Learning at 40 (Lakeside Cottage Book 2)

by L. B. Dunbar

  I swore I wouldn’t be a bad dad. I’d had the best of fathers until he wasn’t. We hadn’t a hint to the things he’d been doing, or maybe I hadn’t noticed because I was only a kid. He was my hero then. I never knew how far off-balance things had gotten. When everything fell apart, my mother was devastated, and I was left to pick up the pieces.

  I glance at River, whose eyes fill with compassion. She doesn’t know what to say in response to Trevor.

  “Little guys, how about we ask River to join us tonight for the barbecue?” Logan asks, dissolving the awkward tension. My head twists from River to Logan, kicking myself that I hadn’t thought of it or been the one to invite her. Logan and Autumn offered to host our crew at their new home tonight, hoping to remove us from the house. Anna’s been holding her own, but she disappears in her head at times and needs a break.

  The boys cheer, and Oliver doesn’t hold back. He wraps his arms around River’s waist and looks up at her with large pleading eyes.

  “Please come. Please, please, please.” He pouts, and River glances over at me.

  “Did he learn this expression from you, or did he teach it to you?” I have no idea what she’s talking about, but I watch as she blindly rubs her hand over my son’s head. “I don’t really want to intrude on your friends-cation.”

  “Why not? We’ve invaded your yard,” I reply.

  “Don’t act like that’s a hardship,” Mason mutters, and I pierce him with another hard glare.

  “Clothing is optional,” Logan states, and River stiffens in Oliver’s arms. “I mean, it might be best to wear something, but you know, you do you. Whatever makes you comfortable. My wife likes to be naked, too. Typically, it’s only with me, but I’m not gonna judge.”

  River’s head slowly turns in my direction, and her eyes narrow. “You told them.”

  My mouth falls open, ready to explain. Then I snap my lips shut, thinking it best not to speak. I lower my eyes, and her breath catches.

  “You weren’t alone,” she growls under her breath. I kick at the ground, slipping my hands into my pockets. Biting the corner of my lip, I sheepishly lift my lids half-mast to glance up at her.

  “Dammit,” she mutters and closes her eyes.

  Mason laughs, and River turns her attention to him.

  “All three of you.” It wasn’t even a question. Logan turns his head and whistles a distracting tune. Mason salaciously grins.

  “Don’t be embarrassed,” I whisper.

  “You should be embarrassed,” she says, eyeing each of us like errant children. Her voice rises while she continues stroking Oliver’s hair, and his head relaxes against her waist.

  “Dad, don’t make her mad again,” Oliver warns, and my mouth falls open.

  How am I the bad guy? Then again, I’ve just been schooled by River. We should be embarrassed. We shouldn’t have been looking, but dammit, it’s her fault for being so distractingly beautiful.

  “Yeah, Dad,” Mason groans, but it’s Trevor who hammers the nail into my chest again.

  “Dad, we don’t want Miss River to leave us, too.”

  “Oh, baby,” River whispers, and she crouches once more, still holding Oliver at her side. “Trevor, come here.” She stretches out an arm, but Trevor isn’t as affection-desperate as his brother, nor does he seem to want River’s embrace. He remains where he’s planted, suspiciously eyeing River until she lowers her arm.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” she says to him, confident and convincing. “I’ll be right here, guarding your tree fort for you.”

  Trevor stares at her, and I can almost see the fight in him. He wants her touch. He wants to believe her soothing words. Jeanine wasn’t a loving mother, but then again, I’m just as guilty as a less-than-stellar father. Time was my excuse. Jeanine was just cold. I’m ready to grab my child and pull him to my chest. I don’t want him to feel abandoned. He’s too young to feel so rejected. I know the sensation, and it sucks.

  When Trevor doesn’t move toward River, she stands again chewing at her lower lip. She doesn’t look at me, and I worry she’s offended by his standoffishness.

  “It’s not you,” I offer, reaching out for her arm, stroking from bicep to wrist. She doesn’t flinch, but she’s still stiff from his rebuff. Or maybe she’s still upset three grown men saw her naked in her backyard.

