by L. B. Dunbar
I was searching for my watch once more when I heard raised voices coming from the kitchen below. On occasion, there were disagreements within the house between children or between a parent and their child. Lord knows I’d had a few altercations with my twins, but when I really thought about it, they’d been a little less rebellious this trip. Just a little.
As the voices carried, the female strain sounded above the rest, and I took my time descending the staircase. I didn’t want to intrude, but things were escalating in the kitchen.
“Why can’t I go?” The whine from Calvin surprised me. As far as teens went, he was laid-back and easy to please. He hadn’t protested too much when his parents decided to move the family to Lakeside. Ben checked in with him often about his feelings as he’d switched school midway through his four years of high school. To appease him in some ways, Calvin was given Ben’s old truck as Ben hardly drove himself anywhere in the last year of his life. Soon, Calvin would be applying to colleges and selecting a future. He would be a senior in a month. Another change was going to happen for my dear friend Anna. Her oldest child would leave her.
“Because I said so.” Her voice rose as I neared the kitchen. I held back in the entryway, listening to their argument.
“That isn’t an answer,” Calvin argues, and he wasn’t exactly wrong, but he was a good kid who respected his parents’ decisions most of the time. “I don’t understand. It’s only for the weekend.”
“I’m not letting you drive back to Chicago on your own.”
“I’m eighteen. I’m old enough.”
“Yes, and at eighteen, I’d consider you old enough to clean your room, but there is that.” Anna’s rebuttal doesn’t quite fit the crime in my opinion.
“You’re being unreasonable,” Calvin states, and for just a second, he sounds exactly like his father. As a matter of fact, from this distance and without seeing him, I might have assumed it was Ben disagreeing with Anna, if I didn’t know better.
“I am not unreasonable.” Anna’s voice seethes with anger, and I imagine having an argument with her eldest child while hungover isn’t something high on her list of things to handle today.
“Mom,” Calvin whines, and the youth in his voice returns.
“No. I’m sorry, but I’m not letting you drive to the city alone.”
“You said I could return whenever I wanted to see my friends, and I want to see Devon, Marco, and Keli.”
“Keli?” Anna’s voice cracks.
A pause follows before Calvin speaks again. “Is this about Keli? You don’t like her, so I can’t go.”
“I never said I don’t like her,” Anna remarks.
“You know, you and Dad fell in love in high school,” Calvin continues, and Anna gasps. My own breath hitches as I realize this is not a good defense to give his mother. “Dad would understand.”
“Well, your father isn’t here.” Anna’s voice rises, and something shatters. With that, I enter the kitchen to find Mason a few feet behind Anna. She remains frozen in place as she stares at the broken platter, and Calvin is equally stunned by his mother’s reaction.
Then Anna breaks into tears, and Calvin steps forward, but Anna holds out a hand. “No. Go to your room.”
Calvin glances up at Mason over his mother’s shoulder, and Mason just shakes his head, signaling for him to do as his mother said. The teen storms away, and Anna sobs harder, leaning forward to grasp the edge of the countertop, bending in half as the wracking wails come from her. Mason steps forward and then stops, his eyes panicked. Slowly, he lowers a hand for her back, and she snaps upright, spinning to face him.
“Don’t.” Her bark is so sharp when Anna typically has no bite to her. She was this shy, quiet girl who captured Ben’s attention, and he wouldn’t let her pull back from him. He read her and knew how to bring her out of her shell just enough to draw her to him. He would tell us over and over again it was love at first sight. He wouldn’t let her shyness, inexperience, or economic status get in the way of winning her heart.
Mason stills, and I draw closer.
“Anna.” Her name is a low cry, and she turns in my direction. Seeing me, perhaps she realizes she had another witness to her breakdown, or maybe she’s just so broken. It doesn’t matter to me. I simply open my arms, and Anna walks into me, covering her face against my chest as I wrap my arms around her. Her shoulders shake. Her muffled cry hurts my heart, and I glance up at Mason. His fingers are deep in his hair on the sides of his head, tugging at the locks in frustration. I know he wanted to hold her. He wants to comfort her, and he’s suffering from his own heartache in more than one manner when it comes to Anna Kulis.
