by Sarah Bailey
I couldn’t lie and tell her I didn’t want her to relieve the ache. The thought of being inside her drove me nuts. Yes, I’d had her twice last night but it wasn’t enough. It’d never be enough.
I gripped her hip and rolled her on her back. Leaning down, I ran my nose along hers.
“We’re still friends. Just friends.” I settled between her legs. “I don’t want you to think I want you for just this.” My cock ran along her pussy and I found her wet with need. “Just because I want to fuck you hard, doesn’t mean you’re not worth more. You are. So much.”
She let out a little pant, her hands curling around my shoulders.
“Please,” she moaned. “I know. I understand. Please fuck me, Brent. Please.”
Denying her when she begged would be impossible. Her legs wrapped around my waist as I thrust inside her. Each moment we were locked together, bodies moving in harmony, hands grasping each other, lips kissing, it felt so right. When Jen crested the wave, I was right there with her, breathing her air and feeling her all around me. Every time we did this, my heart fractured a little more knowing how hard I’d fall and break when this ended. The inevitable crash as we went down in flames was coming. If it wasn’t Dante discovering I’d slept with his sister, it’d be something else equally as damning.
“I can’t stop,” I whispered as we lay together, both spent. “Tell me it’s not just me.”
Her fingers tangled with mine on my chest.
“It’s not just you. I can’t stop either.”
I wanted to ask her what it meant. But that was a conversation we couldn’t afford to have. So I stayed silent and lay there with her until she left to go back upstairs. Even then, I didn’t get up. The weight of it all suffocated me. The lies. The secrets. The knowledge I could never really have Jen. She’d never be mine. This was temporary. A few precious stolen moments living in a fantasy with the girl I’d loved for so long. The crushing reality was more than I could cope with.
So I didn’t get out of bed that day, only moving to feed myself before collapsing back under the covers and allowing misery to settle over me.
Pathetic coward.
I no longer had the energy to be anything but pathetic. The pathetic coward who loved his best friend’s sister and wanted something he could never have.
Her.
Chapter Nine
Jennifer
Did I want to have therapy today? Not especially. I had no choice in the matter. So when I entered Jensen’s office and sat down, letting out a long sigh, he raised an eyebrow at me.
“Bad week?”
I rubbed my face, looking away.
“Bad life.”
“That’s a little melodramatic.”
Yeah, so he started calling me out on my bullshit when I resumed my sessions with him again. We were more than just therapist and client. He was my twin’s boyfriend. I’d told Brent, Jensen wasn’t my friend, but I supposed in a lot of ways he was. It’s just the whole therapy thing which made it different.
I didn’t want to think or talk about Brent despite him being the reason I felt like my life was falling apart. That and Max. Except I really couldn’t talk about Max. That prick was insisting I attend some do at his office with him later. Not my idea of fun, but I suppose we had to go public with our fake relationship at some point.
“You have met me, right?”
When I looked up at Jensen, he was grinning. It’d taken me a while to get used to calling him that rather than Doctor Andrews.
“What’s bothering you?”
I grabbed a cushion, hugging it to my chest as I kicked off my shoes and curled my legs up under me on the sofa. I dragged my fingers across the surface of it, wondering where on earth I could start.
“Something someone said to me this week.”
“Was it someone close to you?”
I shrugged.
“You could say that.”
“What did they say?”
“That I should talk to you about something.”
“Are you going to be cryptic for the whole session?”
He was used to me getting like this on occasion. Ever since Max started blackmailing me, I’d felt trapped. Not being able to talk about it to anyone bothered me.
“I don’t know how to be friends with a guy.”
“What makes you say that?”
I sighed, hugging the cushion tighter against my chest.
“Okay so say hypothetically I slept with someone I shouldn’t have and I’m trying to be friends with them because it can never be anything else. I don’t know how to be someone’s friend really so I resort to initiating sex instead of talking to them about my feelings. And say that person told me I should probably talk to you about it since they’re not the only one I’ve had this problem with.”
He eyed me for a long moment before he leant forward and put a hand out.
“Have you ever had a meaningful relationship with a man without it being about sex?”
I shook my head. He wasn’t talking about my relationships with my family.
“Why do you think that is?”
He did this a lot. Turned it around on me so I had to think about things. So I had to delve into parts of myself I preferred to keep hidden. And I did know why it was, I just hated admitting it. Hated him still having so much power over me. It was like I could never escape.
“My dad told me and Fi that was all we were good for.”
“Do you believe him?”
“I guess so,” I whispered.
My chest caved in. How could I believe something so damning? I hated how much my father had manipulated me. Got inside my head and made me feel worthless.
“Has anyone you’ve been with ever told you they wanted more from you?”
“My hypothetical friend.”
Jensen gave me a look. He knew it wasn’t hypothetical at all.
“You can’t tell Fi,” I blurted out.”
“When have I ever discussed your sessions with your sister?”
