Nine of Wands

by Mark Hayden

  ‘I have two,’ said Bertie. ‘Doesn’t make it much easier, but you’re right. I couldn’t manage without them. Have a seat.’

  To the right, away from the windows, was a seating area covered by a large sunshade. I turned round and took a step back to look at the house. Above, and set back, I could see the blank back wall of the small cottage. The whole of the downstairs space had been engineered out of some original cellar, massively blown up and carved out of the slope. I was truly impressed.

  We settled down, and Bertie made sure I got the best view, while Scout went off to explore the gardens. Her home-made lemonade was exactly what we needed after dealing with the M5, and Bertie did me the honour of welcoming me as the lead guest. In the weird code of magickal hospitality, I’d normally be an appendage to Saffron, who was family.

  ‘How’s Trixie?’ said Saffron after the toast of welcome.

  Bertie hmmphed. ‘That’s my daughter, Conrad. She’s not called Trixie, obviously, but when she was younger, I made the mistake of saying that she could be tricksy. The name stuck, much to my embarrassment. She chose the Daughters in Glastonbury ahead of Salomon’s House.’ She turned back to Saffron. ‘She’s fine, and so are the twins. They’re even tricksier, if that were possible. Now, Conrad, tell me all about that Dragon.’

  You know that story, so I’ll move on to lunch.

  Bertie served us a light and fresh salad, back in the kitchen. There was a lot of marble in there. We ate at a small table, in the shadow of its much larger formal cousin. When she’d put some slices of quiche in front of us, she said, ‘It’s an honour to have you in my house, Conrad, but unless the Watch are a lot less busy than they pretend to be, I do wonder why you’re here.’

  Before I could answer, there was a terrible sound of screeching cat and barking dog from outside. I stood up to investigate, and Scout ran through the door, his tail firmly between his legs. ‘What’s up, boy?’

  Bertie found it very amusing. ‘He’s discovering his limitations, that’s what’s up. A young border collie is no match for Marmalade. He’s lucky she didn’t take an eye out.’

  Scout barked plaintively at me, then went over to a shady corner. He turned round on the flagstone floor, then moved over and started eyeing up some throws on the back of a settee. ‘You can have the red one,’ said Bertie.

  Scout moved his head in confusion. ‘Aah,’ said Bertie. ‘I did wonder. He has doggy-vision, see? He can’t tell which throw is red. Here, boy.’ She rubbed her hands together and did something I’ve not seen before. She formed a small ball of light in her palm and let it rest there, like a marble. She blew on the ball and it flew over, bursting on the red throw. Scout jumped up and grabbed the edge of the throw. With great gusto and wagging of tail, he pulled it down, dragged it to a corner and trampled it into a bed. In seconds, he was asleep. It’s a dog’s life, isn’t it?

  ‘Have a look at this, Bertie,’ said Saffron, passing her my meagre folder of Mercian Mages.

  She looked at the Post-it note on the cover first. ‘Since when did that disgusting creature Saunders Flint become clan chief? I never thought he’d see the light of day again.’

  ‘Since Saturday. Chief Wesley was collateral damage in an internal dispute,’ I said. She’d find out the whole truth sooner or later, but that was a distraction I could do without today.

  She scanned the rest of the document and passed it back. ‘Look’s like you’ve been sold a pup.’ She glanced at Scout. ‘Two pups.’

  ‘We wondered if you could fill in some of the gaps?’ said Saffron, in the sweet voice that only young female relatives can get away with. I used to cringe when Rachael did that to Grandma Enderby. Works every time, though.

  Bertie sniffed and shook her head. ‘Hmm. You’ve got the Worcester mob in there. I’ll text you the rest of my local contacts, but your biggest gap is Staffordshire. The forgotten county of magick.’

  ‘How so?’ I asked. ‘This quiche is delicious.’

  ‘Thank you. Staffordshire is where Mages and other creatures went when they weren’t welcome in the Marches, the Danelaw or the Palatinate.’

  She’d named the three Watch districts to the north, west and east of Staffordshire. All covered by experienced Watch Captains. ‘What does that mean?’ I asked. ‘In practical terms.’