  Sensing new tension, Logan interjects with another invitation to dinner, and with another questioning glance from River, I confirm the invite.

  “I’d love for you to be there.”

  She can’t say I treated her like a one-night stand. We’ve had two nights together, and I’m looking forward to a third. And then, a few more after that.

  10

  [River]

  Although I’ve lived here for a year, I haven’t made the effort to meet people. I’d heard the murmurs and speculation. I didn’t feel the need to explain myself to strangers, but I wanted to make a good impression with Zack’s friends. So, I was nervous.

  Plus, I was still struggling with Trevor’s words and Oliver’s embrace. Cloaked under their wild streak, those little boys are sad. In the short time I’d known them, I haven’t heard them mention their mom once until today, and it was obvious Trevor misunderstood. His mother didn’t leave him; she left their father. Or maybe Zack left her. I didn’t know the details, and as I didn’t want to share my own experience, I hadn’t asked. However, I don’t want to believe their mother abandoned them.

  Children are a blessing, my grandfather would say. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to curse at them sometimes. Somehow, I think Grandfather intended those words to mean exasperation and frustration with children, not abandoning them. He refused to see children as anything other than a gift, and he certainly cherished my mother and me.

  Sadly, Quincy had abandoned his children, and at his advanced age, he was full of regret. His children were full of bitterness and eventually revenge. Just like with Quincy, it wasn’t my place to judge Zack as a father. However, Oliver and Trevor were only seven. Zack had more time to make good on his position as their dad. In Zack’s defense, he wanted to be better. It was written on his face when Trevor said what he said about their mother and when Oliver hugged me. On the cusp again. Zack didn’t understand his children, but he wanted to know them.

  A hard knock on my front door brings me out of my thoughts, and my hands smooth down my summer dress. The lightweight material is flouncy and flows almost to my ankles. I’ve paired it with strappy, flat sandals, but I’m worried I won’t match Zack. His polished look isn’t lost on me, even in his standard chino shorts and dress shirts. The emblem on his clothing hints at their expense, and when I open the door to find him wearing a silver watch worth more than fifteen-hundred dollars complementing his ensemble, I’m feeling very underdressed. I might as well be naked, as Logan joked.

  “You look pretty,” Oliver sweetly says, and immediately, all my worries vanish. Zack shakes his head and swipes a hand over his boy’s freshly washed hair. It’s been another day of sunscreen, sawdust, and overall dirt.

  “Ready?” Zack asks. He suggested earlier we walk as the boys could use the energy release and Logan’s home is less than half a mile away.

  “I’m good to go,” I say, noticing a tremble in my voice. I’m so nervous and I’m never like this.

  “Are those brownies?” Trevor asks. I’m holding a tray of brownies. Thankfully, I had a box of mix in the cupboard. He beams at me while Oliver exaggerates licking his lips.

  “Want to carry it for me?” I ask but realize too late that I have one tray and four eager hands when the boys collectively holler, “I do!”

  “How about I carry the brownies?” Zack offers and tips his head to suggest we begin our walk. The boys scamper ahead of us while Zack stays beside me.

  “My son beat me to compliment you,” Zack says, almost pouting like he did the other night. He definitely taught his son this look. “He got it wrong, though. You look beautiful, angel.” His eyes roam over my hair an
d down to my neck. A smile accentuates his praise. It’s nice to be considered pretty.

  “Why do you call me that?” Angel isn’t the most common of endearments.

  The corner of Zack’s mouth quirks upward as though he has a secret, but he isn’t offering it up. “It fits.” That’s it. He doesn’t say anything further.

  “Well, you don’t look so bad yourself, handsome.” I grin, and he does that dazzling thing by smiling wider, happy with my compliment. “Oh, come on. I’m certain you’ve heard that a million or two times in your life.”

  Zack laughs. “It’s still nice to hear that a beautiful woman thinks I’m decent looking.” That vulnerability hits. He’s wearing another dress shirt, rolled to his elbows, and dark shorts. My eyes lower to his expensive watch, and he follows my gaze.

