by Dana Mason
“Of course I’ll take you.” He reached out and stroked his hand down the length of her hair. “Let me take you out to breakfast, how about Crepes N’ More?”
She popped her head up. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Nope—not kidding—I think that’s a good baby step.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Yes, ma’am, we’re going. Go shower.” He grabbed her duffle bag and unzipped it. “Come on, get up.”
Chapter Thirty-Three
When Johnny parked the car, Ali’s body grew heavy in protest. He reached over for her hand, but she couldn’t look at him. Her sanity hung by a thread and his eyes would only make her lose control faster. He waited, watching her, and Ali didn’t understand why this was important to him. Why here? Why this restaurant? She fought back tears and nausea at the same time. When Johnny squeezed her hand and quietly said, “Let’s go,” she thought her heart would jump out of her chest.
Ali shook her head and kept her eyes forward. Johnny released her hand then got out of the car and walked to her door. When the door opened she held her breath as he reached in and clicked her seat belt off. “I can’t carry you and Micah,” he said, glowering over her. “We’re going in there. You can do this, sweetheart.”
Ali shook her head again.
Johnny squatted next to her. “Take a deep breath, you’re turning blue.”
“I don’t think I can do it,” she gushed out, releasing the air in her lungs.
He reached over and cupped her chin, turning her to face him. “You need this . . . we need to do this.” When she didn’t respond, he stood and opened the back door to get Micah out of the car seat.
She turned quickly, her voice rising. “I don’t think I can do it.”
He held his hand out. “Come on, Micah and I will help you.” He looked at her face and said, “Take a deep breath and take my hand.”
Ali inhaled slowly, getting dizzy with the rush of air. She reached out for his hand, he felt warm and soft, but strong. He squeezed hers and gave her a little tug to get her out of the car.
He closed the door and backed her against the car, locking eyes with her. “If you want to prove your independence, fight this fear and walk into the restaurant with me.”
She nodded, her cheeks hot. What a contradiction she looked like when he put it like that. What a coward she was for acting like such a baby.
“Sunshine, I’m not trying to make you feel worse. I need to make sure you can handle things on your own when we’re not together. I don’t want to worry about you. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward.”
Once she slid into the booth, an overwhelming sense of relief washed through her. And an overwhelming sense of frustration, mixed with love made her smile up at Johnny when he took her hands across the table and told her how well she had done. He was relentless, and it drove her crazy, but it also worked.
After paying the tab, Johnny took her hand and they walked out together. Ali glanced around, following his instructions on where to look and what to look for. She held her head up, and with a racing pulse walked to the car without hesitation. He was right, instead of trying to prove she didn’t need a man to take care of her, she needed to start living and breathing it. But that was easier said than done. She’d never felt personally in danger before. The idea of having to protect herself if someone approached made her feel extremely vulnerable. Mark had given her the basics of self-defense when they were married, but she never took it seriously on the assumption that he would always be there to protect her. When Mark wasn’t there, she had Carl and she always felt safe with him as well.
She thought of the bruises Carl had left on her arm. Proof she was, at least somewhat, capable of protecting herself. Johnny was right, she needed to feel safe on her own. He couldn’t be there all the time and she appreciated that he wanted her to know how to handle herself, instead of always wanting to hover over her to protect her.
Now with a real threat, she wanted to kick herself for being blind to the dangers lurking out there for her and her kids. The safe, secure little world she treasured had been invaded and now nothing would ever be the same. She would always be scared and she hated that. It didn’t help now that she knew Carl wasn’t to be trusted. As much as she hated him for what he’d done during their marriage, she never thought she had to fear him like she did now.
She thought about Sarah, and how she’d spent so many years hiding from a man who would hunt her down one day. Was this the same? Was Micah a target now? It was her job as his mother to protect him, could she do it? She shuddered at the thought, and it got Johnny’s attention.
“Everything okay?” He asked.
“Do you think they’ll come back for him?” she asked. “The same people?”
“I think he is as safe as any other baby. They gave him back, didn’t they?” He looked over at her from the driver’s seat. “We’ll keep him safe, sweetheart.”
She stared at him, admiring his self-confidence and strength. “Why after getting hit by that car twice, are you not afraid?”
“It’s not the first time someone has tried to run me down. It’s different for cops; we deal with things like that every day.” He shrugged. “I guess I’m a little immune to it.”
Ali looked over when he stopped the car, surprised they were sitting in her driveway.
He put the car in park and said, “Let’s run in and get some more stuff for y’all tonight before we head over to the doctor’s office.”
“Tonight?”
“Yeah.” He grinned at her. “You told me last night you would stay another night.”
“I did?”
“Yes, ma’am. Don’t you remember?”
“No.” Ali stared at his smile and tried to remember the conversation from the night before. “I would like to stay another night, but I don’t remember talking . . .” His eyes lit up and she realized what the joke was. “Oh . . . you’re sneaky.”
“Remember now?”
“Umhum . . . yeah, I recall something about needing another night to break the bed in.” She smiled and opened the car door.
