me, places my hands behind my back and lashes out harder.
“Gideon…” I whisper.
Imprisoned under him, face down with my hands in this position, leaves me breathless and another orgasm takes over me. He does not resist anymore, he tel s me himself when I feel his hands tighten mine.
Then he col apses.
And we always end like this. Body to body, in complete silence.
“Why did you come back?” I stil do not recover completely, but I see Gideon getting out of my bed.
“Is that the bathroom?” He points to the door in front of him.
“Yes.”
I am lucky to have my own bathroom in my room, although that often meant not leaving my bedroom when I did not feel like facing the world.
Gideon comes out of the bathroom minutes later ful y dressed. It hurts me that this time he did not want to shower with me.
“I have to…”
“To leave, I know.” I interrupt him. What makes hum angry and with big strides comes to me and seats next to the bed.
“What is wrong, El a?”
“Nothing.”
“I wil not ask you again. I do not want to go leaving you like this.”
I lie on my back. His eyes are fixed in my breasts and he touches and kisses them. He tickles me and I push him away.
“Are you upset because I am leaving or because I came to make love to you?”
“Make love to me?” My mockery has no limit. It is the first time he says something like that. His words were: to fuck until they tremble. There is no difference to how I am feeling right now.
“I would be crazy if I did something less than that.” Grabs my chin to make me look at him. “Did you understand?”
I make a movement with my head. I do not care what he wants to cal it.
“I do not know why I am angry. Whether because you do what you want or because I al ow it.”
“I do what I feel like.” Repeat my words as if he was analysing them. He looks at his watch. I am entreating him and I hate that too.
“Go you if you have to.” I spotter annoyed.
“You are done with me.”
He gives me a whip in the ass that makes my skin burn. I wish my blows hurt him too but they wil not, that is why I do not even try. I glare at him and turn around to the other side.
I notices when Gideon gets out of bed and puts the sheet back on my naked body. When I feel his breath on my neck, I feel tickled and avoid looking at him.
“I wil cal you.” He kiss my forehead. “Don't do anything crazy in my absence and always answer when I cal you, promise it.”
I know he wil not leave me alone until I promise it. He is the one who should promise to answer. I am not the one who goes to the other side of the world.
“I promise, Gideon.”
He looks calmer now.
“I left something for you on the table.”
“Have a good trip, Gideon.”
I want to cry. Dammit! It is a damn trip and I am not even in love with
him. I do mot even know what that is.
Or do I? I throw that thought into the back of my mind. I do not need to fight against that too.
Gideon's thing can not be anything more than passion for the forbidden, the power and the tenure to make me his when he pleases.
“Goodbye, El a.”
12
I fel asleep as soon as Gideon said goodbye.
The only thing I felt was another kiss on my lips. But I was so tired that I could not kiss him back. I remember what he said and I open my eyes, forcing me out of bed.
Then I see what he left on my little desk.
A shopping bag. If i any of them can look like this. It looks expensive, as well as big.
Curiosity kil s me so I take a look.
I see several boxes inside and it can not be anything else.
“Oh, my God!” I scream with emotion when I realise what it is.
I quickly take out box by box, four in its entirety and open them one by one. The view is perfect.
Four perfect pairs of converse in different colours each.
This is beautiful.
I did not know that he could like something like that in me. Although now I remember the pair that I left at his house when he discovered my true identity. More or less, I never pretended to be what I was not.
I see a note with perfect calligraphy in the bottom of the bag and read it knowing that it has written by him:
Gideon
I do not know what is special about them, but when I see you with them, I understand.
You are beautiful, no matter what you wear, but one day I will make you mine using heels and if you behave well, maybe using one of these too.
I will fuck my sweet girl and the woman I made.
Thanks for my shoes.
Have you arrived safely?
I do not get an answer. He sure is busy. I look at the time and it is late. I curse loudly and take shower as fast as and go down to breakfast.
“Good morning, family.”
I find them al having breakfast.
“Good morning, sweetie.” My mother begins to serve my breakfast. Which I devour fast.
“You are going to get sick from eating like that.” Pib scold me.
“She is very skinny, let her eat.” Grandpa defends me.
I see in their faces the curiosity to start with questions, and I am not wrong when my mother does the first one.
“Tough night?”
“No, why are you asking?” I dissimulated carrying a slice of bread to my mouth.
My mother shrugs when she says:
“I’d swear that I saw Gideon leave your room last night.”
I spit out the food on my plate.
Shit.
“No way. You hal ucinate.”
Pib and grandpa look at each other and do not say anything.
“It is what I thought, but he complained about the insurance door. As I do before leaving.”
Shit, again.
“The truth is that he went up to give me a gift. It was fast and he did not want me to come down.”
I want the earth to swal ow me. I just hope they have not listened to us, or better yet, that my mother believes me. Most of what I say is true .
“That is what I thought.” She says about to laugh. “He is a very serious man to be sneaking like that.”
I choke on my own saliva. My mother parts me on the back and serves more juice.
I hurry to get out of my house as soon as possible, lest grandpa Gus has seen it too.
When I left work I met with the boys to have a drink.
The weekend was going to be pretty boring. It is not that before it was not, but at least today I had someone who think about. In Gideon and in what he would be doing in England and why he did not respond to my messages.
