Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker
Page 193
[YOUNG] QUEEN
Thou art not only necessary but pleasing.
[Giving him money] There, catch our bounty; manage all but right:
As now with gold, with honours we’ll requite.
Exit.
ROXANO
I am your creature, lady. Pretty gold,
And by this light methinks most easily earn’d.
There’s no faculty, say I, like a pander,
And that makes so many nowadays
Die in the trade. I have your gold, lady,
And eke your service. I am one step higher;
This office makes a gentleman a squire.
Exit.
Act II Scene 1.
OUTSIDE A SHEEPCOTE
Enter Clown and two Shepherds.
FIRST SHEPHERD
Come, fellow clown, are the pits digg’d?
CLOWN
Ay, and as deep as an usurer’s conscience, I warrant thee.
SECOND SHEPHERD
Mass, and that’s deep enough; ‘twill devour a widow and three orphans at a breakfast. Soft, is this it?
FIRST SHEPHERD
Ay, ay, this is it.
CLOWN
Nay, for the deepness I’ll be sworn; but come, my masters, and lay these boughs cross over. So, so, artificially, and may all those whoreson muttonmongers, the wolves, hole here, which eat our sheep.
SECOND SHEPHERD
I wonder what wolves those are which eat our sheep,
Whether they be he-wolves or she-wolves?
CLOWN
They should be he-wolves by their loving mutton,
But by their greediness they should be she-wolves,
For the belly of a she-wolf is never satisfied till it be damm’d up.
FIRST SHEPHERD
Why, are the she-wolves worse than the hes?
CLOWN
Why, is not the dam worse than the devil, pray?
FIRST SHEPHERD
You have answered me there indeed.
CLOWN
Why, man, if all the earth were a parchment, the sea ink, every stick a pen, and every knave a scrivener, they were not all able to write down the knaveries of she-wolves.
SECOND SHEPHERD
A murrain on them, hes or shes: they suck the blood of none but our lambs.
CLOWN
Oh, always the weakest goes to the wall, as for example: knock down a sheep and he tumbles forwards; knock down a woman and she tumbles backwards.
FIRST SHEPHERD
Sirrah, I wonder how many sorts of wolves there be.
CLOWN
Marry, just as many sorts as there be knaves in the cards.
SECOND SHEPHERD
Why, that’s four.
CLOWN
First there are your court wolves, and those be foul eaters and clean drinkers.
SECOND SHEPHERD
And why clean drinkers?
CLOWN
Why, because when they be drunk, they commonly cast up all, and so make cleaning [work] of’t.
SECOND SHEPHERD
So, sir, those are clean drinkers indeed.
CLOWN
The next are your country wolves: nothing chokes them but plenty; they sing like sirens when corn goes out by shipfuls, and dance after no tune but after an angel a bushel.
FIRST SHEPHERD
The halter take such corn-cutters!
SECOND SHEPHERD
Are there no city wolves?
CLOWN
A rope on them, yes, huge routs; you shall have Long Lane full of them: they’ll feed upon any whore-carrion, these, or anything.
FIRST SHEPHERD
Have they such maws?
CLOWN
Maws? Why, man, fiddlers have no better stomachs; I have known some of them eat up a lord at three bits.
SECOND SHEPHERD
Three bonds, you mean.
CLOWN
A knight is nobody with them; a young gentleman is swallowed whole like a gudgeon.
FIRST SHEPHERD
I wonder that gudgeon does not choke him.
CLOWN
A gudgeon choke him if the throat of his conscience be found; he’ll gulp down anything. Five of your silken gallants are swallowed easier than a damask prune, for our city wolves do so rule my young prodigal first in wax, which is soft, till he look like a gilded pill; and then so finely wrap him up in satin, which is sleek, that he goes down without chewing: and thereupon they are called slippery gallants.
FIRST SHEPHERD
I’ll be no gentleman for that trick.
CLOWN
The last is your sea wolf, a horrible ravener too: he has a belly as big as a ship, and devours as much silk at a gulp as would serve forty dozen tailors against a Christmas day or a running at tilt.
FIRST SHEPHERD
Well, well, now our trap is set, what shall we do with the wolves we catch?
CLOWN
Why, those that are great ones and more than our matches we’ll let go, and the lesser wolves we’ll hang. Shall it be so?
BOTH
Ay, ay; each man to his stand.
Exeunt. Enter Lapyrus, solus.
LAPYRUS
Foul monster-monger, who must live by that
Which is thy own destruction! Why should men
Be nature’s bondslaves? Every creature else
Comes freely to the table of the earth,
That, which for man alone doth all things bear,
Scarce gives him his true diet anywhere.
What spiteful winds breath here, that not a tree
Spreads forth a friendly arm? Distressed queen
And most accursed babes, the earth that bears you
Like a proud mother scorns to give you food. Ha!
Thanks, fates; I now defy thee, starveling hunger!
Bless’d tree, four lives grow in thy fruit; run, taste it then:
Wise men serve first themselves than other men.
He falls into the pit.
Oh me, accursed and most miserable!
