With Love, Caroline

by Jennifer Hebbard

  “Where did you come from little one?” Mia asked, not really expecting an answer. Ever looked from the kitten to Mia.

  “I think if was more of a who then a where.” Ever said as she made her way back to the bedroom to change into her own clothes.

  “What happened out there?” Mia whispered to herself as she went to the kitchen to see what they could have for lunch. She grabbed her phone from her coat and called Jill as well.

  Ever grabbed a pair of sweats and with a smile, Mia’s hoodie. and headed to take a quick shower to wash the smell of the hospital off of her body. She could hear Mia talking in the other room and figured she had made a phone call, so she knew she had a few minutes to get clean. She just stood under the spray of the shower for a few minutes, luxuriating in the feeling of being warm again. There were moments last night that she never thought she would feel warmth again, at least not on this earth. She reviewed everything that had happened last night and tried to think how she was going to convey it all to Mia. It seemed so surreal now I the light of day but she knew what had happened, and she knew it was real. She finished with her shower, got dressed and went out to Mia, they needed to have a talk.

  “Ok, Love you too, I’ll tell her. Bye.” Mia was saying as Ever wandered over to her wrapping her arms around Mia from behind and resting her head on her shoulder. “Well hi,” Mia said with a smile holding Ever’s hands to her stomach. “Jill says she’s glad you’re ok, and that she loves you.” Ever nodded.

  “I’ll give her a call tomorrow. Tonight, I want it to just be you and I.” She kissed the side of Mia’s neck and the other woman hummed with approval.

  “Well there isn’t much here other than some bread and cold cuts, so are sandwiches ok with you for dinner? We can go out and get some more provisions tomorrow.” Mia busied herself taking things out of the refrigerator.

  “Sandwiches are fine with me. I don’t have a real big appetite right now, anyway. I’m going to go start a fire while you do that.”

  Mia looked over her shoulder and watched Ever head to the main room and start gathering some wood for the fireplace. She was overcome with a feeling of gratitude that Ever was here and that she was ok. Last night she hadn’t allowed herself to think of the worst when she was searching for Ever in the dark, but now, it all seemed to hit her at once and she felt overwhelmed. Ever returned to the kitchen to see Mia crying and hurried to her side.

  “What’s wrong? Baby? Talk to me.” Ever rubbed Mia’s back in comfort. Mia smiled through her tears.

  “I guess it’s all just hitting me what could have happened last night. It sort of just came out of nowhere and hit me square in the chest.”

  Ever wrapped both arms around Mia. “It’s ok. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere again, I promise.” Mia nodded into Ever’s shoulder and she felt silly for her emotional outburst and said so. Ever shook her head and pulled Mia back so that she could look at her face.

  “Your feelings are always valid, Mia. It’s not silly at all. Let me be there for you like you have always been for me. From now on, when you fall, I want to be the one to catch you.”

  Mia sobbed even harder at Ever’s words and Ever just held her silently until she had gotten it all out of her system. “Feel better now?” Ever asked with a smile.

  “I do, thank you.” Mia replied and kissed ever softly on the lips. “Let’s eat so we can get to that snuggling in front of the fire.” Ever’s smile widened at that.

  “That sounds like a plan to me,” she said and they both sat down at the kitchen island to eat the sandwiches which Mia had made. Ever took care of their dinner dishes as Mia went to the main room to get comfortable. She took every cushion and blanket she could find and made a little nest out of them in front of the fire. Ever finally entered the room and judging by the smile on her face, she approved. Mia took off her shoes and laid down in the middle of the pile wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. She looked up at Ever and patted the place beside her. “Join me?”

  Ever smiled a sexy smile and took off her shoes and sweatshirt, revealing a t-shirt beneath and laid down next to Mia. “I noticed that you had my sweatshirt. Did you grab that by mistake when you left?” Mia curled up against Ever’s side.

  “No, it wasn’t by accident,” Ever replied. “It smelled like you and… Well I just felt better when I was wearing it. Closer to you somehow.”

