Benson Siblings Series: A Dark Romance Boxset

by Sarah Bailey

  I stroked his shoulder, not really knowing what to do or say. What Hailey had been through was horrific.

  “What happened to them?”

  “They were found guilty by the courts and kicked out of the army. They served their time. Fuck knows what they’re doing now. I neither know nor care. It’s why both my parents left the army though. They couldn’t deal with the reminders and knowing Hailey had suffered in silence. It made the headlines back then.”

  I had a sinking feeling in my chest.

  “You said it’d been fourteen years.”

  “If Hailey was here, she’d have just turned twenty eight.”

  So I was a year younger than his sister. I wasn’t sure what to think about it, only that it wouldn’t have mattered if she had still been here. Age had never been an issue between us.

  “It happened the same year my father murdered my mother,” I whispered.

  He turned over so he could look at me. I remembered the day we’d found Dante tied up in Dad’s office. He’d looked traumatised and now I knew why. He never spoke of it. I think the memory hurt him too much. I wish I’d known back then so I could’ve been there for him. Instead, he was strong for us. He’d held Jen, James and me whilst we cried on his shoulders after she was found. I should’ve known back then it could’ve only been Dad who’d killed her, but my grief had kept me from seeing the truth. In many ways, I hadn’t wanted to think about it. To know who’d stolen her from us. Discovering the truth hadn’t been easy. Knowing the lows my father had sunk to hit home in ways I never imagined.

  He couldn’t hurt me or my siblings any longer though. We’d never have to suffer at his hands again. So I put what he did behind me. Laid it to rest. Nothing would bring back my mother or my innocence. And now, I was okay with it because I’d learnt how to live again. How to thrive and survive and it had everything to do with the man with his head on my chest right now.

  “You’ve not talked about your mother before.”

  I shook my head. Talking about her didn’t come easy. I missed her smile most of all. She always saw the good in everyone. Margo Benson had been a ray of sunshine in a dark world.

  “I’m sorry about what happened to Hailey.”

  I wanted to avoid a conversation about my own pain when we were talking about his.

  “Little one…”

  His expression grew concerned. I reached out and stroked his hair back from his face where it had fallen forward.

  “I miss my mum, but she’s been gone for a long time. We have this ritual of celebrating her life on the anniversary of her death. Maybe the boys will let me bring you next time… We don’t tend to have partners there, but you’re more than that to me.”

  He kissed my chest.

  “I’d like that.”

  “Do you think you can mend fences with Ben?”

  I knew it was a loaded question, but I didn’t want to talk about my mum. He let out a long sigh, his fingers finding mine.

  “I honestly don’t know. I wish I could say with certainty everything will sort itself out, but it’s been so long I don’t know if he’ll ever forgive me.”

  “What you said to him this evening… have you ever told him that before?”

  He shook his head, giving me a sad smile.

  “No, but it’s the truth. I’ve known for years he’s avoided dealing with his grief by focusing all of his anger on me. It’s like you said, you can’t help people who don’t want to help themselves. He finds it easier to blame me rather than accept what really happened.”

  My heart broke for both of them. It was awful when someone’s death tore a family apart.

  “And what about your parents?”

  “I’m still their son. I have a better relationship with Dad than I do with Mum, but I think perhaps now they see I’m trying to settle down and behave myself, so hopefully things will improve. If so, I’d have you to thank for that.”

  I raised an eyebrow. What could he mean by that? I’d done nothing but be here for him and tell his parents the truth about the way Jensen helped me and made me feel.

  “Me?”

  He raised his head off my chest before crawling over me and keeping me pinned to the bed with his gaze.

  “Yes, you. My beautiful, stunning, smart and sexy girlfriend who’s charmed the pants off my parents and melted my mother’s cold heart. She told me not to let you go and I don’t intend to.” He leant closer, his mouth brushing against mine. “You’re all mine, little one.”

  “Is that so?”

  “Yes.”

  He kissed me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tugged him closer. When he pulled away, his nose brushed with mine.

  “Tell me who you belong to.”

  I grinned.

  “You first.”

  The smirk on his face set my blood on fire.

  “A dirty little dark haired beauty owns my heart and my soul. Do you know her?”

  I giggled, unable to help the sound spilling out of my mouth.

  “I might have an idea of who she is.”

  He bit his lip, staring down at me with those green eyes I adored. I ran my fingers through his hair. I appreciated every moment I spent with this beautiful man. How he’d opened up to me and shown me the darkest parts of himself. The way he cared for me. Forgiven me for hurting him. And loved me no matter what.

  I’d love Jensen forever. Of that, I was sure.

  “She’s all yours too.”

  Chapter Twenty Seven

  Jensen

  When Fi and I went down to breakfast the next morning, Skye was in the kitchen with the kids and Mum. Dad and Ben were in the living room, but I decided it was better not to get into an argument first thing in the morning.

  To my profound surprise, Mum came over and wrapped an arm around me, giving me a squeeze before she asked Fiona if she wanted tea or coffee. She made us both sit at the kitchen table whilst she fixed us a full English. Mum was nothing if not a good hostess when she had guests.

