by Dana Mason
“Maybe you should keep him for the night. I don’t think anyone is going to get any sleep tonight at Brian’s house,” Ali said.
“Yeah, that might be a good idea,” Mark agreed.
Melissa stood up and moved toward the door. Brian reached his hand out and grabbed hers, bringing it to his cheek. He rested his face in her hand for a few seconds then kissed her palm where their promise rings sat on her finger. Melissa bent over and kissed his head and hugged him from behind. “She’ll be fine. I’ll stay with her,” Melissa whispered.
He cleared his throat. “What about you?”
“I’ll be fine, too.”
Chapter Forty-Five
Brian finally walked through his front door at one-thirty in the morning. All he wanted was to drop into bed and sleep for a week. He slowly ascended the stairs and peeked in on Erin, but she wasn’t in bed. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest as he moved from room to room, finding both Melissa and Erin in his bed, fast asleep. After breathing a sigh of relief, he watched them for a few minutes. The two most important women in his life. He was nothing without either one.
The thought of something happening to Erin, that scumbag laying his hands on her—Brian felt his blood boil just imagining it. What the hell was Julie doing with that guy? What endearing qualities could he have had? He’s a freaking pedophile. How could she not see? How could he have not seen what Erin was dealing with?
Brian stripped his shirt off and pulled open his top drawer in search of flannel pajama pants, but stopped when he found a small note and black silk nightgown.
“Next time,” he whispered and brought the black silk to his nose to feel the softness on his face. “Next time for sure, sweetheart, if we all survive the next few days.”
After changing, Brian slipped under the covers and wrapped his arms around Erin and Melissa with Erin in the middle. Melissa stirred and opened her eyes.
She smiled and reached out to touch his face. “Welcome home.”
“Hi,” he said. “How is she?”
“A wreck, but she’ll survive. How are you?”
“Much better now.” He kissed her palm. “Thank you for taking care of her, and yourself.”
“I’m glad you’re finally home.”
“Me, too, but we have to get up early and meet with my Sergeant, the attorney, and the DA.”
“They went to arrest Jeffries, but he was gone.”
“What! Gone?”
“Shh . . .” He gestured toward Erin and said, “Yes, apparently he was expecting them. He’s nowhere to be found.”
“I guess he assumed Erin would tell us everything now.”
Brian nodded. “The DA is all over this. His seventeen-year-old daughter is on Jeffries’ swim team,” Brian said. “And Jeffries actually had loads of camera equipment with him on Friday night.” Brian gritted his teeth. “And video equipment. After the shooting, he told the investigating officers he took videos and pictures during the day’s practice and was on his way out for the evening when he was shot.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t see this,” Melissa said. “I should have forced Erin to say more.”
“Don’t do that, Melissa. It’s not your job. You already do so much for them.”
“She’s my friend and partly my responsibility. I should have done more to gain her trust. Maybe she would have talked to me.”
“If her mother didn’t see it, how could you?” Brian glanced down when Erin shifted and cried out in her sleep. Brian made eye contact with Melissa, and they both tried to comfort her.
When she jerked awake, her eyes met Brian’s, and she started crying.
“Erin, it’s okay. You don’t have to be afraid of him. He’ll never come near you again,” Brian said, pushing the hair off her face.
“I’m so s . . . sorry,” she stuttered.
“This isn’t your fault. It’s his, and mine.”
She shook her head. “No-no, Daddy.”
“Erin, we have to get up early. Go back to sleep. We can talk in the morning”
“Will you stay with me?”
“Yes, I’ll be right here; Melissa, too.” He kissed her forehead and stroked her hair until she fell back to sleep.
Brian hardly slept. He couldn’t stop thinking about what Erin had been through. He wanted to know everything that scumbag had done to her. And he couldn’t stop thinking about Julie. How could she have been so blind to this asshole? What was going through her head when she hooked up with this jerk? He gently slipped his arm free of Erin and rolled out of bed, trying not to wake them up.
When he was out of bed, he stared at the closed closet door. “God damn, Julie.” He promised himself he would not read those journals. He didn’t want to agonize over what she’d written, but now that he knew what kind of man she’d been sleeping with, he needed to know more. Brian approached the near empty walk-in and closed the door behind him before clicking the switch for light.
He opened the trunk and took the most recent journal from the top, where he’d left it when he cleaned out Julie’s nightstand. He took a deep breath before opening it. “Start from the beginning, or the end?” Brian shook his head. “Why dance around? Start from the back. Get right to the meat of it.” He flipped to the middle of the book where Julie had stopped writing.
One day I’m going to just leave. One day I’ll walk out that door and let Brian see what it’s like to be a single parent. How can he not see what he’s doing? He acts all smug when the time comes—acts like he’s the deserving proud parent. When was the last time he helped with homework or drove Cody to soccer? But come parent-teacher conferences, he’s right there to pat himself on the back on a job well done. He’s always right there to watch Cody receive his trophies, and Erin her medals, as if he had something to do with it. I’m just so sick of this. So sick and tired of being ignored.
