by Dana Mason
“Oh ah, I haven’t gone yet,” he said.
“I thought you were doing that first.”
“Well . . . I was thinking you and Micah should go with me.”
“We can wait, come back for us when you’re finished,” she said.
“No, I want you to come along.”
She stared at him for a moment, her stomach turning with nervous energy, not sure what to say.
“It’s time for you to get out. You’ve been cooped up for two weeks.”
“I am getting out. I’m going to your house.”
“Sweetheart, you can’t hide forever. I know you’re scared, but you will need to go out eventually. I have to start work in a week and I need you to be able to get around on your own.”
“I can go out . . . Johnny.” She threw her hand out then dropped it at her side. “I just choose not to.”
He shrugged. “Prove it.”
“Fine,” she said, turning away from him.
“Listen, darlin.’” He came up behind her and grasped her upper arms. “I need to make sure you’ll be alright while I’m working.”
She brought her palm up and rubbed her forehead. “I didn’t realize you were starting so soon.” She chuckled humorlessly, closing her eyes. She was sleeping with a cop.
“I have my orientation on Thursday and I have to sign the HR paperwork and be assigned a partner.”
She turned and tried to plaster on a smile. “Are you happy to be starting work finally?”
“I can’t be while I’m worried about you. You can’t become a hermit because of what happened. Don’t let those kidnappers get the best of you.”
Her eyes dropped to his chest. “I’m not.”
“Then let’s go. I thought I’d leave my truck here and take your car so we don’t have to move the car seat.”
She swallowed back the nausea and agreed. “Okay, let’s go.”
When Johnny pulled into the grocery store parking lot, Ali tensed up. He parked and turned the car off then looked at her. “Baby steps . . . okay.”
“I’m fine,” she said, reaching for the door handle with a trembling hand. When she saw the tremble she made a fist and pulled her hand back.
“What are you worried about?” he asked.
Ali crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the passenger window turning toward the back window.
“Do you trust me?”
Ali looked at him quickly making eye contact then nodded. “Of course.”
“Take a deep breath, sweetheart.”
Ali turned away again, her chin quivering.
“Alison?” He put a finger under her chin and turned her face to his. He leaned over and got nose to nose with her. “I will not let anything happen to you or Micah. Now take a deep breath.”
Ali inhaled and the nerves in her stomach fluttered sharply. She let out a long ragged breath.
“That’s better,” he said. “I’ll get Micah.”
Johnny got out and reached into the back seat, unhooking Micah from the car seat and picking him up. He cradled Micah in one arm then opened her door and reached in to take her hand. She took it and got out of the car, her eyes locked on the ground.
He handed Micah to her and said, “Hold him a moment. I have something to make this easier.”
She took Micah, her eyes scanning the parking lot, looking for trouble. When she looked back at Johnny, he’d pulled out what looked like an empty backpack. He slid his arms in and tightened the straps then clipped the belt into place. Now that he had it strapped into place, she could see it was a front facing baby carrier. “Okay.” He held his arms out and took Micah, sliding him into the pack.
Ali smiled and said, “That’s pretty cool.”
“Isn’t it?” He grinned at her and said, “He’s totally safe and in my care. If you trust me, then let’s go.”
Ali wrapped her hand around one of Micah’s little feet sticking out of the leg hole of the carrier. She rubbed his foot for a moment, giving herself a little time to build her courage, then she nodded and said, “Okay . . . I can do this.”
He took her hand and pulled her along. They stopped at the back of the car and he said, “Go ahead and look around, get familiar with your surroundings.”
She shifted her gaze and scanned the parking lot, taking in every angle.
“We good?”
“Yeah,” she whispered.
“You know, there’s nothing wrong with the way you’re feeling. Anyone who’s been hit by a car is going to be a little shy of parking lots.” When they stepped up on the curb, he looked at her again. Her eyes were wide and alert but dry which made him feel better. “Since I have Micah, you can push the cart.”
She nodded and pulled a cart from the stall before pushing it into the entry door.
Ali slowly relaxed as they shopped. The tension in her shoulders giving a little, although her alertness was obvious by the way her jaw tightened whenever someone looked at Micah. When they had everything they needed, he paid for the groceries and let her push the cart out of the building. They stopped at the curb and Ali scanned the parking lot slowly. He did a quick scan too before stepping down and walking to the car with her. Ali tensed up then picked up her pace as a car drove up behind them. She looked at Johnny like a dear in headlights, but he gave her a reassuring smile and clicked the trunk open with her keys.
“Keep breathing, sweetheart.”
She nodded. “I’m fine, really fine.”
“Well it’s good to hear your voice again.” He grinned when her cheeks turned pink. “Take Micah and strap him in while I load the groceries.”
By the time he had the groceries loaded in the truck, she and Micah were safely buckled in. He slid in behind the steering wheel and gave her a long look. “Everything okay?”
“Yeah.” She nodded, trying to smile.
He looked in the rearview mirror. “How ‘bout you Micah, you cool too?” He waited then said, “All right, let’s get going.”