Mona is the last to arrive and sits next to me. I find it hard to get used that my al time best friend is also best friend to the man I barely know.
Envy of good I guess, I do not know.
“How are you?” She asks raising a beer without opening.
“Worried about Gideon.”
“Oh, I talked to him a few hours ago. He has arrived wel . He told you?”
I avoid feeling bad about that and I shake my head without showing much confidence.
“I'm sorry, I thought you talked to him.”
“He has not real y answered my messages.”
Mona realises that she has made a mistake by tel ing me that he has communicated with her and not with me. A matte of dignity I suppose, but I wil not let what Gideon does or does not affect me. I wil enjoy tonight as God intended, as it should be and as it always has been.
“We should go dancing.” Gracie proposes. Jimi rol s his eyes and I do not understand why.
“You two are stil sleeping together?” I loose without a filter and Gracie pales.
“It is none of your business, Cinder.” Says Jimi in her defence. “Do you sleep with Mona's boss?”
I look at Mona and she opens her mouth surprised by what Jimi says.
“I can not believe you told them.” I see her badly.
“I did not say anything!”
“Catch you!” Jimi says and we al break in a big laugh.
“Fuck! We wil go dancing right now.” I get on and walk with my best friend, we end up the night of beers in this place. Dancing always entertains me and makes me forget everything.
I hope that this time it will also help me to forget Gideon.
After twenty-four hours without knowing about Gideon, it occurs to him to cal me. Right now I do not know if I am drunk, but I do not want to respond to his cal s or messages. That is what Mona is for.
“Answer, you have wanted to talk to him since he left.” Advise my best friend.
“No. I wil not talk to him, I am having fun. If I was someone important for him as he says I am, he would answer my messages instead of to yours.”
“Are you upset about that? Fuck, Cinder. I do not want that al this with Gideon to affect us. He has never done it.”
That was before I knew that she was his best friend. And it is not that it is a sin, but why him? Of al the men in the world, why him? And not just for being his friend, but for having noticed a man like Gideon that night. I could have chosen better, but Gideon is the best I can imagine right now.
“I must stop drinking for tonight.” I evade the questions.
I look at my mobile and read each one of his messages.
Gideon
Why you do not answer my calls?
Where are you? I have been calling you like crazy.
You just missed to your promise and I am not happy at all.
Do I have to remind you of something? Because I will when I arrive, my sweet and rebellious girl.
I laugh to myself. He can be sweet and authoritarian when he wants. I decide to cal him instead of responding to his messages and being able to hear his voice.
The boys are going to dance and Mona is the only one left to accompany me.
“Yes?” I listen to his voice and makes my body and mind react. I do not like the tone of his voice or the rough way to respond.
“Hi” I am waiting for him to say something but he does not. He is angry. “How are you?”
“Quite worried.”
I laugh.
“I can say the same about you. You have not answered to my messages either.”
“Where are you?” repeat again. “I listen music in the background.”
Fuck.
“I am with some friends.” What reminds me. “I am with my best friend Mona. You sure know her, she works for you. Oh, wait! She is your best friend too.”
Again more silence.
Mona puts her hand to her head. Gideon does not know that I already know that they are friends.
And if he knows, I do not care. Al this mess about lying about who your friends are, is driving me crazy. The lack of honesty by my part has an explanation, but theirs does not.
“It is c
al ed privacy, El a” Says Gideon. “I do not go around saying who is my friend and with who carry I sleep. And you?”
Fucking idiot.
“Wel I do. My friends know it and they are stil my friends.”
“Gideon, are you ready to go?” I hear from the other side. A wel -known voice, how could I forget it?
Paris.
“Are you with someone?” As soon as I ask the question, I attract Mona's attention again.
“Gideon, the girl wants to go with you.”
My stomach churns and it is not by the alcohol.
Paris has told him something about a girl, a baby?
His baby? He has a baby?!
“Gideon, answer the question!”
“I have to go.” Says. “Be good.”
“I do not give a shit!”
“Language, sweet girl.”
And cut.
I keep looking at my phone screen as if it was something. I want to cry, but of anger. He has gone with Paris to England. He said something about work and emergency, but I do not see where a baby fits.
“Cinder, what happened?” Mona's voice brings me back to reality.
“Nothing.” I decide to lie. “Gideon is with Paris.
I guess you knew.”
Her look says it al . She knew it.
“It is complicated, Cinder. I would explain it to you, but it is not my…”
“Business, I know. Al this is Gideon's business. I wonder when you stopped being my best friend to be his, Mona. The thing is that I do not believe in either of you.”
“Cinder…”
“Enough, Mona. I wil not argue with you. I want to believe that al my bad mood is also for the alcohol.”
“Do you want to dance, beautiful?” A very handsome boy approaches us.
I smile at him in response and stand up. I look at Mona and I say:
“You can tel him if you want.”
She says nothing and I have fun dancing. That was not what this night was about?
Have fun even if my mind betrays me and I do not stop thinking that maybe everything is final y over.
13
The next day I did not know anything about Gideon.
I found messages from me the next day and of course it was because the stupid drunk I became that night after knowing he was with Paris.
He does not know who Paris is in my life.