The Embrace Series: Romantic Suspense Box Set

by Dana Mason

  “It’s toward the bottom.”

  He looked up when her voice wavered. Her eyes were glassy as she stared around at her mother’s belongings. “Erin, which journal? What does it look like?”

  She dropped her gaze to him. “It’s small and pink.”

  Brian dug through the pile and pulled out a battered pink spiral notebook with the year of their high school graduation handwritten on the cover. He ran his fingers over the date and closed his eyes for a moment in an effort to refocus his thoughts. What was he going to find in here? Did he want to know? He opened his eyes and exhaled slowly as he carried the journal over to the bed.

  He scanned the entries as he flipped through it. The day she wrote about losing her parents got his attention because of the scribbled and jerky handwriting. She’d obviously been crying when she wrote it. Losing her parents in their senior year was a killer. She had almost dropped out of school, but with her friends rallying around her, they’d managed to help her get through it. Then he read about Kevin Carter, Julie’s boyfriend senior year . . . about Melissa leaving for college. He had no idea Julie had been so insecure. The loss of her parents had scared the shit out of her, but she never talked to him about it. He knew she’d grieved for a long time, but he didn’t know how scared she’d been about her future . . .

  Now what?

  She’d written.

  First mom and dad left me and now Kevin. I’m completely alone. I hate being alone.

  I miss having someone to talk to. Melissa is gone, and Ali and Mark are so into each other, I think they forgot I exist.

  Brian’s coming over to hang out with me tonight. He got someone to buy him a bottle of Jack Daniels and we’re going to drink away our broken hearts.

  Brian flipped the page and read more.

  Melissa will never forgive me! I can’t believe we did that. I can’t believe I drank so much. What the hell was I thinking? Brian is so sweet. Why didn’t I see it before? He was so caring and soft last night, even though he was drunk. He said no at first, but neither of us wanted to stop. I couldn’t stop. Brian needed it, too, I know he did. He kept saying my name as if he really loved me instead of Melissa. God, if Brian would only want me like he wants her. We would make such a great couple.

  I started to take my pill this morning and realized I missed a couple of days. I put the pill in my mouth then spit it out. What if? What if? I keep asking myself. Brian would hate me, but I’d have a little baby to love me. A sweet little boy or girl who would love me unconditionally.

  Brian stopped reading and looked at Erin. She was watching him with a careful expression. “I did love her,” he said to Erin. When she didn’t respond, he went back to reading.

  I’m in so much trouble. I am in so much trouble! How could I be this stupid? I only missed a couple of days. Now Brian is going to hate me, and all my friends. I’m not ready to be a mom. I thought all night about getting an abortion, but I can’t kill my baby. I love my little baby. What am I going to do? Can I do this on my own? I can, right? I can . . . I can if I have to. I can’t believe this is happening. What have I done? I’m a stupid dreamer. Brian’s going to laugh at me and tell me to get an abortion. Maybe I shouldn’t even tell him about the baby.

  Brian flipped the page to read the next entry.

  I’m getting married! Brian said he wanted to get married and have our baby together. He’s really going to marry me. Nobody knows about us. We’re going to Reno this weekend with his brother, Steve, and Steve’s girlfriend, Christine. We aren’t even telling Ali and Mark, we’re going to surprise them with the news when we get back.

  We’re keeping the baby a secret for another couple of months so people don’t think we only got married for that reason. Brian said he loves me, I’m his best friend, and he wants to have a baby and a family.

  Brian couldn’t help but smile at her excitement as it poured from the page. That was such a crazy day, he remembered it with blaring detail, but how could he ever forget the moment his life had changed forever . . .

  “What’s going on? Why are you freaking out, Jules?” He couldn’t get her to stop pacing. It was scaring the crap out of him. Did she call Melissa? Did she tell her what they did?

  “Oh my God, Brian, I’m so sorry.”

  “What the hell are you sorry for? What did you do? Sit down and talk to me.”