Ali and Micah spent another two nights with Johnny, but she insisted on going home on Thursday, uneasy about keeping Micah away from home for so long. Each night Johnny moved Micah’s crib further and further away from his bedroom to give Ali the baby steps she needed. When he took her home on Thursday he went directly upstairs and moved the crib before she could stop him. When she realized what he had done she had a hard time with it until he’d convinced her it was the right thing to do.
As she settled back in at home he’d stayed and spent the morning with her before his orientation at work. They did everything together from separating the laundry, to cleaning the kitchen while Micah sat in his highchair watching. Ali loaded the dishwasher as Johnny wandered the house looking for any stray dirty dishes.
When he brought in another cup, she snatched it up and placed it into the dishwasher.
“Carl?” he said loudly.
“No, I’m Ali.” She teased but the look on his face made her stop mid-laugh. “What’s wrong?”
“When was Carl here?”
Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. “Excuse me?”
“When was Carl here?” he asked again, raising his voice this time. She stared at him, not sure what to say. Then he held up the Starbucks coffee cup with Carl’s name written in bold black ink.
“Oh . . . ah.” She looked back down into the dishwasher. “He stopped by on Monday morning.”
Johnny stared at her for a long moment, but when she didn’t respond, he tossed the cup into the trash and walked out of the room.
“Oh hell . . .” Ali cursed to herself and dried her hands before rushing out behind him. He was standing stock still, staring out the living room window, his anger prevalent in his stance.
“He came to see Micah.”
“Do you think that makes me feel better?” he asked through gritted teeth.
>
“Johnny, it doesn’t matter now. I made it clear to him that we didn’t want him around. He won’t be back.”
“Yeah—but you forgot to mention he was coming—you didn’t tell me he was here.”
“He is Micah’s father. He had a right to see him.”
Johnny went wide-eyed and gave her an exasperated look. “No!” he shouted. “Stop saying that. He is not Micah’s father.”
“I wish it weren’t true too, but I can’t change biology.”
“Biology doesn’t mean shit. I became Micah’s father the first time I fed him a bottle, and the first time I got up with him in the middle of the night—and the fucking day I jumped in front of a speeding car to save him.” His breath caught at the tail end of his sentence and he turned away.
The pain in Johnny’s voice made her stomach jump with nerves. “I know—I know you love him.”
“And that’s not the point—why didn’t I know Carl was coming?”
“I didn’t want to upset you.”
“So after our conversation on Monday night, you still didn’t feel the need to be honest with me about it.” As he spoke his voice rose louder.
“I . . . I . . . , no, because it didn’t mean anything.”
He stepped closer to her. “It sounds more like you have something to hide.”
“No, I haven’t hidden anything from you.”
“You also haven’t been forthcoming at all, Ali.” He stepped closer yet again, getting right in her face. “I can’t protect you when I don’t know what you’re up to.”
Blood rushed to her face, her anger spiking—the fucking nerve of him to speak to her like she was his child. “I’m a grown woman. I don’t need your permission to see anyone.”
“Carl is dangerous! What if he hurts Micah or tries to take him?”
“He would hardly hold Micah, much less pick him up and leave with him.” Johnny took a step back and shook his head, anger seeping from him.
“No more.” He pointed to the floor. “Not unless I’m here.”
“This is my house,” she screamed. “You don’t get to make all the rules here. If you don’t like my decisions, you don’t have to be here.”
“Is that what you want, Ali. You want me to walk?”
“I want you to respect me. Trust me a little. Let me make decisions when it comes to my kids.”
“You want me to trust you . . . but you don’t trust me enough to tell me he was coming over here.” He stepped away from her and faced the window again looking out at the front yard. “Forget it . . . just fucking forget it,” he whispered, turning toward the kitchen.
Ali stepped inside as Johnny was strapping Micah back into the highchair. He turned and walked passed her.
The realization nearly knocked her down. He was leaving. “Johnny, what are you doing?” She asked, following him out of the kitchen. “You’re leaving—just like that—you’re walking out on me!”
Johnny shook his head as he walked into the foyer. “Yeah, I need to go.”
Ali reached out for his arm but he jerked away. “Stop—just stop for a minute, Johnny.” She could hardly speak through the panic racing through her system. “Let me tell you—I want to talk—” She took a breath as her chest constricted.
When the front door closed behind him she screamed. “You fucking coward!”
Chapter Thirty-Four
Ali stared at the paused screen, shocked at how well they’d cleaned up the images of Micah’s kidnappers. She’d only gotten a few seconds to see them in person, but looking at the enhanced digital images on the news, she couldn’t believe how good they were. It was definitely worth the extra effort Shane had put into it. Now the question was, would it make any difference . . . or were they already in Mexico sipping margaritas?
She hit play, but paused again when the doorbell sounded.
She tiptoed over to the front door and quietly peered through the peep hole. Mark and Jamie. Right. It’s Friday. She shook her head and tugged the door open.
“Hey,” she said, and smiled wide at Jamie.