With a slow shake of his head, he pivots on his heels and steps through the door leading outside. It slams behind him, and he crosses the patio, heading for the stairs lowering to the beach. Someone should go after him, but I’m only one person, and Anna needs my support most at this moment.
+ + +
Anna’s breakdown happens shortly before dinnertime, and after I guide her to her room, I pick up the broken platter pieces. Before depositing Anna in her bed, she said something to me, and the words play on repeat in my head.
Hold on to her, Zack. Hold her so hard her heartbeat is actually yours.
As I’m vacuuming, Mila sheepishly comes down the stairs asking if her mom is okay.
“She’s just sad, honey,” I say to the child who is a mix of both parents, with Anna’s dark hair and Ben’s blue eyes. “How about pizza tonight?”
For now, I’d like anything to detract from the eerie silence inside the house. With Mason gone to the beach and each of Anna’s children hiding in their rooms, I need to get us all out of here for a while.
“Where are the twins?” It’s easiest to reference them in this manner because if I say the boys, Mila assumes I mean Calvin and Bryce, her brothers.
“I don’t know.” She shrugs, her own little shoulder heavy.
“Okay. Let me find them, and then we can organize dinner. Think about what kind of pizza you want.”
“Can Lorna come, too?” The two girls are nearly inseparable.
“Sure. Let me text Uncle Logan in a minute, okay?”
Mila nods, her expression still full of worry.
“Can you do me a favor and put this vacuum away while I look for Trevor and Oliver?”
Mila slowly smiles like she’s happy to have a task, and the grin reminds me of her mother, who is constantly busy. Anna loves to entertain, but she hates idle chitchat. She loves to be the one preparing, planning, and passing out items for whatever the occasion might demand.
As Mila has a job, I race up the stairs looking for my boys. They aren’t in my room, their room, or with either of the older ones. I hate to knock on Calvin’s door and don’t feel it’s my place to intervene, so I softly ask if he’s seen Trevor and Oliver. When he doesn’t answer, I knock again.
“Come in,” he grumbles, and I open the door only slightly.
“Hey, man,” I address him as he isn’t little anymore. Calvin is the exact replica of his mother in teenage male form, but he isn’t shy like she once was. “Seen Thing One and Thing Two?” Calvin loves to call them the nickname, and it certainly fits. With EarPods in, he shakes his head.
“Want to talk?”
He shakes his head again, glancing down at his phone. He’s not so much ignoring me as fighting to distract himself. His fingers fly over the screen.
“Pizza?”
Calvin tips his chin, giving me his approval even though there’s no smile in his expression. I’d love to tell him to give his mom a break, but they’re all struggling in their own way, and I wonder once more if the addition of my family is more harm than help. We’re almost to the one-year mark when Ben dropped the news on us as his closest friends. Of course, Anna already knew the diagnosis. The boys had been suspicious of Ben’s behavior and eventually guessed what was happening. Their father was dying. None of us could replace Ben. We’d never live up to the task,
but I wanted Calvin to understand something important.
“I’m here for you.” I’m holding the doorknob and leaning against the jamb as I speak to him, wondering if he’s even listening to me.
“I know,” he mutters and squeezes his eyes shut, swiping at them with one hand and pinching the bridge of his nose.
Ah, little man who is now big, please don’t cry.
“Can you shut the door?” It’s a clear sign to leave him alone. He doesn’t want a hug. He doesn’t want words. He wants his father, and I can’t help him with that.
+ + +
I tell myself I won’t panic over the boys missing until I get to River’s place. If they aren’t there, then I’ll go into full reckless mode. They like to wander off, typically together. I’d like to think they know better than to even consider heading to that beach without an adult, but they definitely know how to tempt fate and push my buttons.
