Planet Earth Is Blue

by Nicole Panteleakos

  “We’re landing in a sea?” asked Sally Ride, clutching the handrail so hard her knuckles had gone white. Maybe she was motion-sick. Or afraid of heights. Nova wished she could tell her it was okay. Bridget always managed a soft landing.

  “It’s not a real sea, right?” asked President Nixon. “That’s what Armstrong named it after they landed.”

  “Right,” confirmed Bridget-as-Buzz. “There’s no water on the moon, not that we’ve ever found, anyway.”

  “Oh,” said Sally Ride.

  “We only have thirty seconds of fuel left,” said Bridget-as-Buzz. Nova closed her eyes and braced for impact.

  “We did it!”

  Nova opened her eyes, relieved. Even though she trusted Bridget, the landing always made her nervous.

  “Armstrong, tell Ground Control, ‘The Eagle has landed.’ ” Bridget lowered her voice. “Nova, that’s you…Say ‘The Eagle has landed.’ ”

  “Uh Ego ah lah-dah.”

  Ground Control and the Nixons applauded. Checkers barked, wagging his tail.

  “Take the flag,” Bridget-as-Buzz said, thrusting some leaves attached to a long, skinny twig into Nova’s hand. “Go plant it down there on the surface and say, ‘That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.’ ”

  Cautiously, Nova-as-Armstrong made her way down the ladder to the moon’s dusty white surface. She planted the flag in the ground, making sure it was standing up straight.

  “Uh mah tep,” she said proudly.

  President Nixon saluted.

  Nova-as-Armstrong was making her way back up the ladder serenaded by cheers and happy barks from the crowd below when a sickening creak stabbed her through the stomach. She stopped breathing.

  The rotting wood floor of the back room of the tree house was giving way. The boy playing Collins leapt forward into the first room, but Bridget didn’t have time to grab for the railing or even one of the nearby branches. She fell hard through the rotted wood and landed on her elbow. When she stood up, her arm was bent the wrong way. Backward.

  “Mission accomplished,” she announced, grinning. She looked down at her floppy busted arm, then at the flag Nova-as-Armstrong had planted on the moon’s surface.

  She didn’t even cry.

  After she got her cast, she let Nova be the first to draw on it.

  Nova drew the moon, because they’d made it.

  When Bridget was in charge, they always made it.

  With Bridget gone, Nova would have to try to make it on her own.

  She had one hour before it was time to get ready for school.

  One hour.

  In the wooden crate labeled JOANIE ROSE there were several old toys: a Mr. Potato Head (with all his random plastic body parts), a dozen brightly colored Matchbox cars, a one-armed G.I. Joe in a yellow helicopter, a Barbie doll in a sparkly pink gown, a second Barbie with long black hair and a Hawaiian print dress, a Rubik’s Cube, a Magic 8 Ball, several beat-up-looking board games, two yo-yos, half of a walkie-talkie set, a Luke Skywalker action figure with a broken lightsaber, and a plastic Princess Leia all in white.

  Nova smiled. She was not a Star Wars fan, but Princess Leia could easily play a payload specialist. Luke Skywalker, the Barbies, and G.I. Joe could be other astronauts. The walkie-talkie would be a perfect tool for communicating with NASA Bear, who always played Ground Control when they didn’t have enough kids.

  Nova stuffed Luke and Leia inside the chopper. It was too small to fit the other astronauts so the Barbies and G.I. Joe watched from on top of the toy box.

  Nova began a countdown in her head.

  Ten, nine, eight, seven…

  Ground Control, thought Nova, pressing the walkie-talkie to her lips. Come in, Ground Control. We’re ready for lift-off. Over.

  Take your protein pills and put your helmet on, answered Ground Control NASA Bear.

  Nova moved Princess Leia so it looked like she was nodding.

  …six, five, four…

  It would be easier with music, Nova decided. Less lonely. She scurried over to the bedside table and pulled Bridget’s Walkman from the drawer. She slipped the headphones over her ears and pressed Play.

  David Bowie filled her head. The song was half over, but she didn’t bother to rewind.

