Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker

by Thomas Dekker

  And in this maner do the tedious minutes of the night stretch out the sorowes of ten thousand: It is now day, let vs looke forth and try what Consolation rizes with the Sun: not any, not any: for before the Iewell of the morning be fully set in siluer, hundred hungry graues stand gaping, and euery one of them (as at a breakfast) hath swallowed downe ten or eleuen liuelesse carcases: before dinner, in the same gulfe are twice so many more deuoured: and before the sun takes his rest, those numbers are doubled: Threescore that not many houres before had euery one seuerall lodgings very delicately furnisht, are now thrust altogether into one close roome: a litle noisome roome: not fully ten foote square. Doth not this strike coldly to ye hart of a worldly mizer? To some, the very sound of deaths name, is in stead of a passing-bell: what shall become of such a coward, being told that the selfe-same bodie of his, which now is so pampered with superfluous fare, so perfumed and bathed in odoriferous waters, and so gaily apparelled in varietie of fashio[n]s, must one day be throwne (like stinking carion) into a rank & rotten graue; where his goodly eies, yt did once shoote foorth such amorous glances, must be beaten out of his head: his lockes that hang wantonly dangling, troden in durt vnderfoote: this doubtlesse (like thunder) must needs strike him into the earth. But (wretched man!) when thou shalt see, and be assured (by tokens sent thee from heauen) that to morroe thou must be tumbled into a Mucke-pit, and suffer thy body to be bruisde and prest with three-score dead men, lying slouenly vpon thee, and thou to be vndermost of all! yea and perhaps halfe of that number were thine enemies! (and see how they may be reuenged, for the wormes that breed out of their putrifying carkasses, shall crawle in huge swarmes from them, and quite deuoure thee) what agonies will this strange newes driue thee into? If thou art in loue with thy selfe, this cannot choose but possesse thee with frenzie. But thou art gotten safe (out of the ciuill citie Calamitie) to thy Parkes and Pallaces in the Country, lading thy asses and thy Mules with thy gold, (thy god), thy plate, and thy Iewels: and the fruites of thy wombe thriftily growing vp but in one onely sonne, (the young Landlord of all thy carefull labours) him also hast thou rescued from the arrowes of infection; Now is thy soule iocund, and thy sences merry. But open thine eyes, thou Foole and behold that darling of thine eye, (thy sonne) turnd suddeinly into a lumpe of clay; the hand of pestilence hath smote him euen vnder thy wing: Now doest thou rent thine haire, blaspheme thy Creator, cursest thy creation, and basely descendest into bruitish & vnmanly passions, threatning in despite of death & his Plague, to maintaine the memory of thy childe, in the euerlasting brest of Marble: a tombe must now defend him from tempests: and for that purpose, the swetty hinde (that digs the rent he paies thee out of the entrailes of the earth) he is sent for, to conuey foorth that burden of thy sorrow: But note how thy pride is disdained: that weather-beaten sun-burnt drudge, that not a month since fawnd vpon thy Worship like a Spaniell, and like a bond-slaue, would haue stoopt lower than thy feete, does now stoppe his nose at thy presence, and is readie to set his Mastiue as hye as thy throate, to driue thee from his doore: all thy golde and siluer cannot hire one of those (whom before thou didst scorne) to carry the dead body to his last home: the Country round about thee shun thee, as a Basiliske, and therefore to London (from whose armes thou cowardly fledst away) poast vpon poast must be galloping, to fetch from thence those that may performe that Funerall Office: But there are they so full of graue-matters of their owne, that they haue no leisure to attend thine: doth not this cut thy very heart-strings in sunder? If that doe not, the shutting vp of the Tragicall Act, I am sure will: for thou must be inforced with thine owne handes, to winde vp (that blasted flower of youth) in the last linnen, that he shall weare: vpon thine owne shoulders must thou beare part of him, thy amazed seruant the other: with thine owne hands must thou dig his graue, (not in the Church, or common place of buriall,) thou hast not fauour (for all thy riches) to be so happie, but in thine Orcharde, or in the proude walkes of thy Garden, wringing thy palsie-shaking hands in stead of belles, (most miserable father) must thou search him out a sepulcher.

  My spirit growes faint with rowing in this Stygian Ferry, it can no longer endure the transportation of soules in this dolefull manner: let vs therefore shift a point of our Compasse, and (since there is no remedie, but that we must still bee vp and downe in this Mare mortuum) hoist vp all our sailes, and on the merry winges of a lustier winde seeke to arriue on some prosperous shoare.

