by Ford, Mia
“We were a lot younger. Things were so different,” I argued as she leaned back. There was no way I wanted to rekindle any relationships in my past. I was fucked up enough over the current one or whatever the hell it was.
“I just want to know you again.” She looked at me with a stubborn expression and I frowned at her. Kristin had gotten to be assertive with age and I could see why she was so successful in life. I admired that but didn’t want a part of it.
I wanted Aubrey, but I’d blown her off for three days now, going on four. I told myself that I was looking at it as a break for both of us, but I knew I was sabotaging things. Why? I turned my head to see someone with a camera and looked quickly to my left. “Fuck.” Kristin looked over and blushed at the sight of the long lens, knowing that this was her fifteen minutes of fame. “I… I am busy, Kris. I have a lot going on in my life and don’t have time for the traditional thing that you deserve. I don’t even live here anymore.”
She smiled, and I watched as need crossed her face. “Does it matter where you live when you’re off tour? I have a great place and it’s not that far from the band.” In her defense, we’d spoken on the phone a few times prior to meeting and she seemed to think that I wanted more than I actually did with her.
“It isn’t that. I don’t do relationships, Kristin. I’m not that guy anymore and even when I was with you, we were so fucking young.” I was honest, staring into her eyes as she stared back at me. I assumed that she’d be happy with anything I offered her and now that my picture would be all over the internet, I might as well. This was not going to look good, and I wondered if Aubrey followed the gossip online.
“It can be less. I just want to know you.” She kept going at it and I finished the beer and looked at my half-eaten plate. Kristin would be familiar and comfortable. She’d probably take any shit I threw her way just for the chance.
“I am focusing on the new album right now, Kristin. That’s all I have energy for.” I stared at the waiter and he seemed to get the urgency on my face. He brought the bill our way, and I reached into my pocket for my wallet. “I’ll walk you to your car.”
I knew that we were photographed the entire time, hating every second of it. I let her hug me goodbye but barely returned the embrace, longing to get into my car and drive far away. I walked over to my vehicle with my eyes focused on the ground, starting the engine and pulling out to the main road. I spoke aloud, telling my car to call Brent. “Hey, D. What’s up? When are you headed back?” Brent greeted me as I let out a slow sigh.
“I think tomorrow morning. It’s been nice being home,” I replied, pressing on the gas. “I have a problem, Brent.”
“What’s that?” He asked as I heard him settling on his couch.
“You remember Kris?” He confirmed that he did, and I clenched the steering wheel. “I just met her for dinner and the fucking papps were there.”
“So, what? That always happens to you.” He didn’t sound surprised at all.
“I haven’t talked to Aubrey since I’ve been here.” There was a silence before he whistled.
“So, that explains a lot. Even if she sees the pics, I think she’s moved on.” My heart dropped as I demanded to know what he meant. “She left the club with some guy the other night. I assumed you two ended or whatever. I make a point not to ask Cam too many questions about it.”
“Who the fuck was he?” I asked as rage flooded my veins, replacing the disappointment I felt over being caught at the restaurant.
“I have no idea. I never met him. She came over to tell Cam that she was leaving, and I took her to my place. That’s all I know.”
“Damn it,” I muttered as I hit the brake. “I fucked up, didn’t I?”
“It’s not like we have a great concept of everyday relationships, D. Even this thing with Cammie is not anything near traditional.” He admitted as I nodded. “Go write, my friend. I’ll see you when you get back.”
Brent knew what was best for me when I was upset, and I told him that I’d call him when I was back in town. I kept driving, wondering if it would ease the pain that I was feeling. The idea of Aubrey being with another guy left a bad taste in my mouth and knots in my stomach. That wasn’t her, and I knew that we had something. I saw it every time that she looked at me and heard it when she moaned my name when she came for me. Now she was doing that for another guy.
Why the hell didn’t I call her?
I made my way to my parent’s house after some aimless driving and Mom looked closely at me. “How was dinner?” She knew that I met Kristin with the intention of letting her down in person.
Jacob looked up from the game that he was watching and frowned. “Did she rope you back in?”
“It… went. There were cameras there, so the fans will know all about it soon enough.” I told them as I dropped my keys on the coffee table.
“Oh, David. I’m sorry. Will the other girl think anything from them?” Mom asked as Jacob raised his brow at me.
“She was with some guy this weekend so more than likely not.” I told them, dropping back to the cushions of the couch. “Kris would be easy. She’d take as little as I could give her for those fleeting moments. I know her well and she’s something that’s familiar. Hell, she might be comforting in some way, but I don’t want her. I don’t want to go back.” I looked at my brother. “I want to go home soon. I don’t know what’s waiting there for me but it’s worth finding out.”
“Tomorrow?” He asked as I nodded with a regretful look at my mom.
I stayed on the couch that night, staring at the TV. I couldn’t sleep and went back and forth between wanting to call Aubrey to telling myself that I shouldn’t. She felt something for me. I knew that she did, but I might have fucked it all off by pulling back. I wanted to see her when I was home and talk this out honestly, something I didn’t do with a lot of people.