  …three, two, one, lift-off!

  Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker rocketed into space on G.I. Joe’s yellow helicopter/space shuttle. On the floor, Ground Control watched and waited, his furry fingers crossed.

  Nova held her breath…just a little farther…

  Soaring “past one hundred thousand miles…”

  Yes!

  She made it! She made it into outer space!

  Nova stood, holding the helicopter/space shuttle high, zooming it around the room past furniture and stars. Back on Earth, NASA Bear and G.I. Joe and the Barbies applauded.

  Success!

  “…floating ’round my tin can, far above the moon…”

  Fast approaching, ready to land! It would need to be a soft landing. A hard landing on the moon could damage the craft and injure the astronauts. It had to be perfect. No room for error.

  Nova scrambled up onto the bed, reaching the helicopter/space shuttle toward the hanging white globe that covered the light in the center of the room. She stretched her arm, stretched her spine. She could almost reach it. She could almost reach the moon. Just a little closer…

  A loud thump on the door surprised Nova. She lost her balance, waving her arms to keep from falling off the bed. She managed to plop backward onto her pillow, but the helicopter/space shuttle was not so lucky. It flew from her hand, smashed against the edge of the dresser, and dropped to the floor. The propeller was broken.

  Oh, no, said NASA Bear from his position at Ground Control. Houston, we’ve had a problem.

  Nova screamed. The shuttle was broken. Luke Skywalker was on the floor. Princess Leia was nowhere in sight.

  The bedroom door opened.

  “Nova, I’ve been knocking. Are you okay?” Joanie rushed to her side. She took off the headphones, checked Nova over, and even felt her head like she might have a fever. Nova pulled away. She returned the Walkman to the bedside table drawer, wiping her eyes, shaking. The song had ended anyway. The game was over.

  “Mom sent me up to tell you it’s time to get ready for school,” said Joanie, trying to smile. “Don’t worry about the toys; you can clean up later. I’m glad you were playing.” She picked up Hawaiian Barbie and smoothed down her dress. “I loved these dolls when I was your age! This one was my favorite. Isn’t she pretty?”

  Nova did not answer, not even an “Mm.”

  “So, what do you want to wear today?” Joanie put the doll away and went to the dresser. She held up a red-and-white-striped shirt with long sleeves and a pair of denim overalls. “How about this?”

  Nova did not care what she wore. She picked up the broken helicopter. They’d had space travel mishaps and emergencies before, but Bridget always managed to save the day. Even when she broke her arm. They still managed Mission Accomplished. Nova held out the helicopter to show Joanie.

  “What’s wrong? The propeller came off?” Joanie gave Nova a quick hug. Nova did not pull away. “No big deal! We’ll glue it.”

  But it was a big deal.

  It was.

  JAN 27, 1986

  Dear Bridget,

  T-minus one day until Challenger launch.

  This morning something so bad happened I do not know if anything can ever be good again, Bridget. Today, my space shuttle crashed.

  The moon mission started okay. NASA Bear played Ground Control. I did your job, making sure everyone else knew what to do. Princess Leia and Luke Skywalker were my astronauts, Sally Ride and Alan Shepard. We were almost to the moon when I dropped the space shuttle. I drop
ped the space shuttle! And it broke! And I can’t find Princess Leia…I mean, Sally Ride…anywhere!

  At breakfast Joanie tried to talk to me about saying goodbye and Billy tried to talk to me about cupcakes this weekend and Francine tried to talk to me about getting a haircut soon, but I could not listen because my brain was too busy so I started humming louder and louder and louder until their words were All Done.

  At school, my mind had no room for anything else, especially not testing.

  I never thought about it before, but Major Tom gets lost every time we listen to “Space Oddity.” Ground Control calls him and calls him and he cannot hear them. Every time.

  I wanted to pay attention to Mrs. Pierce. I wanted to, Bridget, but I was lost too. I was lost like Major Tom. And you.

  It got worse and worse until I exploded.

  I was at my desk.

  Someone kept saying “Nova! Nova!” over and over and over again but I could not listen.