  Imagine then that all this while, Death (like a Spanish Leagar, or rather like stalking Tamberlaine) hath pitcht his tents, (being nothing but a heape of winding sheets tackt together) in the sinfully-polluted Suburbes: the Plague is Muster-maister and Marshall of the field: Burning Feauers, Boyles, Blaines, and Carbuncles, the Leaders, Lieutenants, Serieants, and Corporalls: the maine Army consisting (like Dunkirke) of a mingle-mangle, viz. dumpish Mourners, merry Sextons, hungry Coffin-sellers, scrubbing Bearers, and nastie Graue-makers: but indeed they are the Pioners of the Campe, that are imployed onely (like Moles) in casting vp of earth and digging of trenches; Feare and Trembling (the two catch-polles of Death) arrest euery one: No parley will be graunted, no composition stood vpon, But the Allarum is strucke vp, the Toxin ringes out for life, and no voyce heard but Tue, Tue, Kill, Kill, the little Belles onely (like small shot) doe yet goe off, and make no great worke for wormes, a hundred or two lost in euery skirmish, or so: but alas thats nothing: yet by those desperat salliies, what by open setting vpon them by day, and secret Ambuscadoes by night, the skirts of London were pittifully pared off, by litle and litle: which they within the gates perceiuing, it was no boot to bid them take their heeles, for away they trudge thick and threefold; some some riding, some on foote: some without bootes, some in their slippers, by water, by land, In shoales swom they West-ward, mary to Grauesend none went vnlesse they be driuen, for whosoeuer landed there neuer came back againe: Hacknies, water-men & Wagons, were not so terribly imployed many a yeare; so that within a short time, there was not a good horse in Smith-field, nor a Coach to be set eyes on. For after the world had once run vpon the wheeles of the Pest-cart, neither coach nor caroach durst appeare in his likenesse.

  Let vs pursue these runnawayes no longer, but leaue them in the vnmercifull hands of the Country-hard-hearted Hobbinolls, (who are ordaind to be their Tormentors,) and returne backe to the siege of the Citie; for the enemie taking aduantage by their flight, planted his ordinance against the walls; here the Canons (like their great Bells) roard: the Plague tooke sore paines for a breach; he laid about him cruelly, ere he could get it, but at length he and his tiranous band entred: his purple colours were presently (with the sound of Bow-bell in stead of a trompet) aduanced, and ioynd to the Standard of the Citie; he marcht euen thorow Cheapside, and the capitall streets of Troynouant: the only blot of dishonor that struck vpon this Inuader, being this, that hee plaide the tyrant, not the conqueror, making hauocke of all, when he had all lying at the foote of his mercy. Men, women, & children dropt downe before him: houses were rifled, streetes ransact, beautifull maidens throwne on their beds, and ravisht by sicknes: rich mens Cofers broken open, and shared amongst prodigall heires and vnthriftie seruants: poore men vsde poorely, but not pittifully; he did very much hurt, yet some say he did very much good. Howsoeuer he behaued himselfe this intelligence runs current, that euery house lookt like S. Bartholomewes Hospitall, and euery street like Bucklersbury, for poore Methridatum and Dragon-water (being both of them in all the world, scarce worth three-pence) were bort in euery corner, and yet were both drunke euery houre at other mens cost. Lazarus laie groning at euery mans doore, mary no Diues was within to send him a crum, (for all your Gold-finches were fled to the woods) nor a dogge left to licke vp his sores, for they (like Currs) were knockt downe like Oxen, and fell thicker than Acornes.

  I am amazed to remember what dead Marches were made of three thousand trooping together; husbands, wiues & children, being led as ordinarily to one graue, as if they had gone to one bed. And those that could shift for a time, and shrink their heads
out of the collar (as many did) yet went they (most bitterly) miching and muffled vp & downe with Rue and Wormewood stuft into their eares and nosthrils, looking like so many Bores heads stuck with branches of Rosemary, to be serued in for Brawne at Christmas.

