Darkness Within

by Carli Castle

  She looked at him for a while, then she shrugged one shoulder. “What are we going to do about this?”

  “What do you mean?” He didn’t dare hope that she still wanted to be with him after all this.

  “There has to be a way around all this. We can’t just sit back and wait for your powers to kill you. Maybe the High Priests can do something about it, maybe they can make you a god.”

  “I don’t know if that’s how it works.” He realized he had no idea how it actually worked. Did the High Priests have the power to turn him into a god? Did he even want to be one? “Are you sure you want to do this?”

  She finally walked to him and put her hands on either side of his face. He sighed deeply, relieved.

  “I want to be with you every step of the way,” she whispered before she kissed him lightly. “Meanwhile, you have to promise me something.”

  “Anything.”

  “Never, ever, keep something from me. Never lie to me again,” she said. “Promise me.”

  She stuck out her pinky, and he had to smile, because she remembered. It gave him hope. He intertwined his pinky with hers.

  “I promise to never, ever, keep anything from you. I will never lie to you again.”

  She looked into his eyes, as if trying to detect any deceit, and then she nodded.

  He let out a breath and pulled her into his arms, burying his face into her neck, and thanking whatever forces may be that she was there with him.

  Chapter Seventeen

  One week had passed since his mother had talked to him.

  It was beginning to get crisp in the morning now, and he found himself enjoying the idea of fall. He liked the changing leaves and the smells. It was still warm enough that he didn’t need a sweater, or even shoes, but that subtle change that told you fall was coming was present now.

  He didn’t concern himself with having to get ready for work as he stood at the cliff, as he did most mornings. He had taken time off, since he was so obviously not needed at the council, and he had no desire to be ogled at like a freak. Also, he was really mad at Caleb for not telling him things before.

  He put down his now empty mug on the rock. He didn’t want to go back inside the house, because he didn’t want to disturb Elle, who was still sleeping. She had been staying with him every single night. She said it was because she didn’t want to be home, but he knew it was because she was worried about him. She had been watching him like a hawk for any signs of his powers taking over, that he might burst into spontaneous flames or something. He hated that she worried.

  Still, a selfish part of him liked that she stayed with him. He liked waking up in the morning and her face be the first thing he saw. Also, when she snuggled against him in sleep… he loved that most of all. The feel of her warm body next to his was the best thing he’d ever felt. Her curves, her angles, her hair in his face. He would rather have her hair in his mouth every night than not have her there at all.

  He teleported to the beach as he had been doing in the past few days. He had made the decision that he wasn’t going to go down without a fight. If these powers were going to kill him, he wasn’t just going to sit and wait for it. He was going to fight, and he figured that if his powers made him weaker, he just needed to become stronger. So he ran every morning, as he had done for years before.

  However, that morning he wasn’t going to run.

  He had woken up with the resolve to let the power flow freely through him, to let it reach him fully, to see what he could or couldn’t do. It was dangerous, and he was aware of that more than anything, but he needed to learn control, and he would never be able to control what he didn’t know he had. It was up to him now, he thought as he pulled himself onto a large rock.

  Salt water sprayed on him where the waves broke.

  He breathed in the morning sea air. It felt calm here, tranquil. How could he lose control of his emotions here?

  He breathed in and out, dragging his breaths as long as he could. He counted to ten when he inhaled, and back from ten when he exhaled.

  He let himself feel.

  First came the feelings of bliss when Elle popped into his head, then came something else. It wasn’t anger, and it wasn’t anything exactly negative. It was like some part of him was awakening from a deep sleep. Like that kind of feeling you got when you finally understood something you’d been struggling to grasp.

  He let it run through him, and as his chest began to become warm, he braced himself for the darkness. Nothing prepared him for the force with which it hit him this time. It was like it had been lurking in the dark recesses of his mind, waiting for him to open himself to its power.

  He struggled against it, wanting to squash it down like he had before, but it didn’t sit still.

  Let go, Lucas. I know you want it.

  “No, I don’t.” He ground through his teeth. “I don’t want you.”

  Imagine the power I can give you. I can take away your fear. I can take away all that’s hindering you from being truly great.

  He shut his eyes tightly, fighting back as hard as he could. He didn’t want to let her take over. Because he knew it was Udyia. He knew it was her trying to get to him like she had those Human Sorcerers, that person that had been killing innocents for their power.

  Let me in. I can make you powerful. I can give you the strength you need. No one can help you like I can.

  He resisted, but he could tell his resolve was waning. He could tell he couldn’t hold it back. The desire was too strong. He wanted to be strong. He wanted to be able to stop himself from hurting others. He wanted to be able to use his powers without landing in the healing house each time.

  He opened himself to it.

  Ah, yes, it moaned in his head, something sexual. It made him feel dirty at the same time it elated him.

  And then he felt it. The power rushing through his veins. The fear was gone, the disgust. He was happy. And it was a strange kind of happiness. Like the kind of satisfaction you get when you have been looking for something and finally find it.

