by Sarah Bailey
Avery told me Aiden had become adamant about having kids after spending so much time with Ben’s children. Afie wasn’t even a month old. She was still so tiny. Gertie and I waited in the hospital when Avery gave birth. We were the first to meet her. It gave me a weird feeling in my chest given how much like her mother she was.
I’m so fucking pathetic.
Aiden was stroking Afie’s little face and murmuring to her, “Daddy’s little princess.”
He’d always called Avery ‘princess’. I still had a dig at her about it on a regular basis even though actually it just fucking killed me how much she adored it. Adored him. I shouldn’t feel this way, but every time I heard it, it only made me think it should’ve been me.
All of this should’ve been mine.
Avery was supposed to be mine.
I’m a dick. I really am.
I was happy she found someone who loves her as much as Aiden does. Avery needed someone who makes her world go around. Aiden did that for her. You could see it when they looked at each other. How deeply their feelings ran. It was like they were made for one another. Which is why it was so unfair of me to feel this way about her. To have these feelings of resentment and longing.
Maybe it was because Dante was getting his happy ending today and it brought up all sorts of crazy hidden feelings for me. Everyone I knew was happy and moving on with their lives. Hell, even Gertie was still shacked up with Tilly. I never thought it would last between them, but they were still going strong after two and a half years together.
And then there was me. Forever single. Forever alone. It was my own fault. No one lived up to her. The girl next to me who deserved everything. Deserved to be as happy as she was. And she really was so fucking happy. Being a mother had softened her in so many ways. She’d always had such a soft heart, but Avery with Afie was a beautiful thing to witness.
I hated this. I hated myself sometimes because of the way I felt about her. How I pretended to be okay with it all when I wasn’t. I wished these feelings would go away. Wished they’d just die so I didn’t have to live with all this regret. All of this pain. All these lies I kept telling over and over again.
***
I didn’t want to be paired up with a girl on the first day of school. Girls were stupid. My sisters were the worst. They were always trying to dress me up like one of them. I was the baby so they thought it was funny. Wasn’t funny to me at all. Dante did nothing to stop them either and Mum thought it was cute.
I sat with my arms crossed, staring at the floor until I saw two feet come into my view. She had blue shoes on. That’s the first thing I noticed. They had little silver buckles. My eyes travelled upwards. Her blue dress came down to her knees. Her outfit was the exact same colour as my eyes. Mum always told me I was her blue-eyed baby boy.
I finally raised my head to meet her eyes. Brown ones stared back at me. I was struck by this girl in front of me. She had straight dark hair which flowed loosely down her back.
“Hi,” she said.
“Hey.”
“Miss Malcolm says we’re supposed to sit together.”
“Yeah.”
She stuck her hand out to me.
“Avery.”
I hesitated for a long moment before sliding my hand into hers.
“James.”
She gave me one hard shake before retracting her hand and sitting next to me, smoothing down her blue dress.
“Is it true your daddy designs clothes?”
I looked over at her.
“Yeah. Who told you?”
She waved at a group of girls in the corner of the room who were giggling to each other.
“They were saying it. My daddy builds things. I don’t like those girls.”
I wondered why. I wondered a lot of things about Avery. She’d been in my life all of two minutes and already I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was pretty, but it wasn’t just that. I was drawn to her.
“How old are you?” I asked when I realised she was waiting for me to speak.
“Five. You?”
“Same.”
She gave me a smile. The most radiant smile I’d ever seen.
“Friends?”
I’d never been friends with a girl. My only friend in the world was my brother anyway. He looked out for me. He’d told me yesterday if anyone gave me trouble, I was to go straight to him and he’d make sure it didn’t happen again. Dante was good like that.
Avery was looking at me, her brown eyes dancing and her smile wide. How could I say no? How would I ever say no to the pretty girl who would come to know me inside out?
“Friends.”
***
I should’ve brought Cassie. A lot of our employees had been invited to the reception, but not her. I didn’t want her to get the wrong idea about what we were. And she would’ve if I’d invited her to my brother’s wedding. Her boss. Technically I was her boss too as well as Jen and Fi. None of them had said anything about me seeing an employee, mostly because it wasn’t serious. It should’ve been serious by now.
Again, I was a dick to her. I needed to stop this. End this thing with her. Whatever this thing even was. Sex? Dating? Who fucking knew. It should’ve been over by now. But if I’d ended it, then I’d have gone back to being completely miserable and pining over my best friend.
Let’s face it, I was still pining over her anyway.
Pathetic. So fucking pathetic. That’s what you are.
Instead, here I was, dancing with her like there was nothing wrong. I mean I even gave her away at her own wedding for fuck’s sake. I shouldn’t still be in love with her after all this time.
“You’re quiet today.”
“Got a lot on my mind,” I replied.
“James…”
“I’m fine, Ave. I promise.”
She squeezed my shoulder, giving me a smile.
“They look so happy. I swear I’ve never seen Dante smile as much as he does when he’s with her.”