  “Your father and I discussed visiting you in London next month,” she said as she cracked eggs into a bowl and whisked them. “If you’ll have us that is.”

  Fi looked at me, her eyes wide. My parents had seen my place before, but they’d never stayed. I swear my mother had a knock on the head or something last night. Why was she suddenly so interested in spending time with me?

  “You know you’re always welcome. Fi and I would love to have you.”

  Mum looked over at us with a smile. Skye was busy with the kids’ breakfast next to us, but she spared me a raised eyebrow as if to ask ‘what the hell is going on?’. I was just as clueless as her.

  “Did I miss something? Are you two living together already?”

  I glanced at Fi who gave me a tentative smile and a nod. We hadn’t exactly discussed if it was permanent or not what with everything between her and Jen being up in the air, but I didn’t want her anywhere else. She belonged with me.

  “I guess we are.”

  “You guess? Either you are or you aren’t.”

  My mother. Always to the point.

  “We are…”

  I hoped she’d leave it at that, but she put a hand on her hip and gave me a hard stare.

  “You don’t sound very happy about this development, Jensen.”

  “What? I am happy. I’m just not sure if Fi wants to make it permanent or not, that’s all.”

  It was better to be honest with my mother than not because one way or another, she’d get things out of you. She had that way about her.

  Mum looked at Fi who shrank back in her seat a little, her eyes wide.

  “I… uh… we haven’t talked about it,” Fi stuttered a little.

  “It’s a conversation we’ll have alone, thank you very much, Mum. Can you not?”

  Mum huffed and turned back to breakfast.

  “Excuse me for being interested in my son’s life,” she muttered.

 
; I wrapped an arm around Fi and pulled her into me.

  “Okay?” I asked, my voice low.

  She nodded, looking down at her hands.

  “You know you can move back home when things with Jen get back to normal. I don’t want to put pressure on you.”

  She gave me a tight smile. I decided to leave it at that since we weren’t alone. Everything about the situation with Jen upset her. I didn’t want to remind her of it any further. My poor little one hated the distance between her and her twin.

  A few minutes later, Mum brought over plates piled high and tea for both of us along with another cup of coffee for Skye.

  “Thank you, Valerie, this looks lovely,” Fi said and she received a bright smile from my mum.

  When we were both finished, Mum sat down with us and put a hand over mine on the table. I stared at her, wondering what she was about to say. Skye had disappeared into the living room with the kids, leaving the three of us alone.

  “Ben told your father and I what you said to him last night.”

  Oh great. Now I’m about to get a lecture.

  Except my mum’s eyes were soft and she didn’t look remotely annoyed.

  “Mum…”

  “No, let me finish, Jensen. I’ve not been very fair to you since Hailey passed. You’re not to blame for what happened. If anything, it’s your father and I’s responsibility for not realising sooner what she was going through nor making it easy for her to come to us.” Tears welled in her eyes and the sight of it made my heart crack. “I’ve already lost one child, I don’t want to spend the rest of my life estranged from another.”

  I was silent for a long moment. This was not a conversation I ever expected to have with my mother.

  “Can I ask what’s brought this on?”

  She let out a long breath.

  “I realise Hailey’s death was hard on all of us, but worst of all you. What you said to your brother, it’s the truth and Ben knows that deep down. You did put your father and me through a lot but you’re still my son. I do love you, Jensen. Perhaps even more so now you’ve brought home your lovely Fiona here.” She smiled at both of us. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

  I appreciated her words but I felt a little embarrassed by my mother’s reference to my lack of ability to settle down with a woman. No matter what age you were, your parents still had a way of making you wish they wouldn’t say things like that.

  “I love you too, Mum.”

  She clicked her tongue and squeezed my hand again before letting go. Standing up, she started clearing our plates.

  “Let me help you,” Fi said, rising from her chair.

  “Don’t be silly, dear. You stay right there.”

  She sat back down and turned to me, eyes full of caution.

  “Did you just make up with your mum?” she whispered.

  “I think I did.”

  She smiled, putting a hand on my leg. She knew what it meant to me. Putting it into words would be difficult. Talking about my own feelings never came easy. Except for my feelings about Fi. I wanted to tell her every moment how much I adored her, but that’d be a little much. I only had to look at her to tell her how I felt.

  I wasn’t stupid. It would take time to rebuild my relationship with my parents. This was a step in the right direction. If Fi hadn’t come into my life, then this may never have happened. I leant towards her, brushing my nose across her ear.

  “I love you so much, little one,” I whispered.

  She rested her head on my shoulder, burying her face in my neck and breathing me in.

  “Love you too.”

  Ben appeared in the doorway, rubbing the back of his neck. His eyes fell on me.

  “Do you mind if we talk before Aiden gets here?” he asked.

  Fi pulled away and let me stand but not before giving my leg a squeeze. I walked out of the kitchen with him. We slipped on shoes and coats before we left the house and wandered up the street together towards the park at the end. Neither of us spoke for several long minutes. I had no idea what he wanted, but I supposed we had to deal with what happened last night.

