It seemed that all who came thether, had clocks in their bellies, for they all strucke into the dyning roome much aabout the very minute of féeding. Our Caualier had all the eyes (that came in) throwne vpon him, (as being a stranger: for no Ambassador from the diuell euer dined amongst them before,) and he asmuch tooke especiall notice of them. In obseruing of whom and of the place, he found, that an Ordinary was the onely Randeuouz for the most ingenious, most terse, most trauaild, and most phantastick gallant: the very Exchange for newes out of all countries: the only Booke-sellers shop for conference of the best Editions, that if a woman (to be a Lady) would cast away herselfe vpon a Knight, there a man should heare a Catalogue of most of the richest London widowes: & last, that it was a schoole where they were all fellowes of one Forme, & that a country gentleman was of as great comming as the proudest Iustice that sat there on the bench aboue him: for hée that had the graine of the table with his trencher, payd no more then he that placed himselfe beneath the salt.
The diuels intelligencer could not be contented to fill his eye onely with these obiects, and to féed his belly with delicate chéere: but hée drew a larger picture of all that were there, and in these collours.
The voider hauing cléered the table, Cardes & Dice (for the last Messe) are serued vp to the boord: they that are full of coyne draw: they that haue little, stand by & giue ayme: they shuffle and cut on one side: the bones rattle on the other: long haue they not plaide, but oathes fly vp & downe the roome like haile-shot: if the poore dumb Dice be but a little out of square, the pox & a thousand-plagues breake their neckes out at window: presently after, the foure knaues are sent packing the same way, or els (like heretikes) are condemned to be burnt.
In this battaile of Cardes and Dice, are seuerall Regiments and seuerall Officers.
They that sit downe to play, are at first cald Leaders.
They that loose, are the Forlorne Hope.
He that winnes all, is the Eagle.
He that stands by and Ventures, is the Wood-pecker.
The fresh Gallant that is fetcht in, is The Gul.
He that stands by, and lends, is the Gul-groper.
THE GUL-GROPER.
THIS Gul-groper is commonly an old Mony-monger, who hauing trauaild through all the follyes of the world in his youth, knowes them well, and shunnes them in his age, his whole felicitie being to fill his bags with golde and siluer: hée comes to an Ordinary, to saue charges of house-kéeping, and will eate for his two shillings, more meate then will serue thrée of the guard at a dinner, yet sweares hée comes thether onely for the company, and to conuerse with trauailers. It is a Gold-Finch that sildome flies to these Ordinary Nests, without a hundred or two hundred pound in twenty shilling péeces about him. After the tearing of some seauen paire of Cardes, or the damning of some ten baile of Dice, steps hée vpon the Stage, and this part hée playes. If any of the Forlorne Hope be a Gentleman of Meanes, either in Esse, or in Posse, (and that the olde Foxe will be sure to know to halfe an Acre) whose money runnes at a low ebbe, as may appeare by his scratching of the head, and walking vp and downe the roome, as if hée wanted an Ostler: The Gul-groper takes him to a side window and tels him, hée is sorry to sée his hard lucke, but the Dice are made of womens bones, and will cozen any man, yet for his fathers sake (whom hée hath knowne so long) if it please him, he shall not leaue off play for a hundred pound or two. If my yong Estrich gape to swallow downe this mettall (as for the most part they are very gréedy, hauing such prouander set before them) then is the gold powred on the board, a Bond is made for repaiment, at the next quarter day, when Exhibition is sent in: and because it is all gold, and cost so much the changing, the Scriuener (who is a whelpe of the old Mastiues owne bréeding) knows what words will bite, which thus he fastens vpon him, and in this Net the Gull is sure to be taken (howsoeuer:) for if hée fall to play againe, and loose, the hoary Goat-bearded Satyre that stands at his elbow, laughes in his sléeue: if his bags be so recouered of their Fallingsicknes, that they be able presently to repay the borrowed gold, then Monsieur Gul-groper steales away of purpose to auoide the reccipt of it; hée hath fatter Chickens in hatching: it is a fayrer marke hée shootes at. For the day being come when the bond growes due, the within named Signior Auaro, will not be within: or if hée be at home, hée hath wedges enough in his pate, to cause the bond to be broken, or else a little before the day, hée féeds my young Maister with such swéete words, that surfetting vpon his protestations, hée neglects his paiment, as presuming hée may doe more But the Law hauing a hand in the forfeiture of the bond, laies presently hold of our yong Gallant with the helpe of a couple of Serieants, and iust at such a time when old Erra Pater (the Iew) that lent him the money, knowes by his owne Prognostication, that the Moone with the siluer face is with him in the waine. Nothing then can frée him out of the phangs of those bloudhounds, but he must presently confesse a iudgement, for so much money, or for such a Manor or Lordship (thrée times worth the bond forfeited) to be paid, or to be entred vpon by him, by such a day, or within so many moneths after he comes to his land. And thus are young heires coozend of their Acres, before they well know where they lye.