  Her eyes were puffy as if she’d been crying for hours.

  She threw herself down on the couch and buried her head in her hands. “I’m pregnant! Oh God, Brian! I’m having a baby!”

  His head spun, making him dizzy. He leaned forward, inhaling and exhaling slowly. “But you can’t be; you’re on the pill. You told me you were on the pill.”

  “I am! It didn’t work. I missed a couple of days but that shouldn’t matter. It was only a couple of days. Oh God, I’m sorry.”

  “Oh my God, Julie.” He didn’t know what else to say. He couldn’t grasp what was happening. All he could do was think about Melissa. He was going to lose her. She’d never forgive him.

  “Brian, I don’t know what to do. I need you to tell me what to do.”

  He sat down on the couch next to her. “What do you want?” He didn’t know what else to say. He certainly didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know about this stuff. “Have you been to a doctor? Are you okay?”

  She nodded and a stream of tears rolled down her cheeks. “Yeah . . . I’m fine. I’m scared.”

  Oh God, of course she’s scared. He’s scared and he’s not the one carrying a baby. Julie didn’t even have her mom to talk to. “I think we should go talk to my mom.”

  “No! We can’t tell your mom!” She shook her head vigorously.

  “I don’t know about this girl stuff, Jules. I think you need a girl to talk to.”

  “I don’t need a freaking girl, Brian! You’re the dad. I only need you.”

  Brian’s stomach rolled. He was going to be a dad, and he needed to throw up. What was he thinking? He would never have sex while drunk ever again. What the hell was he going to do now?

  “Brian, say something.” Julie threw her hands up. “What are you thinking?”

  “I’m sorry I put you in this position. I’m sorry, Julie.”

  “I can’t get an abortion.” She shook her head again. “I won’t do that.”

  “I don’t want you to get an abortion. I would never ask you to do that.”

  She covered her face with her hands and mumbled, “I can’t do this by myself.”

  Brian’s stomach settled slightly. There was no question. He knew what he had to do and it wasn’t leaving her to deal with this on her own. He reached over and took her wrists, trying to get her to look at him. “Julie . . . I’m not going to leave you alone. We’re in this together.”

  Brian lifted his wet eyes from the page and looked at his daughter. “In a million years, why would you say she trapped me after reading this?”

  “She didn’t take her pill on purpose,” Erin said disdainfully.

  “Erin, she was lonely and scared, and she made a mistake, but missing a couple of pills does not constitute trapping.” He looked down at the page again and said, “I was shell-shocked when she told me. God damn scared to death . . . but kind of excited, too.”

  “But you loved Melissa.”

  “Yes. I did, very much, but your mother was important to me, too. I loved her, but it was different. I would’ve done anything for your mom—right up until the day she died,” he whispered. “I loved her every day, Erin. Don’t ever in your life doubt that,” Brian said, unable to hide the frown tipping his lips down.

  Erin hugged him tightly and held him. “I’m sorry, Daddy. I loved her, too.”

  Brian took a deep breath and pulled away to flip through the journal again. He skipped ahead and found the entry he was looking for.

  I thought everything was going to be perfect. How could God do this to me? Must I lose everyone in my life? I wanted to be a mom . . . have a baby to love and care for, and now, I�
��m going to lose Brian, too. It’s only a matter of time before he leaves. He’s devastated about the baby. I’ve never seen him this upset. He must hate me now.

  Brian slammed the notebook closed. He’d read enough and didn’t want to relive the awful day when he and Julie had lost their baby. Julie was right; he hadn’t been that upset in a long time. He’d based all his decisions on that child and on being a father. When fatherhood was ripped from him, he’d been lost. Still grieving Melissa, but trying with everything he had to move on and have a life with Julie, losing his child seemed unconscionable. Those feelings didn’t last long though. Seeing Julie sink into a depression after the miscarriage snapped him into action. His losses paled in comparison to hers. He pushed his own grief aside and put everything into his marriage and being the best possible husband for Julie. He did what he had to do to get them both through it . . . and within a few months, Julie had gotten pregnant with Erin.

