WHEN it came to the eares of the Sinfull Synagogue, how the rich Iew of London, (Barabbas Bankruptisme) their brother, was receyued into the Citty, and what a lus•y Reueler he was become, the rest of the same Progeny (being 6. in number) vowd to ryde thither in their greatest State, and that euery one should challenge to himselfe (if be could enter) a seuerall day of Tryumph; for so he might doe by their owne Customes. Another therefore of the Broode, being presently aptly accon••red, and armed Cap-a-pe, with all furniture fit for such an Inuader, sets forward the very next morning, and arriu’de at one of the Gates, before any Porters eyes were vnglewd. To knocke, hee thought it no policy, because such fellowes are commonly most churlish, when they are most intreated, and are key-cold in their comming downe to Strangers, except they be brybed: to stay there with such • confusion of faces round about him, till light should betray him, might call his Arriuall, being strange and hidden, into question; besides, he durst not send any Spy he had, to listen what newes went amongst the people, and whether any preparation were made for him, or that they did expect his approche, because indéede there was not any one of the Damned Crewe that followed his tayle, whom he durst trust for a true word. He resolues therefore to make his entrance, not by the sword, but by some sleyght, what storme or fayre weather soeuer should happen: And for that purpose, taking asunder his Charriot, (for it stood altogether like a Germane clock, or an English, Iack or Turne-spit, vpon skrewes and vices) he scatters his Troope vpon the fields and hye-way, into small companies, as if they had bene Irish beggers; till at last espying certayne Colliers with Carts most sinfully loaden, for the Citty, and behind them certayne light Country Horse-women ryding to the Markets, hée mingled his Footemen carelesly, amongst these, and by this Stratagem of Coales, brauely thorow Moore-gate, got within the walles; where marching not like a plodding Grasyer with his Droues before him, but like a Citty-Captayne, with a Company (as pert as Taylours at a wedding) close at his héeles, because nowe they knewe they were out of feare) hée musters together all the Hackneymen and Horse-courses in and about Colman-streete.
No sooner had these Sonnes and Heyres vnto Horse-shooes, got him into their eyes, but they wept for ioy to behold him; yet in the ende, putting vp their teares into bottles of Hay, which they held vnder their armes, and wyping their slubberd chéekes with wispes of cleane Strawe, (prouyded for the nonce) they harnessed the Grand Signiors Caroach, mounted his Cauallery vpon Curtals, and so sent him most pompously (like a new elected Dutch Burgomaster) into the Citty.
He was lookt vpon strangely by all whom he met, for at the first, few or none knew him, few followed him, few bid him welcome: But after hée had spent héere a very little péece of time, after it was voyc’d that Monsieur Mendax came to dwell amongst them, and had brought with him all sorts of politick falshood and lying, what a number of Men, Women and Children fell presently in loue with him! There was of euery Trade in the City, and of euery profession some, that instantly were dealers with him: For you must note, that in a State so multitudinous, where so many flocks of people must be fed, it is impossible to haue some Trades to stand, if they should not Lye.
How quickly after the Art of Lying was once publiquely profest, were false Weights and false Measures inuented! and they haue since done as much hurt to the inhabitants of Cities, as the inuention of Gunnes hath done to their walles: for though a Lye haue but short legs (like a Dwarfes) yet it goes farre in a little time, Et crescit eundo, and at last prooues a tall fellow: the reason is, that Truth had euer but one Father, but Lyes are a thousand mens Bastards, and are begotten euery where.
Looke vp then (Thou thy Countryes Darling,) and behold what a diuelish Inmate thou hast intertained. The Genealogy of Truth is well knowne, for she was borne in Heauen, and dwels in Heauen: Falshood then and Lying must of necessity come out of that hot Country of Hell, from the line of Diuels: for those two are as opposite, as day and darkenes. What an vngracious Generation wilt thou mingle with thine, if thou draw not this from thée: What a number of vnhappy and cursed childre¯ will be left vpo¯ thy hand? for Lying is Father to Falshood, and Grandsire to Periury: Frawd (with two faces) is his Daughter, a very Monster: Treason (with haires like Snakes) is his kinseman; a very Fury! how art thou inclos’d with danger? The Lye first deceiues thée, and to shoote the deceit off cleanly, an oath (like an Arrow) is drawne to the head, and that hits the marke. If a Lye, after it is molded, be not smooth enough, there is no instrume¯t to burnish it, but an oath: Swearing giues it cullor, & a bright complexion. So that Oathes are Crutches, vpon which Lyes (like lame soldiers) go, & néede no other pasport. Little oathes are able to beare vp great lyes: but great Lyes are able to beate downe great Families: For oathes are wounds that a man stabs into himselfe, yea, they are burning words that consume those who kindle them.