He’s never home, we haven’t had sex in months, and I don’t think he even notices. He’s married to that damn job. Married to his partner—not me! I don’t want to be alone. I know what I’m doing isn’t the answer. Frank can’t fix how I feel—and he’s married, too.
How can I find some companionship in a single marriage? I love Brian, but I’ve spent most of my time missing him. I shouldn’t have to go to sleep alone and wake up alone every day. I need some of his attention, too.
I know the path I’m walking down has a dead end. Every day I ask myself, ‘what the hell am I doing?” God, I feel so bad about it, but I like being looked at like a woman. I like being wanted by someone.
Infidelity is unforgivable. Brian will never forgive this, and I know that. I’ve always despised cheating, and now I’m doing it.
I really do love Brian. His smile used to light my world, but I need to live my own life and stop wasting my time waiting for him to notice me.
Brian closed the book and leaned back against the wall with his eyes closed. God, what did I do? His chest constricted as he sat there and tried to breathe. It was a fight just to get the air in and out of his lungs.
He needed to read more; he needed to know what he’d put her through. All this time, he’d thought this was about Jeffries, but it was really about him. This was about him neglecting his wife, neglecting the person who had stood by him through everything. He’d neglected his kids, too. Is that why this had happened? How could he be so good at his job—investigating people and crimes—how could he miss this in his own home, with his own family?
Brian picked up the journal and read the previous entry. It was dated a week before the last entry.
Brian missed dinner again. I’m so mad, I couldn’t eat it either. I’m sick to my stomach again, too. I need to go see the doctor, but I don’t have time. I feel like a damn maid and chauffer. Between taking care of the kids and house alone, I don’t even have time to take care of myself.
I wish I could talk to Brian about it, but he’s never here. I thought, after Micah was kidnapped, things would get better. I thought Brian would realize his family is mor
e important than his job. He was so worried about Micah, and I thought he really got it, but instead, he’s gone more often. It’s as if he needed to reinforce his commitment to his job instead of his family. I miss him. I miss having him to talk to and sleep with. Maybe I should commit a serious crime to get his attention. Maybe if he had to arrest me, he’d notice me.
Brian felt sick. He put his head between his legs and sobbed like a child. He’d put Julie through all this, and now he was dooming Melissa to the same fate. Julie had deserved better, and so does Melissa. Erin and Cody need full-time parents, not one full-time resentful mother and one completely absent father.
He’d spent the last several hours worried about losing his job, in addition to worrying about Erin . . . but maybe losing his job was a blessing. But what the hell else was he supposed to do? He didn’t have choices. Being a cop was all he knew how to do. So . . . what? He did have choices. He’d always had choices. He’d just ignored them and ignored his family for a career. What did he want? It wasn’t a question. He wanted this family more than anything, and he wanted Melissa to be a part of it. He needed to find a balance, because he wouldn’t hurt her again. He wouldn’t put her through what he’d put Julie through.
The vows he’d made to Julie were very real to him. He’d meant them with everything he’d had. The good intentions had been there, the desire had been there. He’d wanted a family. He’d wanted the baby Julie was carrying. He’d thought being a good cop—and bringing home an income that supported them—was all he needed to contribute, but no, of course not. Kids need guidance and a father to teach them. He’d never warned Erin about boys—about predators like Jeffries. He’d made her a sitting duck.
Chapter Forty-Six
Melissa woke up and looked around the dark room. The only light visible was the sliver under the closed closet door. She carefully got out of bed and tiptoed to the closet. When she opened the door, she found Brian curled up on the carpet, cradling one of Julie’s journals.
“Brian . . .” she whispered. “I thought you didn’t want to read those.” Melissa knelt down on the floor next to him and slid the book from his hands. He jerked awake and tightened his grip.
She smiled down at him. “Come to bed.”
Brian reached out for her, pulling her down on the floor with him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here tonight for you and Erin.” He covered her mouth with his. “I love you. I’m sorry for everything,” he said through their kiss.
“Babe, come back to bed.”
“No, just . . . come here for a minute.”
“Brian.” She cupped his cheek. “Are you okay?” His eyes never opened, and she thought maybe he’d fallen back asleep.
“I need to hold you for a while. Come here, baby.” His arms enveloped her.
She gave in and rested against him. He kissed her again, deeper than she was expecting considering how out of sorts he seemed. “I love you, Lissa.”
“Let’s go back to bed. You have some pretty important meetings tomorrow.”
He nodded, cuddling closer.
“Come on,” she said, sitting up and tugging on him.
When Melissa got out of bed in the morning, she smelled the familiar aroma of coffee wafting up the stairs. She left Erin sleeping and hobbled down into the kitchen. She gently pushed the door open and peeked into the kitchen to find Brian sitting at the table, looking absolutely miserable. When he glanced up at her, she stepped in and went directly to the coffee maker and poured a cup. She took a few sips and walked over to the table to sit with him.
“Good Morning.”
“Morning,” he said in a heavy voice.
“Did you get any sleep?”
“Not much.”
“I’m sorry I stole your bed again.”
“Don’t be. Thank you for staying with Erin. I’m sure she had a bad night.”
