Nameless

by Lili St. Crow

  The breath left him in a rush, a white cloud. The wind rose, fingering at the shed’s edges. A low moan, eerie and unmodulated.

  “Y-y-you’re n-not the only o-o-one with sc-c-cars.” God, why can’t I just talk?

  He stared until she lowered her shirt and sweater. It was too cold, but she didn’t feel it. Her fingers shook even more as she buttoned her coat back up, her gloves making her clumsier.

  “They f-f-found m-me in the s-s-snow.” Now it was easier, because she had his attention. He was listening like Nico did, leaning forward, the rest of the world shut out. “I’m not F-f-family. N-not a p-princess. I w-want to know wh-what’s h-h-h-happening t-t-to me.” Because something is. Something terrible.

  He stared for a long while. She fidgeted, shivering, wishing she could shake him and make him start telling her things.

  Finally, Tor let out a ragged sigh. “Okay.” He nodded, his shoulders slumping. “Okay. But not here, for Chrissake.”

  Uneasy relief and fresh nervousness mixed inside her stomach. “Wh-where?”

  “Not tonight, either. Let me think, all right? Just let me think.” He actually turned in a full circle, looking at the shed’s walls covered with coils of decaying rope and the black hanging driblets of moss that would green in spring.

  Just like a dog settling down for the night. Cami shivered even harder.

  When he turned back to her, he was still pale. His hands were fists again, and he thrust them in his jacket pockets. “Fine.” As if they’d been yelling, and the fight was over. “Biel’y. Okay.”

  “D-d-do you—”

  “I said okay.” Quick as a flash of lightning, and the irritation gone just as fast. “I’ll tell you what I know, but not here. The moon turns tonight. Waxing moon’s much safer for . . . both of us. Can you get out after dark? Two days from now?”

  She nodded. Nico’s going to be angry.

  But only if he finds out. And besides, she had to know. If she wasn’t Family, this wasn’t his business, was it?

  Tor nodded, once, sharply. You could tell he was used to planning things, once he made up his mind. “Here’s what we’ll do, then.”

  TWENTY-THREE

  QUIET, DARK, AND MUFFLED BY THE SNOW, THE HOUSE on Haven Hill crouched.

  She carried her shoes down the stairs, holding her breath whenever one thought of squeaking under her weight. Slowly, softly, a mouse in a dark hole, she kept glancing in every direction, nervously halting whenever a breath of sound brushed her ears.

  Nico was out, with some of the Cinghiale boys. Clubbing, or who knew? Family business, and Trig was gone too. They’d left that afternoon, and the house was just like when Papa was gone—absent its breathing, beating heart. The Vultusino was missing, and even the walls knew it.

  If Papa had been alive, she never would have dared to do this.

  The front door grimaced at her, so she turned aside and crept across the foyer. Trig gone with Nico, Stevens already in bed; Marya was in the kitchen humming, and would be for a long while. The servants were bedded down; precious few of them wanted to trudge home through a New Haven winter. It was best just to stay on the Hill. And security wouldn’t do another circuit until dawn—or unless the protections on the walls woke.

  The side door was locked, but it recognized Cami and opened with no fuss. The charms were uneasy, but she was allowed.

  At least, this once. If she got caught, things might change.

  Did Ruby feel like this when she snuck out? Did Ellie feel the risk breathing on her back, tingling in her fingers, her heart beating so hard she thought she might faint? Or was it just Cami the coward who cringed at every sound?

  The cold ran down her body like oil. The leggings were good, the skirt was okay, and her coat was warm—but she was looking at being half-frozen already. She pulled the door shut, heard it click, and heard the charmbolt slide back into place.

  Well, I’m outside.

  Down the steps, around the corner, the snow wasn’t too bad. Expeller charms kept it mostly whisked away, and the wind drifted it against the north side of the house. She crept to the corner and peered out at the driveway.

  “Don’t just stand there.” Tor’s breath touched her ear. She jumped, almost letting out a shriek, and saw the white gleam of his teeth as he grinned. “Sorry.”

  She balled up her fist and socked him a good one on the shoulder, as if he was Nico. He stopped short, still grinning. Her clenched fist tingled.