THE WOOD-PECKER.
THE Wood-pecker is a bird that sits by vpon a perch too: but is nothing so dangerous, as this Vulture spoken of before. He deales altogether vpon Returnes, (as men doe that take thrée for one, at their comming back from Ierusalem, &c.) for hauing a Iewell, a Clock, a ring with a Diamond, or any such like commoditie, hée notes him well that commonly is best acquainted with the Dice, and hath euer good lucke: to him he offers his prize, rating it at ten or fiftéene pound, when happily it is not worth aboue six, and for it hée bargaines to receiue fiue shillings or ten shillings (according as it is in value) at euery hand, second third, or fourth hand hée drawes: by which means he perhaps in a short time, makes that yéeld him forty or fifty pound, which cost not halfe twenty. Many of these Merchant venturers saile from Ordinary to Ordinary, being sure alwayes to make sauing Voiages, when they that put in ten times more then they, are for the most part loosers.
THE GULL.
NOWIFEITHER The Leaders, or The forlorne Hope, or any of the rest, chance to heare of a yong Fresh-water souldier that neuer before followed these strange warre, and yet hath a Charge newly giuen him (by the old fellow Soldado Vecchio his father, when Death had shutte him into the Graue) of some ten or twelue thousand in ready money, besides so many hundreds a yeare: first are Scoutes sent out to discouer his Lodging: that knowne some lye in ambush to note what Apothecaries shop hée resorts too euery morning, or in what Tobacco shop in Fléet-stréet he takes a pipe of Smoake in the afternoone: that fort which the Puny holds, is sure to be beleaguerd by the whole troope of the old weather beaten Gallants: amongst whom some one, whose wit is thought to be of a better blocke for his head, than the rest, is appointed to single out our Nouice, and after some foure or fiue dayes spent in Complement, our heire to seauen hundred a yeare is drawne to an Ordinary, into which hee no sooner enters, but all the old ones in that Nest flutter about him, embrace, protest, kisse the hand, Conge to the very garter, and in the end (to shew that hée is no small foole, but that he knows his father left him not so much mony for nothing,) the yong Cub suffers himselfe to be drawne to the stake: to flesh him, Fortune and the Dice (or rather the False Dice, that coozen Fortune, & make a foole of him too) shall so fauor him, that he marches away from a battaile or two the onely winner. But afterwards, let him play how warily soeuer hée can, the damned Dice shall crosse him, and his siluer crosses shall blesse those that play against him: for euen they that seeme deerest to his bosome, shall first be ready, and be the formost to enter with the other Leaders into conspiracy, how to make spoile of his golden bags. By such ransacking of Cittizens sormes wealth, the Leaders maintaine themselues braue, the Forlome hope, that drooped before, do’es now gallantly come on. The Eagle fethers his nest, the Wood-pecker pickes vp his crums, the Gul-groper growes fat with good feeding: and the Gul himselfe, at whom eue
ry one has a Pull, hath in the end scarce fethers enough to kéepe his owne backe warme.
The Post maister of Hell, séeing such villaine to goe vp and downe in cloakes lined cleane through with Veluet, was glad hée had such newes to send ouer, and therefore sealing vp a letter full of it, deliuered the same to filthybearded Charon (their owne Water-man) to be conuaied first to the Porter of Hell, & then (by him) to the Maister Keeper of the Diuels.
OF FERRETING. THE MANNER OF VNDOOING GENTLEMEN BY TAKING VP OF COMMODITIES. CHAP. IIII.
HVNTING is anoble, a manly, and a healthfull exercise, it is a very true picture of warre, nay it is a war in it selfe, for engines are brought into the steid, stratagems are contriued, ambushes are laide, onsets are giuen, allarums strucke vp, braue incounters are made, fierce assailings are resisted by strength, by courage, or by pollicy: the enemy is pursued, and the Pursuers neuer giue ouer till they haue him in execution, then is a Retreate sounded, then are spoiles diuided, then come they home wearied, but yet crowned with honor & victory. And as in battailes there be seuerall maners of fight: so in the pastime of hunting, there are seuerall degrées of game.
