Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker
Page 168
Here were a brave booty for an evening-thief now;
There’s many a younger brother would be glad
To look twice in at a window for’t,
And wriggle in and out, like an eel in a sandbag.
Oh, if men’s secret youthful faults should judge ’em,
’Twould be the general’st execution
That e’er was seen in England;
There would be but few left to sing the ballets.
There would be so much work: most of our brokers
Would be chosen for hangmen, a good day for them;
They might renew their wardropes of free cost then.
SEBASTIAN
This is the roaring wench must do us good.
MARY
No poison, sir, but serves us for some use,
Which is confirm’d in her.
SEBASTIAN
Peace, peace!
Foot, I did hear him sure, where’er he be!
MOLL
Who did you hear?
SEBASTIAN
My father.
’Twas like a sight of his; I must be wary.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] No, wilt not be. Am I alone so wretched
That nothing takes? I’ll put him to his plunge for’t.
SEBASTIAN
Life, here he comes! [To Moll, giving her money] Sir, I beseech you take it;
Your way of teaching does so much content me,
I’ll make it four pound. Here’s forty shillings, sir.
I think I name it right. [Aside to her] Help me, good Moll. —
Forty in hand.
MOLL
Sir, you shall pardon me;
I have more of the mean’st scholar I can teach.
This pays me more than you have off’red yet.
SEBASTIAN
At the next quarter
When I receive the means my father ‘lows me,
You shall have t’other forty.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] This were well now,
Were ‘t to a man whose sorrows had blind eyes,
But mine behold his follies and untruths
With two clear glasses. — How now?
SEBASTIAN
Sir.
SIR ALEXANDER
What’s he there?
SEBASTIAN
You’re come in good time, sir: I’ve a suit to you;
I’d crave your present kindness.
SIR ALEXANDER
What is he there?
SEBASTIAN
A gentleman, a musician, sir, one of excellent fing’ring.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] Ay, I think so; I wonder how they scap’d her.
SEBASTIAN
H’as the most delicate stroke, sir.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] A stroke indeed: I feel it at my heart.
SEBASTIAN
Puts down all your famous musicians.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] Ay, a whore may put down a hundred of ’em.
SEBASTIAN
Forty shillings is the agreement, sir, between us.
Now, sir, my present means mounts but to half on’t.
SIR ALEXANDER
And he stands upon the whole.
SEBASTIAN
Ay, indeed does he, sir.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] And will do still; he’ll ne’er be in other tale.
SEBASTIAN
Therefore I’d stop his mouth, sir, and I could.
SIR ALEXANDER
Hum, true, there is no other way indeed.
[Aside] His folly hardens; shame must needs succeed. —
Now, sir, I understand you profess music.
MOLL
I am a poor servant to that liberal science, sir.
SIR ALEXANDER
Where is it you teach?
MOLL
Right against Clifford’s Inn.
SIR ALEXANDER
Hum, that’s a fit place for it. You have many scholars?
MOLL
And some of worth whom I may call my masters.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] Ay, true, a company of whoremasters. —
You teach to sing too?
MOLL
Marry, do I, sir.
SIR ALEXANDER
I think you’ll find an apt scholar of my son,
Especially for prick-song.
MOLL
I have much hope of him.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] I am sorry for’t; I have the less for that. —
You can play any lesson?
MOLL
At first sight, sir.
SIR ALEXANDER
There’s a thing called “The Witch.” Can you play that?
MOLL
I would be sorry anyone should mend me in’t.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] Ay, I believe thee: thou hast so bewitch’d my son,
No care will mend the work that thou hast done.
I have bethought myself, since my art fails,
I’ll make her policy the art to trap her.
Here are four angels mark’d with holes in them,
Fit for his crack’d companions; gold he will give her:
These will I make induction to her ruin
And rid shame from my house, grief from my heart. —
Here, son, in what you take content and pleasure,
Want shall not curb you. [Giving him money] Pay the gentleman
His latter half in gold.
SEBASTIAN
I thank you, sir.
SIR ALEXANDER
[Aside] Oh, may the operation an’t end three:
In her, life, shame in him, and grief in me.
Exit [Sir] Alexander.
SEBASTIAN
Faith, thou shalt have ’em: ’tis my father’s gift.
Never was man beguil’d with better shift.
MOLL
He that can take me for a male musician,
I cannot choose but make him my instrument
And play upon him.
Exeunt omnes.
Act IV Scene 2.
