Is filled up to the chin with choice of meats,
Yet seeks new ways to whet dull appetite,
As there with hold spells mens’ souls they cherish;
So with delicious fare, they themselves nourish.
Nor want they argument for sweet belly-cheer
To prove it lawful.
SUBPRIOR
Most profane and fearful.
SHACKLE-SOUL
But since your order, pious and reverend
Tied to religious fasts, spends the sad day
Wholly in meagre contemplation,
I absolution beg on both my knees
For what my tongue offended in.‘Las, poor Rush!
See’t by his cheeks, eats little.I can feed
On roots, and drink the water of the spring
Out of mine own cup.Make an anatomy
Of my most sinful carcass.Then pardon me.
PRIOR
Thy ignorance is thy pardon; we believe thee.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Gratias reverende domine, Prior.
PRIOR
But do our brethren in parts more remote
Feed so delicious, sayest thou?
SHACKLE-SOUL
Rush cannot lie.
SUBPRIOR
Thou falsely doth accuse these holy men.
To prove it lawful gluttonously to feed.
OMNES
Rush, answer the Subprior.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Audite fratres, they do not only prove it lawful, but make it palpable, that he who eats not good meat is damn’d.
SUBPRIOR
Benedicite.
SCUMBROTH
What shall become of all us then?
PRIOR
Thou art distracted.Whence canst thou force argument?
SHACKLE-SOUL
From silly reason.Would you hear me speak?
PRIOR
Speak freely and be bold.Listen.
OMNES
Hum, hum, hum.
SHACKLE-SOUL
He that eats not good meat is damn’d.Sic Disputo.
If he that feeds well hath a good soul, then è contra.
No, he that feeds ill hath a bad and a poor soul.
SCUMBROTH
That’s we.
SHACKLE-SOUL
And so, consequently, is damn’d, for who regards poor souls?And if they be not regarded they are cast forth, and if cast forth, then they are damn’d.
SUBPRIOR
I deny your minor, he that feeds well hath a good soul.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Sic probo.The soul follows the temperature of the body; he that feeds well hath a good temperature of body, ergo, he that feeds well hath a good soul.
PRIOR
A full and edifying argument.
OMNES
Hum, hum, hum.
SUBPRIOR
I deny that the soul follows the temperature of the body.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Anima sequitur temperaturam corporis.It is a principle, et contra principia non est disputandum.
SCUMBROTH
All we.
PRIOR
It’s most apparent.
SCUMBROTH
O, most learned Rush!
SUBPRIOR
A shallow sophister, hear me farder.
PRIOR
Subprior,
We’ll hear the rest disputed at our leisure.
You take too much upon you.
SCUMBROTH
Shall I take this upon me, my lord?
PRIOR
Hence with this trash, we have too long forborne
To taste heavens blessings fully, which to our duty
Had more enabled us.Rush, th’art some angel.
SUBPRIOR
Rather some devil send to bewitch our souls.
PRIOR
Subprior, no more.
SUBPRIOR
I must speak, hear me, brethren.
Shall we, bound by solemn oaths, t’abjure the world
And all her sorceries? to whom night and day
Are as one hour of prayer? whose temperance makes us
Endure what fulfill’d belly gods admire?
Shall we, by zealous patrons, tied to observe
Dirges and requiems for their peaceful souls
In gluttonous riot bury sacred alms?
Turn sanctimonious zeal and charity
To loathsome surfeit? and those well-got goods
Our benefactors sav’d, by their own fasts
And moderate living, shall we feed upon
Full-gorging us till we vomit?Forfend it, Heaven!
By all the saints by him first taught our order
What temperance was, here shall poor clement feed
Till his o’er-wearied life takes her last leave
Of this all tempting world where all sins breed.
PRIOR
Hows this?Are you become our confessor?
Best thrust us out at gates, lock up the cloister
And call in whom you like.Be you the prior.
Speak, are you agreed Rush be our master-cook?
SCUMBROTH
You have my voice.
ALPHEGE
And mine.
PRIOR
Do you all consent?
OMNES
Yes, all.
SUBPRIOR
First, send this fiend to banishment.
PRIOR
We have most voices on our side.
SUBPRIOR
You may.
‘Las!Most men covet still the broadest way.
PRIOR
Give Rush his charge then, Scumbroth, you must resign.
SCUMBROTH
With a good maw, I shall have a fatter office to be his scullion.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Worthy Lord Prior, hear me yet.
I must not my profession let
To Scumbroth, what I know I’ll teach,
To make caudles, jellies, leach,
Syrup of violets, and of roses,
Cowslip salads, and kick-choses,
Preserve the apricot, and cherry,
Damson-pear-plum, respis berry,
Potates eke, if you should lack,
To corroborate the back;
A hundred more shall Rush devise,
And yet to early mattins rise,
Our ladies’ office, sing at prime,
At even-song, and at compline time.