  The heat spread from his chest to the pit of his stomach, then down to his legs, his arms, into his hands. He was shaking as he looked down at his burning hands. They weren’t burning like they normally did. The fire was controlled, enveloping his hands. It didn’t hurt, there was no smell of charred flesh. It was amazing.

  See? I wasn’t lying to you, Lucas. Look at what I can do for you, if you let me.

  He wanted to shoot it at something. He wanted to see the fire work its way onto something, and burn it down to ashes. His head was clouded with his desire to use the power, and he considered going someplace where he could. Somewhere that he could cause damage.

  He started to walk along the beach, toward the place where the paved road met the sand, blinded to anything around him. His feet hit pavement, and he was ready. He went to take the next step, and then another, and another.

  “Lucas?”

  He stopped. He recognized the feminine voice, the way it said his name like it was breathless, and he turned. His heart churned inside him when he saw Elle standing just at the edge of the beach and the road. She was wearing one of his shirts, which was too big for her, and reached to mid-thigh. Her hair was wild around her face, tumbling down her shoulders, down her back, and being whipped around her by the wind that had picked up since he’d been standing on the sand.

  He knew it was because of him. He knew he was doing it, but he didn’t know how. It was just happening.

  He wanted to go to Elle, but his desire to do what he had been contemplating was taking over him. He looked at the road behind him, then at her. She was walking to him, her brows knit. His chest heaved as he watched her move, her bare feet not making a sound, and the heat in his hands became stronger.

  Her.

  “No,” he mumbled at the voice in his head. He wanted it gone, all of a sudden. He didn’t want it to talk to him anymore.

  Do it. Liberate yourself. She hinders you, she makes you weak.


  Elle moved closer, looking confused.

  “Stay away from me,” he warned her, his tone harsh. He lifted his trembling hands to show her and she hesitated. “Stay away.”

  He could feel tears in his eyes, prickling behind them. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t want her to see him like this. Because as strong as that voice in him made him, he felt weak all of a sudden. He felt ashamed of the way his thoughts had gone.

  No, Lucas, don’t let go.

  “No, Lucas,” she said and came closer still to him. He looked down at his feet and closed his eyes tightly. His hands fisted at his sides as he tried to push away the darkness in him. It scared him what he had been about to do. And now he was going to hurt Elle. “Look at me.” Her hands were at either side of his face and she coaxed him into lifting his head, but he didn’t open his eyes. He was too afraid of hurting her. He was too afraid she would see that darkness inside of him. “Lucas, open your eyes.”

  “No.” He shook his head.

  “Yes. Look at me,” she repeated softly. “Look at me.” He felt her lips on his and opened his eyes to stare straight into hers. They were clear, shimmering pools of green, and they were calm. So calm.

  “It’s okay,” she whispered and smiled, her touch like a balm to his senses. He knew she was using her power on him, but he didn’t care. He didn’t find it intrusive, he wasn’t afraid of it and what it would find. He just let it wash over him like a warm shower, taking away all the darkness.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered into her lips.

  “You won’t hurt me. I know it,” she breathed. “You just have to know it, too.”

  And just like that, the heaviness in his chest cleared. He was almost brought to his knees with relief that coursed throughout his entire body. He hugged her tightly, and she held him. He felt light, like he could take off flying, and realized just how heavy and weighing that darkness had been.

  He felt the shiver of teleportation, and when he opened his eyes again, they were at his front steps. She kissed him again, and he lost himself in her lips, in her scent.

  “Thank you,” he murmured against her lips, the weight of his shame settling inside him. She had seen him at his worst, and she would surely realize it was not a good idea to be with him. He hated to know that, but he understood. And when she decided to go, he would not stop her, because he knew it was the only way to keep her safe from him and his darkness.

  ***

  She was sad to leave him, but mostly worried about him. And if she was completely honest with herself, she was afraid. When she’d seen him at the edge of the beach, she hadn’t seen the man she loved. She’d seen someone completely different. His eyes had been different, darker, even when the color was the same. It terrified her.

  What she felt when she opened herself to him was the worst part. That horrible darkness wriggling inside him, wanting him to do terrible things. Because she’d known, she’d felt, rather than heard, the small voice in his head, and she knew that was the reason he was acting that way. She knew it was why he had been so quiet when she left him.

  He felt ashamed.

  She left him mixing things in his lab, looking distraught, and she hated to leave him, but she had to get home before someone in her family found out she wasn’t there. It wouldn’t do if she couldn’t see him when he needed her, especially if what happened that morning continued to happen.

  She worried about his state of mind, what he was thinking, how he was feeling. He didn’t want to talk about any of it, and she thought it was the best thing he could do. Let it out, and let it go, but she couldn’t make him talk if he didn’t want to.

  She teleported to the palace, and glided up to the balcony. She knew she’d been taking huge risks by spending so much time away from home, but she was ready to confront whoever she had to about it. She loved Lucas, and she was going to do whatever she had to do to help him and to be with him.

  She showered and changed, and when she walked out of her closet into her room, she froze.

  Her mother was sitting on a chair close to her bed, her legs crossed at the ankles, fingers laced on her lap.

