Out of mine eye!
RUFFMAN
I never begg’d before.
Pardon his crime, I entreat, and back restore
Both your high favour to him and his place.
BARTERVILE
Let me want life rather then want your Grace.
SPENDOLA
Do you think I’ll lose the king’s gold?
BARTERVILE
I’ll send you gold.
SPENDOLA
That stops my mouth; pray, let him still, sir, hold
This office of receiver; I resign
That part which I have in it.
RUFFMAN
And I all mine.
KING
Bartervile, we have wars; I’ll have thee lend me
Some thirty thousand chequeens at least.
BARTERVILE
Take all my gold.
KING
Well, get you home; with your bags, sir, we’ll make bold.
BARTERVILE
[Aside.] Your Majesty shall have what bags you will,
Bags only, but I’ll keep my money still. [Exit.
Enter OCTAVIO and ASTOLFO.
KING
Now, Shalcam, some new spirit.
RUFFMAN
A thousand wenches,
Stark nak’d, to play at leap-frog.
OMNES
Oh, rare sight!
JOVINELLI
Your uncle —
KING
‘Sdeath, still haunted with this grey sprite!
OCTAVIO
You need no tailors now, but armourers.
There’s a dear reckoning for you all to pay
About a lady.The Calabrian duke
Is on a march; the lightning flashes now;
You’ll hear the crack anon.Before the star
To call whom up, the wakeful cock doth sing
Be twice more seen abroad; at your city gates
The devil’s perservant will beat the cannon.
Will these brisk leaders, stuck with estridge feathers,
Go brave your enemy now and beat him back,
Save thee thy kingdom and themselves from wrack?
KING
Dotard, I scorn to take prescription
From any breath to which ours is supreme.
Stood devils with fire-works on your battlements,
A thousand armed Joves at your prov’d walls
Hurling forked thunder, and the gates ramm’d up
With piles of citizens’ heads, our spring-tide pleasures
No adverse winds, no torrent shall resist;
Midst flames we’ll dance, and die a Neronist![Exit.
OMNES
Fight you; y’are good for nothing else. [Exeunt all but OCTAVIO and ASTOLFO.
ASTOLFO
They mock us.
OCTAVIO
All stark mad.Let us be wise,
And fly from buildings falling to’th’ surer side,
If we can his safety; if not, our own provide.[Exeunt.
Act Four, Scene One
ENTER BARTERVILE LIKE a Turk; and LURCHALL
BARTERVILE
Thou hadst, like t’ha’ sent me swearing into Hell.
I’ll wear my nets myself; how dost thou like me?
Is not this habit Turk-merchant-like?
LURCHALL
A mere Turk, sir, none can take you for less.
BARTERVILE
King borrow thirty thousand chequeens of me!Ha, ha!
LURCHALL
But pray, sir, what is’t turns you into a Turk?
BARTERVILE
That for which many their religion,
Most men their faith, all change their honesty:
Profit, that gilded god, commodity.
He that would grow damn’d-rich, yet live secure,
Must keep a case of faces, sometimes demure,
Sometimes a grum-surly sir, now play the Jew,
Then the Precisian.Not a man we’ll view
But varies so.Myself, of bashful nature,
Am thus supplied by art.
LURCHALL
Mine own dear sir!
But, sir, your aims and ends in this?
BARTERVILE
Marry, these:
A hundred thousand florins fill my coffers;
Some of it is mine own, and some the king’s;
Some taken up at use of sundry merchants
To ply at six six months, or mine own banc,
Sue that, I’ll keep the monies in my hand.
LURCHALL
You’ll break, sir.
BARTERVILE
Not mine own neck, but their backs;
To get their monies, Bartervile must die,
Make will, name an executor, which is I.
LURCHALL
Rare!
BARTERVILE
Given out his kinsman, lately employed
By him in Turkey.
LURCHALL
What will hence befall?
BARTERVILE
Like an executor will I cozen all,
Make creditors orphans, and widows spend those tears
They sav’d from their late husband’s burials;
They get not two pence i’th’ pound.
LURCHALL
They’ll tell the king.
BARTERVILE
The king!Ha, ha!
The king is going this way; he means to borrow,
If the wars hold, my gold; yes; when?To-morrow!
All debts of mine on him shall be confer’d.
I ha’ briefs and tickets which from time to time
Show what large sums his minions ha’ fetch’d from me;
His tribute money has pay’d it; that’s no matter;
The world bites them dead whom alive they flatter,
And so must I.Then give it out I left
A complete state, but the king’s death bereft
Me of those sums he owed.
LURCHALL
Say the king prevails.
BARTERVILE
With that wind must I likewise shift my sails,
And where the fox gets nothing, will turn ape,
Make legs, crouch, kiss my paw, present some stale
Device of virtues triumph to express
How much I joy him safe, wish nothing less.
LURCHALL
But how can you excuse your turning Turk?