  I covered my ears.

  I did not like the sound of the voice in my ears. I only wanted you singing David Bowie in my ears.

  I did not like the sound of Buddy bouncing in his chair at his workstation. I did not like the sound of Mallory drumming her long nails on the desktop. I did not like Alex’s chatting, Mary-Beth’s whisper, the grunting noise Luke made when he got a math fact wrong, Thomas’s stuffy nose, or the squeaky left wheel of Margot’s wheelchair.

  I did not like the sound of the heat in the vents or the freezing rain outside the window or the eighth-grade lunch bell or the chairs scraping or the footsteps and laughter of the students in the hall heading to the cafeteria.

  It was too much. Too much. Too many sounds. Too many people lost.

  Mama and Daddy. Princess Leia and Major Tom. You and me.

  My blood turned to lava, burning me from the inside to the outside and all over, bubbling up with no way to escape. I could not breathe. It was like there was a crack in my space helmet. My oxygen slipped out. I was choking.

  Remember our space helmets? They stayed behind at Mama’s house in the space shuttle closet with the white moon balloon and the flashlight and the globe. Why didn’t we take them with us? We should have taken them with us.

  I started to cry again, like a kindergarten baby.

  I needed you.

  I needed it to be you and me and NASA Bear, our space shuttle, and the moon.

  I put one hand on my ear and my other ear against my shoulder. I hit myself one-two-three-four times in the side of the head but that did not help, I still could not breathe, so I grabbed my throat. I grabbed it and scratched and clawed and tried to get my oxygen back, but with a broken space helmet, there was no air.

  Miss Chambers held down my hands. Mrs. Pierce was telling me to breathe.

  They did not understand.

  I did not need to be held down. I did not need to be told to breathe.

  I needed a rescue mission. I needed help from Ground Control.

  I heard your voice in my head, telling me I was still on Earth, not on the moon. That was the problem, you said, not my helmet. The problem was, I was still on Earth and needed to escape. So I started the countdown but so many thoughts were all over my mind it was hard to hear the numbers.

  Ten, nine, eight…

  “Even with having Nova around like her shadow…”

  …seven, six, five…

  “NASA Bear? Is that his name?”

  …four, three, two…

  “You’re glad she’s with us now. So are we.”

  …one…

  “Mrs. Vezina, I need you to calm down….”

  Lift-off…

  You, singing “Space Oddity.”

  I was floating away, up to the dusty Sea of Tranquility on the moon. I thought you were in the space shuttle next to me, but when I looked again, I was alone.

  Where were you, Bridget?

  Without you, I am lost in space.

  In the car after school, Francine said she was very worried. She said I had a meltdown. She said we need to work on a way for me to control my emotions without hurting myself.

  She does not understand. She’s never lost a shuttle before.

  When we got home, I skipped snack because I had to find Princess Leia. I was scared. I was scared she might be gone forever, Bridget. And I thought, if she’s gone forever, you might be gone forever too.

  I was still searching when Francine came in.

  “This was on the counter with a note from Joanie. She says she’ll miss us but she’s going to telephone once a week and send letters. Won’t that be nice? And she hot-glued the propeller. I guess it got broken this morning?”

  In her hands was the helicopter.

  I ran over to take it from her, but before I touched it I saw something amazing. Almost as amazing as the planetarium. Inside the helicopter was Princess Leia. I mean, Sally Ride. She must have been in there the whole time!

  She wasn’t lost after all.

  I took her out of the helicopter and hugged her and cried and cried, even though I felt happy, not sad. I promised I will not lose her again and I mean it because I keep my promises, the same way you keep your promises.

  The night we ran away, you promised if we got separated, you’d come back for me. You’d be here to watch the Challenger launch together, you said. You would not miss it for all the planets in the solar system.

  The Challenger launches tomorrow, Bridget.

  So where are you?

  Not lost in space.

  I miss you.

  Love,

  Your Super Nova

  Nova should have been tired, since excitement had kept her awake until nearly four in the morning, but she sprang out of her bed like she’d been sleeping on an ejector seat.