“Hey,” Mark said, narrowing his eyes at her. “What’s up?”
She shrugged. “Nothing. Thanks for dropping him off even though it was my turn.”
“You didn’t want to get out of your pajamas?” he said, his eyes traveling to her bare feet then back up to her face.
“Right.” She rolled her eyes at his disapproving tone. “You got it.” She gripped the door, ready to close it and said, “See you later.”
“Wait, Ali.”
“For what?” She lifted an eyebrow at him. “I’m not in the mood for a lecture.”
“What the hell is up with you?” He sidestepped her and walked into the house. “Are you sick?”
She shut the door behind him and turned. “No, Mark.”
“You look like hell. Where’s Johnny? Where’s Micah?”
He stepped into the living room and said, “Jamie, take your stuff upstairs, I want to talk to your mom for a minute.
“Mom, can I play my game when I’m done putting my stuff away?” he said, snatching up his bag.
“Yeah, make sure you put your dirty clothes in the laundry basket. I don’t want to find a pile on your floor.”
He grinned and bolted up the stairs.
When Jamie left the room, Ali turned back to Mark, who was staring at the two faces on the TV. He bowed his head then glanced around the dark room. “Ali . . .”
She threw her hands into the air. “What?”
He walked over and drew the cord to open her curtains. “Why are you sitting in the dark, hiding behind a locked door alone?”
“So I haven’t dressed yet. What’s the big deal?”
“You don’t do this. You’re not this person, Al.” He walked over to Micah, who was strapped into the swing. Micah watched the exchange with little interest. “Hey, Micah.” Mark picked him up and cradled him in his arms, meeting Ali’s eyes. “Are you okay? Talk to me . . . what’s wrong with you?”
Why did it take the mere words ‘are you okay’ to send her into a sobbing, blubbering mess all the time? If he would’ve said anything else she could’ve convinced him she was fine. Of course Mark would know what to say to set her off.
She took a breath and tried like hell to get the words out without her chin quivering. “Nothing . . . just leave me alone.”
“I’m absolutely not leaving you alone. Tell me what’s going on. Where is Johnny?”
“I don’t know.” She covered her face with her hand. “He walked out on me.”
Mark walked over to the coffee table and gathered up a handful of tissue and brought them to her. “What the hell happened?”
She snatched the tissue, cleaned her face, and plopped down onto the sofa. “He got mad and stormed out. It was so stupid.”
“Why . . . what made him mad?”
She threw her hand up and let it drop to her lap. God the tone in his voice was so condescending. Of course he assumed everything was her fault. “I let Carl come over to see Micah.”
“Oh . . .” Mark said, looking down at the baby still clutched in his left hand. “So let me get this straight . . . Carl now wants to see Micah, just out of the blue.”
“Micah is his son, Mark. The kidnapping freaked him out, now he’s feeling all . . . possessive about the baby.”
“Really,” Mark said. “Possessive about the baby? Or possessive about you?” Ali glanced at him out of the corner of her eye.
Mark leaned in, forcing her to meet his eyes. “Carl made it clear he didn’t want to be a father.”
“So . . . he changed his mind,” Ali said. “People change their minds all the time.”
“Changed his mind in two weeks?” Mark shook his head. “No, something’s not right. The same day Micah came home, Carl told me he didn’t want to be a father.”
Ali focused her eyes on his face. “What—when?”
“The last day he was here, we had a conversation about what he did to Sarah . . .
didn’t I tell you?”
“No.”
“Carl told me you went behind his back to get pregnant even though he didn’t want a baby.”
“I was on the pill—I didn’t plan this. It just happened.” She pounded her fist to her forehead. “God, I wouldn’t do that.”
“He said as your pregnancy progressed, he got more desperate to get out of the marriage. When you went into labor he freaked out and did what he did to Sarah because that was something you would never forgive him for.”
“Oh my God,” Ali whispered and started to cry again.
“Ali, don’t.” He reached out for her, but she jerked away. “He’s a nut job. Don’t do this to yourself.”
“He’s a nut job because I made him one! Like you . . . like Johnny. I’m awful. Why do you stupid men fall in love with such an awful person?”
“Stop it. You’re a great person. That’s why we love you. Johnny will come around.”
“No, he’s gone.” She covered her face and wished she could shrink into the sofa and disappear. “He hates me.” She hiccupped. “—left without a second glance.”
“Maybe you should call him?”
“I didn’t tell him Carl came here to see Micah. He found out by accident.”
“Oh . . .” His eyebrows lifted. “So you lied about it.”
“I didn’t lie.
I just didn’t tell him.”
“Bullshit.” The soft tone he had before was gone. “You know perfectly well that Johnny wouldn’t want you and Micah alone with Carl.”
“I didn’t want to fight about it.”
He chuckled without humor. “And look where that got you.”
“Oh shut up and go to hell, Mark.” She blew her nose and dropped sideways to lie down.
“You can’t lie around and cry all day. You have two kids to take care of.”
Her tears started all over again, the weight of what she’d done to the three men she had loved crushed her. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”