Some hunt the Lyon, and that shewes as when subiects rise in Armes against their King. Some hunt the Vnicorne, for the treasure on his head, and they are like couetous men, that care not whom they kill for riches. Some hunt the spotted Panther, & the freckled Leopard, they are such as to inioy their pleasures regard not how blacke an infamie stickes vpon them: All these are barbarous and vnnaturall Huntsmen, for they range vp and downe the deserts, the Wildernes, and the Mountaines, Others pursue the long-liued Hart, the couragious Stag or the nimble footed Déere: these are the noblest hunters, and they exercise the Noblest game: these by following the Chace, get strength of body, a frée and vndisquieted minde, magnanimitie of spirit, alacritie of heart, and an vnwearisomnesse to breake through the hardest labours: their pleasures are not insatiable, but are contented to be kept within limits, for these hunt within Parkes inclosed, or within bounded Forrests. The hunting of the Hare teaches feare to be bould, and puts simplicitie so to her shifts, that she growes cunning and prouident: the turnings and crosse windings that shée makes are embleames of this lifes vncertaintie: when shée thinkes she is further from danger, it is at her héeles, and when it is néerest to her, the hand of safety defends her. When shée is wearied and hath runne her race, shée takes her death patiently, thereby to teach man to make himselfe ready, when the graue gapes for him.
All these kindes of hunting are abroad in the open field, but there is a close Citie hunting, onely within the wals, that pulles downe Parkes, layes open Forrests, destroyes Chaces, wounds the Déere of the land, and makes such hauocke of the goodliest Heards, that by their wils, (who are the rangers,) none should be lest aliue but the Rascalls. This kinde of hunting is base and ignoble. It is the meanest, yet she most mischieuous, and it is called Ferreting. To behold a course or two at this, did the light-horseman of Hell one day leape into the saddle.
CITIE-HUNTING.
THIS Ferret-hunting hath his Seasons as other games haue, and is onely followed at such a time of yeare, when the Gentry of our kingdome by riots, hauing chased them selues out of the faire reuenewes and large possessions left to them by their ancestors are forced to hide their heads like Conies, in little caues, and in vnfrequented places: or else being almost windelesse, by running after sensuall pleasures too fiercely, they are glad (for keeping them-selues in breath so long as they can) to fal to Ferret-hunting, that is to say, to tak vp commodities.
No warrant can be graunted for a Bucke in this forrest, but it must passe vnder these fiue ha¯nds.
1 He that hunts vp and downe to finde game, is called, the Tumbler.
2 The commodities that are taken vp are called Pursenets.
3 The Citizens that selles them is the Ferret.
4 They that take vp are the Rabbet-suckers.
5 Hee vpon whose credit these Rabbet-suckers runne, is called the Warren.
HOW THE WARREN IS MADE.
AFTER a raine, Conies vse in come out of their Holes, and to sit nibling on wéeds, or any thing in the coole of the euening, and after a reueling, when younger brothers haue spent all, or in gaining haue lost all, they sit plotting in their chambers, with necessity, how to be furnished, presently with a new supply of . They would take vp any commodity whatsoeuer, but the•• names in too many texted letters all ready in Mercers and Soriueners bookes: vpon a hundred poundes worth of Roasted béefe they could finde in their hearts to venture, for that would away of a hand: but where shall they finde Butcher, or a Cooke, that will let any so much vpon the score for flesh onely Suppose therefore that foure of such loose-fortuned gallants were tied in one knot, and knew not how to fasten themselues vpon some wealthy cittizen. At the length it runnes into their heads, that such a young Nouice (who daily serues to fill vp their company) was neuer intangled in any citie limebush: they know his present meanes to be good, and those to come to be great: him therefore they lay vpon the Anuill of their wits, till they haue wrought him like wax, for him-selfe as well as for them, to doe any thing in wax, or indéed till they haue won him to slide vpon this Ice, because hée knowes not the danger) he is easily drawne: for hée considers within him-selfe that they are all gentlemen well descended, they haue rich fathers, they weare good clothes, haue bin gallant spenders, and doe now and then (still) let it flye fréely: hée is to venture vpon no more rockes than all they, what then should hée feáre? hée therefore resolues to doe it, and the rather because his owne exhibition runnes low, & that there lacke a great many wéekes to the quarter day, at which time, he shall be refurnished from his father. The Match being thus agréed vpon, one of them that has béene an ould Ferret-monger, & knowes all the trickes of such Hunting, séeks out a Tumbler, that is to say, a fellow, who beates the bush for them till they catch the birds, he himselfe being contented (as he protests & sweares) onely with a few fethers.
THE TUMBLERS HUNTING DRY-FOOTE.