  Mia looked at Ever and shook her head.

  “I had no idea. I thought you wanted to get as far away from me as you could.” Ever propped herself up on one elbow facing Mia.

  “No Mia, that was never the case. I’m so sorry that I made you feel that way. You scared the hell out of me, you still do in a lot of ways, but I always felt better, safer when you were near.” Ever caressed Mia’s dark hair playing with a strand before bringing her hand to the side of Mia’s face. “I remember who I am when I’m with you.”

  Mia had no words and so she leaned forward and tried to convey to Ever in a kiss everything that she was feeling. It was slow and sensual and full of passion. When they finally broke for a breath, Mia’s eyes were still closed when she said

  “I love you, Ever.” Ever kissed her briefly again and leaned her forehead against Mia’s.

  “I love you, Mia, so much. I’m sorry it took me this long to tell you but I promise I will do everything in my power to show you now and in the future.”

  “That’s all in the past, Ever. No more apologies, it’s enough, it’s more than enough that you’re here now… with me.” Mia kissed her again, this time with more urgency. Their hands explored each other’s bodies removing clothes and moving against each other.

  “God Mia, are you sure?” Ever panted. Mia grabbed her face and brought it to her own.

  “I’m sure.” She said as she moved her hands down to Ever’s breasts. Ever moaned in pleasure and Mia smiled. She wanted to make her feel good, as good as Ever made her feel herself. They came together and crested over and over again until finally they parted and rolled onto their backs, breathless, muscles still quivering.

  “You’re amazing.” Ever whispered pressing her lips to Mia’s temple.

  “Hmm, I think that’s my line.” Mia replied, curling up against Ever’s glistening body. They lay together in sated silence for a little while. Both women feeling loved and safe. Ever pulled one of the blankets up, covering them both even thought the fire was blazing warm.

  “When I was out there in the cold, I felt like I had forgotten what being warm felt like. Now, I can’t get enough. You don’t mind, do you?” Mia smiled and kissed the underside of Ever’s chin.

  “Not at all. My body is very comfortably numb right now.” Ever pulled Mia closer. “But Ever, how did you get out of that without so much as frostbite? I mean you were out in the freezing cold for hours, in wet clothes. Ever the Sheriff’s Deputy asked me about it. What happened out there?” Ever just silently held Mia without answering. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Mia said in a small voice. Ever immediately kissed her again.

  “No, it’s not that at all. I want to tell you. I want to tell you everything Mia, I’m just trying to figure out how exactly to do that.”

  “Well,” Mia said turning over, so that she was laying directly on top on Ever. Mia’s body tingled everywhere that they touched. “I have always found it helpful to start at the beginning.” She pulled at Ever’s bottom lip with her teeth. Ever shivered at the feelings Mia was evoking in her again.

  “The beginning. I can do that.” Ever replied breathless. She wanted Mia again and kissed her with abandon. Mia hummed in pleasure as she kissed Ever back, their tongues fighting for dominance. Mia pulled back and gasped.

  “My God Ever. You are so sexy.” Ever’s hands ran down Mia’s back and landed on her behind and she squeezed lightly. Mia moaned, and the sound drove Ever insane. She clung to Mia as she started kissing her way down Ever’s chest. She pulled lightly on Ever’s nipples with her teeth before moving lower.

 
“Mia, please.” Ever gasped and Mia didn’t make her wait. Ever quaked with pleasure as she moaned Mia’s name over and over again. Mia made her way back up Ever’s body, kissing and licking the sweat from various parts of Ever’s stomach and chest. “Jesus, Mia, you’re going to kill me!” Mia smiled a smile of self-satisfaction as she lay her head on Ever’s chest trying to catch her own breath.

  “I think… you were about to start from the beginning.” Mia said with a lazy smile. As she laid down at Ever’s side resting her hand on her flat stomach.

