by Sarah Bailey
My body took longer to catch up with my head. It wanted to stay close to him. As if he could sense it, he leant down and picked up my handbag for me before turning me around and directing me over to the sofa with his hand on the small of my back. Instead of sitting across from me, he sat next to me and took one of my hands in his.
“You’re trembling.”
I hadn’t realised I was until he said it.
“I’m not usually like this.”
It was true. I wore my confidence on my sleeve and never let anyone give me shit or walk all over me in my career. Except it was a mask I wore to protect myself from the world and the shit I’d endured because of my father. My personal relationships differed. Whilst I didn’t let many people in, I’d always been softer and reserved, especially with men. With Jensen, my vulnerability showed and he brought out sides to me I never let anyone else see.
“No?”
“The girl you saw when we met, that’s who I am.”
“I think that’s the girl you want people to see.”
“Are you supposed to say stuff like that?”
He smiled.
“Not really.”
I shook my head and brushed my thumb over his.
“I guess you’re right though. I’ve spent so long being the strong one for Jen, I think I lost myself along the way.”
“Then I suggest we find out who the real Fiona is again whilst we deal with your past at the same time. I realise you aren’t ready to talk about your father yet, but you won’t be able to put it off forever.”
I sighed, looking down at our joined hands. My dad. The man who haunted my steps. I still felt him on my shoulder, mocking my every move. He made no secret out of the fact he thought Jen and I had nothing between the ears. He knew how to hit the four of us where it hurt the most. Zachary Benson had manipulation down to an art form. It’s why it surprised me the day James told us he went down the prison and gave Dad a talking to. James had always been the most reserved and quiet amongst us. Probably due to Dad telling him, he was worthless. Ellie changed him, which was a good thing since he needed to grow a pair and stop pining after his best friend.
I pulled my hand back from Jensen’s. Not that I didn’t like his touch, just discussing or even thinking about Dad made my skin crawl.
“I know. I reckon Jen has far more to say on the subject than I do.”
“Why would you say that?”
“He took me first, forcing her to watch. By the time he finished with me, I was just numb. I saw what he did to her but it didn’t register with me if that makes sense. Like my body was there but I wasn’t really present.”
“Your mind shut down as a coping mechanism.”
“Yeah. I wake up to Jen screaming at least twice a week. It’s got worse since he went to prison. Before it was maybe once a month if that. I only told Dante how bad it was a few months ago and that’s when he insisted on us getting help. I don’t understand why it’s so bad for her now since I felt relief when he got sent down. No longer having this menacing, manipulative presence in my life. I guess she’ll tell you about it when she’s ready.”
I shrugged, looking up at him again. It’s not like he could tell me what she’d said. And that was actually okay. My sister getting better was my only concern.
“You care more about Jen’s wellbeing than your own.”
He had no idea how on the nose that was. Or maybe he did. Jensen seemed to see right through me. It should be scary, but I felt safe with him. He could ultimately hurt me. That happened to be a real possibility. Not as my therapist but as the man I desperately wanted in my life. The only man who had the power to reel me in with a single glance and have me utterly at his mercy.
“I guess I do.”
His intense gaze pinned me to the seat.
“Don’t you think it’s time you put yourself first? These sessions are about helping you.”
I nodded slowly. Jensen was right. We were here to talk about me. Not Jen. She had her own time. I gave him a smile and decided there and then, I’d focus a little more on me.
Surely I deserved it after taking care of Jen for so long. Didn’t I?
Chapter Nine
Jensen
I told her to wait for me at the tube station close to my offices since I couldn’t exactly walk out of here with her hand-in-hand like I wanted to. When she’d told me how much she missed me, I knew I should’ve really kept in better contact with my little one. The past week had been a nightmare with my client, Oliver Lucas, threatening suicide. I’d known something was going on after he’d cancelled all his most recent appointments. Now he’d been committed for his own safety. I couldn’t offload my frustrations onto just anyone, what with client confidentiality to contend with. So I’d had a long chat with one of the other counsellors who worked for me, Cliff, who understood the difficulties.
Fiona, on the other hand, was a different kettle of fish altogether. I couldn’t treat her like just another client because she was more than that to me. And I really was trying not to be a piece of shit to her. It’s why I stayed away so she wouldn’t have to deal with my crap. I’d already inadvertently dragged her into it the night I’d called and demanded she come for me because I was battling with my demons. I was here to help her not the other way around.
I waved at Tracy when I left who gave me a bright smile. A good thing all the offices had soundproofing because last week when I’d fucked Fiona, we hadn’t exactly been quiet. Tracy might be discreet but even she wouldn’t be able to turn a blind eye if she knew I’d slept with one of my clients.
When I reached the tube station, Fiona was fiddling with her phone just inside the doors.
“Little one.”
She jumped, her eyes wide when she saw it was me.
“Shit, don’t scare me like that.”
I tucked a hand behind her head and dipped mine to kiss her. She stiffened, her hand coming up to push against my shoulder. I ran my nose along hers as I pulled back slightly.
“We’re in public,” she whispered.