  Brian scooted further back on the bed. “Erin, I know your mom talked to you about things . . .”

  When her eyes grew wide, he added, “About sex . . . and boys?”

  “I know all about that. You really don’t have to—”

  “But I do. It’s my job.” He waved the journal at her. “I got your mom in trouble. We made bad choices, and that’s why we were young parents.” He crossed his legs in front of him and leaned forward. “I’m not saying I regret being a parent—I certainly don’t regret having you and your brother—but I want more for you, and so did your mom. It’s important to me that you understand that.”

  “I understand, Dad.”

  “I also want you to know you can always come to me. No matter what.”

  She nodded, letting her eyes drift to her hands.

  “Is there something you want to tell me now?”

  She shook her head.

  Brian wasn’t sure why she clammed up, but it scared the hell out of him. “Has a boy at school done something to make you uncomfortable?”

  “No.” She snorted a little and said, “They’re all scared of Matt.”

  Brian lifted his brow in surprise. “Has Matty done anything to make you uncomfortable?”

  She rolled her eyes. “No, he hasn’t. He doesn’t even have the guts to ask me out, much less do something inappropriate.”

  Brian sighed, dropping his head. He’d asked for it, and she was talking. Ugh, and now he had to hear about it. Acid churned in his stomach just thinking about his little girl with a boy.

  “Erin, Matty has wanted to ask you out for six months, and I haven’t given him permission.”

  Her head shot up, and she glared at him. “Why? That’s not fair. Why would he ask you and not me?”

  “Because he’s a good guy, and that’s what the good guys do.”

  “Did you ask permission from all the girls’ dads when you dated them?”

  “No, but I only ever dated Melissa, and her dad was dead . . . and,” he waved the journal again, “we’ve already established, I wasn’t one of the good guys.”

  She smiled at him, but the smile held a hint of sadness. “You’re a good guy, Daddy. You married mom. You didn’t have to do that.”

  He nodded. “I might not be a bad guy, but I’m not a good guy either, sweetheart. I hurt Melissa really bad. I broke a lot of promises to her.” He ran his hands through his hair, hating the familiar sickness he felt when he thought about her back then. “That’s why I keep telling Matty no. I don’t want you to get hurt, or get into trouble like your mother.”

  “Dad, I’m not ready for that type of relationship . . . but I like Matty.”

  “I like him, too, and I trust him with you, but, Erin, you have to promise to talk to me about things.”

  She grinned at him, and it was the sweetest grin he’d seen in months. She held up her right hand. “I promise.”

  “It can’t be easy talking to your dad about sex and boys, but you have to remember, I was a boy once, so I kind of have a unique perspective.”

  Her grin grew wider. “I promise.”

  “Okay, I’ll let poor Matty off the hook.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  “Oh, and, Erin, I don’t want you to read anymore of mom’s journals, okay? If you want them, I’ll save them for you, and you can have them when you’re older, but not until then.”

  “Okay, I won’t touch them again.”

  “Do I need to lock that chest?”

  “No, I promise, Dad. I want you to trust me.”

  He nodded then stood to put the journal back. He took the gun box out and slid it on the top shelf of the closet.

  “Why are you moving mom’s gun?”

  “I don’t want Cody to find it, and you stay away from it, too. Guns are not toys. You understand that, right?”

  “Yes, Dad, I remember everything you taught me.” He went back to the bed and sat next to her. “So, Daddy, what about now?” she said, sitting back against the headboard of his bed.

  “Huh?”

  “You can be with Melissa now.”

  “Erin . . . it’s more complicated than you realize.”

  “No, it’s not. You love her, and she loves you.”

  “She loves Chase, sweetheart. She’s getting married in a few months.”

  “She loves you more. It’s obvious in the way she looks at you. If you tell her how you feel, it will change things.”

  “I’m thankful we’re friends. I wouldn’t do anything to mess up her future. She wants to move on, and I won’t interfere with that.”