  “It was a present to myself when I graduated from law school. I’d worked hard, and when I got my first job, I blew my whole paycheck on it.” He shakes out his arm and bends his elbow in a sexy manner, acting as if he’s checking the time on a fifteen-hundred-dollar watch. “It’s the most frivolous thing I’ve ever bought.”

  I chuckle as well. “Last night was the most frivolous thing I’ve ever done.”

  Zack stumbles. “What?”

  I shrug, dismissing my comment.

  “Oh, no, you cannot just say something like that and expect me to let it go.” His voice drops. “So, you liked it?” For a confident man, the question startles me and reminds me how uncertain he is under that hard exterior. The question is, why?

  “Liked what?” I tease innocently as I smile back at him. He checks on his boys ahead of us before wrapping an arm around me, placing his hand on my hip and tugging me closer to him.

  “Liked my tongue on you.” He leans in to kiss my neck. “Liked my lips on yours.” He nips my earlobe. “Next time, I’m going to use my fingers.”

  “Next time?” I flirt, turning to face him after a quick glance at his boys. My gaze drops to his mouth. “Think you’ll have a next time?”

  “Absolutely,” he promises. “This is not a one-night stand.”

  “Ten-day fling?”

  His eyes lower to my mouth, and his voice drops when he says, “I don’t think ten days is going to be enough.” He gives me a kiss that’s too short, too quick.

  “Dad,” one of the boys cries out, and we both glance down the road toward them. I expect Zack to remove his arm, but to my surprise, he doesn’t release me. His arm stays around my lower back with his hand on my hip, and I smile to myself with how right he feels next to me.

  11

  [Zack]

  The barbecue is craziness and chaos as the younger set of kids run around the yard and the older set suddenly has friends lingering near the house. Logan has fallen into domestic bliss for the second time, and it gives me some hope it might happen to me someday. It would be the first time, though. Jeanine and I had a strained relationship. As another attorney, we met at a conference. One night with too much scotch led to a phone call from her two months later. She didn’t want to keep the babies, but I did. We married to protect her reputation. She didn’t want to be a single mom in a tough industry. However, she was never a mother figure. We had nanny after nanny, and as I buried myself in work, I hadn’t paid attention. I let her run our home until she started having affairs.

  Fly in love.

  Ben must have been on some serious meds when he wrote that suggestion. He knew I didn’t love my ex-wife. God forgive me, but Jeanine hadn’t loved me either. We married for the children, which everyone knows is the worst reason. My boys hardly knew their mother or me, and I recall what Trevor said earlier.

  Our mother left us.

  River’s response startled me even more. She assured him she would be here for him. Well, at least as guardian of the tree fort. Either way, that commitment would take more than ten days. It would take a lifetime. I glance over at her talking with Autumn, wondering if she meant it. Would she want a second chance at . . . what? Love? I didn’t believe in love for myself. Would she be interested in marrying again? Could she love someone else’s children? Of course, these were hypothetical questions. Autumn loves Lorna, Logan’s daughter, but that’s different. She’s known the girl her entire life, and Autumn has loved Logan since she was a teenager.

  You can’t fall in love in ten days, can you?

  You can’t really fly in love, whatever the hell that means.

  And I’ve learned my lesson about lust and one-night stands. Thank goodness River and I have already made it through two nights, and this marks our third. I look forward to a few more.

  Autumn hands baby Ben to River, and Anna falls into the seat next to me.

  “I like her,” she says, smiling over at River who’s rocking the baby in her arms.

  “You just met her,” I remind her as she admitted her guilt at not meeting River sooner.

  Anna shrugs. “You like her, too,” she teases.

  “How do you know?” I laugh.

  “Because you can’t take your eyes off her.” I chew my lower lip, trying to prevent my gaze from wandering to River, but I only pause on Anna for a second before the pull is too strong. Anna chuckles next to me.

  “It’s a good look on you.”

  “What is?” I ask, turning to face Anna more fully this time.

  “Love.”

  I sputter. “I’m not in love.” Anna knows my philosophy. Love is dangerous. Not only had I not loved my wife but I’d also watched my mother—who had deeply loved my father—fall apart when everything happened. My father’s professions of love had been a lie. He claimed he did what he did because he loved her, but he also made his decisions sound like her fault. My mother hadn’t disagreed.