When they arrived at Johnny’s house he could tell Ali had relaxed considerably. She helped him unload the car and he began planning another outing for the next day so she could try again.
“You’ve done a lot of unpacking. When did you buy the new linens on your bed?” she asked, after they were settled in.
“That’s Sarah’s doing. She called it a house-warming gift. When I came home the bed was already made and the linen closet stocked.”
“She is so sweet,” Ali said.
“Yeah.” He stepped closer and leaned in to kiss her. “And that’s our bed . . . not mine. You picked it out, remember?” He felt her tense up and leaned his head back. “Shit—sorry.”
“It’s okay. That was a great day until . . .”
“I guess now we have to make good memories to associate with that bed.”
“Yeah,” she said and looked up into his eyes. “I am okay.”
“Are you?”
“Yes, just adjusting but I’m fine. Don’t worry.” She reached up and rubbed at the worry lines between his eyes.
“Good because I really want to enjoy you tonight.”
“Ditto.” She smiled and leaned into him. He drew her closer and kissed her until she softened and curved against him.
“I’ve missed you so much this week.” He trailed his hands down her sides and cupped her hips. “I haven’t felt so sick with longing since right after getting home from Maui.”
“Me too . . . gosh that was an awful time,” she said, shaking her head. “I had no idea I would see you again.”
“Are you glad you did?”
“I think I’ve already proven how happy I am to have you here.” She stared at him unblinking and said, “Were you—did you . . . ah ha.” She squeezed her eyes closed. “Nevermind.”
“What?”
“I was going to ask if you dated any other women since then—but I don’t want to know.”
Johnny gave her a teasing smile. “Did you see any other men?”
; “You already know the answer to that.” She frowned. “I even tried not to see you.”
“That’s over, right? You’re not going to try that ‘I can’t be involved right now’ thing again are you?”
“Yes, that’s over. It’s beyond a choice now.”
“It’s always a choice . . . you just have to choose me.”
“I choose you,” she whispered. “You own every part of me.” Her cheeks brightened again and her eyes glowed with intensity. The honesty in her words and expression made his heart skip a beat.
Johnny cupped her neck and pulled her closer, gripping her face in both hands. “I promise I will never give you a reason to regret this.”
“That’s a big promise.”
“A promise is a promise.”
When she didn’t say anything he said, “I wasn’t looking for you either, but I couldn’t have lived with myself if I didn’t come find you and at least try.”
Her eyes grew moist and he was happy to see an honest reaction out of her, especially a positive one.
“And I have no regrets.” He touched her lips with his gently, tenderly, like a warm breeze. Slowly he intensified the kiss and threaded his hands in her hair. “Alison, my sweet Alison.”
She closed her eyes and a tear fell from between her lids. “I love you, Johnny.” She opened her eyes and met his. “And I have no regrets either.”
An impatient cry blurted out from across the room and they both smiled. “I guess he isn’t getting enough attention,” Johnny said.
“He’s hungry.” Ali wiped the tears off her cheek and reached for the diaper bag. “I’ll feed him while you start dinner.”
Johnny began marinating the chicken breast while he watched Ali feed Micah baby cereal and apple sauce. “Solid food finally, bet you’re happy about that, Micah. The formula stuff is pretty yucky.” Johnny took out the lettuce and started making a salad. “I’m telling you, little man, you should really protest the non-breastfeeding thing.”
Ali laughed at him. “Stop that—”
Johnny’s cell chimed, interrupting her. She picked it up and glanced at the caller ID before handing it to him.
“Thank you, sweet . . .” He looked at the display and hit ignore. “Oh, yeah, don’t have time for that conversation.”
“May I ask . . .” she said with raised eyebrows. “Who was that?”
He smiled. “That was Abigail . . . and she likes to talk.”
Ali waited for him to elaborate but he didn’t so she said, “Yeah, I saw that. Abigail Bennett.”
Chapter Thirty
“That’s right,” he said as he chopped cucumber for the salad. “Abigail Bennett.” His eyes drifted up. “What’s wrong with that?”
“Are you—or,” the words tumbled out before she figured out what she really wanted to ask, and her heart accelerated to an uncomfortable pace. “Were you married?”
“No, darlin,’ relax.” He frowned at her. “Abby is my cousin Jerry’s wife, not mine.”
Ali’s face caught fire it was so hot. “You jerk—you did that on purpose,” she said, trying not to laugh.
“Did not. I thought I told you her name. Why would you think I lied about being married before? I’ve never lied to you about anything.”
“That right there is a lie. You lied to me today.”
He dropped the knife and looked at her, surprise all over his face. “Did not.”
“‘I’ll stop by when I’m done at the store,’” she quoted. “What was that?”
“That was not a lie,” he said, holding up one finger. “But an intervention.”
“Inter—ah, you jerk.”
“And,” he said. “I wanted to get the baby carrier and I . . . picked up dessert, but it’s a surprise. You don’t get to see it.”
“You purposely made two trips to the store—because you wanted me to sweat through the experience.”
“No, that hurt me just as much as it hurt you. I told you, you need to get out and get comfortable in public again—with Micah.” He picked the knife back up and started slicing mushrooms. “I plan to take you out tomorrow too. Where would you like to go?”
