Scotia's Grave

by T L Harty

  This drive in me is so strong that I fear I’d keep trying during our time in Tahoe. So, I’m leaving. Enjoy the rest of your break. Please get in touch if you’re ever in the mood for a bad idea. And I mean…ever!

  -Delvin

  I threw the note away and took a shower. The flattery made me smile. For a few minutes, I compared Rick to Delvin, but stopped as pangs of guilt intruded.

  As soon as I got in the shower, visions of Delvin circled, but I suppressed them like a champ and decided that I would feel better if I went home to wait for the campus to open. Hopefully, Dad wouldn’t be around when I got home.

  After loading up my bags in the car, I drove toward home. I didn’t feel much like eating. My stomach rumbled, but more to warn of unrest than hunger. Too much alcohol did that to a person.

  The ride home afforded me time to listen to the radio and catch up on popular music. I felt a bit guilty for not showing up for the Marine World reunion, but they were bound to have a great time whether I participated or not.

  The sweatpants and t-shirt that Delvin lent me were neatly folded in the passenger seat, which reminded me of his advances last night. They were out of line, but I found myself oddly complimented by his efforts and mad at myself for thinking like that.

  Once in the neighborhood, I decided to leave Delvin’s things on his doorstep. I ran to the door, plopped the clothes down and turned around to leave, bumping into a woman.

  “Sorry, dropping something off.” I searched all of the conversations I had with Delvin and didn’t remember a sister.

  The woman looked past me to see the items. “How are you dropping those things off when Delvin had them in Sacramento yesterday?”

  Oh crap, this is the girlfriend. I ran past, ignoring her question. I’d let Delvin handle her. There was no guilt leaving this mess for him to clean up, not the way he kissed me last night. He had some explaining to do.

  The scenario made me wonder briefly what Rick could be doing in Vermont. Had an old girlfriend gotten in touch? A lost love? Pangs of jealousy surfaced. His parents didn’t like me and they would do their best to encourage Rick toward other pursuits.

  Once at the house, I threw down my bags and phoned Rick. I told him that I decided to come home for New Year’s, without sharing any additional details.

  “I wish you were here to help me celebrate,” I hinted. “I miss you.”

  “I could be on a plane tomorrow.” He sounded overjoyed that I called and even happier that the call came with the sentiment that I missed him. And in that moment, I honestly did. We hung up.

  Dad came barreling down the stairs. “I thought I heard someone. I’m sorry for what happened Christmas Eve.”

  In usual dad form, nothing additional was said. How could Christmas Eve have occurred only 48 short hours earlier? It felt like a week had passed.

  “Can Rick stay here for a couple of days until the dorms open back up?”

  “No.”

  I picked up the phone and called Rick back. When I heard his voice, I started sobbing and let him know he couldn’t come back tomorrow.

  “Oh, I’m coming back and I’ll take care of everything. Please don’t cry. Love you.”

  “Love you, too.”

  The next afternoon, I went to pick Rick up at the airport. He flew into San Francisco, a short 35 minute drive from my house. He instructed me to pack up my things like going to school for months. My dad had made me so angry, not letting Rick stay over, that I left the house while he was at work. No note…no phone call…nothing.

  When Rick came down to the baggage claim area, I ran to embrace him, almost knocking him over. We kissed for far too long in a public place. Both of us crying a little- for different reasons.

  “Do you trust me?” Rick asked.

  He really knew how to hit a girl where it hurt. Trust was my kryptonite.

  “I think so…”

  “Good!” he said, completely oblivious to my hesitation. “We’re getting married and moving. Hold on, I see my bags.” Rick ran to the conveyor, where he pulled two huge bags off the moving belt.

  He returned and we walked to the car as he explained his entire plan.

  “I tried to tell my family how amazing you are, but both my mom and dad are not keen on accepting you,” Rick said. “How do you think your family is doing with our relationship?”