I packed after breakfast and showered before we left. I pulled on worn jeans and a hoodie, hugging my family as we said our goodbyes. Mom held me tightly, and I closed my eyes, remembering all the times she comforted me when I was younger. “Go get your girl.”
We hopped into the car and I started the engine, waving to everyone before pulling out of the driveway. Jacob looked at me for a moment as we passed hills of grass and ponds, shaking his head. “Are you really going back home for a woman?”
“I’m not sure.” I replied as I tugged my beanie off and tossed it into the back seat.
“You could have it easy with Kris. She’s been into you since back then and now that you’re who you are, she was foaming at the mouth.” He’d seen her once during our visit and told me that she asked all about me.
“I’m aware of that but it isn’t what I want. If I don’t talk to Aubrey, then I’ll just focus on the band.” I pressed harder on the gas. “I don’t think the one-nighters are doing it for me anymore, Jake.”
“I get that. There is a certain emptiness to it.” He agreed as I nodded. He checked his phone on the drive and confirmed that there were pictures online as well as a lot of speculation. I cursed and hit the steering wheel with my hand as I drove faster, wanting to make all of this go away.
We pulled into the complex and I killed the engine as I glanced at the clock. It was approaching noon. Aubrey might be working but I wanted to talk to her as soon as possible. Jacob looked up from his phone and offered to take our bags in, so I could handle business. “What if she won’t see me?” I asked as I ran a hand through my hair.
“You have to try. It will look worse waiting to see her than it would going right over. You should have called her, D. What were you thinking?” His words were reproachful, and I winced. “It sounds like you have something though. Give it a shot.” I watched as he got our bags and headed to the door, waving as I started the engine again.
I drove across town as logic berated me. I knew that I should text her at the very least, but I was being an asshole. I thought it would be better to play the casual role and maybe give her some spac
e. I wasn’t used to relationships much less strong ones. I turned down her street and parked on front of her building, going over my apology in my mind one more time. I knew that if I got Aubrey to listen to me I’d have a shot. We were good together. I breathed in and reached for the door as I looked up towards her building.
My mouth dropped open as I saw a guy standing on her stoop. He was leaning against the door and I could make out Aubrey in the apartment as they appeared to be in a deep conversation. Had she seen the pictures and jumped into something else already? That wasn’t the girl that I knew. I stared as he handed her a box and she took it, noting the bag on her arm as well. He leaned in and kissed her mouth, blocking me from seeing her face.
It was over, and she moved on. I couldn’t expect her to wait for a guy that dropped from the face of the planet. The guy pulled back after kissing her cheek and turned to walk down the steps as she gazed at him for a moment. Aubrey didn’t look approachable as she smiled lightly and kicked the door closed, making me leave my car running. I’d drop this for now, but I hated driving away from her.
I wanted to go up there and kiss her senseless, reminding her of what we had. I wanted to touch her and give myself back the skin that I had missed and the taste that that was only Aubrey. The guy drove away, and I started after him, deciding to meet up with the band if they were free. I needed music and the gym to work through this, pushing away the shit that went wrong in the last several hours.
We got together and perfected a couple of songs for the new album, catching up in between the music. They had partied that weekend with some friends that were playing a local club and told me about that as I feigned listening. Brent was the only one that was aware of the pictures and he kept shooting me glances filled with worry. When the others packed up to leave, he wandered over and watched me take a long sip of water.
“Want to grab a beer?” Brent asked, and I nodded, feeling exhausted from the day but knowing I’d never be able to sleep. We left the studio and went to a small dive bar, taking a table in the back. “So, have you talked to Aubrey?”
“I went by her place as soon as we were in town. There was a guy there handing her boxes and shit before he left.” Brent whistled, ordering beers when the waitress approached us.
“Does she have an ex?”
“Yeah.” I realized that I never told Brent about her relationship. “She had a fiancé and was planning to get married soon. She caught him with another girl.” Brent stared at me with wide eyes. “I met her just after he moved out.”
“Rebound? Maybe he’s back.” Brent mused aloud I frowned. It didn’t seem like she’d be that weak. “She might have realized that you are indeed a Rockstar and have your life all over the media.”
“I’m not like that anymore. That camera didn’t show the context of the situation.” I felt frustration rising inside of me to a degree that I hadn’t in the past. I never had anyone else to worry about and when you’re single, the rumors just fade. I didn’t care what people thought about me to the point of paranoia, but I did try to keep things as calm as possible. Sitting at a table with a girl in a restaurant was one of the least compromising pictures I could have taken but it affected me the worst.
“Tell her that before she gets back with him.” Brent told me as I shrugged with one shoulder. I took a long drink from my beer as the waitress dropped them off and contemplated my situation. It would be so easy to just walk away from this. There was always a willing woman for any one of us, but I no longer craved the void that filled me after a one-night stand with someone. I’d fucked Aubrey so many times, slept with her, and woken up with her. Most women didn’t have that claim with me and my cock twitched painfully at the memories of her.
A couple of weeks passed, and I became progressively grumpier. I wrote some songs that would be hits to work Aubrey out of my system, but Brent and the guys told me that I needed to get laid as soon as possible. I didn’t want to.