“It wasn’t too bad, but she is afraid of facing you.”
“I can relate. I’m a little afraid of facing her, too.”
“I know.” Melissa stared at him over his coffee mug, not sure what to say to make things easier for him. “You’ll be all right. She will, too.”
“It’s hard to sleep knowing that bastard isn’t in jail.”
“Were they able to find anything that might lead them to where he is?”
“I don’t know. They’re not talking to me about the investigation. Johnny and I were working on a child porn case when I was suspended, but ICE and Homeland Security took over a few weeks ago.”
“Homeland Security? I would have never guessed they investigate . . . but I guess that makes sense to lump child porn in with sex-trafficking though.”
“Most of the images get sent through the web and over state and international lines, which makes it a federal crime.”
“They’ll find him, Brian. He’s too arrogant to hide. His arrogance will get him caught quicker than anything.”
“I have to make Erin tell me everything. I need to know what happened.” His expression went from inquisitive police detective to distraught father. “Do you think . . .” He cleared his throat and closed his eyes. “Do you think he raped her?”
“He didn’t. That was one of the first things she said to Mark.”
He finally looked up at her, and she wanted to cry at the pained expression on his face. “Will you help me talk to her? She’s more comfortable with you.”
“It must be hard to talk to a dad when you’re used to talking to your mom.”
Brian dropped his head, nodding.
“Although, it’s pretty clear she didn’t talk to her mother about this either,” Melissa said. “Brian . . . why did you start reading the journals?”
“I need to know what attracted her to such a person. Why would she want to be with someone so disgusting?”
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
His eyes never left his mug when he said, “I found the answers I needed.”
She wanted to reach out to him, but the fear of rejection held her back. Brian was dealing with issues separate from Erin, something Melissa couldn’t help him with. Reading those journals had been a mistake. Melissa fervently hoped he read them with an objective mind, but she knew that was asking for the impossible. Brian’s guilt over Julie and Erin could quite possibly drive him away from her. She understood, Erin had to come first, but she didn’t want to lose Brian or Erin over this.
She turned when the kitchen door squeaked open. It seemed as if all three took a simultaneous deep breath as they stared at each other.
“Morning,” Brian said, trying to smile.
“Hi,” Erin mumbled.
“Are you hungry?”
“No,” she said. “I’ll just have some juice.” She walked to the fridge and poured herself a cup of orange juice.
“We have a couple of meetings today,” Brian said casually. “You need to dress appropriately. I’m sure Melissa can help you pick something out.” Melissa gawked at him with wide eyes. Why was he talking about what she needed to wear? Brian shrugged at her expression like he understood what she was thinking.
“We need to talk before these meetings,” Brian said when Erin put the juice back and closed the fridge.
Erin nodded apprehensively then took the chair across from him. “Daddy . . .”
“Erin, do not apologize to me again.”
She lowered her eyes. “Okay.”
“I need you to tell me from the beginning what Jeffries did. I need to know everything he said to you.”
“Okay.”
“I can’t walk into these meetings without hearing everything. It’s important you don’t leave anything out or lie about anything—to me or to anyone else we meet with.”
“I understand,” she said quietly.
“We believe there are other victims.”
Erin looked up quickly.
“The more information they have, the more they have to go on in the investigation.”
She no
dded then took a sip of juice.
“Do you mind talking to me and Melissa? She doesn’t have to be here and you won’t hurt her feelings if you want her to leave.”
“No.” She looked at Melissa with pleading eyes. “I’d like to talk to Melissa, too.”
“Start from the beginning, what happened first—last year when this whole thing started.”
When Erin began telling her story, Melissa was surprised at the things left out the day before when Erin had talked to Ali. And even more surprised by the openness Erin seemed to have with her dad, and of Erin’s bravery. It struck Melissa deep to hear the level of manipulation Jeffries had used on her. The picture became clearer, and understanding set in, making Melissa a little sick to her stomach. Why Erin hadn’t told anyone, why Erin had continued to meet with him, why she hadn’t come forward sooner. Jeffries had mastered Erin’s reactions to everything and played her like a piano.
Erin inherited many great traits from her father, and the strongest was of protector and savior. Jeffries used these traits against her in a masterful way, knowing she would put herself in jeopardy to save the ones she loved and to protect her friends. Unfortunately, he’d also played on her ambition and natural instinct to lead. That’s how he’d managed to get her alone in the first place. Those were the keys of getting her to take off her swimsuit the first time. He’d bathed her in poetic promises only a young mind would believe. A young mind . . . or a weak mind . . . and that’s where Julie fit into the scenario. Julie had always been weak-minded, even in school. She was the first succumb to peer-pressure, and always the follower of stronger-willed people.
“What did he say to convince you to take off your swimsuit?” Brian said.
“Daddy, I’m—”
“Do not apologize to me, Erin. This isn’t your fault. He manipulated you. These are textbook pedophile moves. He met with you a few times to make you comfortable with him. I’m sure he behaved like the perfect gentleman in the beginning. I bet he did everything to convince you he was your friend, that he understood you. Told you how important you were to him and to the team.”