Help, help! Some angel lay a list’ning ear
To draw my cry up! None to lend help? Oh,
Then pine and die!
Enter Clown.
CLOWN
A wolf caught, a wolf caught!
LAPYRUS
Oh, help! I am no wolf, good friend.
CLOWN
No? What art thou then?
LAPYRUS
A miserable wretch.
CLOWN
An usurer?
LAPYRUS
No, no.
CLOWN
A broker then?
LAPYRUS
Mock not a man in woe, in a green wound:
Pour balsam and not physic.
CLOWN
‘Snails, he talks like a surgeon! If you be one, why do you not help yourself, sir?
LAPYRUS
I am no surgeon, friend; my name’s Lapyrus.
CLOWN
How! A wolf caught, ho! Lap, what, Lap, ho!
LAPYRUS
Lapyrus is my name; dost thou not know me?
CLOWN
Yes, for a wolfish rascal that would have worried his own country.
LAPYRUS
Torture me not, I prithee; I am that wretch.
A villain I was once, but I am now —
CLOWN
The devil in the vault! You, sirrah, that betray’d your country, and the old king your uncle, there lie till one wolf devour another, thou treacherous rascal!
Exit.
LAPYRUS
Oh me, most miserable and wretched creature!
I now do find there’s a revenging fate
That dooms bad men to be unfortunate.
Act II Scene 2.
A ROOM IN the castle
Enter Zenarchus, Tymethes, Amphridote, and Mazeres [following them].
TYMETHES
We are observ’d.
ZENARCHUS
By whom?
TYMETHES
AMPHRIDOTE
Oh, he’s my protested servant, your sole rival.
TYMETHES
The devil he is.
AMPHRIDOTE
You’ll make a hot suitor of him anon?
TYMETHES
He may be hot in th’ end; his good parts sue for’t.
ZENARCHUS
He eyes us still.
TYMETHES
He does. You shall depart, lady;
I’ll take my leave on purpose in his presence.
He’s jealous, and a kiss runs through his heart;
I’ll make a thrust at him on your lip.
[He kisses her.]
MAZERES
[Aside] Death! Minute favours? Every step a kiss?
I think they count how the day goes by kissing;
’Tis past four since I met them.
TYMETHES
I have hit him in the gall instead of th’ blood;
He sheds distractions, which are worse than wounds.
ZENARCHUS
But sirrah!
MAZERES
Stays he to prove my rival? Curs’d be th’ hour
Wherein I advis’d the king for his stay here.
I have set slaves t’ entrap him, yet none prosper;
I’ll lay no more my faith upon their works:
Th’are weak and loose, and like a rotten wall,
Leaning on them may hazard my own fall.
I’ll use a swifter course, cut off long journeys
And tedious ways that run my hopes past breath:
I’ll take the plain road and hunt his death.
Exit.
TYMETHES
So, so, he departs with a knit brow. No matter;
When his frown begets earthquakes, haply then
‘Twill shake me too: I shall stand firm till then.
Enter Roxano disguised [as a beggar].
ROXANO
[Aside] Mass, here ‘a walks. I am far enough from myself;
I challenge all disguises except drinking
To hide me better: I give way to that,
For that indeed will thrust a white gentleman
Into a suit of mud. But whist, I begin to be noted.
ZENARCHUS
Ay, he chang’d upon’t.
TYMETHES
I mark’d him.
[Roxano approaches them.]
ROXANO
Good your honours, your most comfortable, charitable relief
And devotion to a poor, star-cross’d gentleman.
TYMETHES
Pox on thee!
ROXANO
I’m bare enough already if it like your honour.
TYMETHES
He did!
ROXANO
[Aside] “Pox on thee?” Your young gallants love to give no alms
But that that will stick by a man, that’s one virtue in them:
He’s not content to have my hat off, but he would have my hair off too. —
Thank your good lordship.
TYMETHES
No, was that his action!
AMPHRIDOTE
It call’d him lord.
ZENARCHUS
Nay, he’s a villain!
ROXANO
Good your honours! I have been a man in my time.
TYMETHES
Why, what art thou now?
ROXANO
Kept goodly beasts, had three wives, two men uprising, three maids down-lying; oh, good your kind honours!
TYMETHES
‘Sfoot, I am a beggar myself.
ROXANO
Perhaps your lordship gets by it.
Good your sweet honour!
TYMETHES
This fellow would be whipp’d.
ROXANO
Your lordship has forgot since you were a beggar.
TYMETHES
[Taking him aside] I’ll give thee somewhat for that jest, in troth!
ROXANO
But now you are in private, shut your purse and open your ear, sir.
TYMETHES
How!
ZENARCHUS
[To Amphridote] He’s dealing his devotion; hinder him not.
ROXANO
I am not literally a beggar, as puritanical as I appear.
The naked truth is you are happily desired —
TYMETHES
Ha?
ROXANO
Of the most sweet, delicate, divine,
Pleasing, ravishing creature —
TYMETHES
Peace, peace, prithee peace.
ROXANO
That ever made man’s wishes perfect.
