Lions & Liars

by Kate Beasley

  Kids who had been examining each other’s new shoes and haircuts looked up at the girl.

  “Well, we’re old here,” Jean said, and crossed her arms, too.

  The foot stopped tapping.

  “But we could move,” said Junior quickly, looking from one girl to another. “We could sit in the back or just go away somewhere and … and …”

  Gertie stared at Junior until his voice dried up like a raisin.

  “But Ms. Simms said I could sit here.” The girl smiled. “Because I’m new. I need to sit in the front so I can keep up with everything.”

  New people weren’t the only ones who had special reasons for needing to sit in the front. For instance, Gertie needed the front because when they watched movies she didn’t want to have to look past other people’s heads. And Jean liked the front row because she needed to make sure teachers saw her when she raised her hand. And Junior Jr. hated the front row, but he had to sit there anyway to be with Gertie and Jean.

  “Ms. Simms didn’t say any such thing,” Gertie said.

  “Yes, I did.”

  The new girl smiled at someone standing behind Gertie. Slowly, Gertie turned around to see a woman wearing red high heels. Gertie tilted her head way back to face her new teacher. Ms. Simms had square shoulders, round glasses, and a dimple in her chin. She was looking right into Gertie’s face, and she was smiling. Not the stretchy smile that some adults used for kids. She smiled like they were friends.

  “Mary Sue wanted to be sure she didn’t get left out of anything. She’s new this year.” Ms. Simms put a hand on Gertie’s shoulder. “I told her she could sit here. All the other front-row seats are full. You don’t mind moving, do you?” Gertie minded.

  But she wanted her new teacher to know that she was nice and agreeable, because she was. It was this new girl who wasn’t being agreeable. She slowly started to move her shoe box.

  “Thank you for understanding.” Ms. Simms beamed at her.

  “Oh, yes, thank you,” said the new girl. She was one of those people who acted nicer when the teacher was watching.

  “If Gertie moves,” said Jean, “then we move, too.” She snatched up her number twos.

  Junior jumped up, knocking over his chair.

  Gertie lifted her chin as she passed the new girl. She might have a front-row seat, but Gertie had two best friends, which was seventeen million times better.

  The new girl settled herself into Gertie’s desk and dusted the top with her sleeve. Gertie glared at the back of her head.

  This new girl was a seat-stealer.

  Once Gertie had figured out what this girl was and put a name to it, she felt better about the whole thing. Seat-stealer, she thought in the nastiest voice she could imagine, and she felt even better.

  “I’m Ms. Simms.” Gertie’s new teacher wrote her name on the whiteboard and capped the marker with a pop. “And I can’t wait to hear about all the adventures you had this summer.” Ms. Simms looked at the attendance sheet. “Roy Caldwell, will you start for us?”

  Roy’s left arm was in a plaster cast that might have been lime green once but was now so covered in marker drawings that it was hard to tell. He’d probably broken the arm on purpose, just so he’d have the best summer speech.

  When he got to the front of the room he pointed at his cast. “Bet you’re wondering how I got this. I saw a show on one of those educational channels. I wasn’t watching it for me,” he said, “because I don’t like educational stuff. That stuff’s for losers.”

  Jean hissed.

  “No interrupting,” Ms. Simms said. “Be considerate.”

  Roy ran his good hand through his hair and grinned at Jean. “So anyway, it was about what happens to balloons when they float up to the atmosphere. How they blow apart into a million pieces, right? So I decided to try it on people. And I got a bunch of those Fourth of July balloons from the Piggly Wiggly and tied the strings to my belt loops—”

  “What did your mother say about this?” Ms. Simms asked. It wasn’t interrupting when the teacher was the one doing it.

  “She likes it when I’m not in the house. Says I need the fresh air. Anyway, so I got more and more balloons until I started to feel kind of light …”

  But Gertie didn’t want to hear any more. Roy’s speech was good. Maybe too good. She was holding her shoe box to her chest and rocking it gently, when Ewan Buckley dared to interrupt.

  “My mom told me you broke your arm falling down the stairs,” Ewan said.

  “No inter—” began Ms. Simms.

  “You hush your mouth!” said Roy at the same time.

  The class gasped.

  “Roy!” Ms. Simms leaped to her red high heels.

  “I’m sorry! I wasn’t talking to you, Ms. Simms.” Roy’s face actually turned white—something Gertie had only read about in books. “I meant Ewan! I—”

  “Roy, sit down. Sit down right now.”

  “I would never tell you to hush your mouth,” Roy said.

  Gertie let out a breath she hadn’t known she was holding. Roy was out of the running for best summer speech.

  “Gertrude Foy,” Ms. Simms called out.

  Several people sniggered.

  “It’s Gertie.” She stood up, walked to the front of the room, and faced the class. “In this box,” she said without preamble, “is a frog.”

  The class stopped sniggering.

  Gertie set the box on the seat-stealer’s desk, and the new girl leaned back and cringed, like she was scared the frog would jump out and bite her head off.