  ‘It means that the magickal world there is very clandestine. You need to know about the Brewers. That’s a nickname, but they really are based in Burton on Trent. It’s a collective of Artificers. You should see them. As for the rest, I’d start in Lichfield. Tetty Johnson’s House.’

  ‘Thank you. That’s very generous.’

  ‘Worth it to hear the Dragon story from the man himself, though it’s a shame you didn’t bring Vicky with you.’

  ‘Perhaps next time.’

  ‘That would be nice. Coffee? Outside, I think. The sun has gone round a bit. You go and smoke, while Saffron helps me clear up.’

  There was a very large, very orange cat in the middle of the garden settee. ‘You just wait, Marmalade,’ I said. ‘We’ll be back.’ In response, the cat licked herself.

  Bertie brought the coffee and had developed a frown as dense as the heat. ‘Saffron’s just told me about the Peculier Auditor. She says you’re “an item” with her, and that she’s mundane. Sorry, what was her name again?’

  ‘Mina Desai, and yes, you could say we are an item.’

  ‘I wonder whose idea this was?’ she said, more to herself than me. She passed me a cup of coffee and gave me her attention. ‘It will be one of those three.’ She looked agitated. Bertie Hawkins doesn’t have a veneer of privilege: she has a solid wooden core of privilege, so you couldn’t say that it had slipped, it had just shown a different side to itself. She was going to explain who those three were, then stopped and turned to Saffron, then back to me. ‘Please excuse me, Conrad, this may be impertinent. Have I got this right? Mina was your girlfriend before you joined the world of magick, and she’s been dragged into this?’

  ‘More or less. Her first encounter with magick was shortly after mine. Should I be worried?’

  ‘Mina can handle herself,’ said Saffron. ‘She took down a Mage on her own. And she understands double entry book keeping.’

  Bertie tried for a reassuring smile. ‘Then I’m sure she’ll be fine.’

  I couldn’t let it rest there. Not with Mina likely to do most of her work on her own. ‘Who are those three?’

  ‘Oh. Marcia, Cora and Hannah. They all have agendas about how magick should be governed in Albion. Please excuse me, Conrad. The Malvern Hills are a long way from London. The politics of the Occult Council are above my head.’

  ‘And mine.’ It was time to change the subject. ‘What should I know about Saffron that isn’t in her files?’

  Saffron went suitably red, and Bertie leaned back to laugh. ‘Don’t get me started! I presume she hasn’t told you about the London Zoo incident.’

  ‘No!’ said Saffron. ‘You can’t tell him that! I was only eight.’

  ‘Perhaps not. She was in a band at school. You can still find videos of Starlight Hair on Youtube.’

  ‘I shall look them up.’

  Saffron, now a deep shade of crimson, put her cup down. ‘When are you going to get your licence back, Bertie? It’s a shame to see that bike lying idle.’

  That was out of order, and clearly hurt Bertie deeply. I reached for my phone. ‘Mina’s had enough of the Gnomes,’ I said, pretending to read a text. ‘We’d better extract her. Could I…?’

  ‘Of course. It’s the door under the stairs.’

  Scout was determined to climb the stairs on his own, despite the fact he could barely see over each riser, so I left him to it while I visited the bathroom. He was barking loudly when I emerged, and I jogged up the stairs to see if he needed rescuing from Marmalade.

  The little mite was barking at a door. A door that hadn’t been there before and was right where you’d expect a staircase going up to be. I scooped him up and went out the f
ront. Saffron looked like she’d been apologising. Good.

  I stowed Scout and went to shake hands. ‘Forgive me for not bringing a guest gift,’ I said. ‘I didn’t think that Hinkley Services would have anything you’d welcome, or that you’d do me the honour of making me your guest.’

  ‘Your story was gift enough,’ said Bertie.

  ‘Thank you, Miss Hawkins.’

  Saffron didn’t notice what I’d said, and hugged her relative. Bertie was eyeing me over Saffron’s shoulder. She’d got the message: I was a tradesman who wasn’t pretending otherwise.

  ‘Hinkley Services,’ said Saffron when we’d driven off. ‘They all have these phone accessory shops, don’t they?’

  ‘There’s only one way to find out.’

  17 — Backhand

  She waited until I was on the road down from the Malvern Hills before speaking again. ‘They’re not all like that. Honest.’