When I enter River’s yard and don’t see them or her, I walk even faster to the tree house. Quickly climbing the ladder, I stick my head through the opening to the fort and pause. Trevor sits beside River, his head bent, his tongue waggling. His full concentration is on something on the floor that he’s coloring in frantic motions with a colored pencil. Oliver sits between River’s bent knees. She’s still wearing her scrub pants with a T-shirt. Her feet are bare as if she stepped right out of her shoes and met the boys here. Oliver is also hunched over like his brother, scribbling with slower movements with another colored pencil.
“Hey,” I softly greet them. River runs a hand over the back of Oliver’s head. He doesn’t answer me, but Trevor does with a matching greeting in a softer tone. He doesn’t look up from his coloring sheet. His tongue continues to wiggle.
River glances up and tenderly smiles. “I was just pulling into the garage when I saw two little creatures crawling through a hole in my fence.” Her gaze shifts to Oliver, and her hand strokes down his back.
“You should fix that thing,” I tease, but there’s no humor in my voice. I’m exhausted as I balance my arms through the opening and prop my chin on my crossed forearms to watch my boys interact with this beautiful woman.
“I can’t afford it. I know it’s ugly, and I’d love to rip it out, but even fence removal is expensive.” She says it so casually, not missing a beat in her attention to Oliver before reaching over and rubbing up Trevor’s spine. When he stiffens under her touch, she removes her hand, not offended or surprised.
I consider her yard for a second. The metal fencing runs up one side of the property, but the north side has a solid wood fence installed by the other neighbors butting up against hers. It’s private and sends a message. On the south side, where the broken fence is located, arborvitae was installed ages ago by Anna’s parents as a natural barrier to the yard.
“Everything okay next door?” River’s voice remains quiet as she peers up at me. The boys must have heard. I’d like to think they’re used to adults arguing as they’d heard Jeanine and I go at it often enough, but it’s sad to consider they’re accustomed to arguments because their parents constantly bickered. Jeanine and I were a rocket blast of insults and sharp attacks, using our attorney training to hold court in our own marriage. It was a disaster.
“It will be. Pizza, guys?”
“Okay,” Trevor says without glancing up.
“Cheese only,” Oliver adds, still focused on his page.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen them color.” The admission sounds sad even to my own ears, and it’s pathetic that I haven’t seen my boys do such a simple task. They’re so active I don’t ever find them still.
“I find it soothing.” She rubs a hand up and down Oliver’s back as if stroking lightly up his spine is as calming to her as coloring is to the kids. As I continue to watch my boys calmly color, River touches one and keeps the other close. While Trevor doesn’t like River touching him, he’s near enough to her that his side presses against her hip. His proximity suggests he trusts her, he feels safe with her, and she comforts him.
She comforts all of us, and I don’t know how I’ll walk away from her.
20
[River]
“Angel,” Zack grunts from behind me. He pulled me off the lounger later that night, and I’m on my knees, with my belly on the chaise cushion. My hair is fisted at the nape of my neck, and Zack’s hand falls to my hip, where he likes to rest it.
“Can’t. Get. Enough.” He stammers with every thrust, and I clench around him. He’s already given me his mouth, and I returned the favor with mine, but as he drew close to release, he flipped me to my belly and tugged me like a rag doll into this position. He’s making up for last night when I’d had too much to drink, and he didn’t want to take advantage of me. I appreciate the gentlemanly behavior.
“River,” he warns. “One more.” His command for another orgasm shouldn’t be hot, but it is. If only I could respond on-demand as he wishes, but sensing my hesitation, he lowers his chest to my back and slips the hand at my hip forward. Flicking my clit, he hisses near my ear. “Compromise.”
I chuckle, wondering what we’re possibly negotiating in this position. This man already molds my body in whatever manner he wishes. He also holds my heart, which is dangerous. We’re on borrowed time, and tonight I feel it more than ever.
When I finally break, and he follows in tandem, he collapses on my back, pressing his forehead to my shoulder blade.
