Benson Siblings Series: A Dark Romance Boxset

by Sarah Bailey

  My breathing was finally even again and my pulse settled. It was only quick thinking that had suppressed a full blown panic attack.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “For what?”

  “Giving me what I needed.”

  Not being able to see his expression bothered me somewhat. James’ eyes gave away so many things and now I was left floundering because I couldn’t tell if what I said was okay or not.

  “Can I ask why a cupboard?”

  “Darkness and enclosed spaces are the only places I feel safe.”

  “I’ll remember that for next time.”

  My breath caught in my throat.

  Next time?

  He still wanted to see me after this. Why had I doubted him? I’d told him some pretty fucked up stuff about my past last time and he hadn’t been fazed by that either. It seemed no matter what I said to James Benson, he liked me anyway. It didn’t mean I was going to admit I wanted more than just friendship from him. I wasn’t ready to go there or entertain that idea.

  “You sure I haven’t completely ruined your birthday?”

  “I can’t tell if that’s a serious question or not.”

  “Why don’t you open the door and find out?”

  “Well, I would if I could find the bloody door handle.”

  I couldn’t help laughing, which after a moment set him off too. It was a full minute before either of us calmed down. James managed to find the door handle and the door swung open. I blinked rapidly as the light filled the small space. When I looked up at him, he was smiling. His smile was addictive. I swear being around this man made me feel all sorts of crazy shit I was never supposed to feel.

  He stepped out first and I followed him back to his office.

  “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable,” he said as he turned to me.

  I walked towards him and reached for his hand. He let me take it.

  “I really appreciate you wanting to give me nice things, but uh… maybe in the future when I’m used to this.”

  I indicated our hands. I think he got what I was saying because he nodded. He released my hand and looked into my eyes.

  “Okay. You tell me when you’re ready.”

  “I will.”

  “So… how about you change out of that, we have this cupcake and then go out for drinks, hmm? No story sharing tonight.”

  It sounded perfect. I didn’t want to mess up his birthday any further. It was probably good we weren’t going to talk about the past, especially now I’d almost had an attack.

  “Okay, that sounds nice.”

  He smiled again and I had to look away before I got lost in those blue eyes of his again. It was time I got a grip on my burgeoning feelings for James Benson. They had to be locked away so I couldn’t get hurt.

  I wasn’t going to be the girl he used to get over his unrequited love for his best friend no matter how much the thought of him and I closer made my body ache in ways it never had before.

  ***

  My phone was ringing incessantly. The noise grated on my ears. My head was already pounding so I didn’t need this. I rolled over and tugged it off the bedside table.

  Tina Reynolds.

  Just what I needed. She was from the Lizzie Lockhart Foundation. The charity set up to help girls sex trafficked by the Daniels. The one which helped me after I was rescued. Paid for my therapy and gave me the funds to get back on my feet. Funds I still had most of because I refused to be a charity case. It had helped me secure this flat though, which I could only be glad of. Finding money for the deposit would’ve been impossible otherwise.

  Tina liked to check up on me from time to time. All the girls really, to make sure we were still doing well and if we needed anything.

  “Hello Tina.”

  “Ellie, I wasn’t sure you’d answer.”

  Sometimes I didn’t. I’d ignored her last four calls.

  “Sorry, I’ve been busy with work.”

  “Oh yes, how is that all going?”

  I shifted, sitting up in bed.

  “Fine; I completed my probation period so I have a permanent contract now.”

  “That’s wonderful news.”

  It meant I had a steady income so I was happy in that respect. And being around lots of people helped me get over my issues.

  Don’t forget James.

  I told my brain to do one. I’d enjoyed last night despite the almost panic attack. We’d laughed together as he told me funny stories from his childhood about his brother and sisters. No dark and twisty secrets in sight. It seemed he’d been in a nostalgic mood what with it being his birthday.

  “How is everything else?” she prompted when I didn’t respond.

  “Uh, okay, I guess. I’ve been getting out more. The bartender at Frankie’s knows me by name now. Oh, and I made a friend… sort of… I think.”

  “You did?”

  “Yeah, he’s nice. I met him a couple of months ago.”

  “A male friend?”

  Tina knew I didn’t like being around men. It’s why I’d only had female therapists.

  “An actual man, yes. I feel safe around him. That’s progress, isn’t it?”

  “It is. I’m pleased you’re making friends.”

  James was my first and only friend as an adult. I hadn’t had many growing up anyway. I didn’t like being around the other sex trafficked girls. Most of them kept in touch with each other, but I preferred to forget about the past and move forward.

  “Oh, I um, saw your… I guess he’s your sort of adopted son a couple of months ago.”

  “Aiden?”

  Tina had told me about him because he and his wife had helped set up the foundation. It’s why I knew exactly who they were when James told me Avery’s name.

  “Yes, I worked a wedding at the hotel and he was there with his wife and their baby.”

  “Did you speak to them?”

  “Well no… it was her friend’s brother’s wedding, um, Dante Benson.”

  “Oh, yes, Avery is very close with his brother. They have their hands full with Afie, she’s such a beautiful girl.”