BARTERVILE
Easiest of all:I’ll swear this sav’d my life;
Pursued by kennels of barking creditors
For my much love to him, and thus being forc’d
To walk obscure, my credit fell to wrack,
Want of return made all my factors break
In parts remote; to recompense which loss,
And that with safety I may give direction
To my disturb’d state, crave I the king’s protection.
LURCHALL
Protection!What’s that?
BARTERVILE
A merchant, and yet knowst not
What a protection is!I’ll tell thee.
LURCHALL
Pray, sir, for I never broke with any man.
BARTERVILE
It is a buckler of large fair compass
Quilted within with fox-skins; in the midst
A pike sticks out, sometimes of two years long
And sometimes longer.And this pike keeps off
Sergeants and bailiffs, actions, and arrests.
’Tis a strong charm ‘gainst all the noisome smells
Of Counters, gaolers, garnishes, and such hells;
By this, a debtor craz’d, so lusty grows
He may walk by, and play with his creditors’ nose.
Under this buckler, here I’ll lie and fence.
LURCHALL
You have out-reach’d me.
BARTERVILE
I’ll out-reach the devil.
But I tempt danger; go thou and fetch some friar
As if, at point of dea
th, I did desire,
No, Bartervile did desire, to make confession.
If any creditors beat or rail at door,
Up starts this Turk and answers them.
LURCHALL
Why fetch I a friar?
BARTERVILE
I have a reaching plot in that, boy.Hasten,
That we may smile in our securer port,
Seeing others sea-toss’d.Why, ’tis but a sport
For him that’s safe, to see the proud waves swallow
Whole fleets of wretched souls; it needs must follow,
Nature sent man into the world, alone,
Without all company, but to care for one,
And that I’ll do.
LURCHALL
True city doctrine, sir.
BARTERVILE
Away, thy haste, our richest love shall earn.
LURCHALL
I came to teach, but now methinks must learn.[Exeunt.
Act Four, Scene Two
ENTER SCUMBROTH LIKE a beggar.
SCUMBROTH
What says the prodigal child in the painted cloth?When all his money was spent and gone, they turn’d him out unnecessary; then did he weep and wist not what to don, for he was in’s hose and doublet.Verily, the best is, there are but two batches of people moulded in this world; that’s to say gentlemen and beggars; or beggars and gentlemen, or gentlemenlike beggars, or beggarlike gentlemen.I rank with one of those, I am sure, tag and rag, one with another.Am I one of those whom Fortune favours?No, no, if Fortune favour’d me, I should be full, but Fortune favours no body but garlic, nor garlic neither now; yet she has strong reason to love it, for though garlic made her smell abominably in the nostrils of the gallants, yet she had smelt and stunk worse but for garlic; one filthy scent take away another.She once smil’d upon me like a lion.Stay, what said head?Spend this bravely, and thou shalt have more.Can any prodigal new-come upstart spend it more bravely?And now to get more, I must go into the grove of Naples, that’s here, and get into a black tree.Here’s a black tree too, but art thou he?
GLITTERBACK
[Within.] He.
SCUMBROTH
Ha, ha!Where art thou, my gentle sweet head?
GLITTERBACK
[Within.] Head.
SCUMBROTH
O, at the head, that’s to say, at the top.How shall I get up, for ’tis hard when a man is down in this world to get up; I shall never climb high.
GLITTERBACK
[Within.] High.
SCUMBROTH
I will hie me then, but I am as heavy as a sow of lead.
GLITTERBACK
[Within.] Lead.
SCUMBROTH
Yes, I will lead, big head, whatsoever follows.
Many a gallant for gold has climb’d higher on a gallows.
The storm, even as Head nodded, is coming; cook, lick thy fingers now or never.
GLITTERBACK
[Within.] Now or never.[SCUMBROTH climbs the tree.
Rain, thunder, and lightning; enter LUCIFER and Devils.
OMNES
Oooh!
LUCIFER
This is the tree.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] On which would you all were hang’d, so I were off it, and safe at home.
LUCIFER
And this, I am sure ’tis this, the horrid grove
Where witches broods engender, our place of meeting.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Do witches engender here?Zounds!I shall be the devil’s bawd whilst he goes to his lechery!
LUCIFER
And this the hideous black infernal hour.
Ha!No appearance yet?If their least minute
Our vessels break, sink shall these trees to Hell.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Alas!
LUCIFER
This grove I’ll turn into a brimstone lake
Which shall be ever burning.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] The best is, if I be a match in the devil’s tinderbox, I can stink no worse than I do already.
LUCIFER
Not yet come?Oooh!
OMNES
Oooh, oooh!
Enter SHACKLE-SOUL, RUFFMAN, and LURCHALL, at several
Doors with other devils.Embrace.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Sure, these are no Christian devils, they so love one another!
LUCIFER
Stand forth. [Sits under the tree; all about him.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Friar Rush amongst ’em!
LUCIFER
And here unlaid you of that precious freight
For which you went, men’s souls; what voyage is made?