I looked away, burying my face in my hands. It was true. Jensen never talked to her about what I’d told him in confidence. Would I even feel better if I told him about Brent and me?
“I did something so stupid the night I found out about you and Fi.”
“You were upset so that’s understandable.”
I shook my head in my hands.
“No, this was stupid on an epic level.”
“You don’t have to tell me.”
But I did. The words bubbled up inside me and I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.
“I don’t even like him, but he was the only person I wasn’t mad at so I went and saw Brent in floods of tears. He was nice to me for once and somehow we ended up in bed together. He didn’t take advantage of me or anything. I wanted to sleep with him, but it’s so wrong. It can’t be anything. He’s Dante’s best friend. I don’t even want a relationship with him and he said himself he can’t offer me more than friendship, but he’s been there for me since I moved back home and it keeps happening. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying to be his friend, but I can’t at the same time because I want him. I don’t understand it. I hated him for so long and now this is all so fucking complicated.”
I dared move my hands from my face and look up at Jensen. He’d sat back and was watching me carefully.
“Am I the first person you’ve told?”
“Yes. I’m pretty sure Fi knows something is going on though.”
“She’s your twin, so that’s hardly surprising. She tells me it’s like a sixth sense.”
Twin sense couldn’t really be explained in simple terms. It was more nuanced and complicated than just a sixth sense.
“What do I do? I know he feels guilty about the whole thing because I’m Dante’s sister, but neither of us can stop. I don’t even know what I want from him. Things have been hard since Fi moved in with you. I’m lonely, but that’s not why I keep goin
g to Brent. I guess I like his company. He’s not as bad as I thought he was. In many ways, he’s exactly the type of person I’d want to be friends with. He doesn’t take my shit, he listens and he’s funny.”
Admitting all of that out loud made my heart slam against my ribcage repeatedly. I had no idea how this had happened. How I’d started to feel things for Brent I shouldn’t.
“You aren’t going to like my advice.”
Did I ever really like his advice? Mostly I knew he was right so I didn’t question it.
“Just tell me.”
“You want to be friends, you have to take sex out of the equation. For your own sake, you need to learn how to be around someone you like without it turning sexual. My suggestion is you set boundaries between yourself and Brent. No more sleeping together until you decide what you want out of a relationship with him, whether it be a friendship or more.”
I should’ve known that would be his advice.
“But he can’t give me more.”
“Doesn’t matter. You still need to learn how to be friends with a man. And before you say it, I don’t count.”
I hugged the cushion tighter and scowled at him. Of course he didn’t count even though we were more friends than anything else.
“Because you’re Fi’s boyfriend…”
“You know that’s not why.”
I rolled my eyes.
Yeah okay, it’s because you’re my therapist.
“Speaking of Fi…”
His eyes narrowed.
“Do you want to marry my sister?”
The fact he even kept a straight face told me he wasn’t impressed with my question nor would he let me ruffle him.
“We’re not here to talk about me and your sister.”
“Oh come on, Jensen, don’t be a spoilsport. I won’t tell her.”
He drummed his fingers along the arm of his chair, his eyes still narrowed.
“We are not having this conversation.”
I threw the cushion away from me and rolled my eyes again.
“Why? Is it too soon? I mean, I get it, but you know she’s all loved up and shit with you. I swear it’s like she’s a love heart eyed emoji these days.”
His jaw ticked and I knew I was pissing him off.
“Jennifer.”
He only called me that when I crossed a line. I pretended to zip my mouth shut which only made him let out a frustrated sigh.
“You know I understand why Dante calls you a brat.”
“Hey, you’re not supposed to say stuff like that.”
“And you’re deflecting.”
I really hated it when he noticed when I didn’t want to talk about something. You really couldn’t get anything by Jensen.
“Ugh, fine, I’ll tell Brent we can’t have sex any longer. Happy?”
He held back a smile.
“This isn’t about me. It’s about making you happy.”
I crossed my arms over my chest. The thought of not having mind blowing orgasms was putting a damper on my mood. Still, Jensen’s advice was solid. Taking sex out of the equation would uncomplicate matters with Brent. I could set boundaries, couldn’t I?
“Do you like being right all the time?”
That made him actually smile.
“Perhaps.”
“Ugh, I don’t know how Fi puts up with you.”
He shrugged a little.
“That makes two of us.”
I did know, of course. According to my sister, he was kind, caring, considerate, amazing with kids and gave her the best sex of her life. Even now, she wouldn’t give me all the dirty details. I suppose it might be a good thing since I didn’t want to picture the two of them in bed together.
“Can we talk about something else now?”
He nodded. My hour wasn’t up yet and we still had work to do. I wasn’t stupid. I knew I had a long way to go before I truly let go of everything keeping me from being happy in myself. A lifetime of abuse didn’t just disappear at the drop of a hat.
It didn’t matter how long it took. One day, I’d be better and knowing that kept me going.