  “You’re wrong, Dad. Maybe she’s waiting around for you to notice her again.”

  Brian looked down at the carpet and rested his head on his fist as he thought about the night before. She had said she loved him. She’d said it directly to him. Had those words meant anything if she couldn’t even remember saying them?

  “I’m sorry, Erin, but you’re wasting your time wishing for this.”

  He stood up and left her alone in his room, not wanting her to see how much the conversation affected him.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  At the sound of a car door closing, Brian peeked out the front window, expecting to see Erin. He’d given Matty permission to ask Erin out, but he still wasn’t comfortable with the idea. He squinted out to find Melissa walking up to the door with a bag in her hand. He jumped over and yanked the door open before she had time to ring the bell.

  “Well, Ms. Parker, what brings you by on a Friday night?”

  The surprise made her cheeks pink a little. She threw her hand up over her heart and exhaled slowly. “You scared me.”

  “Sorry.” He grinned. “Come on in.” Once she was inside, he closed the door and said, “You’re getting around well. I guess the foot is completely healed.”

  She lifted her foot, pointing her toes. “Yep, completely healed.” She turned and looked around the house, smiling when her eyes rested on the Christmas tree. “What a beautiful tree. Wow.” She walked over and lifted an ornament with her hand. “Baby’s first Christmas. This is pretty old. It must be Erin’s.”

  “Yeah, there’s another one on there for Cody.”

  “That is so sweet.” She mock-frowned and said, “I don’t have a tree, so my place is a little Christmas-sad.”

  Brian waved at the tree. “My tree is your tree. Come and watch the twinkling lights anytime you want. I know you love that about Christmas.”

  She turned to look at him. “Thank you. I’m surprised you remember.”

  “How could I forget? My dad used to drive you and Ali around town every year to look at Christmas lights. When I got a car, you and I did it alone.”

  “Yes.” She nodded. “I remember.”

  “Why don’t you have a tree when you love them so much?”

  “Oh, well, it’s a little silly when you live alone and don’t have kids.”

  Brian heard the telltale signs of Cody stomping down the stairs. “Speaking of kids.”

  “Dad?”

  “Excuse me, Cody,”
Brian said.

  “Excuse me, Dad,” Cody repeated in an obviously practiced way.

  Melissa put a hand over her mouth to hide her grin. It was fun watching Brian parent his kids, especially when he did it in such a delicate way. Much more fun than watching him drill them with questions like the police detective he was.

  “Melissa is here. Can you say hello?”

  “Sorry. Hi, Melissa.”

  “Actually, Cody, I’m here to visit you. I have a Christmas present for you.”

  He bounced on his heels. “Can I open it?”

  Brian shook his head. “Nuh-uh, no, sir, but you can put it—”

  “Yes,” Melissa interrupted, lifting a brow at Brian. “Excuse me, Brian,” she said pointedly. “Cody, I would like you to open it now.”

  Brian waved toward the bag of presents. “Okay, fine. Go ahead.”

  Melissa sat down and pulled three presents from her bag. “Is Erin here?”

  “No, uh, she’s actually out on a date with Matty.”

  Her eyes widened. “Really? Wow, I guess I’ve not heard the latest.”

  “Shocking, and here I thought she told you everything.”

  Melissa smiled and handed Cody his present. “Not everything, but she did hint to me that Cody would really love to have this present early.”

  Cody looked up at her without speaking.

  “Go ahead and open it,” she said.

  Cody ripped the paper from the box then flipped it, placing it on his lap and lifting the lid. Inside was a handmade photo album. “What is this?” He lifted the book cover and stared into the face of his mother.

  “This, Cody, is a photo album filled with pictures of your mom. They’re pictures from when she was a kid, until a few weeks before she died. Most of them I took myself in our school days. The others were given to me by Auntie Ali, Erin, and your grandparents.”

  Cody lifted the album out of the box and turned the first few pages. Tears spilled down his face as he stared.