OMNES
No saving voyage, but a damning.
LUCIFER
Good.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] I thought the devil was turn’d merchant, there’s so many pirates at sea.
RUFFMAN
I’th’court of Naples have I prosper’d well,
And brave soldiers shall I shortly ship to Hell.
In sensual streams, courtier and king I have crown’d
From whence war is flowing, whose tide shall all confound.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Are these gentlemen devils too?This is one of those who studies the black art; that’s to say, drinks tobacco.
LUCIFER
Are all then good i’th’ court?
LURCHALL
No, Lucifer.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] No, nor scarce i’th’ suburbs.
LURCHALL
Great prince of devils, thy hests I have obeyed;
I am bartering for one soul, able to laid
An argosy; if city-oaths, if perjuries,
Cheatings, or gnawing men’s souls by usuries,
If all the villainies that a city can
Are able to get thee a son, I ha’ found that man.
LUCIFER
[Stands up.] Serve him up.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Alas, now, now!
LURCHALL
Damnation gives his soul but one turn more,
‘Cause he shall be enough.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] It’s no marvel if markets be dear when the city is bound to find the devil roast meat.
LUCIFER
Has Rush lain idle?
SHACKLE-SOUL
Idle?No, Lucifer.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] All the world is turn’d devil.Rush is one too!
SHACKLE-SOUL
Idle?I have your nimblest devil bin,
In twenty shapes begetting sin.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] One was to get me thrust out of the priory.
SHACKLE-SOUL
I am fishing for a whole shoal of friars.
All are gluttoning or muttoning, stabbing or swelling;
There only one lamb scapes my killing,
But I will have him.Then there’s a cook —
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Whore arse makes buttons.
SHACKLE-SOUL
Of whom I some revenge have took.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] The devil choke you for’t!
SHACKLE-SOUL
He mickle scath has doe me,
And the knave thinks to outrun me.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Not too fast.
LUCIFER
Kick his guilty soul hither.
SCACKLE-SOUL
I’ll drive him to despair
And make him hang himself.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] For hanging I stand fair.
LUCIFER
Go ply your works; our sessions are at hand.
ALL THREE
We fly to execute thy dread command.
[Exeunt SHACKLE-SOUL, RUFFMAN, and LURCHALL.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Would I could fly into a bench hole.
LUCIFER
But what hav
e you done?Nothing!
FIRST DEVIL
We have all like bees
Wrought in that hive of souls, the busy world,
Same ha’ lain in cheesemonger’s shops, paring leaden weights.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Would I were there but with a paring of cheese.
FIRST DEVIL
For one half ounce we had a chandler’s soul.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] If he melted tallow, he smelt sweetly as I do.
FIRST DEVIL
Walk round Hell’s shambles, thou shalt see there sticks
Some four butchers’ souls, puff’s quaintly up with pricks.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] Four sweet-breads! I hold my life, that devil’s an ass.
FIRST DEVIL
Tailors o’er-rich us, for to this ’tis grown
They scorn thy Hell, having better of their own.
SCUMBROTH
[Aside.] They fear not Satan nor all his works.
FIRST DEVIL
I have with this fist beat upon rich men’s hearts
To make ’em harder, and these two thumbs thrust,
In open churches, to brave dames ears,
Damning up attention; whilst the loose eye peers
For fashions of gown-wings, laces, pearls, ruffs,
Falls, calls, tires, wires, caps, hats, and muffs, and puffs;
For so the face be smug, and carcass gay,
That’s all their pride.
LUCIFER
‘Twill be a festival day
When those sweet ducks comes to us; loose ’em not.Go;
More souls you pay to Hell, the less you owe.
This ewe-three blast with your hot-scorching breath;
A mark, to’th’ witch who sits next here, of death.
OMNES
Ooooh![Fireworks; exeunt Omnes; SCUMBROTH falls.
SCUMBROTH
Call you this raining down of gold?I am wet to’th’ skin in the shower, but ’tis with sweating for fear; had I now had the conscience that some vintners and innholders have, here might I have gotten the devil and all.But two sins have undone me, prodigality, and covetousness and three P’s have pepper’d me:the punk, the pot, and the pipe of smoke, out of my pocket my soul did soak.I cannot swear now.Zounds, I am gallant!But I can swear as many of the ragged regiment do.Zounds, I have been a gallant!But I am now done, dejected, and debash’d, and can better draw out a thirdendeal gallant; that’s to say, a gallant that wants of his true measure then any tapster can draw him out of his scores; thus he sets up, and thus he’s pull’d down; thus is he raised, and thus declin’d:
Singulariter;
Nominativo Hic Gallantus, a gallant;
Gentivo Hugious, brave;
Dativo Huic, if he gets once a lick;
Accusativo Hunc, of a taffety punk;
Accusativo Hanc, his cheeks will grow lank;
Hunc, Hanc, et Hoe, with lifting up her smock;
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 55