  That was probably not a good idea.

  “Really, I’m sorry.” He even sounded contrite. “Got carried away.”

  With what, dammit? Her heart finally settled, pounding high and hard in her wrists and throat. At least with her pulse going like this she wasn’t cold. “F-fine. Where are w-we g-g-going?”

  He was an ink-drawing, from the smudge of his hair to the paleness of his hands. “Someplace I’m sure we won’t be overheard.”

  “O-o-over—”

  “There’s ears everywhere, princess. Let’s go.”

  It wasn’t easy to get off the grounds without using the gate, but Tor climbed a tree near the periphery, put his hand down and braced her as she scrambled up. The protections scented Cami and vibrated a little, but subsided, and she finally let out the breath she’d been holding.

  He dropped down on the other side, caught and steadied her as she tried not to fall into a snowdrift. His hands were warm against her waist, even through her coat, and a different heat went through her, along with a curious comfort.

  Why did he feel so familiar?

  He let go of her, slowly, and they trudged along the wall until they reached a small enclosure, saved from the worst of the snowfall by a huge cedar tree. Under its low-hanging branches, in the fragrant chilly dark, stood a motorcycle.

  It was sleek and shining, slung low to the ground, and its front wheel was covered with a shield shaped like a silver horse’s head. Its wheels were alive with silver grabcharms, hissing slightly as they touched the cold air.

  “You like?” Tor’s grin was proprietary and uneasy all at once. “He was a junked-out hulk. I dragged him halfway across town, remade him from the inside out.”

  “Wow.” Cami touched the horse’s head, her gloved finger scratching behind an ear. As if it was real. Charmlight ran in the silvery metal, and she snatched her hand back. Tor, right behind her, was so close his breath was a cloud over her shoulder.

  “He likes you.”

  “H-how c-can you t-t-tell?”

  A shrug she felt in her own shoulders. “I rebuilt him, I can tell. You know how to ride?”

  She had to shake her head. Motorcycles weren’t safe. Nico would have a fit if he knew—but she pushed the thought away. He was out, doing God knew what. It was Cami’s Personal Choice to be here, and if he didn’t like it, well, he could just . . .

  Bravery only went so far. It would be much, much better if he just didn’t find out about this. It was private, she decided.

  Tor’s fingers, awkward, touched her elbow. “It’s easy. I did the charming myself, all through him, he’s pretty safe. You’ll have to lean with me, and you’ll have to be close. Still want to? You can get back into the house if you—”

  “N-no.” She stepped back, blundering into him, and the contact sent a shock through her, even through layers of clothing. “I’m n-not going b-b-back.” I’ve come too far. I have to know.

  And for once, she was a necessary part of an expedition. She wanted to know, she had sought him out, and she had snuck out of the house on her own. This whole thing wouldn’t be happening without her, and that was a frightening—but kind of pleasant—change.

  “Okay.” He pushed past her, swung a leg over the cycle’s padded seat, and leaned it, popping the kickstand free. Another quick motion, and the purr of an engine rasped under the snowy quiet. “Climb up, princess.”

  I wish you wouldn’t call me that. It was probably useless to ask any questions, so she didn’t. She clambered carefully up, sliding her arms around h
is waist. At least she knew that much.

  “Closer,” he said over his shoulder. “You’ve got to hold on tight.”

  His jacket smelled of leather, but without the bay rum and Nico’s fiery pepper-temper it wasn’t a quite-safe aroma. The cold lay over them both, an almost physical weight. The purr of the engine ratcheted, and the cycle jerked forward. The snow was churned about, broken and dangerous; he half-walked the purring thing toward the road. The grabcharms flung themselves out in sticky lightning-snake tentacles, digging into the frozen surface and tossing up tiny bits of it.

  The wind rose, tugging at her braided hair, wringing tears out of her eyes. She wondered how he could see to steer, and laid her head on his shoulder. He tensed, but then relaxed as the motorcycle reached the bottom of a shallow hill, whinnied, and hopped up onto the road as neat as you please.