“So? We’re in a city of millions, no one cares.”
This time she let me kiss her, her fingers gripping the lapel of my coat. Now we weren’t in session, I wanted her close enough to touch. I hadn’t told her, but I’d missed her too. The way she moulded to me so perfectly and her voice when she cried out my name. Her face was tinged pink when I pulled away and took her hand.
“You can pretend we’re just a couple on our way home,” I whispered in her ear as we walked towards the barriers.
She looked up at me with an odd expression but didn’t say anything. Nothing about our situation was normal. This wasn’t a relationship nor did I intend to lead her on in any way shape or form. Even if she felt right beside me like she belonged there.
The tube was packed as usual because it was rush hour. I had Fiona pressed right up against me and honestly, it was distracting as fuck. I tried to contain my reaction but from the way her blue eyes darkened, I’d failed miserably. Her hands crept under my coat and wrapped around my waist. I had one hand on the bar above us and the other curled around her to keep her steady. I noticed a couple of people looking at us. Thankfully, Fiona was too busy staring at me to notice. Not sure she’d appreciate their dirty looks, but I didn’t care much what anyone thought.
I tucked my arm around her when we left the tube station. It was cold and dark now, what with it being winter. Within ten minutes, we were in my building and in the lift. I punched in the code for the penthouse and waited until the doors closed. Before Fiona had a chance to even look up at me, I had her pressed against the wall and my tongue was in her mouth. Her fingers curled into my hair in response.
I’d waited too fucking long to have her. Now she was here, pressed against me, I felt like I could breathe again. The air around me suffocated me all week and Fiona was my first taste of freedom.
“Little one,” I whispered against her lips. “I need
you.”
Her hands tightened in my hair, her body pressing back against me as if to tell me she needed me too. The hour long session with her had been too much. I just about held myself back from the urge to pin her down and take her.
The lift doors dinged. I stepped back, my hands planting themselves either side of her head.
“I wanted to make you dinner but I can’t wait that long.”
“Take me to bed,” she whispered, her blue eyes dark with lust.
I straightened, taking one of her hands in mine and almost dragging her out of the lift. She could see my penthouse later if she wished. Right now, I wanted her naked on my bed where she belonged. We passed by several rooms before walking through the open door at the end of the hallway. Her gasp behind me told me she’d spotted the view from my floor to ceiling windows.
I let go of her hand and she walked over to one of them, planting her hand on the glass. The lights below twinkled.
“You can look at the view to your heart’s content later.”
She turned back to me, dropping her handbag on the floor and unbuttoning her coat. That swiftly dropped too and she stepped out of her heels.
“Do you want me to undress myself or would you prefer to do it for me?” she asked, blue eyes glinting with mischief.
I raised an eyebrow, sliding my coat off and throwing it over the back of a chair. Her eyes fell to my chest and I knew what she wanted.
“Come here.”
Her steps were quick as she walked towards me, bouncing on the balls of her feet. I caught her up in my arms when she was in reach, holding her body close to mine.
“I want you to undress me.”
Her eyes widened a fraction, tongue poking out to wet her bottom lip.
“I can definitely do that,” she replied, her voice low.
I released her, smiling because I was going to enjoy this.
Every. Single. Fucking. Moment.
She ran her hands down my chest before sliding them under my suit jacket and relieving me of it, placing it over the back of the chair. Fiddling with my tie, she loosened the knot and tugged it out from my collar. Then she started with the buttons on my shirt, flicking them open one by one.
My fingers itched, needing to feel her, but I’d be patient. She had this look in her eyes telling me she’d been waiting to get her hands on me like this. Fiona wanted to see me. She tugged my shirt from my trousers, leaving the edges hanging open. Her hands went to mine, turning my wrists over so she could take off my cufflinks. Those were dropped on top of the chest of drawers next to us. She took a step back and looked at me, her blue eyes dark with emotion.
“Take it off,” she whispered.
I shrugged it off my shoulders and allowed my shirt to drop to the floor. She was still for a long moment before closing her eyes and taking a breath. When she opened them she reached for me, her hands trailing over my stomach, feeling the ridges of my muscles which I worked hard to maintain.
“I was right,” she murmured. “You are hot.”
That made me smile until I tensed when she dipped her head and kissed my chest. Her lips trailed over me and I clenched my fists.
“Little one…” I warned.
“Touch me.”
Her words had me grasping her by the arms and directing her backwards. She almost stumbled but I kept her upright until her thighs hit the end of my bed.
I made quick work of her blouse before unzipping her skirt. She stood before me in this incredible black and teal set. The teal lace did little to cover her up and the black elastic crisscrossed across her hips.
“Christ. You’re trying to kill me.”
“I wanted to look nice for you.”
“Oh, little one, you look like a fucking goddess right now.”
I wrapped my hands around her waist and held her close, feeling her bare skin on mine as she looped her arms around my neck.
“Do I have you all evening?” she asked, her voice hesitant.
“You do.” And all night if you want me.