What fooles then are thy Buyers and Sellers to be abused by such hell-hounds? Swearing and Forswearing put into their hands perhaps the gaines of a little Siluer, but like those pieces which Iudas receiued, they are their destruction. Welth so gotten, is like a trée set in the depth of winter, it prospers not.
But is it possible (Thou leader of so great a Kingdome) that heretofore so many bonfires of mens bodies should be made before thée in the good quarrell of Trueth? and that now thou shouldst take part wish her enemy? Haue so many Triple-pointed darts of Treason bin shot at the heads of thy Princes, because they would not take Truth out of thy Temples, and art thou now in League with false Witches ye would kill thée? Thou art no Traueler, the habit of Lying therefore will not become thée, cast it off.
He that giues a soldier the Lye, lookes to receiue the stab: but what danger does he run vpon, that giues a whole City the Lye? yet must I venture to giue it thée. Let me tell thée then, that Thou doest Lye with Pride, and though thou art not so gawdy, yet are thou more costly in attiring thy selfe than the Court, because Pride is the Queene of Sinnes, thou hast chosen her to be thy Concubine, and hast begotten many base Sonnes and Daughters vpon her body, as Vainglory, Curiosity, Disobedience, Opinion, Disdaine, &c. Pride, by thy Lying with her, is growne impudent: She is now a common Harlot, and euery one hath vse of her body. The Taylor calls her his Lemman, he hath often got her great with child of Phantasticallity and Fashions, who no sooner came into the world, but the fairest Wiues of thy Tennants snatcht them vp into their armes, layd them in their laps and to their brests, and after they had plaid with them their pleasure, into the country were those two children (of the Taylors) sent to be nurst vp, so that they liue sometimes there, but euer and anon with thée.
Thou doest likewise Lye with Vsury: how often hast thou bin found in bed with her! How often hath she bin openly disgraced at the Crosse for a Strumpet! yet still doest thou kéepe her company, and art not ashamed of it, because you commit Sinne together, euen in those houses that haue paynted posts standing at the Gates. What vngodly brats and kindred hath she brought thée? for vpon Vsury hast thou begotten Extortion, (a strong, but an vnmannerly child,) Hardnes of heart, a very murderer, and Bad Conscience, who is so vnruly, that he séemes to be sent vnto thée, to be thy euerlasting paine. Then hath she Sonnes in law, and they are all Scriueners: those Scriueners haue base sonnes, and they are all common Brokers; those Brokers likewise send a number into the world, & they are all Common Theeues.
All of these may easily giue Armes: for they fetch their discent from hell, where are as many Gentlemen, as in any one place, in any kingdome.
Thou doost lye with sundrie others, and committest strange whoredomes, which by vse and boldnesse growe so common, that they seeme to be no whoredomes at all, Yet thine owne abhominations would not appeare so vilely, but that thou makest thy buildings a Brothelry to others: for thou sufferest Religion to lye with Hipocrisie: Charity to lye with Ostentation: Friendship to lye with Hollow-heartednes: the Churle to lye with Simony: Iustice to lye with Bribery, and last of all, Conscience to lye with euerie one. So that now shee is full of diseases: But thou knowest the medicine for al these Feauers that shake th�
�e: be therfore to thy selfe thine owne Phisitian, and by strong Pilles purge away this second infection that is breeding vpon thee, before it strike to the heart.
Falshood and Lying thus haue had their day, and like Almanackes of the last yeare, are now gon out: let vs follow them a step or two farther to see how they ride, and then (if we can) leaue them, for I perceiue it growes late, because Candle-light (who is next to enter vpo¯ the stage) is making himself ready to act his Comicall Scenes. The Chariot then that Lying is drawne in, is made al of whetstones; Wantonnes and euil custome are his Horses: a Foole is the Coachman that driues them: a couple of swearing Fencers sometimes leade the Horses by the reynes, and sometimes flourish before them to make roome. Worshipfully is this Lord of Limbo attended, for Knights thi¯selues follow close at his heeles; Mary they are not Post and Poyre-Knightes but one of the Post. Amongst whose traine is shuffled in a company of scambling ignorant Petti-foggars, leane Knaues and hungrie, for they liue vpon nothing but the scraps of the Law, and heere and there (like a Prune in White-broth, is stucke a spruice but a meer• prating vnpractised Lawyer• Clarke all in blacke. At the tayle of all (when this goodly Pageant is passed by) ollow a crowde of euerie trade some, amongst whome least we be smothered, and bee taken to bee of the same list, let vs strike downe my way.
Nam• Vulgus.