OPENWORK’S HOUSE
Enter Mistress Gallipot and Mistress Openwork.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Is then that bird of yours, Master Goshawk, so wild?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
A goshawk, a puttock: all for prey; he angles for fish, but he loves flesh better.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Is’t possible his smooth face should have wrinkles in’t and we not see them?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Possible! Why, have not many handsome legs in silk stockings villainous splay feet for all their great roses?
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Troth, sirrah, thou sayst true.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Didst never see an archer as thou ‘ast walk’d by Bunhill look a-squint when he drew his bow?
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Yes, when his arrows have fline toward Islington, his eyes have shot clean contrary towards Pimlico.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
For all the world so does Master Goshawk double with me.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Oh, fie upon him! If he double once, he’s not for me.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Because Goshawk goes in a shag-ruff band, with a face sticking up in’t which shows like an agate set in a cramp-ring, he thinks I’m in love with him.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
‘Las, I think he takes his mark amiss in thee.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
He has by often beating into me made me believe that my husband kept a whore.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Very good.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Swore to me that my husband this very morning went in a boat with a tilt over it to the Three Pigeons at Brainford, and his punk with him under his tilt.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Tha
t were wholesome.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
I believ’d it, fell a-swearing at him, cursing of harlots, made me ready to hoise up sail, and be there as soon as he.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
So, so.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
And for that voyage Goshawk comes hither incontinently. But, sirrah, this water-spaniel dives after no duck but me; his hope is having me at Brainford to make me cry quack.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Art sure of it?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Sure of it! My poor innocent Openwork came in as I was poking my ruff; presently hit I him i’ the teeth with the Three Pigeons: he forswore all, I up and opened all, and now stands he in a shop hard by like a musket on a rest, to hit Goshawk i’ the eye when he comes to fetch me to the boat.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Such another lame gelding offered to carry me through thick and thin — Laxton, sirrah — but I am rid of him now.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Happy is the woman can be rid of ’em all. ‘Las, what are your whisking gallants to our husbands, weigh ’em rightly man for man?
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Troth, mere shallow things.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Idle simple things, running heads, and yet let ’em run over us never so fast, we shopkeepers, when all’s done, are sure to have ’em in our purse-nets at length, and when they are in, Lord, what simple animals they are!
[MISTRESS GALLIPOT
]
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Then they hang the head.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Then they droop.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Then they write letters.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Then they cog.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Then they deal underhand with us, and we must ingle with our husbands a-bed, and we must swear they are our cousins, and able to do us a pleasure at court.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
And yet when we have done our best, all’s but put into a riven dish: we are but frump’d at and libell’d upon.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Oh, if it were the good Lord’s will, there were a law made no citizen should trust any of ’em at all!
Enter Goshawk.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
[Aside to Mistress Openwork] Hush, sirrah, Goshawk flutters.
GOSHAWK
How now, are you ready?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Nay, are you ready? A little thing, you see, makes us ready.
GOSHAWK
Us? Why, must she make one i’ the voyage?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Oh, by any means. Do I know how my husband will handle me?
GOSHAWK
[Aside] Foot, how shall I find water to keep these two mills going? — Well, since you’ll needs be clapp’d under hatches, if I sail not with you both till all split, hang me up at the mainyard and duck me. [Aside] It’s but liquoring them both soundly, and then you shall see their cork heels fly up high, like two swans when their tails are above water and their long necks under water, diving to catch gudgeons. — Come, come, oars stand ready, the tide’s with us: on with those false faces. Blow winds and thou shalt take thy husband casting out his net to catch fresh salmon at Brainford.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
I believe you’ll eat of a cod’s head of your own dressing before you reach half way thither.
[The women don masks.]
GOSHAWK
So, so, follow close; pin as you go.
Enter Laxton muffled.
LAXTON
Do you hear?
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Yes, I thank my ears.
LAXTON
I must have a bout with your pothecaryship.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
At what weapon?
LAXTON
I must speak with you.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
No.
LAXTON
No? You shall.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Shall? Away, sous’d sturgeon, half fish, half flesh!
LAXTON
Faith, gib, are you spitting? I’ll cut your tail, pusscat, for this.
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
‘Las, poor Laxton, I think thy tail’s cut already. Your worst!
LAXTON
If I do not —
Exit Laxton.
GOSHAWK
Come, ha’ you done?
Enter Master Openwork.
[Aside to her] ‘Sfoot, Rosamond, your husband!