  Cami caught the trick of it—you did have to lean close. Pretty indecently close.

  Ruby would love this. The thought made her grin, and she hugged Tor fiercely as the icy, dangerous road slid away underneath them. He gunned it, leaning forward as the grabcharms spat, and the chrome horse leapt to obey.

  TWENTY-FOUR

  HER CHEEKS STILL STUNG FROM THE COLD OUTSIDE, and she tried to look like she walked into a smoke-dimmed, charm-and-neon lit, bass-thumping inferno every day of the week. The club was on the edge of Simmerside, and Tor was known here—at least, the jack bouncer nodded him and Cami past. Thick with muscle, mirrored shades over eyes that glowed through the polarized lenses, the shaven-headed jack presided over a line of other jacks and Twists, inadequately dressed against the cold, none of them daring to step much out of line under his glare.

  Inside, it was a crush of throbbing music, and the smoke drifting around was from burning tobacco and other substances. A few actual fausts were on the dancefloor, jerking as if possessed.

  Well, technically, she supposed they were possessed. She had never been this close to real live fausts before, and was surprised to see they looked just like regular people, except for the constant smoke wreathing them. And the way their hair stood up, writhing madly. Even the lone female faust’s waist-length mop tried to rise on an invisible draft.

  There were their eyes, too, glowing dull punky unnatural colors as the dæmon crouching inside its human host looked out.

  There were Twists here too, most of them congregating along one wall of the club where iron bars ran from floor to ceiling, part of the Age of Iron chic the whole place had. Odd shapes lurked in the shadows as limbs corkscrewed by Potential moved restlessly; shoving and snapping, their eyes glitter-crackling with stray sharp unhealthy charms, the Twists were given careful space even by the fausts. The iron would scorch them, but every once in a while a Twist brushed against it deliberately, and the sick-sweet roasting smell that arose added a sharper note to the funk as the Twist exhaled luxuriously.

  What would it be like, Cami wondered, to love pain that much?

  The bar was a mess of tubing; the bartender wore goggles pushed up on his sweat-greased forehead; polished sprockets and gearwheels glittered from the circulating waitress’s skirts. The tables were covered with dingy linen, and the jacks on the dancefloor sported feathers, fur, lizard skin, a whole cavalcade of Potential-spurred anomalies that would keep them hidden or creeping in the shadows during daylight.

  None of them elbowed Tor, though, and she followed in his wake to the bar. He leaned over and shouted something; the tender gave him a brief dark glance, looked over his shoulder at Cami. The bartender was a charmer, the edge of his Potential flaring with a faint green wreathing glow as it reacted with the charged atmosphere. His dark hair and wide dark eyes made him into an inquisitive river otter, and he yelled something over the noise at Tor, who shrugged. “She’s with me,” the garden boy yelled back, and picked up something shiny from the counter. Two glasses of something fuming with steam were handed over. Tor nodded, didn’t bother paying as he turned away and forced a fresh route through the crowd.

  There was another Twist bouncer at the staircase, but this one just stood aside, holding the end of a frayed red velvet rope. The music—if you could call it that—was a migraine attack, but Cami thought she heard Shelley Wynter singing again. Or maybe it was Bronwinn and the Titons, floaty female vocals over a pounding beat and wailing charmesizers.

  Nico really liked Shelley Wynter, had every tape she’d put out, even the limited-release demos from when she was a torch singer in New Bransford, a couple province-states south.

  When Cami was thirteen, she’d wished for her hair to whiten just like Wynter’s. She’d nerved herself up to ask Marya about bleach and dye, but had never quite scraped together the last drop of courage necessary to actually do it. Ruby had said there would be no problem, but Cami didn’t want to trust her hair to Ruby’s enthusiasm at that point. Not after the Great Clippers Incident earlier that summer. Of course Rube had just looked gorgeous and ethereal, but still.

  Behind the rope was an archway, and stairs going up. She climbed after Tor, blinking. Her eyes kept filling up—from the cold, and the smoke, and all the noise.

  I’m out, at night, with a strange boy. Near the core, too. Her heart pounded so fast she thought she might have some sort of attack.

  Was this what freedom felt like?