  “This frog was completely and utterly dead,” Gertie told the class. “And in the name of science, I rushed him to my aunt Rae’s kitchen. And using only everyday kitchen tools, I brought him back to life. That makes him”—she tore off the shoe box lid, grabbed the frog under his armpits, and raised him over her head—“a zombie frog.”

  The frog was lifted high, and everyone turned their faces up to see him—his long legs scrabbling against Gertie’s arms, his green-brown skin gleaming in the sunlight that streamed through the window.

  “Gosh he’s big,” Ewan said, and Ms. Simms was so stunned by the mega awesomeness of Zombie Frog that she forgot to tell Ewan not to interrupt.

  “One day,” said Gertie, “when I have a real laboratory, I’ll be bringing people back to life just like I was Dr. Frankenstein.”

  “He was exactly how dead?” asked Ewan.

  It was all in the telling. “Utterly dead. As a doornail.”

  Roy crossed his arms. “How’d you bring him back?”

  “Turkey baster.”

  Roy frowned at the ceiling, thinking. Then he nodded.

  “Can we see him?” asked Leo.

  Gertie carried the frog around so that everyone could look straight into his resurrected eyeballs. When her classmates had appreciated him, she put Zombie Frog back in his box and snapped the rubber band around it.

  “Thank you, Gertie,” said Ms. Simms, and she wasn’t giving anything away, but Gertie knew she had to be pleased.

  Phase One was going to be an instant success.

  After Gertie, Ella Jenkins talked about going to her grandmother’s house, which wasn’t nearly as good as a zombie frog.

  And Junior’s speech was painful to watch. “Ummm,” he said. “Well.” He chewed on his thumbnail and stared at his shoes for so long that the class started laughing again, which made his shoulders hunch.

  “Did you go on vacation?” Ms. Simms asked.

  Junior looked up. “Like the beach or wilderness camping?”

  “Exactly!” Ms. Simms smiled.

  “No,” said Junior, shaking his head. “No, I didn’t do anything like that.”

  Roy blew a raspberry against the back of his hand, and Junior’s neck turned pink.

  “I spent the summer at my mom’s salon,” he said. He looked at Ms. Simms and pressed his lips together so tightly it was clear she’d need a crowbar to get another word out of him.

  “Right. Tha
nk you for sharing.” Ms. Simms checked her list. “Mary Sue Spivey, will you take over from Junior?”

  The seat-stealer stood and turned to face the class.

  “I’m Mary Sue,” she said. “I didn’t know we were going to have to say anything. We don’t do this at my school in California.”

  “You’re from California?” asked Leo.

  “Los Angeles,” said Mary Sue. “My father’s a film director. We only moved here because he’s shooting a new Jessica Walsh movie nearby.”

  “Hold the mayo,” said Roy. He banged his cast against his desk. “You know Jessica Walsh?”

  Everyone stared, breathless, at Mary Sue. Jessica Walsh had her own television show and her own collection of sticker earrings and her own cotton-candy-scented shampoo.

  Mary Sue looked at them all, sitting on the edges of their seats. “Of course,” she said, lifting one shoulder. “My father is Martin Lorimer Spivey. He’s directed lots of Jessica Walsh’s films. He’s filming in Alabama, so he brought me along.” She pulled a phone from her pocket and started thumbing the buttons. “I think I have a picture with her.”

  Ms. Simms didn’t mention that phones were against the rules. Instead, she went to look over Mary Sue’s shoulder. “Oh my goodness, it’s really her,” she said.

  Mary Sue passed around her phone.

  Gertie looked at the picture of Mary Sue Spivey standing beside the most famous twelve-year-old movie star in the country before she handed the phone to Jean.

  “I’m sure you’ll have a lot of stories to share with us,” said Ms. Simms. “We’ll have to talk more later.”

  Mary Sue’s speech had been interesting, but it wasn’t because she was that interesting, thought Gertie. It was because Jessica Walsh was. But everyone was whispering and craning their necks to get a better look at the new girl, like she was the famous one.

  “Thank you, everyone,” said Ms. Simms when they’d finished. “I feel like I know all of you a little better. Mary Sue, you’re new here, so you should know that we keep phones off and put away during class, please.”

  Gertie’s heart lifted.

  “And, Gertie,” Ms. Simms said, “I think it would be best to release that impressive frog during recess, don’t you?”

  “What?” Gertie grabbed the corners of the box. “Can’t I take him home and put him back in his culvert?”

  “I’m sure he’ll be just as happy here.” Ms. Simms frowned at Roy as she said, “I’m sure he needs plenty of fresh air.”

  * * *

  At recess, Gertie, Junior, and Jean carried Zombie Frog toward the back of the playground.

  “What if he can’t find his way back home?” Gertie said. “Do you know how horrible that would be? Lost. Cars almost running over you. Squish.”

  Junior shuddered.