  Tina’s voice had a proud note to it. I guess she considered Afie as her grandchild. Their relationship was an odd one, but I understood that Tina raised Aiden after his mother’s death and the foundation was named after her.

  “Tina… um… my friend, well, that’s how we met, at the wedding I mean. Her friend, James, he’s the one I’ve been spending time with.”

  “He is? Well, James is a very nice boy, so you’ve made a good choice.”

  “The thing is… he doesn’t know about my connection to the Daniels. I told him a bit about my past, which is a huge deal to me, to be able to tell anyone, but I don’t know how to admit to him it was his friend’s family.”

  She was quiet for a long moment.

  “Honesty is always the best policy. He’ll understand. You haven’t done anything wrong. It was those who took you who are to blame.”

  I fiddled with the duvet.

  “I’m just scared. I like him and it would suck if I messed it up.”

  “Putting yourself out there is a scary prospect, but you’ve made a huge step by opening up to someone. Just don’t leave it too long, okay?”

  I nodded then realised I was on the phone.

  “Okay. Um, thank you. For listening I mean.”

  “I’m always here if you need to talk, Ellie, you know that.”

  She’d always told me that. From the day we’d met not long after I was housed at the charity, Tina said if I ever needed her, she was only a phone call away. I was still mute back then. She’d been so kind and gentle. Tina was the first person I said a word to when I decided to speak again. My throat had been sore and voice gravelly, but I’d managed to say ‘thank you’.

  “I know.”

  “I have to go, but you take care of yourself, okay? And as always, everything you’ve sa
id stays between us. I won’t mention this to Aiden until you’ve told James.”

  “Thank you, I appreciate that.”

  “Speak to you soon.”

  I didn’t respond and hung up. I wasn’t so great with goodbyes anyway.

  I felt a little better having spoken to her. It reassured me I was making positive steps towards having a normal life. And that I had to stop being a coward. I just needed to say it. Tell James who my captors had been.

  When I checked the time, I found I had a message waiting for me.

  JAMES: Shots were a very bad idea.

  ME: Hungover?

  JAMES: Like a bitch.

  ME: I feel a little rough too.

  I wasn’t lying. My head felt thick and I was still a little groggy.

  JAMES: At least you don’t have work. Conference call means I can’t skip it entirely.

  ME: Poor baby.

  JAMES: Yes, I’m such a delicate flower.

  I snorted, putting my hand over my mouth. I loved his humour. He didn’t mind me giving him shit as he gave it back. At least via text.

  ME: You remember to put our promise in a safe place?

  JAMES: Always! Even in my drunken haze, I pinned it on my fridge when I got in.

  ME: Good, wouldn’t want you to forget.

  JAMES: As if I could forget a promise I made to you.

  My heart fluttered. I needed to quit getting giddy over him. This wasn’t the way you were supposed to feel about a friend. At least I didn’t think it was.

  I smiled as I remembered us writing our promise last night. We’d both been very drunk at that point having had too many cocktails and shots of tequila.

  I promise no matter what we reveal to each other, it’ll never affect our friendship. I got your back, you got mine.

  It hadn’t been a promise to meet like the last ones. Mostly because James said we can arrange that at any time now we have each other’s numbers. Promises had become our thing. It was like some stupid pact we had now. Always on a bar napkin and always signing our names. He told me we had to make a new promise every time we met.

  ME: Friends for life.

  JAMES: Forever.

  All I could think about is I wished that was true. But what I really wished for was for him to let go of his infatuation with Avery. Not because I wanted him in a way I shouldn’t, but for his own sake. The guilt he carried made my heart ache for him. Was this what happened when you cared for someone? Did seeing them suffer make you want to take their pain away?

  There was no one I could ask these things of except him. And maybe I wanted him to know just how much I’d started to care for him.

  You make my heart race, James Benson. And I can’t help feeling like this is only going to end up with me getting hurt.

  Chapter Nine

  James

  Liora managed to corner me in the garden after Avery left to feed Afie. She did bring me another beer so I couldn’t complain too much.

  “Time to spill, birthday boy,” she told me as she sat down and handed the bottle to me.

  I took a sip, grinning at her.

  “About what?”

  “Your new friend. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell Dante and I won’t tell anyone else.”

  I sighed, tugging at the label of the bottle. Where did I even start with Ellie? All my feelings were tangled up inside me. We’d got ridiculously drunk on Thursday night after she’d almost suffered a panic attack. I felt shit because I was pretty sure I’d caused it by asking if I could measure her. It honestly hadn’t crossed my mind that it might make her uncomfortable. It should’ve because I knew touching was an issue for her.

  All I saw was her in that dress which moulded to her body. How it highlighted her slight hourglass figure and made me notice all of her curves and edges. And fuck was Ellie hot. Like unbearably hot. Even though I hated how I’d triggered a panic attack for her, I was also glad she hadn’t noticed how fucking hard I’d gotten just looking at her.

  So fucking inappropriate!

