Everything Pales in Comparision

by Rebecca Swartz

  “Emma, there you are. How are you?”

  She gave him a cursory, automatic response.

  He’d blinked, asked after Daina.

  “She’s in surgery.”

  “Is it bad?”

  Emma shrugged. “It could be worse, I suppose.” Her lower jaw clenched and the muscle there jumped, belying the mildness of her tone.

  There was a brief silence, then he asked, “Have you been to see Perry?”

  She looked at him sharply. “He’s out of surgery?”

  “Fifteen minutes ago. He’s okay, though how much use he’ll regain of his arm is up for debate.”

  She felt a pang of guilt at that, but only nodded, thanked him for the update. “I’ll go see him.”

  Another silence. He seemed to be gauging her mood. “He told me what happened, his role in it, anyway. I’ll need a statement from you.”

  Like she hadn’t already known that. “You’ll get it.” She was looking past him, her cold reserve a familiar, comfortable suit of armor.

  He nodded. “You’ll have to go on admin leave. You’re aware of that, right? It’s protocol. That, and the inquiry.”

  She jerked her chin once in affirmation, still not looking at him.

  “And the psych evaluation, that’s mandatory, of course.”

  She said nothing.

  “You’ve surrendered your gun and badge?”

  “At the site,” she replied and smiled thinly, humorlessly. “Protocol.”

  “Will you—do you need some extra time off? For this? I mean, for her?” he added hurriedly.

  “I’ll let you know,” she answered coolly.

  She saw him nod.

  A brief silence followed.

  “Why didn’t you call me back?” she asked quietly, still staring down the hall beyond him, feeling her muscles hard and tight beneath her skin. “Why call me, then not return my call?”

  He seemed to hesitate, then came out with, “My initial reason for asking you to call me back was to reiterate what I’d spoken with Daina about, so we’d all be on the same page. When I called you later, it was to tell you he was changing his story; they almost always do. He was saying it wasn’t him; it was his wife who was after Daina. It sounded ridiculous, especially in light of his confession and his knowledge. And his wife was nowhere to be found; she never answered our calls—”

  “So she never showed up at the station?” Emma inquired, mildly curious.

  “No, though he said she was in the city, hiding out, he just didn’t know where, said that was part of their arrangement. We actually seriously believed he’d killed her and was trying to shift the blame.”

  Of course. She’d considered the very same thing.

  “At any rate, we had nothing to go on, it seemed a flimsy cover-up, so when I got your message, I didn’t think it important enough to bother you with.”

  She finally looked at him, a withering look. “It was important,” she said coldly.

  He nodded, looked away. He didn’t apologize. She was grateful. She might have hit him.

  After a moment, he looked back at her. “You’ll get your gun and badge back once your admin leave is up. It won’t be a problem.”

  She didn’t respond. It didn’t matter to her. She’d killed somebody. That might have mattered to her, under different circumstances. Right now, nothing mattered, except Daina. She realized that what she had glimpsed, that inescapable change, of herself, of her world, was already happening. Interesting, how perspective changes. He’d screwed up, he’d admitted to it. She felt lighter, freer.

  “I have to get back,” she told him and turned.

  “Listen…”

  She paused, eyed him narrowly.

  “I hope…” He blinked, appeared uncomfortable, unsure beneath her gaze. “I hope she’s going to be okay.”

  “So do I.”

  “Take care of yourself, okay?”

  “Mmm,” was all she said, which really wasn’t anything at all.

  And then she walked away.

  ***

  “We should get going,” Daina said, looking up at her.

  Emma nodded, tiredly.

  “Help me up?” Daina held out her hand.

  Emma grasped it, helped her to her feet, rose at the same time. She saw Daina wince, heard the small, painful exhalation.

  “Are you okay?” she asked, peering into her eyes, those stunning blue eyes, with concern.

  Daina gave her a smile, warm, genuine. “I’m better than okay. I have you, don’t I?”

  Emma smiled at that. “Yes, you do.” And she leaned to kiss her, and marked the desire that flared within her.

  Daina smiled at her again, a knowing smile this time. How does she do that, get inside me like that? But she knew that some questions just didn’t have answers. And she gripped Daina’s hand, they interlocked their fingers, and together walked slowly from the room.