I spun us around so I could see what she was looking at. Dante and Liora were sitting at their table, a plate of cake between them whilst they fed each other. Kind of a bit sickening, but it was their wedding day so I wasn’t going to begrudge them.
“You know, there’s one room in his house he keeps locked at all times. It makes me wonder what’s behind the door.”
Avery raised an eyebrow at me.
“What are you suggesting?”
“Nothing untoward… I tried to ask Brent, but he told me to mind my own business. He blatantly knows.”
A slow smile appeared on her face.
“She does seem to always look to him for approval. Wait, you don’t think…” She lowered her voice. “You don’t think it’s like some kind of red room of pain, do you?”
“Oh, that’s exactly what I think.”
She giggled, looking over at the happy couple again.
“Kinky little shit.”
It wouldn’t surprise me if it was really a playroom of sorts. Dante always had this dark air about him, even when we were kids. No one messed with him. And no one messed with me or the twins either. At least not whilst he was at school. When he left, it was a different story. I was old enough to take care of myself then.
“You can’t talk.”
She hit my shoulder.
“Hey, Aiden doesn’t know you know, so shut up.”
Before she’d gotten pregnant with Afie, we’d gone out to a bar one night with Gertie and Tilly. Avery got ridiculously drunk and confessed something to me whilst the girls where busy sucking face. Avery and I might have been sleeping together at one point, but she never gave me any indication she was interested in being tied up and restrained. I don’t think she ever considered it until she met Aiden. I totally saw it once she told me. The whole control thing with him.
“You didn’t tell him? I thought you two didn’t keep secrets.”
“We don’t, but I’m no
t sure he’d appreciate me telling you, of all people, about our sex life.”
I supposed she had a point. Surely Aiden knew Avery and I told each other everything. I doubted he’d care that much. He was far too secure and confident in himself. Plus, he pretty much worshipped the ground Avery walked on, so he wouldn’t stay mad at her for anything she did.
“You should tell him… Perhaps he’d punish you for it. You’d like that.”
“Oh my god, James, please. You’re as bad as Gert. No, wait, you’re worse because she doesn’t even know.”
I grinned. If Gert knew, Avery would never hear the end of it. Pretty sure that’s why she hadn’t revealed her dirty little secret to our other best friend.
“I can babysit if you want… I’m sure the two of you haven’t had much time to yourselves.”
She hit me again.
“Seriously, stop.” She looked away for a moment. “We haven’t since she was born. I love Afie, but I miss my time with just Aiden.”
As uncomfortable as it was for me to talk about this with Avery, I’d never stop her confiding in me. I was still determined to be her best friend despite how I felt.
“Then take Tina up on her offer to babysit, Ave. It’s not a crime to want to be with your husband even if you have a new baby.”
“You sure I’m not being a bad mother?”
I shook my head. She worried too much.
“No, I think he’d appreciate it too.”
Aiden currently had Afie on his chest, patting her back whilst speaking to Brent, who was keeping an eye on Jen and Fi. Even though him and Jen hated each other, he’d always watched out for the twins, probably because Dante told him to. My sisters were at the bar, knocking back cocktails. There was a lone bartender. A girl with dark hair, but I couldn’t really make out the rest of her features.
“You’re right, he would. I’ll talk to him about it.”
I nodded as the song came to an end. We weren’t the only ones on the dancefloor, thankfully. Avery insisted I dance at least a couple of songs with her. We walked over to where Aiden and Afie were. Avery put a hand on his back, giving him a smile.
“Is she okay? Do you think she needs a feed?”
“She’s fine, don’t fuss,” Aiden said, rolling his eyes. “I was going to get James here to hold her since you owe me a dance too.”
This was news to me. I hadn’t signed up to holding the baby. Avery looked at me expectantly. How the hell could I say no? Especially after what she’d just admitted to me. Stifling a sigh, I stepped forward and took Afie, getting her settled in my arms.
“Ten minutes max,” Avery said, giving me a smile before she stroked the little tuft of hair on her daughter’s head
Aiden dragged her away, telling her she needed to learn how to let go for one minute. They were still half bickering with each other when the next song started up. I sat down at the table next to Brent, not trusting myself with the baby. I didn’t want to drop her.
“Well, don’t you look all manly with a baby,” Brent said giving me a wink.
“Fuck off,” I grumbled.
“Language.”
“She doesn’t know what I’m saying. Besides, you’ve met her father, every second word out of his mouth is fuck.”
Brent chuckled, shaking his head. I watched Avery and Aiden together. They looked so happy and here I was fucking hating every moment of it. My chest burnt. Love really fucking sucked.
Not wanting to intrude on their moment together, I turned my attention to the small bundle in my arms. Afie was awake, her grey eyes fixed on me.
“Hello little one,” I whispered. “Your mummy and daddy will be back soon.”
She blinked and yawned before reaching out a hand to me. I shifted her in my lap and let her hold my finger. Her hands were so tiny.
“You think Liora will let D knock her up any time soon?”
I looked up at Brent.