TYMETHES
Nay, say not so; I saw one creature lately
Exceeds all human form for true perfection:
This may be beauteous.
ROXANO
This for white and red, sir.
Her honour and my oath sue for that pardon;
You must not know her name nor see her face.
TYMETHES
How?
ROXANO
She rather chooseth death in her neglect
Than so to hazard life or lose respect.
TYMETHES
How shall I come at her?
ROXANO
Let your will
Subscribe to the sure means already wrought;
She shall be safely pleas’d, you safely brought.
TYMETHES
Ha! And is this sheer faith, without any trick in’t?
ROXANO
Let me perish in this office else, and I need wish
No more damnation than to die a pander.
TYMETHES
Thou speakest well. When meet we?
ROXANO
Five is the fixed hour, upon tomorrow’s evening.
TYMETHES
So. The place?
ROXANO
Near to the further lodge.
TYMETHES
Go to then. It holds honest all the way?
ROXANO
Else does there live no honesty but in lawyers.
TYMETHES
Enough. Five? And the furthest lodge? I’ll meet thee.
ROXANO
Enjoy the sweetest treasure in a woman.
Exit.
TYMETHES
[Aside] Always excepting and the tyrant’s gem.
ZENARCHUS
What, have you done with the beggar?
TYMETHES
None that lives can say he has done with the beggar.
ZENARCHUS
Hold conference so long with such a fellow?
TYMETHES
How? Are your wits perfect? If one should refuse to talk with every beggar, he might refuse brave company sometimes: gallants, i’faith.
Exeunt.
Act II Scene 3.
OUTSIDE THE SHEEPCOTE
Enter the old King, Fidelio, and Amorpho.
KING
The loss of my dear queen afflicts me more
Than all Lapyrus’ cursed treacheries. Inhuman monster!
LAPYRUS
[In the pit] If you have human forms to fit those voices
And hearts that may be pierc’d with misery’s groans
Sent from a fainting spirit, pity a wretch,
A miserable man, prisoner to darkness;
Your charitable strengths this way repair,
And lift my flesh to the reviving air!
KING
Alas, some travelling man, by night outstripp’d,
Missing his away into this danger slipp’d.
Set all our hands to help him. Come, good man,
They that sit high may make their ends below.
LAPYRUS
Millions of thanks and prayers.
KING
Y’are heavy, sir, whoe’er you be.
LAPYRUS
There’s weight within keeps down my soul and me.
KING
One full strength more makes our pains happy, poor stren
gth helps the poor.
So, sir, y’are welcome to — Lapyrus? Oh!
Lapyrus falls down.
We do forgive thy treachery; revive:
’Tis pity and not hate makes goodness thrive.
LAPYRUS
Oh, that astonishment had left me dead!
Shame, sitting on my brow, weighs down my head:
Even thus the guilt of my abhorred sin
Flash’d in my face when I beheld the queen.
KING
Our queen! Oh, where, Lapyrus? Tell the rest!
LAPYRUS
Within this forest with her babes distress’d.
KING
Which way? Lead, dear Lapyrus.
LAPYRUS
Follow me then.
KING
Not only shall we quit thy soul’s offence,
But give thy happy labour recompense.
Exeunt.
Dumb Show
Enter the Old Queen weeping, with both her infants, the one dead. She lays down the other on a bank and goes to bury the dead, expressing much grief. Enter the former Shepherds, walking by carelessly; at last they espy the child and strive for it, at last the Clown gets it and dandles it, expressing all signs of joy to them. Enter again the Queen; she looks for her babe and, finding it gone, wrings her hands. The Shepherds see her, then whisper together, then beckon to her. She joyfully runs to them, they return her child, she points to her breasts as meaning she should [nurse] it, they all give her money, the Clown kisses the babe and her, and so exeunt several ways. Then enter Lapyrus, the old King, Amorpho, and Fidelio; they miss the Queen and so expressing great sorrow. Exeunt. Enter Chorus.
CHORUS
The miserable queen expecting still
The infants’ succour from Lapyrus’ hand,
Who wants himself, it chanc’d through extreme want
The youngest died, and this so near his end,
That had not shepherds happily passed by
And on the babe cast a compassionate eye,
And snatch’d the child out of the arms of death
Where the sad mother left it, the same hour
Had been his grave that gives his life new power.
Thus the distressed queen, to them unknown,
Was as a nurse receiv’d unto her own,
Whose sight Lapyrus missing, having led
The king her husband to this hapless place,
They all depart in extreme height of grief
To get unto their own sad want release.
Exit.
Act III Scene 1.
THE LODGE
Enter Roxano with his disguise in his hand.
ROXANO
This is the farther lodge, the place of meeting, the hour scarce come yet. Well. I was not born to this; there’s not a hair to choose betwixt me and a pander in this case, shift it off as well as I can. I do envy this fellow’s happiness now, and could cut his [throat] at pleasure. I could e’en gnaw feathers now to think of his downy felicity: I, that could never aspire above a dairy wench, the very cream of my fortunes. That he should bath in nectar, and I most unfortunate in buttermilk! This is good dealing now, is’t?