  She thought she could brush it away. I wasn’t going to let her get off so easily. ‘Who’s not like what?’

  She hmmphed. ‘My family. They don’t all think they own the world.’

  ‘On a sample of two – Bertie and Heidi – it’s not looking good.’

  ‘What about me?’

  ‘You took the oath. You’re not family any more.’

  ‘What! All I bloody heard when I was in Clerkswell was Clarke this and Clarke that. They’ve even named the cricket ground after your family. I don’t see you renouncing that in a hurry.’

  ‘In the unlikely event that my sister develops magickal powers, I’ll be the first to lock her in the Undercroft. Until then, it’s not a problem.’

  ‘Oh. So where does that leave me? Do I move out of my flat and block all their contacts in my phone?’

  I was tempted to tell her to grow up. I resisted. ‘Just do what I do: don’t talk about the Watch. Don’t discuss your cases. Pretend your family are mundane. Until you need their help, of course. Then it’s okay to ask questions.’

  ‘Oh. I never thought of it like that.’

  ‘Why would you? My mother worked all her life for GCHQ. I know that she was a cryptanalyst, and I know what they served in the canteen. The bridge club used to meet at our house, and I played cricket for and against them a few times. That’s it. Thirty-five years of nothing. I don’t know whether she told Dad any more than that. I grew up with it. You didn’t.’

  ‘So who did she talk to? What about her mental health?’

  ‘You have me to talk to, Saffron. That’s what partners are for. And friends. Up to a point. Mina knows a lot, and that will change now she’s in the loop. Myfanwy knows some of it. You killed someone last week. That’s definitely something that’s worth talking about.’

  ‘It was … self defence.’

  Oh dear. I’m sure she was going to say it was only a Gnome. That could be a problem. I’d pushed her as far as I could today.

  ‘And taking me to see Bertie was an astute move,’ I said. ‘You were spot on with that. Good lunch, good contacts, lovely lemonade. Unless there’s an emergency, I know what we’re doing tomorrow.’

  She accepted the change of subject gratefully. I’d given her a lot to chew on. I honestly don’t know whether she’ll spit or swallow, if you’ll pardon the image, but I have faith in her. She really will think about it.

  ‘What are we up to tomorrow, then?’ she asked.

  ‘Lichfield. Your homework is to find Tetty Johnson’s House.’

  ‘I’ve never heard of her.’

  ‘Neither have I, but I assume she was Samuel Johnson’s wife.’

  ‘Who?’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes. He wasn’t a Mage, so…’

  ‘That’s two lots of homework for you, then. I shall test your spellings as well.’

  ‘Yes, teacher. What’s your homework?’

  ‘I shall consult with the Royal Occulter.’

  I did feel slightly guilty when I picked Mina up from Earlsbury, and I was wondering how to tell her what I’d been up to when she lessened the guilt level by telling me that she hadn’t had to spend all day with Gnomes.

  ‘Anna took me out for lunch. She said she was feeling sorry for me, but I think she wanted to know what really happened in the First Mine.’ She gave me a sidelong smile. ‘She didn’t believe that two women and two cripples had taken out three Gnomes and a Mage.’

  ‘No man is a hero to his friend’s wife. Cripple is a bit harsh, though I suppose I was limping a lot when we went to see Niði. You should have told her that one of the women was a Hawkins. That would have impressed her.’

  ‘Really? I’ve not seen much to be impressed about.’

  ‘Scout ate her phone today. And nearly got her a ticket from a park warden.’

  She turned round. ‘You are a very good dog. You should keep this up. Understand?’

  Thankfully, Scout was fast asleep. I dread to think what would happen if he took her literally.

  ‘How did the data gathering go? Judging by the weight of that case, you’ve hit the mother lode.’

  ‘Put it this way: I will be working from home tomorrow and for the foreseeable future. Anna was nice, once you got past the protective attitude.’

  ‘Protective of Lloyd?’

  ‘Yes, but it’s more that he represents her daughters’ future. She has three. If Lloyd goes the same way as his brother before they’re eighteen, the clan will abandon them.’