  “Right, the beginning.” Ever replied. She linked her fingers with Mia’s and began.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  “I was going to die; I knew it and I accepted it. I was so cold I couldn’t move my limbs; frost had started to form on my skin. At first it was painful but after a while I didn’t feel anything at all. I started to pray for the end. I only had one regret, and that was you.” Mia was propped up next to Ever, her head propped up on her hand, listening intently.

  “What about me?” She asked quietly. She didn’t want to think of Ever suffering, dying out there in the dark alone. Ever saw the discomfort on Mia’s face and leaned down and kissed her lightly.

  “I thought I was never going to get the chance to tell you how I felt. Never get the chance to tell you that I loved you too. I didn’t want to go to my grave without you knowing how much you meant to me.”

  Hope, the kitten, had ambled over and laid down between them, falling asleep immediately as Ever absently caressed her tiny head. Mia wiped an errant tear from her eye, never taking her eyes off of Ever and encouraged her to continue. “I decided then and there I wasn’t going to die without a fight. I conjured all the energy left in my body and pulled at the dirt. I pulled so hard and so long and finally my body moved, just a little. It wasn’t enough, I knew it wasn’t, and I felt so… defeated.” Ever looked at Mia. “I apologized out loud to you. I was so sorry, but I didn’t have anything left.”

  Ever shivered as if she were feeling the bone chilling cold again. Mia leaned down and pulled the blanket up around them both. “Then the most amazing thing happened Mia.” Ever’s eyes took on a light as she relayed this part of her story. “Suddenly I was warm, and I felt safe. There was this yellow gold light, and it was so bright I had to squint my eyes, and it was everywhere, all around me. Then I felt arms, her arms, wrap tightly around me and all that warmth seemed to be infused into my body.”

  Ever’s eyes had closed and Mia leaned closer.

  “Her?” She asked, half knowing who Ever was referring to and needing to hear her say it.

  “Caroline.” Ever said simply with a small smile. “I never saw her face, but I felt her, I smelled her scent, like fresh mown grass in the springtime, and I heard her.”

  Ever looked at Mia as if to gauge whether she believed her. She didn’t need to bother; Mia believed every word.

  “She told me to live, and she told me that you were coming for me.” Mia smiled wide and leaned down to rest her head on Ever’s shoulder.

  “I prayed for her help.” Mia said softly. “I prayed that she would help me find you and that you would be ok. She listened.”

  Ever put her arms around Mia and pulled her close. Both of their hearts were beating so loudly and quickly they could feel it on each other’s skin.

  Mia looked down at the kitten purring in her sleep. “I wonder if Caroline had anything to do with sending this little beastie into our lives?” Ever smiled as Mia cooed at the kitten.

  “It wouldn’t surprise me a bit,” Ever said. She felt happy and secure. It had been so long since she had felt either of those things that it was foreign to her. She looked at Mia laughing as she played with the kitten and thought to herself, that she looked forward to getting used to those feelings and so much more.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Ever and Mia spent the entire week together at the cabin. They took long walks and talked about everything and nothing during the day. At night they laid under the stars and made love. Neither wanted to leave their little paradise but of them knew it was inevitable. On the night before they left, Ever was reading in the kitchen while Mia played with Hope in the main room.

  “Ever?” Mia asked and Ever put down her book and gave Mia her full attention. Mia seemed to be having trouble looking Ever in the eye.

  “What is it, baby? Are you ok?” Ever was suddenly concerned. Mia wasn’t usually coy about anything.

  “Yes, no, oh hell I don’t know.” Mia dropped her head in her hands momentarily and then looked up at Ever who had moved into the room with Mia. “What happens now?” She asked in an almost childlike voice.

  “What do you mean?” Ever looked confused, and a little frustrated as well.

  “I mean, this all” She opened her arms wide indicating the cabin as a whole. “It’s been wonderful, but we have to return to the real world now and it’s not always so forgiving there. I guess I’m just nervous.” Ever stood and walked to where Mia sat, bent down and raised her face with her hand.