She shook her head adamantly. “Forget it.”
“You’re going, don’t argue.”
“Excuse me? Who made you the boss?”
“I already told you, when you don’t take care of yourself, I get to be the boss of you.”
She snatched a cucumber slice from the salad. “What are you talking about?”
“When we went to lunch in St Helena,” he said.
“God—that seems like a lifetime ago.” She thought about the drive and lunch. Making love with Johnny again for the first time since seeing him in Hawaii . . . had it really only been a few weeks? He was already starting work. They’d hardly had any time to be together with everything that had happened. “Do you have any idea who you’re going to be partnered with?”
“Nope. You know a lot of the guys, don’t you? Anyone I should try to avoid?”
She cleared her throat. “I know a few.”
“Really, well . . . when you say it like that I have to ask. How many of them have you dated?” He grinned at her, his blue eyes showing amusement.
She shook her head at the irony and wished like hell he hadn’t asked that question.
“I’m joking, sweetheart.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Then what’s wrong?” He asked. “What’s the problem?”
Ali looked at him then away again. “I wouldn’t normally date a cop . . . on purpose.”
“Well, darlin,’ I am a cop so that’s not totally true, is it?”
She pursed her lips. “I know.”
“But . . . you married a cop.”
“Why do you think Mark isn’t a cop anymore?”
“What are you talking about?”
“I asked him to quit . . . just before he made detective.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “What the hell for?”
Ali shrugged her shoulders and looked away. “I didn’t like being married to a cop.”
“And he agreed—just like that. He quit simply because you asked him to.” Johnny went back to slicing tomatoes. “He wanted to start his own business anyway, right.”
When she didn’t answer he must have realized it wasn’t true. God Mark loved his job. She place Micah’s food on the table and sat back in her chair, now sick with the memory. She hated what she’d done. She had been just as manipulative as Carl.
“Why did he quit, Ali?”
“I gave him an ultimatum,” she muttered.
“Why would you ask him to quit something he loved?”
“I didn’t want to be married to a cop. I spent my nights home alone scared all the time. I hated it.”
“But, Ali, the chances of something happening—”
“Are high—I’m not stupid,” Ali said. “He might have been killed—almost was.”
“I can’t believe he quit because you told him to and now you’re not even married anymore.”
“I guess I did Sarah a favor.”
“It’s not funny, Ali.”
“I know it’s not funny. I have to live with what I did to him every day of my life.” She stood and faced him. “The only thing that makes it easier is knowing I may have saved his life.”
“Ali . . .”
“Don’t look at me like that. He’s happy with his business. He makes damn good money and he loves what he does now.” And it was true. He loved what he was doing, and he was much better at protecting people than chasing down criminals.
Johnny stared at her unblinking and she knew he’d never believe Mark was happier now. “I had no choice.”
“No choice?” he said, his voice dripping with disappointment.
“One night there was a really bad standoff. Two cops had been shot already and they had the guy held in an upstairs apartment. I watched it on the news—when they entered the building another cop had been shot.” Ali sank back into her
chair. “I’ll never forget it. I was sick all night. I called and couldn’t get any answers. I assumed they wouldn’t tell me anything because Mark had been one of the cops that had been killed. When he came in the door, I felt so relieved . . . and mad.” She looked at Johnny, but he didn’t seem convinced by her story. “Do you know what that’s like—as a wife?”
Johnny shook his head and turned away to look out the window into the back yard. “I need to go start the grill,” he said and walked out the back door, letting the screen slam shut behind him.
She waited for several minutes then picked up Micah and followed him out. He stood with his hands on his hips staring into the lit grill.
The backyard was huge, much bigger than Ali realized. Toward the back, a loveseat sat nestled behind a grouping of bushes, shaded by a large sycamore tree. On the other side, there was a small seating area with wicker furniture set in a circle. The patio had a large built in brick barbeque surrounded by a bar with several barstools. In the center of the patio, three wooden park benches circled a huge, round stone fire pit.
Johnny tossed a couple of logs into the fire pit. He lit the fire and turned toward the house, stopping when he saw her standing there.
“Nice back yard,” she said.
“Yeah, Sarah did a real nice job with it.” He held up a finger and said, “I’ll be right back with the chicken.”
Ali nodded then went over and sat on a bench next to the fire pit, turning Micah so he could look around the backyard. The weather was perfect with a slight breeze blowing the leaves on the trees. It’d been a long time since Ali had spent any real time outside. She used to like walking the neighborhood, pushing Micah in his stroller, but she couldn’t force herself out these days.
A few minutes later, Johnny came back out and gingerly placed the marinated chicken on the grill. He watched it for another minute before strolling over and sitting on the bench across from her.
“I’m not so heartless as you think. It was a hard time for us. Mark understood and he knows I’m sorry for what I did.”
“You know, Ali . . .” Johnny looked up from the flames to make eye contact. “That’s a dangerous game to play.” He ran his hands through his hair and looked up at the sky. “What would you have done if Mark had walked out on you?”