  This was a rare worlde for the Church, who had wont to complaine for want of liuing, and now had more liuing thrust vpon her, than she knew how to bestow: to haue bene Clarke now to a parish Clarke, was better then to serue some foolish Iustice of Peace, or than the yeare before to haue had a Benefice. Sextons gaue out, if they might (as they hoped) continue these doings but a tweluemoneth longer, they and their posteritie would all ryde vppon footecloathes to the ende of the world. Amongst which worme-eaten generation, the three bald Sextons of limping Saint Gyles, Saint Sepulchres, and Saint Olaues, rulde the roaste more hotly, than euer did the Triumuiri of Rome. Iehochanan, Symeon, and Eleazar, neuer kept such a plaguy coyle in Ierusalem among the hunger-starued Iewes, as these three Sharkers did in their Parishes among naked Christians. Cursed they were I am sure by some to the pitte of hell, for tearing money out of their throates, that had not a crosse in their purses. But alas! they must haue it, it is their fee, and therefore giue the diuell his due: onely hearbe-wiues and gardeners (that neuer prayed before, vnlesse it were for Raine or faire Weather,) were now day and night vppon their marybones, that God would blesse the labors of those mole-catchers, because they sucke sweetnesse by this; for the price of flowers, Hearbes, and garlands, rose wonderfully, in so much that Rosemary which had wont to be sold for 12. pence an armefull, went now for six shillings a handful.

  A fourth sharer likewise (these winding-sheete-weauers) deserues to haue my penne giue his lippes a Iewes Letter, but because he worships the Bakers good Lord & Maister, charitable S. Clement (whereas none of the other three euer had to do with any Saint) he shall scape the better: only let him take heede, that hauing all this yeare buried his praiers in the bellies of Fat ones, and plump Capon-eaters, (for no worse meat would downe this Bly-foxes stomach) let him I say take heede least (his flesh now falling away) his carcas be not plagu[ed] with leane ones, of whom (whilst the bill of Lord haue mercy vpon vs, was to be denied in no place) it was death for him to heare.

  In this pittifull (or rather pittilesse) perplexitie stood London, forsaken like a Louer, forlorne like a widow, and disarmde of all comfort: disarmde I may well say, for fiue Rapiers were not stirring all this time, and those that were worne, had neuer bin seene, if any money could haue bene lent vpon them, so hungry is the Estridge disease, that it will deuoure euen Iron: let vs therefore with bag & baggage march away from this dangerous sore Citie, and visit those that are fled into the Country. But alas! Decidis in Scyllam, you are pepperd if you visit them, for they are visited alreadie: the broad Arrow of Death, flies there vp & downe, as swiftly as it doth here: they that rode on the lustiest geldings, could not out-gallop the Plague, It ouer-tooke them, and ouer turnd them too, horse and foote.

  You whom the arrowes of pestilence haue reacht at eighteen and twenty score (tho you stood far enough as you thought fro[m] the marke) you that sickning in the hie way, would haue bene glad of a bed in an Hospitall, and dying in the open fieldes, haue bene buried like dogs, how much better had it bin for you, to haue lyen fuller of byles and plague-sores than euer did Iob, so you might in that extremity haue receiued both bodily & spiritual comfort, which there was denied you? For those misbeleeuing Pagans, the plough-driuers, those worse then Infidels, that (like their Swine) neuer looke vp so high as Heauen: when Citizens boorded them they wrung their hands, and wisht rather they had falne into the hands of Spaniards: for the sight of a flat-cap was more dreadfull to a Lob, then the discharging of a Caliuer: a treble-ruffe (being once named the Merchants set) had power to cast a whole houshold into a cold sweat. If one new suite of Sackcloth had beene knowne to haue come out of Burchin-lane (being the common Ward-rope for all their Clowne-ships) it had beene enough to make a Market towne giue vp the ghost. A Crow that had beene seene in a Sunne-shine day, standing on the top of Powles, would haue beene better than a Beacon on fire, to haue raizd all the townes within ten miles of London, for the keeping her out.

  Neuer let any man aske me what became of our Phisitions in this Massacre, they hid their Synodicall heads aswell as the prowdest: and I cannot blame them, for their Phlebotomies, Losinges, and Electuaries, with their Diacatholicons, Diacodions, Amulets, and Antidotes, had not so much strength to hold life and soule together, as a pot of Pinders Ale and a Nutmeg: their Drugs turned to durt, their simples [were] simple things: Galen could do no more good, than Sir Giles Goosecap: Hipocrates, Auicen, Paraselsus, Rasis, Fernelius, with all their succeeding rabble of Doctors and Water-casters, were at their wits end, or I thinke rather at the worlds end, for not one of them durst peepe abroad; or if any one did take vpon him to play the ventrous Knight, the Plague put him to his Nonplus; in such strange, and such changeable shapes did the Cameleon-like sicknes appeare, that they could not (with all the cunning in their budgets) make pursenets to take him napping.