“Are you desperate for a screaming baby in the house to deal with on top of those two?”
“No. I think she wants kids though.”
“You’d know.”
He shrugged. Brent looked out for her. They argued like a married couple at times. I wasn’t sure why Dante thought it was entertaining when they bickered. He certainly didn’t appreciate it when Brent and Jen argued. More often than not she was calling him a dickhead. I was pretty sure Dante had said something to Brent because recently when she started up on him, he just walked away.
“She hasn’t said anything to me… yet. I bet she’ll ask me if I think it’s okay to broach the subject with him.”
“I’m not betting with you. You never play fair.”
He laughed. Brent really was a dick at times so my sister’s assessment wasn’t far off, but he was Dante’s best friend and the reason my brother didn’t completely fuck things up with his new wife. If it wasn’t for Brent’s encouragement, neither of them would’ve admitted their feelings towards each other. Brent took credit for it and I was inclined to believe him given what I knew about my brother’s lack of communication skills.
Looking back down at Afie, I found her eyes half closed as if she was falling asleep. Her tiny little hand was still wrapped around my finger as if she didn’t want to let go.
If things were different, you might have been mine.
Chapter Two
Ellie
When I heard they were putting me on this event, I was worried I’d mess it up. It was my first time alone on the bar. I needed this job so I couldn’t afford for anything to go wrong tonight. It seemed to be going okay though. The twin girls who’d spent most of the time at the bar hadn’t complained about their cocktails.
It wasn’t a big reception. Probably about fifty guests. I recognised the groom and his family. They owned that fashion house their father built. He was in prison now serving a life sentence. Huge scandal. Zachary Benson murdered his wife and abused his kids. Sick if you ask me.
His kids seemed okay though. The twin girls were giggling on the dancefloor together, clearly drunk. The groom was glued to his new wife’s side. He was pretty fit and his wife, gorgeous. And the last sibling? He was propped up at the end of my bar staring at a dark haired girl standing with who I guessed was her husband. They both had wedding rings and she had a baby in a pushchair next to her.
“You want another?” I asked when I noticed he’d drained his glass.
His blue eyes turned on me, his expression a little startled.
Shit, he has nice eyes.
They were blue like the ocean. The type of eyes a girl could drown in. I’d noticed his brother and sisters had the exact same shade. I had a thing about eyes. They were the most expressive part of a human. That’s if you could recognise their subtle changes like I could. I’d had to learn so I could read the moods of the people who’d had me before all of this.
“What would you suggest?” he asked me, tapping his fingers against the glass.
I’d served him a dark rum and coke earlier when he came over. It was a free bar so he could have whatever he wanted. The groom was footing the bill. They had money so it didn’t surprise me.
“You look like you could use something strong.”
I wasn’t sure why I said that. There was something innately sad about this guy. This was a wedding. Weren’t they supposed to be happy occasions?
“I do?”
“Yeah.”
One of my flaws was I didn’t often think before I spoke. After years of being forced to only speak when spoken to, I relished the freedom to say whatever it was on my mind. Not that I really spoke to people that often and certainly not to strange men.
“Who’s that girl you keep staring at?” I indicated the dark haired girl with the baby.
His expression darkened for a moment. There was something very familiar about her but I couldn’t put my finger on it. Honestly, there were so many famous rich folks these days, I had a hard time keeping up with who’s who.
Not that I really cared.
“My best friend.”
The sadness in his voice struck a chord with me. It was clear he wished it was more. So much more. I resisted the strange urge to put a hand on his arm, which was resting on the bar, to give him a comforting squeeze.
“I think I know what you need.”
I turned away to the back bar before he could say anything. Selecting the salt and three slices of lime, I set out three shot glasses and poured the tequila. He watched me balance the limes on the glasses and pop the salt down next to them.
“Are you trying to kill me?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
“Tequila will help you forget for a while.”
He gave me a slight smile before picking up the saltshaker. I wasn’t sure if he’d actually drink them all, but he did. One by one. He dumped the lime in the last glass and looked at me, grimacing a little.
“So… Eleanor… Do you always try to cheer up miserable guests at these functions?”
I frowned. I hadn’t told him my name. Looking down, I remembered the stupid name tag pinned to my black shirt.
“It’s Ellie and no, this is my first wedding.”
I hated being called Eleanor. It sounded so prim and proper. My mum used to call me Nellie Noodle. I just preferred plain Ellie. Any reminders of my past weren’t welcome. Especially not now when I was working.
“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Ellie. Suppose you already know who I am.”
I knew his surname was Benson, but I hadn’t paid much attention to any of their first names.
I shrugged and he raised an eyebrow.
“It’s James.”
“You going to tell me why you keep making sad eyes at your best friend then, James?”
He gave me a rueful smile.
“Nope.”
“Can I guess?”
I should be wiping down the bar or doing something productive, not making conversation with a patron. No one else was at the bar. They all seemed content on the dancefloor or swigging wine from the numerous bottles on the tables.
“Be my guest.”
I leant my elbows on the bar.