•. CANDLE-LIGHT. OR, THE NOCTURNALL TRYUMPH.
O Candle-light: and art thou one of the Cursed Crew? hast thou bin set at the Table of Princes, & Noble men? haue all su•es of peop•e •oone reuerence vnto thee and stood b•re •ey haue seene thee? haue Theeues, Traytors, and Murderers been affraide to come in thy presence, because they knewe thee iust, and that thou wouldest discouer them? And act thou now a harborer of all kindes of Vices? nay, doost thou play the capitall Vice thy selfe?
Hast thou had so many learned Lectures read before thee, & is the light of thy Vnderstanding now cleane put out, and haue so many profound schollers profited by thee? hast thou doone such good to Vniuersities, beene such a guide to the Lame, and seene the dooing of so many good workes, yet doest thou now looke dimly, and with a dull eye vpon al Goodnes? What comfort haue sickmen taken (in weary and irkesome nights) but onely in thee? thou hast been their Phisition and Apothecary, and when the rellish of nothing could please them, the very shadow of thee hath beene to them a restoritiue Consolation. The Nurse hath stilled her way ward Infant, shewing it but to thee: What gladnes hast thou put into Mariners bosomes, when thou hast met them on the Sea? What Ioy into the faint and benighted Trauailer when he has met thee on the land? How many poore Handy-craftes men by Thee haue earned the best part of their liuing? And art thou now become a Companion for Drunkards, for •eachers, and for prodigalles? Art thou turnd Reprobate? thou wilt burne for it in hell, And so odious is this thy Apostacy, and hiding thy self fro¯ ye light of the truth, ye at thy death & going out of the world, euen they y• loue thée best, wil tread thee vnder their feete: yea I yt haue thus plaid the Herrald, & proclaimd thy good parts, wil now play the Cryer and cal thee into open count, to arraigne thee for thy misdemeanors.
Let the world therefore vnderstand, that this Tallowfacde Gentleman (cald Candle-light) so soone as euer the Sunne was gon out of sight, and that darkenes like a thief out of a hedge crept vpon the earth, sweate till hee dropt agen, with bustling to come into the Cittie. For hauing no more but one onely eye) and that ster•er•• with drinking & sitting vp late) he was ashamed to be seene by day, knowing he should be laught to scorne, and hoo•ed at. He makes his entrance therefore at Aldersgate of set purpose, for though the streete be faire and spatious, yet few lightes in mistie euenings, vsing there to thrust out their golde¯ heads he thought that the aptest circle for him to be raised in, because •here his Glittering would make greatest show. What expectation was there of his co¯ming? setting aside ye, there is not more triumphing on Midsommer night. No sooner was he aduaunced vp into the moste famous Streetes, but a number of shops for ioy beganne to shut in: Mercers •olde vp their silkes and Ueluets: the Goldsmithes drew backe their Plate, & all the Citty lookt like a priuate Play-house, when the windowes are clapt downe, as some Nocturnal, or dismall Tragedy were presently to be acted before all the Trades-men. But Caualiero Candle-light came for no such solemnitie: No he had other Crackers in hand to which hee watcht but his houre to giue fire Sc•rce was his entrance blown abroad, but the Banckrupt, the Fello•, and all that owed any mony, and for feare of arrests, or Iustices warrants, had like so many Snayles kept their houses ouer their heads al the day before, began now to creep out of their shel•, & so stalke vp & down the streets as vprightly, & with as proud a gate as if they meant to knock against the starres with the crownes of their heads.
The damask coated Cittizen, that sat in his sh•p both fo••noone and afternoone, and lookt more sowerly on his poore neighbore, th•n if he had drunke a quart of Uineger at a draught, sneakes out of his owne doores, and slips into a Tauerne, where either alone, or with some other that battles their money together, they so plye themselues with penny pots, which (like small-shot) goe off, powring into their fat paunches, that at length th•y haue not an eye to see withall, nor a good legge to stand vpon. In which pickle if anye of them happen to be iustled downe by a post (that in spite of them will take the wall) and so reeles them into the kennell, who takes them vp or leades them home? who has them to bed, and with a pillow smothes this stealing so of good liquor, but that brazen-face Candle-light? Nay more, hee intices their verie Prentices to make their desperate sallyes out, & quicke retyres in (contrarie to the Oath of their Indentures) which are seauen yeares a swearing, onely for their Pintes, and away.