  Onely a band of Desper-vewes, some fewe Empiricall madcaps (for they could neuer be worth veluet caps) turned themselues into Bees (or more properly into Drones) and went humming vp and downe, with hony-brags in their mouthes, sucking the sweetnes of Siluer (and now and then of Aurum Potabile) out of the poison of Blaines and Carbuncles: and these iolly Mountibanks clapt vp their bils vpon euery post (like a Fencers Challenge) threatning to canuas the Plague, and to fight with him at all his owne seuerall weapons: I know not how they sped, but some they sped I am sure, for I haue heard them band for the Heauens, because they sent those thither, that were wisht to tarry longer vpon earth.

  I could in this place make your cheekes looke pale, and your hearts shake, with telling how some haue had 18. sores at one time running vpon them, others 10. and 12. many 4. and 5. and how those that haue bin foure times wounded by this yeares infection, haue dyed of the last wound, whilst others (that were hurt as often) goe vp and downe now with sounder limmes, then many that come out of France, and the Nether-lands. And descending from these, I could draw forth a Catalogue of many poore wretches, that in fieldes, in ditches, in common Cages, and vnder stalls (being either thrust by cruell maisters out of doores, or wanting all worldly succour but the common benefit of earth and aire haue most miserably perished. But to Chronicle these would weary a second Fabian.

  We will therefore play the Souldiours, who at the end oof any notable battaile, with a kind of sad delight rehearse the memorable acts of their friends that lye mangled before them: some shewing how brauely they gaue the onset: some, how politickly they retirde: others, how manfully they gaue and receiued wounds: a fourth steps forth, and glories how valiantly hee lost an arme: all of them making (by this meanes) the remembrance euen of tragicall and mischieuous euents very delectable. Let vs striue to do so, discoursing (as it were at the end of this mortall siege of the plague) of the seuerall most worthy accidents, and strange birthes which this pestiferous yeare hath brought foorth: some of them yeelding Comicall and ridiculous stuffe, others lamentable: a third kind, vpholding rather admiration, then laughter or pittie.

  As first, to relish the pallat of lickerish expectation, and withall to giue an Item how sudden a stabber this ruffianly swaggerer (Death) is, You must beleeue, that amongst all the weary number of those that (on their bare feete) haue trauaild (in this long and heauie vocation) to the Holy-land, one (whose name I could for neede bestow vpon you) but that I know you haue no need of it, (tho many want a good name) lying in that co[m]mon Innes of sick-men, his bed, & seeing the black & blew stripes of the plague sticking on his flesh, which he receiued as tokens (from heauen) that he was presently to goe dwell in the vpper world, most earnestly requested, and in a manner coniured his friend (who came to enterchange a last farewell) that hee would see him goe handsomely attirde into the wild Irish countrey of wormes, and for that purpose to bestow a Coffin vpon him: his friend louing him (not because he was poore (yet he was poore) but
because hee was a Scholler: Alack that the West Indies stand so farre from Vniuersities! and that a minde richly apparelled should haue a threed-bare body!) made faithfull promise to him, that he should be naild vp, he would boord him, and for that purpose went instantly to one of the new-found trade of Coffin-cutters, bespoke one, and (like the Surueyour of deaths buildings) gaue direction how this little Tenement should be framed, paying all the rent for it before hand. But note vpon what slippery ground life goes! little did he thinke to dwell in that roome himselfe which he had taken for his friend: yet it seemed the common law of mortalitie had so decreede, for hee was cald into the colde companie of his graue neighbours an houre before his infected friend, and had a long lease (euen till doomes day) in the same lodging, which in the strength of health he went to prepare for another. What credit therefore is to be giuen to breath, which like an harlot will runne away with euery minute. How nimble is sicknesse, and what skill hath he in all the weapons he plays withall? The greatest cutter that takes vp the Mediterranean Ile in Powles for his Gallery to wake in, cannot ward off his blowes. Hees the best Fencer in the world: Vincentio Sauiolo is no body to him: He has his Mandrittaes, Imbrocataes, Stamazones, and Stoccataes at his fingers ends: heele make you giue him ground, though ye were neuer worth foote of land, and beat you out of breath, though Aeolus himselfe plaid vpo[n] your wind-pipe.