OPENWORK
How now? Sweet Master Goshawk, none more welcome;
I have wanted your embracements: when friends meet,
The music of the spheres sounds not more sweet
Than does their conference. Who is this? Rosamond?
Wife? How now, sister?
GOSHAWK
[Aside to Mistress Openwork] Silence if you love me.
OPENWORK
Why mask’d?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Does a mask grieve you, sir?
OPENWORK
It does.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Then y’are best get you a-mumming.
GOSHAWK
[Aside to her] ‘Sfoot, you’ll spoil all!
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
May not we cover our bare faces with masks
As well as you cover your bald heads with hats?
OPENWORK
No masks. Why, th’ are thieves to beauty, that rob eyes
Of admiration in which true love lies.
Why are masks worn? Why good, or why desired,
Unless by their gay covers wits are fired
To read the vild’st looks? Many bad faces,
Because rich gems are treasured up in cases,
Pass by their privilege current, but as caves
Dam misers’ gold, so masks are beauty’s graves.
Men ne’er meet women with such muffled eyes
But they curse her that first did masks devise,
And swear it was some beldam. Come, off with ‘t.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
I will not.
OPENWORK
Good faces mask’d are jewels kept by [sprites].
Hide none but bad ones, for they poison men’s sights:
Show [them] as shopkeepers do their broid’red stuff,
By owl-light; fine wares cannot be open enough.
Prithee, sweet Rose, come strike this sail.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Sail?
OPENWORK
Ha?
Yes, wife, strike sail, for storms are in thine eyes.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Th’ are here, sir, in my brows if any rise.
OPENWORK
Ha, brows? What says she, friend? Pray tell me why
Your two flags were advanc’d. The comedy,
Come, what’s the comedy?
MISTRESS [GALLIPOT]
Westward Ho!
OPENWORK
How?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
’Tis Westward Ho she says.
GOSHAWK
Are you both mad?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Is’t market day at Brainford, and your ware
Not sent up yet?
OPENWORK
What market day? What ware?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
A pie with three pigeons in’t; ’tis drawn and stays
Your cutting up.
GOSHAWK
[Aside to her] As you regard my credit —
OPENWORK
Art mad?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Yes, lecherous goat, baboon!
OPENWORK
Baboon? Then toss
Me in a blanket.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Do I it well?
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Rarely.
GOSHAWK
; Belike, sir, she’s not well; best leave her.
OPENWORK
No,
I’ll stand the storm now how fierce so e’er it blow.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Did I for this lose all my friends? Refuse
Rich hopes and golden fortunes to be made
A stale to a common whore?
OPENWORK
This does amaze me!
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Oh God, oh God, feed at reversion now?
A strumpet’s leaving?
OPENWORK
Rosamond —
GOSHAWK
[Aside] I sweat!
Would I lay in Cold Harbour!
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Thou hast struck ten thousand daggers through my heart!
OPENWORK
Not I, by heaven, sweet wife.
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Go, devil, go;
That which thou swear’st by damns thee.
GOSHAWK
[Aside to her] ‘Sheart, will you undo me?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
Why stay you here? The star by which you sail
Shines yonder above Chelsea; you lose your shore
If this moon light you: seek out your light whore.
OPENWORK
Ha?
MISTRESS [OPENWORK]
Push! Your western [pug] —
GOSHAWK
[Aside] Zounds, now hell roars!
MISTRESS OPENWORK
With whom you tilted in a pair of oars
This very morning.
OPENWORK
Oars?
MISTRESS OPENWORK
At Brainford, sir.
OPENWORK
Rack not my patience. Master Goshawk,
Some slave has buzzed this into her, has he not?
I run atilt in Brainford with a woman?
’Tis a lie!
What old bawd tells thee this? ‘Sdeath, ’tis a lie!
MISTRESS OPENWORK
’Tis one to thy face shall justify all that I speak.
OPENWORK
‘Ud’s soul, do but name that rascal!
MISTRESS OPENWORK
No, sir, I will not.
GOSHAWK
[Aside] Keep thee there girl, then!
OPENWORK
Sister, know you this varlet?
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Yes.
OPENWORK
Swear true:
Is there a rogue so low damn’d? A second Judas?
A common hangman? Cutting a man’s throat?
Does it to his face? Bite me behind my back?
A cur dog? Swear if you know this hell-hound!
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
In truth I do.
OPENWORK
His name?
MISTRESS GALLIPOT
Not for the world,
To have you to stab him.
GOSHAWK
[Aside] Oh, brave girls: worth gold!
OPENWORK
A word, honest Master Goshawk.