She smiled, her eyes lighting up as if spending time with me made her happy. I didn’t think seeing it would make me feel so alive. There was something about Fiona which made the shit disappear leaving just her and me. And questioning it right now would be pointless.
I pressed her down onto the bed, watching her shift back so she was laying amongst my sheets. Right where she belonged. I slipped off my shoes and socks before my hands went to my belt buckle. Sliding out of my trousers, I crawled on to the bed only stopping when my body covered hers.
“Beautiful, that’s what you are,” I murmured, planting a kiss on her collarbone.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
Her face was flushed, eyes wide and pupils dilated. Her hands flexed at her sides.
“As sexy as this little set is, I want you naked. I’m going to devour you, little one. You’ll never know pleasure like this from anyone else.”
I reached behind her, unhooking her bra before I peeled it from her body. Her tits were small and perky and her nipples were hardened nubs just begging to be bitten. I growled as I took one in my mouth, my tongue lavishing the little peak. She gasped, her hands coming up and gripping my shoulders. When I bit down, she cried out my name and it was fucking music. I kissed away the sting before giving her left one the same treatment. She panted a little, her eyes intent on me. As much as I wanted to taste Fiona, my cock was aching. I needed inside her.
I sat up so I could tug her underwear off, leaving her bare before me. There was no sexier sight than a woman naked in my bed but Fiona was something else. She had a certain shyness about her despite her confidence in her body.
“You can say no, but I want to fuck you bare.”
I’d been thinking about it all week. Not something I did often since I was wary about pregnancy and diseases. I was clean and I trusted her to tell me the truth about her own status.
She was silent for a long moment. Whilst she didn’t seem put out by it, I couldn’t read her either. Sometimes her feelings were right there on her face and others, she managed to keep them locked up.
“I don’t want to ruin the mood,” she whispered.
I took her hands and pulled her into sitting position. Cupping her face, I ran my thumb along her cheek. Making Fiona uncomfortable was the last thing I wanted to do. I pushed her boundaries, yes, but that was entirely different to this.
“What is it?”
Her blue eyes clouded over.
“The only person to… do that… was…”
She didn’t need to continue. Her father was fucking lucky he was in prison.
“Shh, little one, it’s okay. I understand. It’s absolutely fine if you’re not ready.”
She shook her head, her hand coming up to wrap around mine.
“No. I’m not scared when I’m with you.”
“Is that a yes?”
I needed to be clear. I might be a dick, but consent wasn’t a joke. Not when you dealt with cases like the ones I did on a regular basis.
Her blue eyes fixed on mine, the depth of emotion in them making my heart thump in my chest.
“It’s a please fuck me any way you want and make me forget about anything else.”
“Fiona…”
“Yes. I’m on birth control.”
Her hand fell between us, brushing against my cock and causing me to groan. She leant forward, her lips trailing along my jaw before her breath tickled my ear.
“I’ve missed your cock,” she breathed.
My self-control shattered into tiny pieces. I gripped her arms and shoved her back down on the bed. Tugging off my boxers, I kicked them away without a fucking care where they ended up. My hands banded around her legs, prying them open. I had myself lined up the next moment, feeling her arousal coating me. All it took was one hard thrust and I was buried halfway inside her tight heat. Her resulting yelp did nothing to stop me. I pushed deeper, barely givin
g her any time to adjust.
“Shit, Jensen,” she whined as her nails dug into my back.
“Dirty girls get no mercy.”
She sucked in air, her slender body trembling around me, but I knew she could handle it. The time we’d spent together today was like one long, drawn-out game of foreplay. Being inside her finally was heaven.
Absolute. Fucking. Heaven.
I kissed her as I started to fuck her slow and deep. One of her legs hooked around mine, keeping me pinned against her. Her nails digging into my skin hurt in the best way. A week was too long to go without this. A huge part of me wanted to keep her right here where I could have access to this tight pussy, but if I allowed her in, there was no going back. Who was I kidding? There was no coming back from this regardless. Fiona fed me in a way she shouldn’t. She’d let me take control and it could only lead to further trouble.
“Fuck,” I grunted, pulling away so I could stare at her.
One of my hands was planted by her head, the other trailed across her cheek. Her face and chest were flushed and she looked stunning with her hair fanning out across my sheets beneath her. I almost lost my rhythm just looking at her. Her blue eyes sucked me in and drowned me.
“Jensen,” she whispered, a smile tugging on her lips. “You make me feel alive again.”
I almost choked on my own breath. It’s how she made me feel. Alive. The world faded away when she was around me. I’d been trying to convince myself it was just sex, but the more I learnt about Fiona Benson, the more I realised letting her go would prove fucking impossible for me. I wanted her and a huge, idiotic part of me wanted her to know me too.
I couldn’t say those things to her. Not yet. So I smiled and kissed her again. I needed to forget and lose myself in this girl, then maybe I’d work out what the fuck I was doing.
Thrusting harder, I shoved my hand between us and stroked her clit. She bucked and moaned against my mouth. Her body trembled and clenched around my cock. It didn’t take long for her to fall off the edge. Her nails scraped down my back, her head fell to the side as she cried out and chanted my name over and over.