  Love was Anna and Ben, but that was rare and not for me.

  My eyes leap to River again, finding her looking back at me.

  “Not yet, maybe, but soon,” Anna retorts.

  I break away from River’s smiling face and stare at Anna once more. “How do you know?” How does one know when they really love a person? Even Ben couldn’t explain it other than saying you just know, and he was one of the sappiest guys I’ve ever met.

  “When it feels like flying instead of falling,” Anna says.

  My mouth falls open. What? Her eyes fill with concern at the surprised expression surely written on my face.

  “What?” she asks.

  Is this some weird Ben-Anna voodoo? “Nothing,” I mutter. “It’s nothing.”

  Anna reaches over and pats my arm. “She’s amazing with the boys.”

  I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose. “I know.”

  “It’s a gift to love other people’s children. She told me she’s a pediatric oncology nurse. I don’t know how she does it.” Anna glances up at River. “I only lost Ben. I can’t imagine how many she’s lost.”

  “Anna,” I whisper. I’m not discrediting River and her patients but losing one’s husband had to be worse.

  “Don’t let her get away,” Anna warns, her voice softening.

  “Where is she going to go? She lives next door.” I scoff, trying to lighten the conversation.

  Anna narrows her eyes. “You never know how much time you have, Zack. Cherish it with the right people.” She squeezes my wrist and stands to approach River, reaching out her hands to signal she wants to hold baby Ben next.

  Eventually, we sit around the outdoor table on Logan’s new deck. The night continues with good food, an abundance of alcohol, and lots of tall tales. Most stories shared are about the four of us in college and out. The memories are ones often repeated, but Logan and Mason embellish them, laying it on thick with River.

  “There was the time Zack was stoned and wanted to break into the football stadium.”

  “And when Zack thought he could sing and took over the mic during a concert at the bar.”

  “And remember when Zack wanted to run naked through the park.” This one certainly had River’s attention, and the exaggerations went on and on. Noth
ing was too damaging, only embarrassing, and each tale made River’s brows rise higher. She was definitely seeing another side of me. One I’d actually forgotten. Between my partnership at the law firm, the divorce from Jeanine, and suddenly single parenthood, I no longer remembered that guy who did all the crazy things they mentioned.

  Then Logan says, “So what’s it like living in Zacky’s old house?”

  My arm has been around River’s chair, occasionally touching her hair and absentmindedly wrapping strands around my finger. My friends haven’t missed my constantly touching her. Her hip. Her wrist. Her hair. Like the positive-negative pull of magnets, I’m drawn to this woman so opposite me.

  Only, this question stills my movements, and River chokes on a sip of wine. I peer at Logan, wondering why he’d ask such a question.

  “Find any secrets in there about our boy?” Logan teases until he cries out, “Ow,” and looks at his wife, who sits perpendicular to him.

  River doesn’t look at me as her shoulders stiffen. “I’d never share his secrets.” She winks at Logan, who chuckles, but tension rolls down her back. She’s a bit quieter the rest of the night.

  When the boys are drooping, and it’s time to walk home, I carry Oliver, who feels like a sack of sand against my chest. Trevor stumbles between River and me like a drunken sailor. We could have gotten a ride with Anna, but River and I needed a moment to clear the air, and I didn’t want to burden Anna with my boys.

  “Why didn’t you say anything?” River asks as we stumble down the road.

  “It isn’t important. It was a long time ago.”

  “How long?” she asks, not letting it be.

  “More than twenty-five years.”

  “And your family decided to move?”

  “Not exactly.” I side-eye her and then focus forward on the dark street ahead, occasionally lit by the soft glow of a rare streetlamp.

  “What does not exactly mean?”

  “It means, we didn’t decide to move. We just . . . moved.” This is not a story I want to tell River, especially with the boys in tow, even if one is sleeping and the other is practically sleepwalking. The night is alive with the chirp of cicadas, and the light, late summer breeze chills the air. River goes quiet again.