  “They staged a Christmas intervention. And my father wouldn’t let you stay with us, so not great.”

  “We’re getting married on New Year’s Eve and we’re moving away.”

  When we got to the car, he put his bags in the back seat because the trunk overflowed with my belongings. Rick and I sat in the front seat while he shared his plan.

  “Waiting for our families to get on board with our engagement has been a total headache. I say, if we don’t give them a choice and the deed is already done, they can finally begin to accept it. We can get our marriage license tomorrow, hire a minister on the 31st and be husband and wife before the new year. When the campus opens up, we’ll get our stuff, transfer schools and move to Chicago.”

  “Chicago?! Where did that come from?”

  “My grandmother lives there. We can stay in one of her properties, rent free...finish school and save money when we start working. After a year or so, we’ll decide our next move. If our families want to see us, they can visit!”

  “Let’s do it! Do you think we’d get in trouble if I made love to you right here in the parking lot?”

  He leaned over and gave me a passionate kiss. “Yes, but my grandmother also rented me a beautiful suite in the Fairmont for the next week…just a few minutes away.”

  It seemed to take forever to get there and even longer to check in. The bellboy insisted on bringing our luggage up and explaining the amenities. Rick tipped him generously and escorted him out of the room. He bolted the door and turned around with a very hungry look in his eye.

  We fed our appetites late into the evening.

  Chapter 26- Begnet’s Island

  Around 8am the next day, most of our group went down to Coliemore Harbor to load supplies onto the boat and see me off. It appeared the perfect time to go unnoticed because tours to the island began at 10am and the fishermen had already departed.

  The small boat seemed overloaded for the 24-hour trip, but everything looked necessary: piles of wood for the fire, food, cooking utensils, fresh water and bedding. I had my notepad and a camera to record any observations. The island sat so close to the shore that it would take all of 5 minutes to motor over to it.

  As I gently swayed in the boat, I looked down the dock, wondering when we’d depart. Macy and Liam engaged in a heated conversation on the shore. The other guards spoke sparingly. Finally, Liam raised his arms up in the air before he started making his way toward the boat.

  Liam unhitched the ropes, jumped in the boat, and we were quickly headed to our destination. We all waved to each other as though embarking on a monumental journey. Begnet’s church was visible almost the whole trip, until we got closer to the island. Once Liam hitched the boat to the makeshift dock, I started unloading the supplies.

  “Let’s leave those in the boat,” Liam said. “You may decide you don’t want to stay here overnight.”

  “Staying here overnight is the whole point. I want to know this land in the daylight and under the stars.”

  “Fine.”

  He walked past me so he could unload the gear. I climbed up the slight incline to get to the surface of the island and away from his sour mood. The topography looked craggy and it sloped slightly upward. Begnet’s church lay before me, the closest monument in sight. My breathing quickened as I walked toward it.

  Arriving at the church, I laid my hands on the stone doorway and saw Begnet, with her golden bracelet, schooling young druidess women on tradition. Her beauty helped me understand why men desired her to be their bride. She lived here on the island for a time, combining the Druid and Christian ways of life, trying to make it manageable for bo
th. There was such beauty in that. The visions brought me to tears. Her heart yearned to accomplish tasks that would bring peace and harmony. I stood sobbing in the doorway.

  When Liam caught up with me, noticing my emotional state, he tried to divert my attention with conversation.

  “It would probably be best to set up camp near the Martello tower, where we’ll be better protected from the wind.”

  He had a valid point. The island left us a bit exposed to the winds that were whipping around. I expected the weather to be warmer.

  “I’d rather be close to this church. We could even sleep inside. There’s no roof, but it would protect us from the wind.”

  “Me, sleep in a church? Aye. I’m afraid you’d wake to ashes in the morning. We’ll see how the path of the wind progresses during the day and decide which side of the church will keep us from the gusts.”