Chant anthems, anniversaries, dirges,
And the doleful de profundis.
PRIOR
Thou shalt not change thy order.Sirrah, cook,
From Rush take lessons against night, for fare
Abundant and delicious.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] I shall be greedy to learn of him, sir, since your lordship is turn’d, our very Jack and his spits shall turn too.[Exit.
Enter two Pilgrims.
PRIOR
What men are these?
SUBPRIOR
Welcome, good holy fathers.
BOTH
Thanks, reverend master.
FIRST PILGRIM
Bless’d sir, according to the church’s rite,
We, pilgrims, to Jerusalem bound, this night
Desire repose, and pious charity
In your most holy covent.
PRIOR
You are most welcome.
Aphage, go lead ’em in.
SHACKLE-SOUL
By no means.
PRIOR
Why?
SHACKLE-SOUL
’Tis mortal sin.
SUBPRIOR
Oh, black impiety!
PRIOR
How?Sin to feed religious votaries?
SHACKLE-SOUL
Rather to nourish idle vagabonds.
The clergy of other lands have with much piety
And thrift destroy’d those drones that lazily
Live eating up the labours of the bee.
A churc
hman there cares but to feed the soul;
He makes that change his office.Almsdeeds! alas!
They through the lawyers hands are fit’st to pass.
SUBPRIOR
Can you hear this devil?
SHACKLE-SOUL
Besides, my reverend lord,
These manderers here are spies, and soon bear word
To princes ears of what they hear and see.
PRIOR
Ha!Rush, thou speakst right.
SUBPRIOR
Damn’d iniquity!
PRIOR
Hence with these runagates!
OMNES
Come, hence.
PRIOR
Spurn ’em away.
SUBPRIOR
Oh, had mine eyes dropp’d out ere seen this day.
Stay, comfortless poor souls, my pitying tears
Shall speak what my tongue dares not.Here, holy men
You ne’er shall say when next we meet again.
Friar Clement to the hungry grutch’d his meat,
Or to the weary pilgrim lodging, this make you eat.
And when you have reliev’d your fainting limbs,
Commend me in your prayers, and midst your hymns
This wish, that he who did your journey furder
May never live to break his holy order.
PRIOR
Old superstitious dotard, beat hence these beggars.
FIRST PILGRIM
Many old men’s curses will on his soul be spent
Who thus defaces charity’s monument.[Exeunt Pilgrims.
SHACKLE-SOUL
I told you they were curs that cease to bark
No longer than you feed them.
PRIOR
Friar, thou speak’st right.
Make haste with fare delicious.We’ll crown the night.
[Exeunt.ManetSHACKLE-SOUL.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Ha, ha, laugh Lucifer, dance grim fiends of hell
Of souls thou judge just, but most terrible.
I must exact a double pay from thee.
Ne’er hadst thou journeyman deserv’d such fee.
Let me cast up my reckonings, what I ha’ won
In this first voyage.Charity!She’s undone.
Fat gluttony broke her back.Next her step’d in
Contention, who shakes churches, now the sweet sin,
Sallow lechery, should march after.Avarice,
Murder, and all sins else, hell can device,
I’ll broach.The head’s in, draw the body after;
Begin thy feast in full cups, end in slaughter.
Th’at damnedst fury.Oh, but Friar Clement’s free!
True, hast no snare t’entrap him?Let me see.
He’s old, choke him with gold.Hold on thy revels,
Pluto makes Shackle-Soul president of devils.[Exit.
Act Two, Scene One
Enter KING, OCTAVIO, NARCISSO, JOVINELLI, and
SPENDOLA.
KING
What picture’s that, Uncle Octavio?
OCTAVIO
The picture of thy state, drawn by thy self.
This is the book of statutes were enacted
In the high parliament of thy royal thoughts
Where wisdom was the speaker; and because
Thy suspects shall not be abus’d by laws
Wrap’d up in characters, crabbed and unknown,
These thine own language speak.
KING
Hang ’em up, uncle.
OCTAVIO
What says the king?
JOVINELLI
You must hang up the laws.
OCTAVIO
Like cobweb in foul rooms, through which great flies
Break through, the less being caught bith wing, there dies.
No, no, thy laws I’ll fix full in thy sight,[Hangs a table up.
Like sea marks, that if this great ship of sway
And kingly ventures, loose her constant way
I’th’ bottomless gulf of state, beaten by the storms
Of youthful folly, raging in monstrous forms,
She may be sav’d from sinking and from wrack,
Steer’d by this compass, for the points of it
Shall guide her so, on rocks she cannot split.
KING
You are our careful pilot.In this voyage
Of government, be you our admiral.
Wisdom and age being props, realms seldom fall.
Enter BRISCO.
OCTAVIO
Oraculous is thy voice.
KING
How now, Count Brisco?
Methinks I read a comedy in thy looks.
NARCISSO
H’as met some merry painter, he’s drawn so lively.