Tush, this is nothing: yong shopkeepers that haue but newly ventured vpon the pikes of marriage, who are euery houre shewing their wares to their Customers, plying their businesse harder all day then Vulcan does his Anuile, and seeme better husbands than Fidlers that scrape for a poore liuing both day and night, yet euen these if they can but get Candle-light, to sit vp all night with them in any house of Reckning (thats to say in a Tauerne) they fall roundly to play the London prize, and thats at three seuerall weapons, Drinking, Dauncing, & Dicing, Their wiues lying all that time in their beds sighing like widowes, which is lamentable: the giddie-braind husba¯ds wasting the portions they had with them, which lost once, they are (like Maiden-heades) neuer recouerable. Or which is worse, this going a Bat-fowling a nights, beeing noted by some wise yong-man or other, that knowes how to handle such cases, the hush is beaten for them at home, whilest they catch the bird abraode, but what bird is it? the Woodcocke.
Neuer did any Cittie pocket vp such wrong at the hands of one, ouer whom she is so iealous, and so tender, that in Winter nights if he be but missing, and hide himselfe in the darke, I know not how many Beadles are sent vp and downe the streetes to crie him: yet you see, there is more cause she should send out to curse him For what Uillanies are not abroad so long as Candle-light is stirring? The Seruing-man dare then walke with his wench: the Priuate Puncke (otherwise called one that boords in London) who like a Pigeon sits billing all day within doores, and feares to steppe ouer the thresholde, does then walke the round till midnight, after she hath beene swaggering amongst pottle pots and Uintners boyes. Nay, the sober Perpetuana suited Puritane, that dares not (so much as by Moone-light) come neere the Suburb-shadow of a house, where they set stewed Prunes befor you, raps as boldly at the hatch, when he knowes Candle-light is within, as if he were a new chosen Constable. When al doores are lockt vp, when no eyes are open, when birds sit silent in bushes, and beasts lie sleeping vnder hedges, when no creature can be smelt to be vp but they that may be smelt euery night a streets length ere you come at them, euen then doth this Ignis fatuus (Candle-light) walke like a Fire-drake into sundrie corners. If you will not beleeue this, shoote but your eye through the Iron grates into the Cellers of Uintners, there you shall see him hold his necke in a Iin, made of a clift hoope-sticke, to throttle him from telling tales, whilest they most abhominably iumble together
all the papisticall drinkes that are brought from beyond-sea: the poore wines are rackt and made to confesse anie thing: the Spanish & the French meeting both in the bottome of the Cellar, conspire together in their cups, to lay the Englishman (if he euercome into their company) vnder the boord.
To be short, such strange mad musick doe they play vpon their Sacke-buttes, that if Candle-light beeing ouer come with the steeme of newe sweete Wines, when they are at worke, shoulde not tell them tis time to goe to bedde, they would make all the Hogges-heads that vse to come to the house, to dannce the Cannaries till they reeld againe. When the Grape-mongers and hee are parted, hee walkes vp and downe the streetes squiring olde Midwiues to anie house, (•e•e s•cretly) where any Bastards •re to be brought into the worlde. From them, (about the houre when Spirits wal•e, and Cats goe a gossipping) hee visits the W•tch where creeping into the Beadles Cothouse (which handes betweene his legges, that are lapt rounde about with peeces of Rugge, as if he had newe strucke of Sh•ckles) and seeing the Watch-men to nodde at him, hee himselfe presently, (knowing the token) vnder the slapp• and teaches them (by instinct) howe to st into their heades, because hee sees all their Cloakes cannot one good nappe vppon them and vppon his warrant snort they so lowde, that to those Night walkers (whose wittes are vp so late) it serues as a Watch-worde so keepe out of the teach of their •rowne : by which meanes they neuer come to aunswere the matter b••ore maister Constable, and the Benc• vppon which his men (t•at shoulde watch) doe sitte: In that the Coun•e•s are cheated of Prisoners, to the great •amm•ge o• these that shoulde haue their mornings draught out of the Garnish.
O Candle-light, Candle-light! to howe manie costly Sacke-posse•s and rea•s Banquets hast thou beene musted by Prentices and -maiden•? When the Bell-man for anger to spie (such a Purloyner of Cittizens goods) so many, hath bounced the doore like a madde man, At which (as if Robin Good-fellow had beene coniur’d vp amongst them the We•ches haue, falne into the handes of the Greene-sicknesse, and the yong fellowes into colde Agues, with verie feare least their maister (like olde Ieronimo and Isabella his wife after him) starting out of his naked bed should came downe (with a Weapon in his hande) and this in his mouth: What outcryes pull vs from our naked bedde? Who calles? &c. as the Players can tell you. O Candle-light, howe hast thou stuncke then, when they haue popt thee out of their compayne: howe hast thou taken it in snuffe, when thou hast beene smelt out especially the maister of the house exclayming, that by day that deede of darknesse had not beene. One Uennie more with thee, and then I haue done.
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 212