  He had a wheelbarrow full of our supplies, which he lowered after a decision had been made. I spent all day walking around, seeing the history of the island and the people that had visited here or lived here so many years ago. He followed at a distance, his boredom understandable, but not something I concerned myself with. If he could see a mere portion of what played before me, he’d be fascinated.

  “Are ye hungry?” Liam asked, from about twenty feet away.

  Afraid that my voice would be carried off by the wind, I nodded my head. It didn’t seem right to yell. I hadn’t thought about food at all, but my stomach must have been reminded by Liam and started acting up.

  After a very late lunch, I resumed exploring the island and didn’t make my way back to the church until the sun started to drop. Liam had a tent erected, a fire blazing and food prepared.

  “Remind me to take you camping with me every time I go.” I dropped my backpack outside the opening of the tent.

  “You don’t seem much like a camper.”

  “I’m not, which is exactly why you need to go with me! I’m sorry I didn’t help. There’s so much about this island that fascinates me!”

  “Like what?”

  “Let me show you.” We took a couple of steps closer to the church. “See those windows? This is a Christian church, but the odd placement of those windows…that’s to acknowledge the solstice.” I led him out to the back of the church. “See that stone? It’s a Bullaun stone. These stones have depressions in them, where water gathers. The druids believed the water gathered within the stone had special healing powers and were a gift from nature.”

  “If that’s from Druid history, why is there a cross carved in it?”

  “The Christians that came here didn’t want to destroy things the Irish people held dear. And these stones were created by God, so, to cover their bases, they carved a cross in it to Christianize it. That way, when someone believed the water within the stone had healing power, they would attribute it to God.”

  I went back to the opening of the tent and retrieved handfuls of herbs and medicinal plants from my bag.

  “These are rare and there is such a high concentration of these plants on this island. And the wells on the island are unheard of. Two fresh water wells on such a small island? Magical. The fact the High King, MacNeill, from Dun Laoghaire walked this land! I can feel the power he commanded!”

  Liam seemed despondent. In my selfish excitement, I had paid little attention to him.

  “What’s the matter? Are you OK?” I asked.

  Liam took in a big breath and bravely, but not honestly, claimed to be OK.

  “Would you like to sit and watch the sunset? We’ve been standing or walking almost all day.”

  Liam nodded, walking over to a rocky outcrop, where we sat in silence. When the sunset arrived at its most picturesque spot, Liam began to quietly weep. At a loss, I put my arm around him and asked if he needed to talk.

  “I do, but I’m afraid you’re the last person I should speak to about such things.”

  “Try me,” I said. “Let’s go by the fire, where it’s warmer.”

  He dried his eyes as we returned to the campsite. Liam, always responsible, put a couple of logs on the fire before we had our chat. He retrieved two folding chairs and placed them across the fire from each other.

  “This is the thing,” he started. “I’ve been looking for my princess for a long time and even though there have been other women in my life, I never felt like I’d cheated on Scotia…until I met you.” The fire between us made Liam’s tears shine.

  “But you haven’t cheated.”

  “My thoughts have betrayed me. I’ve thought of nothing, but you, since the bonding ceremony.”

  “It must have been that tear that fell between us. I can release you from this misery with one word. Would you like that?”

  “Please.”

  I spoke the word clearly and louder than our conversation so far. “Conchobar.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Since you have been released from this spell, can you stay on as a guard?”

  “I don’t believe so, but that shouldn’t be a concern. Many men have been applying to your guard. I’ll be easily replaced.”

  We sat silently. Between the crackling of the fire, lapping of the waves, or the thought that I’d never see Liam again- it prompted me to get everything out in the open.

  “It was me at Brown’s Hotel that summer,” I almost whispered.

  Liam had been staring in the fire, but slowly lifted his head.

  “I’m sorry I couldn’t be honest with you yesterday. I needed time to think. It confused me. The boy in the hotel had an English accent.”

  He stared at me. I stared back.

  “A couple years before your visit, the IRA had been active in Britain, so I used an English accent to get the job.”