  Gertie trudged on, stopping where the trees grew right up against the sagging fence that marked the edge of the school property. She knelt and set the frog on the ground.

  “He is an impressive frog.” Junior scuffed his shoe against the leaves. “That’s what Ms. Simms said. Impressive.”

  Gertie hoped Ms. Simms had meant it. But if Ms. Simms had loved Zombie Frog, she wouldn’t have wanted Gertie to get rid of him, would she? She would have wanted him to become their class mascot or pet or something. Gertie had thought Phase One was in the bag, but now she wasn’t sure. Had Mary Sue’s speech been better? Gertie had to be absolutely certain that she was the very best before she carried out Phase Two.

  “It’s ridiculous.” Jean leaned against the fence. “Everyone likes her just because she’s new.” She didn’t say which her she was talking about. “And rich. And kind of famous.”

  Zombie Frog eyed Junior’s twitchy foot until Gertie nudged him, and when he hopped into the woods, he did hop with impressive leaps. Gertie watched him until he disappeared. She hoped he was impressive enough to hop himself far away to a better place.

  On the other side of the playground, a small crowd had gathered around the new girl with yellow hair. It was possible, thought Gertie, that Mary Sue Spivey was something even worse than a seat-stealer.

  ALSO BY KATE BEASLEY

  Gertie’s Leap to Greatness

  ABOUT THE AUTHOR

  Kate Beasley holds a Masters in Writing for Children and Young Adults from the Vermont College of Fine Arts. She lives with her family in Claxton, Georgia, with two dogs, one parrot, lots of cows, and a cat named Edgar. Gertie’s Leap to Greatness is her first novel. You can sign up for email updates here.

  ABOUT THE ILLUSTRATOR

  Dan Santat is the Caldecott Medal-winning and New York Times-bestselling author and illustrator of The Adventures of Beekle: The Unimaginary Friend and the road trip/time travel adventure Are We There Yet? His artwork is also featured in numerous picture books, chapter books, and middle-grade novels, including Dav Pilkey’s Ricky Ricotta series. Dan lives in Southern California with his wife, two kids, and many, many pets. You can sign up for email updates here.

  Thank you for buying this

  Farrar, Straus and Giroux ebook.

  To receive special offers, bonus content,

  and info on new releases and other great reads,

  sign up for our newsletters.

  Or visit us online at

  us.macmillan.com/newslettersignup

  For email updates on Kate Beasley, click here.

  For email updates on Dan Santat, click here.

  CONTENTS

  Title Page

  Copyright Notice

  Dedication

    1  •  The Lion, Gazelle, Meerkat-Butt Theory of Life

    2  •  Hurricane Hernando

    3  •  And Then It Came Unattached

    4  •  Are You There, God? It’s Me, Frederick

    5  •  Dashiell Blackwood

    6  •  Nosebleed, the Professor, Specs, and Ant Bite

    7  •  For Whom the Bell Tolls

    8  •  Ding-a-Ling

    9  •  The Dead Zone

  10  •  A Little Horse’s Toothbrush

  11  •  The Constellation Fleaus Tinyus

  12  •  A Failure to Communicate

  13  •  Dodgeball, Again

  14  •  Frederick, Victorious

  15  •  The Real Dash Blackwood

  16  •  The Rock

  17  •  The Kudu

  18  •  The Letter

  19  •  Tim Howard

  20  •  The Water Is Lava

  21  •  Teeth of the Storm

  22  •  The Stupid Ending

  23  •  Four Months Later

  Author’s Note

  Excerpt: Gertie’s Leap to Greatness

  Also by Kate Beasley

  About the Author and Illustrator

  Copyright

  Farrar Straus Giroux Books for Young Readers

  An imprint of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC

  175 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10010

  Text copyright © 2018 Kate Beasley

  Illustrations copyright © 2018 Dan Santat

  All rights reserved

  First hardcover edition, 2018

  eBook edition, June 2018

  mackids.com

  The Library of Congress has cataloged the print edition as follows:

  Names: Beasley, Kate, author. | Santat, Dan, illustrator.

  Title: Lions & liars / by Kate Beasley; illustrated by Dan Santat.

  Other titles: Lions and liars

  Description: First edition. | New York: Farrar Straus Giroux, 2018. | Summary: Fifth-grader Frederick is sent to a disciplinary camp, where he and his terrifying troop mates have just started forging a friendship when they learn a Category 5 hurricane is headed their way.

  Identifiers: LCCN 2017042319 | ISBN 9780374302634 (hardcover)

  Subjec
ts: | CYAC: Camps—Fiction. | Behavior—Fiction. | Friendship—Fiction. | Hurricanes—Fiction. | Survival—Fiction.

  Classification: LCC PZ7.1.B433 Lio 2018 | DDC [Fic]—dc23

  LC record available at https://lccn.loc.gov/2017042319

  Our eBooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945 ext. 5442 or by e-mail at MacmillanSpecialMarkets@macmillan.com.

  eISBN 9780374302658