  The last thing she needed was me wanting to unzip that dress, peel it away from her body and kiss every inch of her skin. I wanted to see her scars because to me, they were a part of Ellie. I’d make sure she knew she was beautiful inside and out.

  I had to stop this line of thinking since I was sitting next to my sister in law and it’d just be plain embarrassing if she realised. I sat forward, leaning my elbows on my legs to hide the stirring I was getting just thinking about Ellie in that way.

  “What do you want to know?”

  “How did you meet her? What’s her name? Why are you hiding her existence from your friends?”

  “We met at your wedding, her name is Ellie and I don’t know how to tell them.”

  “At my wedding…”

  “Uhuh, she was the bartender.”

  Liora had a little furrow in her brow as if she was trying to remember.

  “You know, that day was a bit of a haze, but I think I remember her. Dark hair, right?”

  “Yeah. Before you ask, no, there is nothing more going on, we’re just friends.”

  I fucking wish we were more. So much more. I want her.

  The urges inside me weren’t abating at all. If anything, they were growing worse. Every time I thought about her, desire flooded my veins. I tried not to think about this morning in the shower when I’d imagined her on her knees in front of me, her beautiful lips wrapped around my cock, doing exactly as I told her. And how it was just plain fucked up. I shouldn’t want Ellie like that, but I did. I really fucking did.

  “What’s she like?”

  “She’s smart, funny and has been through hell and back in her life, but she doesn’t let that get her down.”

  “A bit like our family then.”

  I nodded. Our joint family history was fucked up. It just made me grateful we were moving forward. That all of us were finding our way back to each other.

  “Dante told me what happened with Cassie. I’m sorry it didn’t work out.”

  I shrugged. I was the one at fault there, but Liora wasn’t looking at me like I was a dick. She’d seen enough darkness in the world to be a little more forgiving of other people’s shitty behaviour. She forgave Dante for his part in her being brought here after all. It worked out in the end. The two of them were perfect for each other.

  “I feel shit, but she said it’s okay. Forgave me even though I don’t really deserve it.”

  She put a hand on my arm.

  “We all make mistakes. You just have to learn from them.”

  “When you say stuff like that it still makes me wonder what you see in my brother. You’re far too good for him.”

  She laughed, shoving me hard and shaking her head.

  “You want to know the truth?”

  “Hit me.”

  She looked over at where Dante was standing with Aiden and Brent by the conservatory doors.

  “I see someone who protected the ones he loved, sacrificing his own happiness in the process, and who needed someone to love and accept him for who he is without reservations or conditions because he deserves that much.”

  She wiped away a stray tear which fell down her cheek. I put my arm around her and gave her a squeeze.

  “Okay, so that was totally fucking sappy as shit, but I guess you’re right. He’s always been like that, super protective. He looked out for me, the twins and Avery when we were kids.”

  Liora rolled her eyes and smiled.

  “See, you do remember he can be nice when he wants to be.”

  “Yes, when he wants to be.”

  She shoved me again, causing me to almost topple off the bench.

  “Hey, cut it out, you’re stronger than you look. You’re supposed to be nice to the birthday boy.”

  “I will be when the birthday boy stops being mean about my husband.”

  I grinned, giving her a wink.

  “Baby brother, time for cake,
” Jen shouted from the conservatory.

  “Don’t tell me you let Fi and Jen bake it?”

  “What? No, they would’ve burnt the kitchen down.”

  We both stood up and followed the boys into the conservatory where they’d laid out the birthday cake on the table which Liora had baked for me. It was covered in white icing with ‘Happy Birthday James’ in swirly blue lettering on the top. Everyone piled around the table and started singing to me. And even though it was an amazing moment, I couldn’t help feeling as though someone was missing. Someone who was becoming a very important fixture in my life.

  Ellie Kirkwood.

  Before I blew the candles out, I snapped a picture of the cake and whilst Liora was cutting it up, I sent it to Ellie.

  ME: Want me to save you a piece?

  She was working today so I didn’t expect her to respond any time soon.

  “Who you texting?”

  I jumped at the sound of Avery’s voice.

  “Uh, no one.”

  She gave me a look and I knew she didn’t believe me.

  “Since when are you so secretive?”

  I shoved my phone back in my pocket and raised an eyebrow.

  “Since when are you so worried about who I’m texting?”

  “Dick.”

  “Dozy mare.”

  She leant her head on my shoulder, staring up at me with those brown eyes of hers.

  “Go on, tell me… is it a secret crush? Have you been seeing someone without telling me?”

  I shook her off and rolled my eyes.

  “Uh, how about no and definitely not. Stop being so fucking nosey.”

  She pouted. I wasn’t ready to tell Avery about Ellie. I don’t know why. She’d usually be the first person I told. And yet instead, I’d told my sister in law. I’d become close to Liora. She was like the glue which kept our family together. Always arranging for the five of us to spend time together. I’d asked her why she made the effort once. She told me she didn’t want Dante to lose his family all over again.

  “Come on, James, I literally spend all day with Afie. I need some gossip.”

  “Uh, not true, didn’t you tell me only last week that Tina babysat for two days so you and Aiden could, you know… have a fuckfest?”