  “What exactly are you nervous about?” she asked and smiled down at her love. She had an idea what it was, but she felt that Mia needed to talk about it.

  “I guess I’m afraid that maybe we’ll slip into old patterns. We have been so isolated here, no stresses or worries. What happens when the real-world slams into us again?” Ever thought carefully about her words before she spoke. This was important to Mia, and she was scared.

  “I don’t have any answers Mia, no easy ones anyway. I only know two things for sure. First, I know that I love you and want to build a life with you.”

  Mia smiled and Ever’s heart felt lighter at the sight. “I also know that I am going to go back to school, get my degree and get a real job.” Both women laughed. “I hope that someday we can buy a house together, maybe even sometime in the future give little Hope a human playmate. As long as we are together, I don’t believe there is any obstacle we won’t be able to overcome.”

  Ever shocked herself with the things she had just said and by the look on Mia’s face, she wasn’t the only one. Mia wiped a tear from her eye and turned around, grabbing something from the table. When she held it up Ever’s heart stuttered in her chest. It was the letter from Caroline.

  “And this? What are we going to do with this?” Mia said gently. She didn’t want to push Ever into doing anything before she was truly ready, but at the same time she knew it had to be addressed.

  “I don’t know,” Ever whispered. She looked absolutely panicked and Mia’s heart broke for her.

  “Baby, it’s ok, breathe.” Mia had stood up and hurried to Ever’s side. She walked her over to the couch and sat down, touching her the entire time. They sat together and Mia kept rubbing Ever’s back. “Shh sweetheart, it’s ok. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” Ever looked at Mia and tears had welled up in her eyes.

  “I want to though. I want to do it, for you, for us. I just don’t know if I can.” Mia took Ever’s hands in her own.

  “When you’re ready baby, I want you to do it for yourself, but only when you’re ready and I’ll be there with you every step of the way if you want me to be.”

  “I do want that. There’s something that I didn’t tell you about Caroline. I felt, peace around her, like she had finally found that sense of well being that seemed to elude her in life.” Ever shook her head. “It’s silly I know; it was probably all just a figment of my imagination.”

  Mia placed a finger on Ever’s lips. “I don’t believe that’s true at all, and I don’t think you do either. It makes sense though, that she is at peace now. She struggled so much, fought so hard. It makes me happy to know that she finally found in death, what she could never seem to attain in life.”

  Ever’s head dropped into her hands and her shoulders shook. She couldn’t help it. She didn’t want to cry in front of Mia, or at all really. She was so tired of feeling weak. She was tired of the tears, the sadness and the longing. It was time to move on, t
o finally say goodbye. She looked at the envelope sitting beside Mia on the couch. It had almost developed into a living thing for Ever.

  “I promise Mia, I will get through reading that letter. I will get closure.” Mia kissed each of Ever’s eyes gently tasting the salt of her tears.

  “We’ll do it together.” She whispered and pulled Ever into her arms and held her.

  The trip back into the city was uneventful. Ever’s car wouldn’t start so they rode back together in Mia’s in comfortable silence. Both women lost in their own thoughts.

  “Ever?” Mia began sounding and feeling unsure.

  “Yeah?” Ever looked at Mia who kept her eyes on the road.

  “The things you said, about the future, our future? Did you talk about those things with Caroline too?” Mia had no idea why she was asking this other than she just needed to know.

  Ever smiled slightly and took Mia’s hand in her own. “No. Well, I mean I tried. I tried a lot actually but she would always change the subject. Looking back now I think she knew. She knew that there wouldn’t be any scenario where we lived happily ever after and she just didn’t or couldn’t tell me herself.”

  Mia nodded in agreement. Caroline had talked to her a few times about it, but that wasn’t a discussion for now.

  “Is it something you’re worried about? You don’t think I’m like trying to, I don’t know capture something with you that I couldn’t with Caroline, do you?”

  “Oh God, no Ever. Nothing like that. I don’t now nor have I ever felt second best with you. Never with you. You make me feel special, loved.”