“Holy shit,” he gasps. Not terribly romantic, but definitely an understandable statement. He uses a beach towel he tossed on the grass to clean me up and then helps me rise to sit on the cushion once more. The blanket from the other night rests on the lounger as we used it to cover ourselves in part. As Zack tucks his face to my chest, he wraps a leg over both of mine, sandwiching my thighs between his.His arm wraps around my middle, and I stroke through his hair as he clings to me like a lighthouse guiding him home.
“How do you think she’s doing?” I finally ask. We had pizza in my yard, giving the kids a change of scenery for the night and Anna a rest. Calvin didn’t join us, and eventually, Autumn took half a pizza to her teenage nephew. I’d learned what happened, and my heart broke for all of them again. The tree house was a good distraction for the younger set. Even Mila and Lorna played along with pirate adventures while Logan and Zack discussed Anna. Mason wasn’t present.
“She’ll get there, wherever there is, but it’s so hard. I mean, I’m her best friend, so it’s difficult to watch. Ben was one of my closest friends as well, and I feel his loss, but it’s nothing like what it must be for those kids or her.” Zack rubs his nose against my skin. “I don’t even want to imagine losing someone I love like Anna lost Ben.”
A loss like that is difficult. The hole in my heart after my grandfather died didn’t feel like it could ever be filled. But loving and losing my parent-figure was not the same as loving and losing a spouse. I’m going to lose Zack soon enough, but it won’t be the same thing either. We haven’t discussed any kind of future, and tonight would not be the night for the topic.
“Can I ask you something unrelated to them?” We’ve been silent several minutes allowing the breeze to cool our skin and the dark night to blanket us.
“Hmm?” Zack purrs.
“Why won’t you come into the house?”
At his sudden stiffness, I realize we shouldn’t breach this subject tonight either, yet I need to know why he’s so apprehensive. Did something else happen to him in the house? How can he handle being in the yard? What is the connection or rather disconnect?
“It’s going to sound stupid, but I love this house. It’s where so many happy memories exist but also where some painful ones occurred. I just don’t know if I want to face either demon by entering.”
“How can you be in the yard then?”
Zack shrugs as he slowly unwinds himself from my body and perches up on an elbow. His fingertip traces along my collarbone.
“I just can. Maybe on that first day the boys crawled over
here, I was pissed. Pissed to have to step foot over here, but . . . I just had to apologize. Sitting next to you was calming.” His gaze lowers for my chest, and his finger slowly zigzags down my skin. “It’s like my boys coloring earlier. Being near you is soothing.”
“Your boys certainly aren’t stagnant near me.” I chuckle at the quickly restored energy of two rambunctious seven-year-olds once they had pizza for dinner.
“Still. I think they feel . . . safe with you. I told you Jeanine and I fought often, and I’m not proud of that fact, but my boys heard it. When Anna started to lose it tonight, they came here seeking peace and solace.”
“They will always be welcome in this yard,” I state, confident I would never turn them away. “That tree house is theirs as long as I live here.”
His head snaps up at the comment, and his fingertip stills at the swell of my breast above the blanket. “Are you considering moving?”
“Not that I’m aware of,” I tease. “But this house needs a lot of work, and I’m not certain if I can handle the upkeep. I mean, it’s paid for in full, thanks to Quincy, but there are still taxes and so many internal repairs and renovations needed.”
“Quincy,” Zack mutters, returning the trail of his finger up my chest and over to my shoulder.
“Yes. Quincy was . . . the man I inherited the house from.”
“Your husband.”
I should really tell him the truth, but does it even matter? He’ll be leaving in a few days, and I don’t see us going anywhere other than where we are right now sitting in this lounger under a star-filled sky on a summer night.
When I don’t answer, Zack shifts gears. “My brother called me.”
“Noah?” I clarify.
“Yes. He says he might move here.”
“Where does he live again?”
“He’s in Chicago. He managed an upscale hotel there after working for years all over the world for the Magellan Hospitality Group.”