  There was a close dim hall upstairs; Tor took a sharp right and set off down it. He shouldered open a door to his left, jerked his head at her, and she stepped inside.

  It was, of all things, a sitting room. There was a fireplace, but it was cold and empty. Two overstuffed chairs that looked pre-Reeve crouched dispirited in front of it, and a small table sat between them. Peeling yellow-brocade wallpaper hung in strips from the walls, and the whole thing made Cami’s throat close up. If the Red Room was a comforting weight, this sad little room was a strangling crush of poverty and disrepair.

  If Papa hadn’t found her, who might have? Or if Chauncey hadn’t bothered with the brakes, what would have happened? Or what if Nico decided, sooner or later, that she wasn’t Family enough, if she made him too angry? He was the Vultusino now, and if he decided she didn’t belong in the house on Haven Hill . . .

  It didn’t bear thinking about. But sooner or later, Cami supposed, she would have to think about it.

  “Sit down,” Tor said, sweeping the door shut. “I’m pretty sure we won’t be overheard here.”

  I doubt anyone could hear through all that downstairs. The music and crowdroar from below was a giant beast’s dozing pulse, as if they were above a rumbling titon pit. “I d-d-d-don’t—” she began, but he just pushed past her, set the drinks down on the table, and stamped back to the door. There was a click, and she realized he had locked it.

  Her throat, in addition to closing up to the size of a piece of spaghetti, was now slick and dry as summer-dusted glass.

  “Got to be careful. You start talking about Biel’y, people get nervous.” He brushed past her, dropped down in the chair to the left. Reached for one steam-fuming drink, and poured it down in a long swallow. “Gah. Nasty.”

  Cami’s boots were still wet with melting snow. His tracks and hers showed up dark on the threadbare, flower-patterned carpet.

  “Before I forget.” He dug in his jacket pocket. “Something for you. Since the pin broke. You seemed awful worried about it.”

  She lowered herself down in the other chair. “I f-felt b-bad. S-s-since you—”

  “I’m not broken up about it. But I figured I’d get you something else, pretty girl. Here.”

  It was a velvet bag, deep black, the nap worn in a few places. She opened it gingerly, and the shimmersilk spilled out. Opalescent, charm-woven by Waste-witches, the rumor ran—it was pretty rare. The threads were fine, but strong as iron, and the lacework of it could be doubled, turned over itself to make a belt, opened for a shawl. She’d never actually held shimmersilk before.

  It made even fey-woven lace look coarse and ugly. Her small wondering sigh was lost under the thumping from below. “W-wow,�
�� she breathed. “H-how d-d-did you—” She was just about to ask how did you afford it, stopped herself. “Th-thank y-you.”

  For a bare moment, he grinned without anger, shyly ducking his head. “I saw it in a pawnshop, thought it belonged to you. Took a couple paychecks, but it’s worth it.” He eyed the second drink. “You want that? It’s called a minotaur. Rat-tooth gin, strawberry juice, and cornswell charm. Just the thing for nerves.”

  “N-no. Th-thank you, Tor.” His name managed to wring its way free of her lips, whole and undamaged.

  “You’re welcome. I . . . Mithrus. I like you.” Did he look uncomfortable? Maybe just a little. He grabbed the second drink, bolted it too. Steam drenched his face for a moment; he wiped it away with his free hand and set the second glass down. The gleam in his hand was the door-key, he set it on the table, pushed it with a fingertip until it was on her side. “Okay, so. Biel’y.”

  The shimmersilk slid through her hands. It had tassels, made of smoky floss. Nobody at school had one.

  Ruby would just die.

  “I only know a l-little,” she hedged. Wait. Did he just say he liked me?

  “Look, I was an orphan. I didn’t know. Sometimes it happens, one of them gets lost and grows up outside the cult.”

  It’s a cult? There were a lot of them around, leftovers from the Age of Iron, coalescing around charmers gone bad, or Twists with charisma. You couldn’t swing a hexed cat in some provinces without hitting a cult or two. Papa said that even some branches of the Family, like the Stregare, used to be worshipped sometimes, back before the Reeve.