  Elle’s stomach dropped, rolled.

  “Mother,” she was able to say through a tight throat.

  “Eleanore, might I know where you have been?”

  “I don’t know what you mean.”

  “You know fully well what I mean.” She was seething, but she was working hard on not letting it show.

  Elle stepped back, because she felt like she needed to get some distance between them.

  “I will be having a conversation with your father about this,” Mother continued, her voice icy.

  Elle didn’t know what she could say. She wanted to be defiant, to ask her mother what she thought she was talking about, but she couldn’t do that. Not when she could ruin Lucas’s life by talking to her father. She couldn’t let her do that.

  So she acted dumb. Like she had no idea what mother was talking about.

  “I was out on a walk, nothing more.” It sounded like a blatant lie even to her ears. She almost cringed.

  “You will come with me to your father’s study,” Mother said, stood, and went to the door, expecting for Elle to follow her.

  Elle’s system went into full panic mode. Her heart jumped to her throat, and she was finding it hard to catch a breath. This could not be happening.

  She had no other choice than to obey her mother and follow her down to the study, where her father was sitting behind his desk, poring over papers.

  He lifted his head when they entered.

  “Dear?” he questioned his wife, his eyes a little tired, like he hadn’t had a lot of sleep.

  “You need to have that conversation with your daughter once and for all,” Mother said and this time, Elle’s heart dropped. “I caught her sneaking into her bedroom this morning after being out all night.”

  Father knit his brows for a moment.

  “Well, then there has to be a reason why. Don’t you think, Isabel, dear,” he said, and for a moment, Elle felt a smidgen of hope.

  “The reason is that she’s been seeing someone who is not worthy of her,” Mother spat.

  “How would you know if he’s worthy of me or not,” Elle asked her, not bothering to disguise the disgust in her voice.

  “Who,” Father questioned before mother could reply to her question.

  “A council worker,” Mother said it like it was a bad word. “Lucas Ferrin.”

  Elle’s breath left her in a rush.

  Father looked at her with confusion written all over his face.

  “Lucas,” he mumbled.

  That was when mother went to stand next to him. Her hand touched his slightly and for barely a second.

  “Eleanore.” He inclined his head a little, then looked straight up at her. His eyes seemed void somehow. He didn’t seem angry, there was nothing.

  “Father…” she tried to say something, anything, voice trembling. Where was her resolve now? She was going to be sick.

  “I had been told you were escaping the palace at night, but I never wanted to believe it.” He stood, towering over her, his voice hard. “Since I never actually caught you in the act, I decided to let it go for a while.” He began to pace.

  “Imagine my surprise when I get wind that my little girl is frolicking on the beach with a council worker,” Mother said, and her father’s eyes flashed with anger.

  Elle entire body went cold. They were having her followed.

  “I don’t want to believe it either, because my youngest daughter has more sense than that. One thing is disguising herself to go act like a healer,” she gasped at this, “another, altogether different one, is said daughter breaking the law so blatantly.”

  When her father turned from her, she put her hands over her mouth. She almost wanted to scream. All this time she’d thought she was being careful, that she was protecting her secret. But she had been so naïve. She had been so stupid in
thinking her father would never find out. She looked over at her mother for some help, but mother just stood there, stoic. There wasn’t even any satisfaction, no anger, nothing in her expression. She was almost a statue.

  “She was seen at the beach, kissing that worker, wearing what I assume was his shirt,” Mother added, putting emphasis on that last word, and Elle wanted to die of shame. Not because she felt that being with Lucas was something dirty, but because her privacy had been invaded in the worst way possible.

  “How long?” Father asked.

  She shook her head, because she didn’t want to make it worse for Lucas. He was the one that could pay for the consequences of her decisions. She could have just stopped him the first time he kissed her. She could have been the one to walk away, but she didn’t. She pursued him, and she fell in love with him, and made him fall in love with her.

  “It doesn’t matter how long,” he continued. “You are not to see him again.”

  She looked up at him, wishing she had heard him wrong, not knowing what she’d been expecting.

  “You can’t do this,” she said, refusing to cry. It shouldn’t be this way. They should be able to love each other no matter what. There was nothing wrong with her loving him, or him loving her. There was nothing wrong with wanting to build a future together. Did her parents not understand love?

  “Yes, I can. I have a duty to be king to this land, and I will uphold the ancient laws no matter what. Laws don’t just change on a whim from a teenage girl.”

  “I am not just a girl, I am your daughter, and I am a human being,” she finally yelled, desperate for him to understand. “This is not fair to me, not fair to Lucas, or to any of your other daughters. Why do we have to suffer because of this stupid law that makes no sense whatsoever?”

  “You are to do what you’re told, Eleanore, and that’s that,” he told her, his voice just as monotone as before. It was like he didn’t even care.

  “You’re a monster,” she whispered. “You pretend you’re this amazing person, putting on a face for everyone, and yet you do this to your own daughters. I didn’t want to believe you could be capable of doing something like this, despite our history.”