Cammie showed up at the bar one night to meet up with Brent and she gave me a long, dark look. “Decided to up and walk away from my sister, David?” Her voice was low, but she made me all too aware of her feelings on the subject.
“Walk away from her?” I asked as I raised a brow at her. “Is she here with you?”
“No,” Cammie laughed bitterly before taking a sip of her drink. “She’s been working constantly. I think she’s been doing some writing of her own as well. I’ve been staying with her a lot lately just to keep her company, but she insisted I come out tonight. I asked her to join me, but the mention of your band made her pale. Good job.”
“I went to her apartment a few weeks ago. I was going to talk to her after the fucking pictures came out,” I defended myself as Brent watched. Cammie gazed questioningly at him and he nodded at her to confirm my words. “Do you two ever talk about Aubrey?”
“I make a point of keeping my life separate from hers, particularly here.” She waved a hand between her and Brent. “I don’t want to pit your best friend against you and my sister is her own person.” Cammie sat down and squared me with a serious look. “What happened when you went there?”
I thought back to the night and grimaced. I knew that she deserved to move on with my behavior, but it still hurt. “I pulled up and a guy was leaving. It looked like she was taking boxes from him and bags and they talked for a while. He kissed her a couple of times. I thought that she moved on and drove away. I’ve been fighting the urge to call her, but I don’t do relationships often enough to make any sense of it.”
“Shit. The fucking timing…” Cammie murmured as she shook her head. “A couple weeks ago?” I nodded. “That was her ex. He was bringing her some of her stuff and money to cover the lost deposits. The asshole tried to get back with her, but Aubrey turned him away. That must be when you were there.” I stared at her as rage filled me for staying away so long. “She’s not with Kyle again. She was upset at the pictures but wanted to talk to you about it, knowing how that media is. You just disappeared when you went away with your family.”
“Fuck.” I cursed as I stood up, making them share a long glance. I dropped the glass on the bar and it spilled all over the floor as I reached for my keys. “I’m going over there. This is crazy, and it needs to stop.”
“It’s about time.” Cammie noted as Brent slipped an arm around her. I strode to the door and got into my car, starting the engine.
Chapter Twelve
Aubrey
I sent the project off, sipping my wine as I waited. I’d been drinking too much wine lately but convinced myself that it made my work better. It distracted me from my life or lack thereof and helped me to sleep through the restless nights.
Cammie told me to get out of the apartment all the time. She’d been staying with me regularly just to keep an eye on me, worried with the way I was handling things.
David. He was just gone and then there were those pictures with that gorgeous girl over what looked like dinner. We weren’t together, and he had every right, but it made me wonder if he had her in the background all along.
Kyle. The ass had tried to come back to me, telling me that Pam was a mistake. When she dumped him, he called me and pleaded with me to take him back. When it didn’t work over the phone, he showed up with some of my things that he’d had and tried to sweet talk me. Kyle was good at groveling, but it didn’t work. I was already hardened over the loss of David and knew that Kyle could never give me that feeling. He never had. His kiss was desperate, but I didn’t return it and when I looked into his eyes, I saw the regret. It filled his eyes and face and threatened to spill over in his unshed tears.
“I really am sorry, Aubrey.” He told me as I nodded. I knew that he was. There was just nothing that could be said at this point to fix any of it. He left, and I slid down the door, crying weakly as I let my pain out. David was gone, and I mourned the loss of the only man that made me feel the way that he did. I grieved the fact that Kyle was never it for me.
I ended up calling Cammie
again, and she brought pizza and ice cream. We talked about everything and then I asked that we never discuss David again. I moved on with my solo plans and goals for my future.
I knew that Cammie was still seeing Brent, but we didn’t talk about that either. It was her life, and he was too close to David. She asked me to come out with her on the nights that I forced her to leave but I always stayed home in my quiet apartment.
Weeks had passed one night when I fought with her to go out and meet Brent. Cammie played it off, but she liked him. It was all over her face and they’d been seeing each other for a couple of months now. I holed away and worked, needing a shower and some real food. Cammie asked me to get a job out of my house, so I’d clean up, making me roll my eyes.
When I heard the loud knock at the door, I jumped. Had Cammie come back to get something? “You have a key,” I murmured as I stumbled over to the door, unlocking it. “Cam?” I asked as I swung it open, stunned to see David on the other side. He looked as tired as I felt, and I gasped as he pushed through the frame and kicked the apartment door closed. “What are you doing here?” I demanded as he pulled me against him. I tried to push him away, but David fought me, stroking my messy hair as I realized how horrible I looked.
“You’re not with him,” He spoke as I wondered who he was referring to.
“I’m not with whom?” I asked as my arms slipped around his waist. I missed him more than I realized and breathed in his outdoor scent mixed with peppermint.
“Your ex.” I frowned.
“No. I’m not. Why would you think that I was?” I asked as he pulled my hair with one hand.
“I came here after seeing my family. I dropped Jake off and I came here to talk to you about that entire weekend, Aubrey. That fucker was at your doorstep with boxes and he was kissing you. I thought you went back to him. I knew that you had every right dealing with my shit.” Something filled me as I took his words in. Warmth and relief followed by some pain at seeing those pictures.