***
This event at Max’s offices was boring as hell. I might work in the fashion industry, but honestly, I could do without the people in it. Right now, I felt like Max’s arm candy. Oh yes, he was insisting on standing with me, his arm wrapped around my waist. The possessive gesture had me on edge. Like he was saying ‘this girl is mine so back off’ to any males who happened to be in the vicinity. I’d rather die than be Max’s girl. Being near him made my skin crawl.
“Smile, Jennifer,” he hissed in my ear. “You’re meant to be enjoying yourself.”
“Oh yes, because this event is so much fun.”
I rolled my eyes and plastered a fake smile on my face. I’d rather be at home watching films with Brent. The irony of that statement was not lost on me. A few months ago, I’d have rather been put through a meat grinder than spend time with Brent, but things had changed.
“Part of the agreement is you make it believable.”
If I could punch Max in the face right now, I would. It wouldn’t go down well so I kept the smile on my face and nodded at him.
“I’m trying.”
The next thing I knew, there was a couple of photographers shoving cameras in our faces. What the fuck? Sure, I’d agreed to be his fake girlfriend and publicity would be involved, but why the hell did they have photographers inside their offices? When they’d left after I’d had to make it look like Max and I were the real deal, I turned to him.
“What the hell?” I whispered.
“What?”
“Are we going to be splashed all over social media by tomorrow?”
He shrugged, his blue eyes glinting.
“Probably.”
I hadn’t spoken to my family about this little development. I’d been hoping not to have to tell them I was ‘dating’ Max. Dante would probably lose his shit and ask me what I was playing at. Though, to be honest, for the past few months, he’d been so focused on Liora and her pregnancy, I didn’t think he’d noticed anything the rest of us were up to. It’s like Brent had said, if he had been on top form, he’d know something had happened between Brent and me.
Still, I couldn’t hide this from my family forever. I could tell them it was for publicity since I doubted any of them would believe I’d willingly date Max Graves. They all knew my feelings about him. I’d made it very clear when we were teenagers and as far as I was concerned, nothing had changed. He was still a dick. The fact he was blackmailing me proved that.
“You know my family won’t believe this.”
“Just tell them it’s business.”
I rolled my eyes and turned away, not wanting to have to engage in conversation with him further. It was enough he’d been in and out of Bensons for the past couple of weeks harassing me about shit. As if I didn’t know how to do my job properly. The dickhead had the audacity to tell me I needed to work on my people skills. I could be a little brash, but I wasn’t exactly impolite.
Whatever. Max could just deal. As far as I was concerned, I was holding up my end of the bargain. I was at this stupid event and playing my part.
“Being seen together acting like a couple is business? Yeah okay, they’ll totally buy that.”
“I don’t want to have to keep reminding you of what will happen if you don’t convince them.”
I bit the inside of my cheek and held back from telling him to go fuck himself. The consequences weren’t worth considering any further. Letting our family’s secrets come to light and knowing it would be my fault was too much. I didn’t like this responsibility falling on my shoulders. But I wasn’t selfish. Putting my family in jeopardy was the last thing I wanted.
“I get it. I’m here and I’m trying in case you hadn’t noticed.
“Try harder.”
“What would you have me do, Max? Fawn all over you lik
e some love sick puppy? I think not. No one would believe that for a second.”
I did not fawn over men. If anything, I let them come to me. There was no way in hell I would allow any man to make me look weak or in need of saving. Not even Maximillian Graves. I could hold my own well enough.
I leant over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder and let out a little giggle as if he’d said something funny. He’d not, but he’d told me to try harder. I wouldn’t fawn over him, but laughing at him, I could do that.
He raised an eyebrow at me but didn’t comment. I hoped it meant he was happy with my attempt to make it look like I was having a good time. His hand around my waist tightened painfully and I gave him a hard look.
“My parents are here,” he said quietly.
I looked around, finding two people who looked exactly like Max approaching us. When I looked back at him, he had his own fake smile plastered on his face. He seemed a little flustered. Interesting. So his parents might well be a sticking point for him. I’d have to see how this played out.
“Max, son, this is a wonderful event,” his mother said as they arrived in front of us.
“And who is this lovely creature?” his father said, indicating me with his head.
“Mother, father, this is Jennifer Benson. We’re in business together. Jennifer, Evelyn and Paul, my parents.”
His mother raised an eyebrow.
“Just business?”
Max chuckled and squeezed me tighter.
“Well, perhaps a little more.”
I stuck my hand out and shook both of theirs.
“It’s nice to meet you, Mr and Mrs Graves.”
They spoke for several minutes, but I tuned them out since the conversation wasn’t about me until I heard his mother telling him to bring me to dinner soon. The thought of going to dinner with his stuck up family made me want to bolt. I hated small talk and that’s likely all I’d be dealing with. That and prying questions about what Max and I were to each other.
When they left, saying it was lovely to meet me and hoped they’d see me again soon, I raised an eyebrow at Max.
“You didn’t tell me I’d be meeting your parents tonight.”
He shrugged.
“You knew I wanted you around to placate my family.”