  I looked down in the fire to escape his stare.

  “Are you my Scotia?”

  I continued watching the flames dance around the logs.

  “I wasn’t sure until we were at the grave yesterday, but, yes. I think I am. I’ve had visions of you since I was eighteen, but I never saw your face...until yesterday.”

  He rose up out of his chair so quickly, that it toppled. After taking a couple steps away from the campsite, the night swallowed him. A few screams of frustration could be heard in the darkness…until silence won out.

  Not knowing what to do with myself, I put a couple more logs on the fire and removed my shoes before entering the tent. Liam had already situated most of the bedding and blankets. Pulling one of the blankets over me, I skillfully wriggled out of my bra and prepared for sleep, half expecting to hear the sound of a boat motor, as Liam deserted me on the island. I couldn’t blame him.

  Liam’s reaction to our chat left me confused and unsure if he planned to return to the campsite. Then I heard and saw, through an opening in the tent flap, a couple of boots dropping to the ground. Liam came through the flap and zipped it from the inside.

  He lay down on the bedding beside mine and calmly asked, “Do you have any idea how your bonding spell makes a person feel?”

  I shook my head, unsure I could be responsible with more words this evening.

  “It’s satisfying and frustrating, all at the same time. A mere look or word from you can fill a person up. You become a drug, leaving us craving more of you…hoping for even a crumb of your attention…a speck of admiration.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  He brushed the hair off my face. “It’s not fair, this power you hold over me. I’d peel off my skin to get rid of the itch.”

  “But, I released you with Conchobar.”

  “No. It didn’t work. This is exactly why I didn’t want to come here.”

  “Is that what you and Macy were fighting about this morning?”

  “Yes. I’ve asked for limited duty around you, but I wanted to show you the grave. Other than that, I’ve been keeping my distance.” We looked at each other for a while. “The longing hurts.”

  Liam turned away from me and covered himself up. The fire still
flickered outside the tent, but the wind would soon distinguish it. Past the sound of the fire, the waves lapped the island. They seemed louder in the evening and more urgent.

  “I’m sorry,” I spoke into the air.

  The fire succumbed to the wind, leaving us without a source of light or warmth. It occurred to me to put another log on, but the temperatures were not so low that we’d be uncomfortable.

  Liam’s words haunted me and sleep didn’t come. Snoring could be heard on the other side of the tent and I followed the noise, searching with my hands to find him. When I touched his back, he jolted awake and must have turned slightly toward me because I felt his breath on my face.

  “Are you OK?” he asked.

  After all I’d put him through, he still showed concern for me.

  “I don’t think so.”

  He turned toward me and wrestled with the covers. “Let me find the flashlight.”

  “No, no,” I argued, grabbing ahold of his shoulders before he could rise. Even through the sweatshirt, his strength could be felt. Picturing him in my mind’s eye, unable to see him now, was simple. He lifted weights at Danu castle…stood in my chambers with a towel wrapped around his waist…agreed to be bonded to me at the ceremony…held me at Scotia’s grave.

  My lips found his. He gave in momentarily and then moved backward.

  “Are you sure?” He asked.

  Of course not, I thought. I’d never really be sure of anything again. So, I didn’t answer. Instead, I kissed him again. And after I heard and felt his excited breath, I knew he no longer needed an answer.

  We made love for hours as the waves and wind battered the island. Our passionate noises brought resting birds to flight. When I thought I could no longer go on, Liam expertly convinced me that I could.

  We fell asleep sometime in the early morning hours, not long before the sun rose. I woke to Liam kissing my stomach. He got on top of me.

  “Again?” I asked.

  “Once more because I wish to see you. All my senses were satisfied last night except for sight.”

  We watched each other. I recognized love, but what did he see? He wanted me and I allowed it because this may be the last. Nothing was guaranteed. The memory of this time would now include a picture of his rugged handsomeness.