  I was about to tell her what I’d been up to, when my phone rang and the handsfree display showed an ominous name: Sister Bigbucks. Rachael. And yes, she really is richer than me.

  ‘Hi sis,’ I said. ‘You’re on speaker and I’m with Mina.’

  ‘Oh. Hi.’

  ‘Hi, Rachael,’ said Mina.

  Rachael paused for half a second. ‘Good news or bad news, Conrad?’

  It was an old family game. Dad used to say that, and when we asked for good news, he’d always say, “The good news is that things could be worse.” The important thing, today, was not the news itself, but that Rachael was referring to our shared past. A sort of sibling olive branch.

  ‘I’ll take what I can get,’ I said.

  ‘The good news is that your French friend got the job. He was a little peeved when I told him that I was off to Frankfurt soon, but there you go.’

  ‘Excellent. Thanks for giving him a chance, Raitch. I owe you one.’

  ‘You do. How’s that coming along?’

  Rachael and I had made a complex bargain about my past and its impact on the future. A journalist was pestering Rachael for an interview, and the only way I could get her off Rachael’s back was to get Mina a job with the magickal establishment. That way, the security services (without knowing why) would tell the journalist to go away. There was more to it than that, including me giving said journalist an off the record briefing and Rachael giving Alain Dupont an interview. It looked like this was going to work out.

  ‘All over bar the whispering,’ I said. ‘I’ll give my contact a call tonight.’ I paused. ‘None of this sounds like bad news, Raitch. Why am I fearing the worst?’

  ‘Because Carole has asked me to be chief bridesmaid, that’s why. One of her friends is going on her own honeymoon in September, and another one is going to the Alaskan oilfields and can’t get out of the contract. I may be third choice, but at least I know the area.’

  Mina was giving me severely raised eyebrows. ‘Does this mean what I think it means?’

  ‘If you think it means I want a bed over the weekend, then yes it does.’ She drew breath and tried to be light-hearted. ‘How many people have you got staying there now?’

  We’d fallen out big time when she accused me of filling her childhood home with strange women. Technically, this is true, but it’s a question of attitude.

  ‘There’s always room for you, Raitch,’ I said, dodging the question.

  ‘Do you play cricket?’ said Mina hopefully. She knows full well that Rachael hates cricket.

  ‘I prefer tennis
, and I’d love a game, but someone dug up the court and replaced it with a herb garden for some reason. My backhand will never improve now.’

  ‘Such a shame,’ said Mina. ‘You could have joined us for practice on Friday night and watched our first game on Saturday morning.’

  ‘Does the women’s practice end in the same place as the men’s?’

  ‘If you mean in the pub, most definitely. About eight thirty.’

  ‘I’ll see you there. Unfortunately, Carole is dragging me away on Saturday, so I’ll have to miss the game. Ciao, Conrad. Nice talking to you Mina. Bye.’

  ‘What was all that about?’ said Mina as soon as the display had confirmed that the call was truly ended.

  ‘Which bit?’

  ‘The cloak and dagger part.’

  ‘It was about you, mostly. Do you remember me telling you about Juliet Porterhouse of the Sunday Examiner?’

  Mina wasn’t happy at the thought of having to pick at old scars, but she couldn’t find a better solution to the problem. That was one item ticked off the to-do list. Unfortunately, I don’t think the Nine of Wands was finished with me yet. I don’t even think it’s really started.

  ‘I am not wearing a wig.’

  ‘Not yet, Saffron, but you soon will be. There’s a very good shop just outside the station.’

  She didn’t budge. She folded her arms and remained fixed to the concourse of Birmingham New Street station like a well-placed pedestrian obstruction. The last minute commuters paid her as much attention as does water flowing around a stone.

  ‘Why?’ she said.

  ‘Advice from the Royal Occulter.’

  ‘I can’t believe that you rang him and that he suggested wearing a wig. Either you’re winding me up, or he was winding you up.’

  ‘Shall we discuss this outside, before Scout goes mental and bites someone?’

  My Familiar did not like being put on a lead. He really didn’t like it. He understands a lot, but railway by-laws are beyond him. Myfanwy and I had only convinced him when she borrowed a cat travel carrier from Miss Parkes and threatened him with going in that as an alternative. He took one sniff and lay down with his head on his paws.