  The front page of the paper said LIFT-OFF.

  Billy read the article aloud over scrambled eggs and bacon.

  “ ‘After several delays due to weather and other issues, the space shuttle Challenger is finally scheduled to launch later today…in classrooms all across America, eager students will be watching via satellite news network CNN. On day three of the six-day mission, teacher Christa McAuliffe will teach two fifteen-minute lessons from space, though perhaps the bigger lesson is one she has already taught students: to follow their dreams, no matter how far away doing so may take them.’ ”

  Nova shrieked, bouncing in her seat. The newspaper said the same thing Bridget had. Challenger taught kids anyone could have a dream! Anyone could reach the stars! If you worked hard and wanted it bad enough, anyone could escape to outer space!

  Nova hugged NASA Bear to her chest, too excited to eat. Finally Francine said it was time to put on shoes (Billy tied them) and go.

  In the car on the way to school, Francine said she wanted to talk about “the meltdown” some more.

  “I’m worried about you,” she said. “We need to understand why you had the meltdown so we can avoid that in the future. Do you know what avoid means? When you avoid something, you stay away from it, or stop it from happening.”

  “Mm,” said Nova, but she was only half listening because “Space Oddity” was playing in her head and she was imagining herself going up in the Challenger.

  “Maybe we can practice taking deep breaths when you feel upset? Can you take a deep breath?” Francine inhaled loudly and let the air out slowly, sounding like a balloon with a small hole. She glanced quickly at Nova, then returned her eyes to the road. “You try. Deep breath in, let it out slow.”

  Nova breathed in quickly and puffed out the air. It was cold enough in the car that she could see her breath.

  “Try again,” urged Francine. “Deep breath in, let it out slow. This is what you do when you feel overwhelmed, so you avoid having a me
ltdown.”

  Nova breathed in and out three times fast, annoyed because she wanted to get back to floating around outer space in her head in peace. Either she did it right or Francine gave up because they drove the rest of the way with no talking.

  Before Morning Circle, Francine wanted to discuss “the meltdown” again with Mrs. Pierce and Miss Chambers, so Nova found herself alone on the rug with Music Margot, who was sitting in her wheelchair, as usual.

  Checking to be sure no one was watching, Nova darted forward.

  “Hi.”

  Margot did not answer with words, but she smiled.

  “Heppa?” asked Nova. She meant “Help.” Margot did not answer, but she was still smiling, so Nova put her hands on either side of Margot’s face and gently repositioned her head until it was straight. She let go, feeling glad to have helped, but Margot’s head slumped a little to the left again. Nova narrowed her eyes and tried a second time.

  Margot’s head didn’t stay up the second time either, but she laughed. She laughed with her voice and with her Crayola Cadet Blue eyes. Nova knew it was a laugh because it sounded a lot like her own laugh.

  Nova was about to try once more when she thought, Maybe Margot’s head just isn’t meant to stay up. Like how Buddy wasn’t meant to stay still and Mary-Beth wasn’t meant to make the S sound and Bridget wasn’t meant to stay in foster care with parents who thought she belonged in juvenile detention. So Nova held Margot’s hand instead, even though she usually didn’t like touching people’s hands with her hands.

  “Mm-ma-uh?” She wanted to say “Madonna.” She wanted to ask Margot about Madonna, since Mrs. Pierce said that was her favorite singer. Madonna had been one of Bridget’s favorites too. Maybe Nova could bring in Bridget’s tape and they could listen to Madonna together. She held up Margot’s hand and tapped their palms together in a high five. Margot’s grin grew, but her head slipped forward until her chin was on her chest.

  “Nova! Be careful with your friend!” Miss Chambers walked over and gently guided Margot’s head back up, then wheeled her to her usual Morning Circle spot. Nova picked a seat between Alex and Mallory but could not stop squirming. She had to be prompted twice to stand for the Pledge and she forgot to keep quiet during the moment of silence. When it was over, they returned to their desks. She was unable to concentrate at all on her testing with Mrs. Pierce. She could not identify letters, not even those in her own name.