  “She’d have hated what happened to us as a family,” he said quietly, kicking a stone in his path.

  Hailey would’ve been heartbroken. I don’t think she considered the consequences of her actions. Only that she wanted the pain to go away. She was too young to have gone through something as traumatic as gang rape by a bunch of pricks who thought she was an easy target. Idiots thought they were untouchable.

  “She would’ve.”

  “You were her favourite brother. I’ve always resented you for it. She went to you to say goodbye and not me.”

  I stayed silent. Hailey and I were always close even after I went away to Uni to study medicine. I spoke to her at least a few times a week. She was the bright spark in my otherwise stress filled world. I’d been missing that from my life for fourteen years. Her enthusiasm for everything.

  Now I had Fi who’d lit up my world in an entirely different way. I lived to wake up to her in the mornings and see her beautiful face. The way she smiled. Her laugh and her constant need to tease me. She made me feel young again.

  “I owe you a thousand apologies but I don’t know where to start.”

  I shook my head.

  “You don’t need to say sorry for anything, Ben. I understand. I deal with this shit every day for a living. Perhaps it’s different when it’s your own family, but I recognise the signs.”

  I didn’t resent Ben. Not really. Hailey’s death had taken a toll on all of us. Sometimes it was hard to see the wood through the trees when it came to grief. I wished I could’ve helped him more, but he wouldn’t have accepted that from me.

  “I took out my shit on you.”

  I shrugged.

  “And I didn’t exactly help matters.”

  He gave me a rueful smile.

  “Well, perhaps not.”

  Rehashing all my past indiscretions wouldn’t do either of us any favours. We’d both been at fault for many things over the years. Families were complicated. I’d seen that enough from my clients and now, my girlfriend. You don’t get to pick them. Sometimes they’re not worth being around and sometimes you need to fight for them. In my case, I should’ve tried harder and not let my grief and anger at the world consume me.

  “For the longest time, I thought you were the perfect one until Hailey died and I saw the cracks. I guess my illusions were shattered. I don’t blame you for it though, not really. It wasn’t your fault. Hailey wanted to end it and even if you’d saved her, I think she would’ve tried again.”

  I thought so too. Fourteen years was a long time to process what had happened. Since Fiona had come into my life, I didn’t dream of the blood any longer. The images didn’t haunt me in quite the same way. The act of telling someone about that day had been cathartic. Unburdening myself to the one person who could understand that sort of pain.

  “Hailey knew how to do it so I wouldn’t have a chance to save her. She wasn’t stupid. She had two doctors in the family.”

  Ben cocked his head to the side as we reached the park. I opened the gate and both of us walked through. Somehow we managed to squeeze ourselves onto the swings. No mean feat when both of us weren’t exactly small children.

  “You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved,” I said quietly.

  “No… I suppose not.”

  I shoved off the ground with my feet, allowing the swing to rock back and forth. This might not have been where we’d grown up, but I’d been with the kids to the park once or twice before. It reminded me of when Ben and I used to play as kids before Hailey came along. Running through the forests, climbing trees, playing cops and robbers. Boys just being boys. I guess you could say when our little sister came along, a surprise to everyone, things changed a great deal. I’d been ten and here was this small child with green eyes and dark hair who’d completely enraptured me. I don�
��t know if that’s what it felt like when you had kids of your own, but I imagined it was similar.

  “Do you remember when Hailey was four and she kept calling you a flower pot because of Bill and Ben? You got so annoyed with her when she did it in front of your friends.”

  He smiled and shook his head.

  “She was a nightmare. Always talking. Always getting into things she shouldn’t have. Too curious. I remember how she used to hang off your arm every time you left for school because she didn’t want you to go.”

  I grinned. Hailey idolised me when she was small. I was nice to her, unlike Ben who just found her irritating. She loved daisies so I’d pick them on my way home and we’d make daisy chains together. She was always so full of life, love and laughter. There was never a dull moment when Hailey was around.

  “She didn’t leave us because she didn’t care. They stole her light away. I understand that more now than ever. She grew up without knowing pain and when it came for her, it snuffed out her joy. I think that’s why she did it. Everything is amplified when you’re a teenager. Emotions. Hormones. I don’t think she knew how to cope with it. She couldn’t see a way out.”

  I looked over at Ben. He was staring ahead, his expression contemplative.

  “She’s why I do what I do. I couldn’t save Hailey that pain, but I can make sure others find the help they need.”

  “I wish I’d known.”

  “I think we all do.”

  We sat in silence for another long moment before Ben shoved off the swing and looked over at me.

  “So… you and Fiona Benson…”

  I half smiled.

  “Trust me, I’m well aware of how young she is. It just happened and I don’t regret it.”

  “Her family has been through a lot of shit.”

  I nodded slowly. I probably knew far more than he ever would, but that was okay. The Bensons’ secrets were safe with me.

  “I can see she cares about you. I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. It was kind of insulting to her to accuse you of stringing her along.”