THIS Tumbler being let loose, runnes Snuffing vp and downe close to the ground, in the shoppes either of Merrers, Gouldsmithes, Drapers, Haberdashers, or of any other trade, where hée thinckes hée may méete with a Ferret: and the vpon his very first course, hée can finde his game, yet to make his gallants more hungry, and to thinke hée wearies himselfe in hunting the more, hée comes to them sweating and swearing that the Citie Ferrets are so coaped (that is to say, haue their lippes stitched vp close) that hée can hardly get them open to so great a sum as fiue hundred pounds, which they desire. This heache being chewd downe by the Rabbet-suckers almost kils their hearts, and is worse to them then dabbing on the neckes to Connies. They bid him if hée cannot fasten his tieth vpon plate or Cloth, or Silkes, to lay hold on browne paper or Tobacco, Bartholmew babies, Lute stringes or Hobnailes, or two hundred poundes in Saint Thomas Onions, and the rest in mony; the Onions they coulde get wenches enough to cry and sell them by the Rope, and what remaines should serue them with Mutton. Vpon this, their Tumbler trottes vp and downe againe. And at last lighting on a Cittizen that will deale, the names are receiued, and deliuered to a Scriuener, who enquiring whether they be good men and true, that are to passe vpon the life and death of fiue hundred poundes, findes that foure of the fiue, are winde-shaken, and ready to fall into the Lordes handes: marry the fist man, is an Oake, and theres hope that hée cannot be hewed downe in haste. Vpon him therefore the Cittizen buildes so much as comes to fiue hundred poundes, yet takes in the other foure to make them serue as scaffolding, till the Frame be furnished, and if then it hold, hée cares not greatly who takes them downe. In all hast, are the bondes sealed and the commodities deliuered, And then does the Tumbler fetch his second carréere, and thats this.
THE TUMBLERS HUNTING COUNTER.
THE wares which they fished for being in the hand of the fiue shauers, doe now more trouble their wits how to turne those Wares into ready mony, then before they were troubled to turne their credits into wares. The Trée being once more to be shake
n, they know it must loose fruit, and therefore their Factor must barter away their Marchandise, tho it be with losse: Abroad into the Citie he Sailes for that purpose, and deales with him that sold, to but his owne Commodities againe for ready mony; Hée will not doe it vnder. 30 l. losse in the Hunored: other Archers bowes are tryed at the same marke, but all kéepe much about one scantling: backe therfore comes their Carrier with this newes, that no man will disburse so much present money vpon any whatsoeuer. Onely hée met by good fortune with one friend (and that friend is himselfe) who for 10 l. will procure them a Chapman, marry that chapman will not buy vnlesse hée may haue them at 30. l. losse in the Hundred: •u•h, cry all the Sharers, these Curmudgions, giue that your friend 10. l. for his paines, and •etch the rest of the money: within an houre after, it is brought, and powred downe in one heape vpon a tauerne table; where making a goodly shew as if it could neuer be spent, all of them consult what sée the Tombler is to haue, for Hunting so well, and conclude that lesse then 10 l. they cannot giue him, which 10. l. is the first told out. Now let vs cast vp this Account: In euery 100. l. is lost 30. which being 5. times 30. l. makes 150. l. that Sum the Ferret puts vp cléer besides his ouer-prising the wares: vnto which 150. l. lost, ad 10. l. more, which the Tumbler guls them off, and other 10. l. which hée hath for his voyage, all which makes 170. l. which deducted from 500. l. there remaineth onely 330. to be deuided amongst 5. so that euery one of the partners shall haue but 66. l. yet this they all put vp merily, washing downe their losses with Sacke and Suger, whereof they drinke that night profoundly.
HOW THE WARREN IS SPOYLED.
WHILST this weather lasteth lasteth, and that there is any grake to nibble vpon, These Rabbet-suckers keepe to the Warren wherein they fatned: but the cold day of repaiment approaching, they retire déepe into their Caues; so that when the Ferret makes account to haue fiue before him in chase; foure of the fiue lye hidden, and are stolne into other groun vs. No maruell then if the Ferret growe fierce and teare open his own iawes, to suck blood from him that is left: no maruaile if he scratch what woolhe can from his back: the Pursnets that were Set, are all taken vp & carried away. The Warren therefore must be Searched, That must pay for all: ouer that does hée range like a little Lord. Sargeants, Marshals-men, and Baliffes are sent forth, who lye scowting at euery corner, and with terrible pawes haunt euery walke. Inconelusion the bird that these Hawkes slie after, is seazd vpon, then are his fethers pluck’d, his estate look’d into, then are his wings broken, his lands made ouer to a stranger: then must our yong son & heire pay 500. l. (for which he neuer had but 66. l.) or else lie in prison. To kéepe himselfe from which, he feales to any bond, enters into any statute, morgageth any Lordship, Does any thing, Sales any thing, yéews to pay any thing. And these Citie stormes (which will wet a man, till he haue neuer a dry thried about him, tho he be kept neuer so warme) fall not vpon him once or twise: But being a little way in, hee cares not how déepe he wades: the greater his possessions are, the apter he is to take vp & to be trusted: the more he is trusted, the more he comes in debt, the farther in debt, the néerer to danger. Thus Gentlemen are wrought vpon, thus are they Cheated, thus are they Ferreted, thus are they Vndone.
Complete Dramatic Works of Thomas Dekker Page 246