OMNES
Come, count, your news.
BRISCO
I shall bestow them freely,
The physic of your proclamation works,
Your gilded pills, roll’d up in promises
Of princely favours to his wit, who highest
Can raise your pleasures, slip so smoothly down
Your subject’s throats, that all, upon a sudden,
Are loosely given.
KING
How?Loosely given?Why, count?
BRISCO
Name but what sport, your highness would have acted,
I’m prologue to’t.Your court must have more gates
To let in ruffling Saturday; without, now, waits
Music in some ten languages; each one swears,
By Orpheus fiddle-case, they will tickle your ears
If they can do’t with scraping.
NARCISSO
There’s seven score noise at least of English fiddlers.
JOVINELLI
Seven score!They are able to eat up a city in very scraps.
BRISCO
Very base-viol men most of ’em.Besides whole swarms of Welsh harps, Irish bag-pipes, Jew’s trompes, and French kits.
All these made I together play,
But their damn’d caterwauling
Frighted me away.
OCTAVIO
These sports to please
A prince’s eye?
BRISCO
How like you then of these?
The city water bearers, trimly dight,
With yellow oaken tankards, pin’d upright
Like brooches in their hats.In their fresh loves
A may-game bring, all, wearing dog-skin gloves
Made not to shrink i’th’ wetting.
KING
Bid these poor men
Drink well, and so be gone.
BRISCO
What will you have then?
Will you see the turners show, bravely prepar’d
With colours, drums, and guns, with rust half marr’d,
Bearing that, of which they long have been depriv’d?
KING
What is’t?
BRISCO
Their daring giant, newly reviv’d.
OMNES
For Jove’s sake, let’s see that.
OCTAVIO
Oh, fie, prince, fie!
In thy court painted monsters, they come not here.
Ride forth, thou shalt meet giants every where.
Methinks, young lords, your souls being new refin’d
With beams of honour, should not be declin’d
To sports low and vulgar; but since the king
Of birds, the eagle, lets you spread a wing
So near his own, you should put up such game
As fits and eagle, and pursue the same.
And not like ravens, kites, or painted jays,
Soar high, yet light on dunghills, for stinking preys.
JOVINELLI
Old lord, you rave.
NARCISSO
What sports would you devise?
OCTAVIO
Most fit for kings.Were I, before his eyes,
To present objects, they should all be
rare
Of Roman triumphs, laden with the spoils of war;
Or lions, and wild-boars, kill’d by active force;
Or sea fights; or land battles on foot, or horse;
Such sights as these, kindle in king’s brave fire,
And meeting spirits that dare mount, mount ’em higher
Where apish pastimes lay our souls down flat
Grovelling on earth, base and effeminate.
BRISCO
I have bowls of this bias too, for your lordship’s alley.
KING
Trondle ’em out before him.
BRISCO
The wooden-leg soldier
Waits to present you with his show of war.
OCTAVIO
Ay, marry my liege.
BRISCO
The scholar has his device, the mariner his.
OCTAVIO
These are king’s sports indeed.
BRISCO
Will you see these?
KING
Faith, be it so, because we’ll now rather please
Our uncle than ourself.Pray fetch in these,
The rest cashier.
SPENDOLA
Send the fiddlers merrily home.
BRISCO
And yet pay ’em scurvily!’Tis impossible.
JOVINELLI
And bid the water-bearers cleanse the circle.
There’s many a foul thing in it.
KING
Marshall ’em in.
OCTAVIO
I’ll fetch these worthy spirits in myself.
BRISCO
No, no, we’ll aid you, sir.
JOVINELLI
March, and give us room.
[Exeunt OCTAVIO, BRISCO, RUFFMAN, andJOVINELLI.
KING
‘Sdeath!If these doting grey-beards might have their wills,
We never shall have ours.Let us cross them
As they cross us.
OMNES
How, how?
KING
Every device
Their ningles bring in, abuse with scurvy jest,
Be’t ne’er so good.
OMNES
Agreed.
NARCISSO
If ninnies, bring away the nest.
KING
Teach Jovinelli and Brisco when to give fire.
Drums and trumpets sounding.Enter OCTAVIO, JOVINELLI,
BRISCO, RUFFMAN, the Soldier, Scholar, and Mariner.
SOLDIER
I am a soldier.
JOVINELLI
We know that by your legs.
SOLDIER
Does my stump grieve you?
BRISCO
Not if you bestir your stumps nimbly, sir.
NARCISSO
What hot shot’s this?
SOLDIER
A soldier, sir, that’s all;
That’s more than, sir, I think you dare be.Zounds!Baffl’d
For my limbs lost in service!Your noble father
Has clap’d this buff-jerkin, when this stump of wood
Has up to th’ knee stuck three hours in French blood;
When such as you, with your spangled roses, that day
Bravely bestir’d their heels, and ran away.
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 51